Author's Note: Long time reader, first time writer. To be honest this is my first foray into fiction writing all together. I just had this thought about the end of the season, and I couldn't get it out of my head. This story was the result. If people think it isn't complete rubbish, it might continue (I have it in my head where it could go), but for now I guess it's a one-shot. I also drew some inspiration (the title and part of the last line) from a Florence + the Machine song titled "No Light, No Light", which is an amazing song. No editor so all mistakes are mine. So read and leave me some feedback, positive or negative. Thank you and I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: Not mine and this was not done for profit. The characters and such belong to ABC and Disney and all those types.
The sun was warm on her face as she stood in front of family and friends. He was by her side, as he always was, and the soft breeze ruffled his hair. As she turned to him, she saw a flash and then a loud "POP". He crumbled to the ground and she felt as though she could not get to him fast enough. She heard a second "POP" and everything went black….
Kate shot up in bed, breathing quickly, heart pounding. She turned and looked down at Castle, still blissfully asleep, though readjusting from her sudden escape from his arms. It had been a rough week, both professionally and personally, and it left them both exhausted. She couldn't blame him for sleeping through her sudden movements.
She wasn't sure when the dreams had changed. It had gone from nightmares about her shooting at the cemetery to her and Castle, standing in front of family and friends at what she could only assume was a ceremony of some kind. Not that they were "there" yet. No, they had only recently started to get things figured out. After nearly dying, again, she had asked him over, the weight of her secret weighing heavy on her heart. She loved him, she was sure of it, but she was afraid of what he would say when he found out she had lied. When she looked into his eyes as she told him that she remembered everything from her shooting, she saw the pain flicker across those blue pools she wished to loose herself in. She fully expected him to get up and walk out and she wouldn't have blamed him for that. Instead, he just looked down for a second, let out a heavy sigh, than looked back at her. The pain was still there, but it was not the main emotion she saw flicker as he looked at her. She couldn't place this emotion, guilt, regret, she wasn't sure, but as soon as she looked again, it was gone, replaced by the one she had longed to see, love. He spoke quietly, slowly, reaching out for her hand like he did when showing her about the dog. He knew, he said, it didn't make it hurt any less that she had kept it from him, but he had accepted that she would tell him in her own time. Then he asked the question she wasn't sure she was ready to answer yet, "What happens now?"
That was the part they were only just beginning to figure out. It had started slow, going out to dinner or her going over to have dinner with him, Martha, and Alexis. It was strange how easy it all felt, how familiar. Things hadn't gone further until last night. She had come over for dinner and a movie, Alexis was out of town with Martha touring colleges. They were lying there, surrounded by each others warmth, when she looked up into his eyes. He was definitely paying more attention to her than he was the movie. She adjusted slowly so she could look at him, her hand slowly coming up and brushing softly over his cheek.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Nothing," he said quietly, "I just can't believe that we are actually here. I feel like I'm going to wake up and this is all going to be a dream. You have no idea how long I have wanted this." As he finishes, he brings his own hand up to cup her cheek, the light shining brightly in his blue eyes.
She leans fully into the touch, eyes closing as she takes in his warmth and his words. They hadn't said those three words to each other since she had admitted she had heard him. It was as if it was the last hurdle to go over before there was no going back, and she was ready to take the leap. Slowly, she opened her eyes and looked into his, his tinted with fear she wanted to do nothing but erase forever. She leaned forward just a millimeter, finding her voice. "Maybe I do," she finally says, "maybe I was just too afraid to admit it, even to myself. Castle…Rick…you are one of the few people in my life I know that I can count on. I'm a better person with you around, even though you can infuriate me to no end. I don't know where I would be without you…I don't even want to think about that as an option. I love you too much to think of what it would be like to lose you….I"
She didn't even get a chance to finish her statement as his mouth was on hers, cutting off everything else she was going to say and clouding her mind with nothing but love and warmth and the feeling of his lips on hers. He quickly muttered "God, I love you so much" before they made their way to his room. Now, sitting in his bed, surrounded by him, she felt secure, but still rattled from her dream. She quietly slipped out of the bed, finding the dress shirt he had discarded the night before. She buttoned it up, pulling the collar to her nose and breathing in the sent that was uniquely Castle. She padded slowly out of the room, intending to head to the kitchen to get a drink and try to slow her racing mind. She turned one last time to look at him, still soundly asleep. He looked so peaceful, and she was thankful for that. She didn't want to have him haunted by the dreams that she wrestled with.
She made her way slowly to the kitchen, grabbing a glass and opening the fridge to get some water. Once her glass was full, she wandered the loft. She'd never had the chance to look at the space without someone else there, and in the semidarkness of the City at night, she saw the loft in a whole new way. It really was a great place. Even in the dim light, she could see that a great deal of care had been taken in even the smallest details. She made her way quietly around the loft, fingers dancing over books spines and soft leather couches until she came to the door to his study. It was open, and the soft glow from the room beckoning her. She walked in, taking in the place where he had written so many of her favorite novels. She glanced at the bookshelves, lined with copies of his books as well as the black leather portfolios that held his manuscripts. Pictures lined the walls, most were his framed book covers, but there were some mixed in and Alexis, Martha, and the gang from the 12th. She kept wandering around until she came to his "murder board". The light in the corner was blinking indicating that it was not turned off, but simply asleep. Kate's hand hovered towards the on button and as she was just about to hit it, she hesitated. Sure the novels were based on her, but that didn't give her a right to go snooping at what he had outlined for Nikki Heat next, right? Letting out a small sigh, she turned slowly to walk away. She was halfway to the door when she turned back around and made her way back to the board. One little peek won't hurt, she thought to herself as she hit the power button. The screen sprang to life, adding an iridescent glow to the surrounding office.
As the screen came up, Kate stared at what was displayed on the screen. It took a minute for her to process what she was really seeing. Even when her eyes had relayed all the information to her brain, she still could not process it. Her heart clenched in her chest and suddenly, she could not breathe. Laid out before was not the outline for Castle's latest novel, but her shooting case…and her mother's case….but why did he….Kate sank down to the top of the desk, her eyes stinging with tears. He had told her to give it up…and yet…her head was spinning. Suddenly she heard a soft intake of breath followed by a whispered "Kate" and she turned to see Castle standing frozen in the door. She couldn't bring herself to look in his eyes, the pain in her own too much, but when she did, she felt the walls closing in on her. There was no light in the bright blue eyes staring back at her…and that terrified her more than anything in the world.
End Note: So that's it. The end scene with Kate in the dress shirt, exploring his office, turning on his murder board and discovering his secret is what would not leave my head. I guess it's as good a theory as any at this point. Thanks so much for reading and please review!