Turnabout History Report
Miles Edgeworth was listening to The Lonely Island, when he suddenly came. It would have been in his pants, but he wasn't wearing any, so it went on the floor. It would have gone on the floor, that is, had a Madagascar hissing cockroach not skittered under him at just the right moment. His jizz landed on her, and she would not pass an unfertilized egg case (that's like a roach's period) any time soon...
Several months later, the roach gave birth. The freak children were anthropomorphic roaches with Edgey hair, and they will be referred to as Roachworths from here on out. The Roachworths put their cravats on and marched into the courtroom, prepared to have some epic battles. The Judge objected, however, since they are required to do so with pants on. Enraged, the Roachworths turned around, put their butts in the air, and fired pellet turds at the Judge like fully automatic machine guns. He tried to parry the flying feces with his GAYvel, but failed and was smothered in the poo of the freak children of Edgey-poo.
When the roaches left to go get some fourth meal, they ran into Wendy Oldbag. She immediately noticed that the huge man-roaches resembled her Edgey-poo. When she asked if they were related to him and they said that he was their father, she went berserk and became a furry. Maybe, if she wears a roach suit and shakes her abdomen in his face, he will want her.
Shifting over to Shifu, he has beaten the Roachworths to Taco Bell and beat the employees to death with his dick. He was seen by Dick Wolf, who notified the police and had him arrested. He was now in prison with a female Blue Eyes White Dragon. They both had needs, so they passed time by screwing regularly. Eventually, the dragon got pregnant, so she got let out early. Lang was still stuck in prison, however, and his sentence just so happened to be up one minute after his dragon girlfriend was due. That's harsh, man.
When Shi-Long Lang got out of prison, he put his pants on and wanted to go home, but was intercepted by a random alien spaceship for student drivers. But no, it wasn't that random. It was a Veruni ship, and the student driver was Kartikeya. The ship was out of control, and it was headed towards Shifu! He managed to dodge it just in time-
"KA-BOOM! WHOOM SNAP DOOM FAP FAP YIFF YIFF SCHLICK SCHLICK DROOOOOOOOOOOGY!" went the spaceship as it collided with the Earth. Kartikeya was launched out of the ship, unharmed, since he's apparently fireproof and bulletproof. I mean, what would flying through the air do to someone that tough?
Kartikeya lost his jockstrap. It apparently got caught on a tree that he flew past when the ship exploded and launched him. He went to retrieve it, but Edgeworth beat him to it. He put it in between his pants and underwear, and then taunted Kartikeya to just try and get it back. The high-ranking alien warrior charged after Edgey to try to get his jockstrap back, but that prosecutor is tougher than he looks. He parried all of Kartikeya's attacks, and then beat him nearly to death. He went into a coma. Edgeworth then ate his jockstrap.
This madness was interrupted by Wendy Oldbag's sudden appearance. With her well-made hissing cockroach fursuit, she swaggered up to Edgey-poo, turned her back end to face him, and started waving the foam bug ass in his face. He just sort of backed away slowly. Enraged by her failure in attracting the sexy prosecutor, the Old Bag started hissing with rage, skittering in circles and biting the air with her mandibles. Somehow - perhaps she caught a blast of magic from the alien during his tussle with Edgey-poo - she had fused with the suit and had become an anthropomorphic cockroach; she retained most of her facial features, but she had the mouthparts of an insect.
She was out for revenge. Roachbag aimed her now real roach butt, and started firing pellet-turds like the Roachworths had at the Judge earlier. She smothered everything within fifty feet of her except for Edgey-poo, who had used the unconscious alien as a shield. Kartikeya woke in response to the overpowering smell of poop; the combination of severe wounds inflicted by a human (he hates humans) and being covered with roach turds (his wounds got filled with poop as well) caused him to vomit and die of shock.
Now, it was just Edgeworth and Roachbag. She put her rape face on and started to walk towards him, making squeezing motions with all four of her bug-paws. Edgey tried to back away, but instead backed into a brick wall of a nearby house. With Roachbag just inches from him, he was doomed…
Or not! Suddenly, a phoenix descended from the sky and knocked her down. It used flamethrower, which was super effective on bug-type Roachbag. She fainted. The phoenix transformed into its true form, which was none other than Phoenix Wright. Before Edgeworth could ask how in blue hell he had turned into a bird, Phoenix chomped down on the prosecutor's cravat and started flapping his arms furiously, which somehow lifted him off the ground, bringing the prosecutor, hanging by his cravat, with him.
Phoenix Wright flew over the brick house and dropped Miles down the chimney. He got his suit covered in soot, and Kay Faraday, who just happened to live there, laughed at him. Embarrassed, he quietly dusted himself off, and then raged so hard that a new anger sprite is required to illustrate it. Kay, with her troll face on, booted him back up the chimney sideways. He got stuck.
Fortunately, it just happened to be Christmas Eve and late. A few hours later, Santa Claus dislodged Edgeworth when he slid down the chimney. Unfortunately, Santa squashed Edgey like a pancake when he landed on him in the fireplace. Edgey would pop back up like a cartoon character and be fine.
After all that commotion, Edgey finally decided to leave, only to be greeted by Roachbag. She just happened to have a Max Revive on her, so she was back and even meaner than ever before. Fortunately for Miles, though, she did not have the open circulatory system of an insect. All the sudden rage caused her to have a stroke, and she keeled over, finally silent. Edgeworth wiped his brow in relief, and then felt kind of sad. She may have been a creepy stalker that he DID NOT WANT, but she was his creepy stalker that he DID NOT WANT. Now who was going to make his life less comfortable?
She exploded, and mini Roachbags covered him from head to toe. The Roachworths arrived on the scene just in time, and tried to rescue their father, but the Roachbags were too numerous, and-
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Miles Edgeworth screamed bloody murder and shot up out of his bed. He checked every iota of his room, and found no insects except for pictures printed on a can of Raid. He picked it up and hugged it. It was all just a bad dream, and he couldn't be more relieved. He hates cockroaches. He went back to bed, hugging the can of Raid like a teddy bear.
Through his window peered a troupe of large cockroaches with stylish hair and cravats. "Does he really hate us?" One said to her brother, tearing up a little.