Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.
Raven paced the floor of her room for what felt like the millionth time that day, struggling to make a decision. Her thoughts were a continuously jumbled mess and her nerves, despite her best efforts, were not remaining controlled. She already had three blown up candles and a spell book that had been thrown from the bookshelf as proof of that.
Raven sighed. She was getting nowhere, but she was determined to sort out her feelings today. If she kept going on like this, her powers would only become more unstable, and she couldn't risk that. No, she had to resolve this as soon as possible. She knew matters of the heart didn't really work on a timeline, but then again, she had never been the most educated person on matters of the heart.
Raven sighed again and floated above her bed to adopt her cross-legged lotus position in order to meditate. She began repeating her mantra to calm herself down.
"Azarath, metrion, zinthos. Azarath, metrion, zinthos."
As she found her center, Raven felt slightly better. She became less nervous and she took in a deep, peaceful breath as she composed herself. When she felt less frazzled, she began sorting through her thoughts one by one in an attempt to rationalize and understand them.
She knew she liked him. That was not a new revelation. She started out with a small crush when they had first formed the team almost six years ago. He was handsome, kind, funny, and she knew that he cared deeply for her, though she wouldn't admit all of that to him. It wasn't until recently that her feelings towards him turned into something more. She couldn't exactly pinpoint the day, but she knew that her small crush was no longer small.
This led her to her current predicament. Raven was the master at controlling her emotions, so she didn't have to worry about him finding out about her feelings before she was ready. However, the constant state of uncertainty that Raven was in was causing some problems with her powers. She knew that she liked him, but she was unsure as to whether he liked her back. Sometimes, when he would make a particularly kind gesture, Raven would think that he was interested, too. This usually ended with her imagining scenarios that would get her flustered, and a spark of dark energy would shatter a light bulb.
She was always getting better at controlling her outbursts of energy. She could smile, chuckle, and sometimes even cry without a worry. She could express herself more ever since the downfall of her father, but she was still a reserved person. However, being that she was so inexperienced with emotions involving affection and passion, Raven had less restraint on her powers when she was thinking about her crush. She theorized that if she told him how she felt, and he reciprocated those feelings, she would no longer have to keep such a tight grip on her emotions. This meant more practice with feeling affection, and ultimately more control over her powers. If he didn't reciprocate her feelings, she'd simply have to move on.
Yet Raven knew deep down that it wasn't that easy. She told herself that if she expressed her feelings and he politely let her down, she would deal with it gracefully and silently. Yes, she knew it would be a long process and it would hurt, but Raven was determined to work through her crush and stabilize her emotions and powers if it came to that.
Raven wasn't an idiot, though. She wouldn't mention anything to him if she believed she had no chance in hell of him feeling the same way. That's why she kept quiet about her crush for so long. She hadn't truly thought she had a chance with him until just the other day when she strode into the common room just like she would on any other morning.
"Good morning, Raven," Cyborg greeted her with his regular upbeat attitude. It was still early for a Saturday morning, but that never stopped the eldest Titan from waking early in order to cook up a hearty, meaty breakfast.
Raven hummed in acknowledgement and walked toward the stove to grab the kettle and put on water to boil for her tea. However, she noticed that her kettle already had steam pouring from the spout. She turned towards Cyborg with a questioning gaze, and he smirked at her.
"I know you've been having a rough time since last week and I wanted to help ya take it easy," he explained to her as he pointed to a steaming mug of tea on the table.
She felt her eyes widen in shock before she could school her features. It was true; their fight last week with Adonis had been taxing on her, and she was still struggling to cope with it.
Adonis had eyed her more lewdly than he had in the past, which made her feel exposed and violated. He even made a few comments towards her that she knew made her male teammates extremely angry. Starfire hadn't been able to understand most of the crude innuendos.
The boiling point, though, was when Adonis had been able to grab a hold of her and knocked her head against the concrete floor so that she couldn't concentrate long enough to throw him off of her. He covered her mouth with his hand so that she couldn't recite her mantra. His other hand had then wandered to a few places it never should have been. Needless to say, he had been forcefully pulled from her body and suffered multiple blows from three irate male Titans before the police arrived to take him away. Starfire escorted Raven out of the building, and upon their return to the tower, Raven had scrubbed herself in the shower for two hours and she still wasn't able to feel completely clean.
Despite that unpleasant experience, she didn't think it warranted Cyborg going out of his way to make her tea. She walked over to the table and took a seat. As she picked up the mug and took a sip, she was pleasantly surprised that it had been prepared exactly as she liked it. It even had the perfect amount of honey mixed into it.
"Thank you, Cyborg. This was very kind of you," Raven murmured loud enough for only him, and not Robin who was sitting at the other end of the table, to hear her.
Cyborg turned from the griddle and beamed at her. "Anytime, Rae."
Though Robin looked preoccupied with the newspaper and a cup of coffee in his hands, Raven knew that the resident detective hadn't missed the interaction between his two teammates. When he seemed certain neither Cyborg nor Raven would say anything else, he put down the newspaper and sent Raven a reassuring smile. She returned it with a nod.
Robin cleared his throat, "Raven, whenever you have a free moment, I have something you need to see."
"Sure, Robin," she replied. "I have some time now, if you'd like to show me."
He nodded. "Yeah. Let's just head to the evidence room."
Raven stood, leaving her half-empty cup of cooling tea on the counter. Cyborg turned to watch her leave, winking at her, and she gave him a minuscule smile.
Meeting her by the common room door, Robin led the way to the evidence room.
"So, how are you feeling after the incident last week?"
Robin never pried, but she could sense that he was worried about her and she didn't want to completely shut him out when he was only trying to help her.
"I could be better," she hedged. When he looked at her, clearly expecting more information, she elaborated, "It hasn't been easy. I like my personal space, and Adonis clearly violated that. It will take a little while to feel normal again." She shrugged.
Robin nodded, looking thoughtful. "I thought so."
Before Raven had a chance to ask Robin to expand on that thought, they had arrived at the evidence room and he ushered her in. She stood by the table in the center of the room. This was Robin's space and she didn't want to venture anywhere he didn't want her. She would expect the same courtesy from him if this were her room.
Robin strode over to the computer sitting in the corner and turned it on. As he waited for it to power up, he looked over his shoulder and smirked at Raven's awkward position by the table.
"Here, type in your password to access the database."
Following his command, Raven joined him at the computer and logged herself into the Titan database. Before she could ask Robin what she was looking for, Robin pointed to something in the corner of the screen where she had a new icon located on the desktop. She hadn't seen it before.
"Click on that."
After she clicked on the icon, an image popped up. It was a video feed of Adonis sitting in what appeared to be a heavily guarded prison cell. He was sitting on his bed with a scowl on his face. His knees were pulled up to his chest with his arms resting on his knees. His head hung low and he was wearing an orange jumpsuit with the initials JCP written across the front: Jump City Penitentiary.
Raven glanced up at Robin who had his arms crossed with a smug look on his face. "Is this a live feed?"
"Yes," Robin answered. "Adonis is actually locked in his cell right now as we speak. I had to call in a few favors, but I got permission from the prison to have closed access to the feed, and then I added the access to the database, but only you can open it with your password."
Raven stood there speechless. She didn't know what to say to him; this was such a compassionate act. As if he could sense her hesitancy, Robin's gaze softened.
"I know the fight with Adonis had a greater effect on you than you'd like to admit. This way, you can keep your peace of mind by ensuring he's still in jail anytime you want. And no one will ever know, not even me."
He had a hint of embarrassment seeping off of him, like he was afraid she wouldn't appreciate what he was doing for her.
Raven allowed a small smile to appear on her face. She wasn't fond of hugging, but she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Robin. He hadn't even been able to mask his shock before she was pulling away again.
"Thank you, Robin," she said softly, her eyes glued to the floor.
His stunned expression broke into a wide smile, a small blush coloring his cheeks. "Anytime, Rae."
Giving one last look at the screen and seeing Adonis still sitting listlessly in his cell, Raven closed the tab and logged out of the computer. Turning to Robin, she said, "It's still pretty early. I think I'll head back to the kitchen and get some breakfast."
"Okay," Robin replied. "I'm going to stay in here. I have some work to do. See you later, Raven."
Walking to the door, Raven stopped at the threshold and turned around, "Thank you again, Robin. Really."
After he flashed her another smile, Raven walked out of the evidence room and back towards the common room.
When she arrived, the doors swished open, announcing her entrance. Cyborg and Starfire were sitting at the table eating. Across from Cyborg, sitting at her normal spot of the table was a plate of eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Her mug, refilled with steaming tea, was at the corner of the plate. Cyborg and Starfire looked up at her.
"Glorious morning, friend Raven!" Starfire exclaimed.
"Starfire. Cyborg," Raven nodded at each of them in turn before she turned her attention to the cybernetic man and gesturing at the plate.
He shrugged. "I thought you could use a pick-me-up."
Smiling at Cyborg, Raven sat down and began to eat.
As Raven was enjoying her meal, Starfire drank down the last of her mustard. She stood up and asked the two other Titans in the room, "Friends, have either of you seen the Silkie?"
Cyborg looked up from his mound of bacon long enough to reply, "Last I saw, your worm was slimin' up the hallway outside your room, Star."
Starfire was already flying to the door when she turned back and said, "Thank you, friend Cyborg! I shall retrieve my little bumgorf." She flew out of the common room with a bright smile on her face, calling out for the larva.
For a few minutes, Raven and Cyborg sat in silence consuming their meals. Suddenly, Cyborg looked up at Raven.
"I've got something for ya. If you want it, that is," He instantly looked sheepish and he rubbed the top of his head.
Raven kept an impassive stare on her face. "What is it, Cyborg?"
At her bluntness, Cyborg opened up a compartment in his arm and took out something that resembled a bracelet. He set it on the table in front of her. When she stared at it quizzically, Cyborg hastened to explain, "This bracelet is similar to a taser. You fit it snug around your wrist, and it links up to your nervous system. If you're in an extreme amount of fear, or if the bracelet senses that you might be in danger, you just hold it to the person you want to stun for three seconds and it'll shock 'em. It should pack enough of a punch for you to get free."
His eyes had stayed glued to the table for the entirety of his explanation, but he picked them up and glanced at her. "This is just in case, ya know, you're ever in a position where you can't use your powers, and you need to take out an attacker," he finished quietly.
Cyborg didn't use Adonis's name, but she knew why he was giving her this device. She didn't think it would be necessary. The incident with Adonis had been a one-time thing, and she would be more careful now.
Still, she carefully picked the bracelet up from the table and put it snugly around her left wrist. It was an extremely thoughtful act, and Raven wanted to be sure Cyborg knew that she appreciated it. Cyborg looked relieved and grinned at her.
"I just wanna make sure you're safe, Rae."
Raven felt a slight blush rising on her face, so she raised her hood and stood up from the table quickly. She walked to the other side of the table and before Cyborg could say anything, she put her arms around his torso and hugged him.
Pulling back hastily, Raven looked up at him and said, "Thank you, Cyborg. For everything." He just smiled at her before they heard the common room doors swish open and they turned to see who was entering.
Beast Boy stepped into the room and yawned, walking down the stairs slowly.
"Hey, dudes," he said, looking around the room blearily. He was still in his purple and black pajamas, which were reminiscent of his regular uniform. He had a green blanket wrapped around his shoulders. He walked towards the fridge and pulled out the soy milk.
As Beast Boy poured himself a glass, Raven glanced at him. She picked up her tea, remarking, "Congratulations, Beast Boy. You've made it out of your room before noon."
Beast Boy playfully rolled his eyes but did not reply. Instead, he peered in the fridge again for a moment before yelling, "Dude! Where's all my tofu?"
Cyborg snorted, "I threw that nasty soy crap out. It was going bad. You shouldn't buy so much if you're the only one who eats the stuff."
Grumbling, Beast Boy walked over to the cabinet and reached for his sugary cereal. He poured himself a bowl with a generous amount of soy milk, and as he sat down to eat he turned to Cyborg and asked, "Hey, Cy, you wanna get your butt beat in Mega Monkeys 6 later?"
At the mention of the childish video game, Raven rolled her eyes and stood up to leave. She decided it would be a good time to go meditate in her room. Behind her, she heard an indignant Cyborg shout, "You're on, grass stain! We'll see who gets his butt beat."
Raven heard a chair scrape across the floor as Beast Boy commented, "Okay, you get the GameStation set up and I'm gonna go change really quick."
As Raven left the common room, she could empathically feel Beast Boy following closely behind her, trying to catch up. She subtly slowed her pace.
"Hey, Rae," Beast Boy said to her softly once he was at her side. "How ya doing?"
"Everyone seems to be interested in the answer to that question," she drawled. Sensing that he was genuinely concerned for her, she decided to humor him. "I'm coping. It's only been a few days. I'll be fine, but it might take a little while longer to return to normal. Don't worry, Beast Boy."
He let out a sigh, "I do worry, Rae. Always."
Raven glanced sideways at him. "I wish you wouldn't."
They had reached her door, and she made a motion to enter the room, but his voice stopped her.
"Raven," Beast Boy murmured. Raven turned to face him with her eyebrow raised. Beast Boy looked awkward standing there, his eyes on his feet. His hand was rubbing the back of his neck and he had a sheepish smile on his face.
"Yes, Beast Boy?" she asked while crossing her arms.
"I just…" he took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. "I want to make sure you're really gonna be okay. I know you said you would be, and I trust you, but you know, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. You think you're alone, Raven, but you're not."
Raven was slightly taken aback. Beast Boy usually pried into her life and tried to include her in things even when she didn't want to be involved. This time, though, he seemed to be giving her the space she required but was making sure she knew he was there if she needed him. She also noticed that he repeated the same words to her that he had after Malchior broke her heart. Those words meant even more to her now than they did to her then.
"Thank you, Beast Boy," Raven said to him while a small smile played on her lips.
Beast Boy beamed at her, his fang poking out. "Anytime, Rae."
He turned around to leave and she watched him go. Beast Boy made it about three steps away from her before he froze. He spun back around slowly, an uncertain look on his face.
"Did you forget something?" Raven asked as he walked the few steps back to her side.
"Well, I was waiting for the right time to give this to you. I'm not sure when the right time is gonna be, but now seems pretty good to me."
He reached into the pocket of his pajamas and pulled something out, keeping it in the palm of his hand. He moved his other hand forward like he was going to grab hers, but decided against it.
"Okay, hold out your hand," he instructed her.
Raven did as she was told and held her hand out, palm up. He deposited something into her hand. When he pulled away, Raven saw a shiny penny sitting heads up in the middle of her palm.
She gasped, already having an idea as to why this penny was so important to him.
Beast Boy flashed Raven a toothy grin. "Who knew pennies could survive the end of the world?"
Raven stared at the coin in her hand. "Where did you get this?" she asked him in a low voice.
He looked embarrassed again as he answered, "I went back to the place where the portal was opened and I was going through some of the debris that's still all over the floor when I saw something shiny. It was that penny. It was right near the place you were when you…" he trailed off, looking away. "Anyway, I knew it had to be the same penny because only a lucky penny could have survived something like that."
She wanted to ask what he would be doing back in that place, but she was too astounded by the fact that he had found her penny that she realized she didn't really care. There was one question that she wanted to ask him, though.
"Why were you carrying this around in your pajamas with you?"
Beast Boy's face contorted in a look of shock at her question before he looked embarrassed again and a faint blush rose in his cheeks. He chuckled nervously, "Like I said, I didn't know when the perfect time to give it to you would be. I had to keep it with me in case the perfect moment came at an unexpected time. Like now."
Filled with gratitude at his kind gesture, Raven closed her fist tightly around her penny before she threw her arms around Beast Boy. He awkwardly patted her back once before she pulled away. Raven could feel the blush spreading on her face, so she tugged her hood up. Beast Boy gazed back at her with a happy look on his face.
"Thank you, Beast Boy," Raven said, her voice a little louder than a whisper.
"Sure, Rae," he responded easily. He looked at her for a moment more before he smiled and turned away to leave.
He called over his shoulder at her, "And don't forget, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me."
Raven smirked, shaking her head at his antics. She finally walked into her bedroom, tucking her penny into her belt along the way.
She had a wonderful morning. Her teammates were the best. Raven grinned as she thought about all that Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy did to ensure that she felt safe and protected. Their kindness made Raven initiate three hugs today, despite her distaste for close physical contact. She was finding out, though, that she was getting used to hugging. In fact, she didn't really mind it at all.
Raven came out of her reverie and pondered it for a moment. That was the first day that she felt nearly convinced that he could possibly like her, too. Maybe he wasn't crushing on her as much as she would like him to, but he had the right cocktail of emotions that could definitely be the start of a relationship.
Raven thought about the emotions she had sensed pouring off of him that morning. Happiness, a touch of embarrassment, bravery, worry, hope, and an excessive amount of affection. In the right proportions, all of these emotions could combine together to become a crush. Raven didn't want to force his hand and make him like her if he didn't want to, but she thought that he might already be there.
She had been too preoccupied that morning to focus on the emotions he was projecting. Raven had been slightly aware of some of the emotions rolling off him, but she was caught up in her own feelings and she was slightly flustered by the attention he was giving her. Now that she had time to examine his emotions, she was coming to the conclusion that they had something more than friendship.
At that thought, Raven let herself fall out of her lotus position, flopping down onto her bed gracelessly. She thought they had a chance! She always told herself that if she ever thought they had a chance to be together, she would tell him how she felt about him. Now she had to keep that promise to herself. She decided that now would be the time to tell him.
She suddenly felt extremely nervous. She began tapping the tip of her index finger on her thigh as she considered her best course of action. Raven knew she couldn't just run to his room and blurt out that she had feelings for him. That would be jarring for him and would be too taxing for her. If she did that, she might very well get so embarrassed that the tower would melt around her.
No, Raven knew she had to go about this in a more tactful way. Thinking about it for this long was just becoming frustrating, though. Raven didn't want to worry about this anymore, but she also just wanted to know what to do.
As she continued to contemplate, Raven's mind drifted further and further until she was thinking about him again. She thought about his smile, and how it could either turn her stomach into a flurry of butterflies or calm her down from whatever mood she was in. Just his presence could allow Raven to relax and feel safe and protected. She was a super hero, but she liked to feel taken care of, something she'd never felt before joining the Titans.
Their friendship had a simplicity that Raven thought was beautiful. She didn't have to change or pretend to be anything for him, and to her, he was imperfectly perfect just as he was. Raven imagined that if they ever began a relationship, that simplicity would translate to the bond they would share as boyfriend and girlfriend. They understood each other, and that made their friendship as effortless as breathing.
That wasn't to say that he didn't annoy her. He could be obnoxious, and sometimes he didn't know when to leave her alone. Raven, due to her empathy, knew that her reserved nature or sarcastic attitude could frustrate him. Despite their problems, they could be themselves around each other without fear of being judged. That amount of comfort, in Raven's mind, would translate naturally into a relationship.
At that thought, Raven sat up and straightened out her comforter. She was overthinking this. The relationship that they had currently, though platonic, was simple and straightforward. If she were going to confess her feelings for him, she should do it as simply as possible. She would be calm and composed, exactly as he would expect her to be, and she would admit her feelings to him.
There didn't have to be anything extravagant. She didn't have to plan anything out or memorize a speech to recite later. Raven knew that the best chance she had of making it out of this either with a boyfriend or with as little humiliation as possible would be to just be herself.
Her decision finally made, Raven arose from her position on her bed and began to walk purposefully towards her door. Pausing momentarily, Raven silently called on Azar to give her the strength and courage necessary to do this. With that thought, Raven unlocked her door and began her trek down the hall to his room.
Raven had barely made it three steps into the hallway before Starfire rounded the corner with Silkie in her arms. When she realized Starfire was coming her direction, Raven briefly considered turning around and retreating back to her room. With her newfound courage, though, Raven found that she stayed firmly planted in her spot and allowed Starfire to approach her, an exuberantly smiling face greeting an impassive, blank one.
"Hello, friend Raven!" the redhead shouted enthusiastically from her floating position in the hallway.
"Hello, Starfire," Raven replied, with much less fervor, but still polite.
"Raven, would you like to accompany me to the mall so that we might purchase the cosmetics and have a night where we gorge ourselves with the junk food and partake in the girl talk?" Starfire was practically bouncing from her excitement. It had been a while since she and Raven had spent any quality time together.
As much as Raven wanted to appease Starfire, she knew that if she didn't go confess her feelings now, she might never muster up the courage again. Raven made a mental note to go to the mall with Starfire tomorrow and spend the day however Starfire wanted to. There had been a number of days when Raven had craved company and Starfire had been content to sit with her and meditate. Raven owed Starfire a day or two where Raven went out of her comfort zone and travelled to the mall with her.
"Sorry, Starfire," Raven said with genuine remorse evident in her voice. "I was just headed to go do something very important. How about we go to the mall tomorrow?"
Starfire nodded her head. "Of course, friend! A trip to the mall of shopping tomorrow would be most wondrous."
"Great, Starfire, I'll meet you in the common room tomorrow at one. Now if you'll excuse me, I have-"
"Oh, yes, friend Raven," Starfire interrupted her, "What is of utmost importance that you must tend to it promptly? Do you require assistance in this task?"
Raven blanched. "No Starfire, I don't need any help, thank you. This is something I must do on my own, but I can't wait any longer to do so."
A look of confusion passed over the alien's face. Raven raised her hands slightly as if she could fend off any more questions Starfire might decide to ask. Suddenly, Starfire's face turned to a look of understanding and elation. Raven was almost physically taken a step back by the jubilance that emanated from the Tamaranean.
"Certainly, Raven! I shall leave you to your task. I wish you all the luck in your endeavor!" With that, Starfire flashed Raven a gorgeous smile and flew down the length of the hall at full speed.
Raven brought a hand to her forehead, confused. It seemed as if Starfire knew exactly what Raven was about to go do, but that would be impossible. Raven was always so careful about exposing her feelings. There was no way Starfire could know about Raven's crush.
Then again, Raven sensed the emotions coming from Starfire, and Raven was pretty sure Starfire knew. Raven wasn't sure how she knew, but she just did. For someone who appeared so naïve, Starfire was very attentive and she could put two and two together. Raven, with a smirk on her face, made a mental note to never underestimate Starfire again.
Continuing down the hall, Raven silently repeated her mantra to herself. She was nervous, but she thought she could do this. All too soon, Raven had arrived at his door, and she looked up at his name plate on the door. She briefly considered turning around and making her way back to her room. Dismissing that thought and steeling her nerves, Raven raised her hand to knock on his door, willing her pounding heart to calm to a normal pace.
Hesitating for only a second, she knocked three times with loud, determined raps. She could hear his footsteps as he came to answer the door, and for a split second, as her heart rate spiked and her breathing became erratic, she wondered if she had made the correct choice in coming here.
When he answered the door, he seemed confused yet pleased to see her on the other side. At the sight of his smiling face, Raven's heart began to beat at a slower tempo and her breathing steadied. In that instant, as she allowed a small, genuine smile to grace her lips, Raven knew she was making the right decision.
A/N: And there you have it! Who do you think is on the other side of that door? To tell you the truth, I started this story with a specific Titan in mind to be Raven's crush, but now I'm not even sure who it is! It's up to you to decide. After all, the title of this story is "Decisions."