A/N: Hellooo, my lovelies, how are you all? Our dear couple is back with another one-shot for you because, as I said, these two deserve all the love of the world ;) Hope you'll like it and I'm open to requests :D
Disclaimer: I don't own the Attack on Titan characters and universe in any way
"Sasha, you've been crying for hours now, please, calm down, you'll fall ill in the end."
"Yes, you've been melancholic all week, what is it, why are you bursting out like that?"
"Because I'm a failure! Because I screwed everything up, because I'm a good-for-nothing weirdo." Sasha sniffs without bothering to look up from Krista's lap, where she's been crying ever since the same morning.
"Now, now, all of us know this isn't true, you're anything but a failure." Mina tries to comfort her, kneels next to her devastated childhood friend and caresses her hair, although this does little to ease Sasha's emotional pain.
"Sasha, did anyone hurt you? Want me to punch someone?"
"Yeah, Sasha, say the word and I'll send Ymir after whatever jerk dared hurt you." Krista intently nods her head in agreement to Connie's statement, evoking a chuckle from Connie and Mina, who find it amusing when they see the usually patient and sweet Krista so overprotective and combative.
"No, no, no, it's all my fault! It's m-my fault and I'll never survive the embarrassment, why do I have to ruin everything, why does love hurt so much?" Sasha's sobs intensify and she's practically trembling now, a heartbroken wreck, making her three friends look at each other worriedly; they've known Sasha for years and yet it's the first time they see her like this. Sasha had a couple of disappointments before, back in high school, but she never acted so broken; she was simply sad for a period of time and then she was her usual funny and laughing self.
"Sasha…this is about someone you're thinking about seriously, right? It's not about a simple crush." Mina states, trying to think about who it can possibly be about, but she can't be really sure; although the crying twenty-year-old's nodding pretty much confirms her words. "Come on, sweetie, you'll feel better when you tell us, I promise."
"Fine, whatever." Sasha sighs, but still doesn't look up, fearing that she'll cry anew if she meets the others' concerned glances. "Remember a week ago when Connie was away visiting his family and you, Krista, slept over at Ymir's?"
"You mean the night when that huge blackout happened? Yeah, so what?" Krista wants to know and she can't help but feel really curious now. "What happened that night, Sasha?"
Thanks for stopping by, Jean, it was getting pretty boring here." Sasha smiles at her friend as they make themselves comfortable on her large corner couch with something to drink, snacks and a movie already playing.
No problem, Marco is at Mina's, so I'd be alone too. Besides, it's been some time since our last movie night-slash-sleepover, right?" Jean chuckles. No matter his initial opinion on Sasha, back in junior high school, he quickly grew fond of her and now she's his closest friend together with Marco—something that only became stronger when their group of friends all moved to Karanese for their studies, wanting to be all together and yet longing to go away from Trost, their hometown.
Tell me about it, I really miss them; we should have one with the rest of them as soon as possible. Or maybe even organize some sort of trip, it will be so much fun and—what the hell?!" the brunette young woman suddenly exclaims when a sudden sound is heard and the entire neighborhood is covered in darkness. "Oh, no, no, not a goddamn blackout, why on earth is this happening?!" she continues rambling while hiding her head between her knees, for Sasha hates darkness more than anything.
Her friends always say that this is the case because she's so cheerful all the time, like a beacon of light for all of them, but right now she feels the darkness overwhelming her and only Jean's strong voice and his hand on her shoulder keep her grounded.
Hey, hey, don't worry, Sasha, I'm here, you're not alone. It's just a stupid blackout, but you're not on your own, okay?" he talks to her soothingly and attempting to joke to calm her down. "I actually feel as if it is New Year's Eve."
Huh? Jean, what are you talking about?"
Oh, a family tradition of sorts. At New Year's Eve, when it was almost midnight, my mother insisted we should switch off all the lights and turn them back on only when the new year arrives. She loved this process and said it's like a symbol of a new beginning, without the sadness and the pain of the previous year." Jean reveals, his voice having an unnaturally tender voice and his chest stinging with nostalgia for his dear mom.
That's…that's really sweet, Jean, honestly." Sasha comments and, although her friend can't see her in the complete darkness, her face is marked by a gentle smile because it's really rare for Jean to open up like that, to share with her something about his family.
With the help of the light coming from their cell phones, they manage to find Connie's flashlight, as well as some candles they keep in a drawer. The living-room now is bathed in the soft candlelight that creates various shapes and shadows on the walls, making the two college students' faces shine and almost giving them the impression that only the two of them exist in this world. They sit in silence, but it's a comfortable one, like they don't need words to communicate right now. Sasha feels a strange intimacy; an intimacy that can't be explained by the close friendship she has had with Jean all these years…like something deeper is connecting them at this moment. She sneaks a glance towards him, at the way he stares at the flames, at how good he looks like that, gentler than he usually is, reflecting a warmth much stronger than the candlelight…and a sudden and unexpected happiness is filling her only with this sight…it's as if she's happy that she's with him now; not even the blackout is bothering her anymore, in fact, she almost wishes for it to linger as long as possible only to stay with Jean like that.
A yawn coming from him breaks the silence and she chuckles, the ringing sound filling the living-room as she suggests they go to sleep instead of waiting for the power to return; after all, this is a sleepover. They settle down with pillows and blankets, each on one side of the couch, eyes still locked on the candles, as if they actually don't want to sleep and miss this sight…as if the flames magnetize them. Still, Jean feels sleepy after some moments, his blanket, the warmth and Sasha's comforting presence lulling him to dreamland…but then a movement from Sasha's side wakes him up again.
Jean…'m a bit cold," she mumbles sleepily and slightly opens her eyes…and right now she looks so sweet, like a little girl, that Jean is unable to simply dismiss her words as sleep-talking.
Need another blanket?" he asks her tenderly, only that his question is answered with a soft chuckle from the Potato Girl, who closes her eyes again and shakes her head.
No, silly…need a hug."
Jean's amber eyes widen at her plea and now he really thinks that Sasha's sleep talking or something; and at the same time a wild blush paints his cheeks, a blush that has nothing to do with the candlelight. And maybe it's the environment, maybe it's the sleepiness, maybe it's the fact that this is Sasha and Sasha is all smiles and jokes and tenderness…but he can't stop himself from approaching her.
It's somewhat cramped now, but they make themselves comfortable, Jean lying down on the couch and Sasha settled on him, her head resting under his chin and her arms wrapped around him. Instinctively, Jean rubs her shoulder and back to give her some of the warmth she needs and this gesture evokes a content sigh from the young woman. It's weird, but Jean feels almost peaceful right now, like he doesn't want to be anywhere else; he only wants to sleep like that, with Sasha in his arms.
It happens spontaneously, suddenly, unplanned, like it's second nature them. But as Jean leans his head against hers and she slightly raises her head to nuzzle his neck, they connect in a chaste and innocent kiss that sends shivers down their spines, not only because of the kiss itself, but also because of how normal this seems, as if they're a couple and this is commonplace between them. It can be due to their surroundings or due to unspoken feelings that come to surface or due to their fogged minds; no matter the reason, neither one pulls away. Instead they keep this connection, almost as if communicating, exchanging slow, lazy kisses that seem perfect in the silence that lingers. Sasha's hair is tickling Jean's face, her arms rest around his shoulders and his own move from her back to her hair.
Neither one cares they're not together and yet that this moment is more substantial to them than any other previous romance affairs they had. They only care to stay in this moment for as long as they can and when Jean starts placing loving kisses all over Sasha's nose, cheeks and chin before finding her lips again, she lets him.
But then the power comes back and the lights are switched on and they harshly land back to reality, fully processing what's happening. Now they do pull away and spend some moments in shock, unable to say anything—what the hell can someone say after such a kiss with someone they only considered a close friend until now? Jean is the first to move, mutters some stupid excuse and an awkward goodbye before leaving the apartment and walking for hours around the city, trying to clear his head.
"You did what?!" Marco, Eren and Armin exclaim simultaneously after hearing Jean's narration, the Law Enforcement student hiding his head on the table in order not to show his embarrassment.
"Jean, seriously, say what you did again because there's no way I heard you right!" Eren is practically fuming as he walks up and down in Marco and Jean's kitchen. "Let me get this straight: you went to Sasha's for a sleepover, the blackout happened, you guys decided to sleep, then you cuddle, then you finally kiss—"
"What the freaking hell do you mean with finally, Jaeger?!" Jean yells, but his friend ignores him and goes on.
"—and then when the lights come back you turn tail and run."
"Excellent summary, Eren, seriously; and now that Jaeger has finished his useless rambling may we go back to—"
"Jean, you idiot!" Marco throws his hands over his head, causing three pairs of eyes to stare at him because Marco Bodt never yells at his friends. "You ultra mega idiot, I can't believe you'd do something like that, like, are you serious?"
"Of course he's not serious! Nothing about this is serious!"
"I totally agree, Eren, I mean, he kisses his friend—"
"—pretty much acts like he likes it, which I totally bet he did given the totally unnecessary details that have scarred me for a lifetime—"
"—and then he runs away and why?"
"Because he's a horsefaced idiot, Marco, that's why!"
"Hey, guys, can you like, I don't know, stop yelling for a sec?" Armin interferes and pats Jean's back, who's actually even worse after listening to Marco and Eren's exchange. "Jean told us this story to hear our opinion, there's no need for us to simply insult him."
"I'm not insulting him and my opinion is that he's an idiot!" Eren stubbornly insists, although his blond friend elbowing him makes him turn serious. "Okay, okay, fine. So…let's talk about it. What exactly is the main problem here, Kirstein?"
"Regrets."
"Regrets about what? About the kiss?" Marco, talking much gentler now, wants to know, although Jean shaking his head brings a wide smile on his freckled face. "So you did like it, huh? I knew it, I knew that you had feelings for Sasha, I've been telling Mina for ages, but she wouldn't believe it."
"I don't have feelings for Sasha!" Jean turns defensive at once and wonders, for the millionth time, why there isn't some way to get out of this misery. Of course, none of the three others believes him, which becomes pretty clear from the death glares he receives. "What? It's true, I don't."
"If you didn't, then you'd pull away immediately, you wouldn't continue kissing her." Marco says and his smile becomes even wider because it seems that Sasha has done a freaking miracle and has turned the determined and stubborn Jean Kirstein in a love-struck mess.
"Hey, that doesn't prove anything! It wasn't intentional, it came…what's the word…it came naturally…goddamn it, why can't I find the right words?"
"And since when is kissing unnatural?" Eren rolls his eyes, as if he's considering Jean a complete moron.
"Okay, fine…then another question." Armin tries to put Jean out of the awkward position and his grin can rival Marco's at the moment. "If, as you say, you don't have feelings for Sasha…then why are you making such a big fuss over it? If that was the case you'd simply dismiss it, you wouldn't sulk like a teenager."
"HA, what do you say now for yourself, Jeanie?"
"Eren, I swear, if you can't be serious about this—"
"Of course he can't be serious about this, Armin, we're talking about the guy who took ten years to realize that Mikasa is totally head over heels with him." Jean feels a small satisfaction at the fact that he's not the only one who's embarrassed after his comment. "And I'm making such a big fuss over it because…because…because I feel bad for running away, okay? B-Because Sasha and I are friends and now everything is messed up."
"'Friends', uh huh, is that how kids call it these days?" Eren, apparently, doesn't understand what it means to talk seriously; at least not when Jean is involved. "You still didn't answer the question whether you liked it or not, though...you only said you don't have any regrets, care to elaborate?"
"What the freaking hell has that to do with anything?"
"Um…that's pretty much the whole point, Jean." Marco makes clear and watches, with concern and amusement alike, the changing emotions on his buddy's face: confusion, happiness, terror, relief…and utter fear as he comes to a realization.
"Oh, damn my life, what the hell have I done?" Jean sighs and facepalms, unable to contain the despair that packs him as the ferocity of his feelings and the outcome of that night overwhelm him. He raises his head and finds his friends looking straight back at him; Eren is amused, Marco compassionate and Armin as if he has an advice ready. "I've fallen hard, guys, right?"
"Right, you've fallen hard and you also messed up big time. But that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do about it."
It's late evening when Sasha receives the message on her cell phone. She stopped crying several minutes ago and now she's slightly calmer, her roommates and Mina's presence being a great help. When she reads the message, though, her whole face turns red and she jumps on her feet, startling Connie and Krista and making Mina rush next to her.
"What? What is it?"
"Don't tell me that this idiotic dork acts as if nothing happened?"
"I told you, I can send Ymir after him, she won't mind punching him mercilessly."
"No, no…no need." Sasha whispers and her face is now glowing, as if a sudden light and joy shines in her while she wears her jacket and rushes to the door. "In fact, I-I have to go!"
"What?! You'll actually go to him?" Connie calls after her, a part of him hopeful that everything will be well and another still concerned for his best friend. "Sasha, what did the message say?"
"Let her go, Connie, maybe it's better that way." Mina places a hand on his shoulder and smiles at Sasha. "Just be careful…but I really hope that you guys will talk it out and stop drowning in your despair."
"I doubt about that…Jean probably wants to reject me as gently as he can…but even this is better than knowing nothing."
"Why on earth would he reject you?"
"Because he's Jean Freaking Kirstein, Mina, golden boy, football star and so on, why on earth would he date me?"
"Because you're Sasha Freaking Blouse, great friend and volleyball star and you're totally smitten with each other, what's your point, why shouldn't he date you?" Mina asks as if she's truly unable to see Sasha's argument. "Now go to see what the guy wants, come on."
"Good luck, girl." Krista goes and gives her a hug before pulling out her own cell phone. "And if he breaks your heart, Ymir will be on standby."
Sasha laughs and rushes to her car, driving as carefully as she can given the rain that's thundering, although her mind is still processing Jean's message.
I'm kinda cold and in need of a hug…want to come over?
This message, without any teasing jokes or silly emoticons, only a simple question, makes Sasha shudder both in fear and in curiosity, as a part of her still believes that Jean is simply looking for a gentle way to let her down. But what she said to her friends is true; all this week she has been miserable, awkward around Jean, not knowing how to treat him: she hated this, a rejection is much better than this uncomfortable behavior around each other.
Marco greets Sasha with a friendly smile and a brief hug before ushering her towards Jean's bedroom, with a sly Don't-mind-me-just-sort-out-your-mess look. It makes Sasha wonder what exactly Jean has told him and in what sort of state he was this whole week…but, in the end, that's exactly why she's here, to get some answers. Jean is standing in the middle of his room, his lit desk lamp the only source of light with the dark rainy sky as a background, something that travels her back to that night, only without the tender comfort it had. They spend some moments in silence, not knowing how to start, Jean rubbing the back of his neck and Sasha having locked her eyes on the window…but, thank God, she finds a way to open the conversation and goes closer to him.
"I believe you wanted a hug, right?" she whispers in his ear and the sound of her soft voice works wonders on Jean's tensed nerves.
He doesn't even need to speak, he only nods and wraps his arms around her waist, bringing her closer, resting his head against her neck and cherishing the feeling of her own arms hugging him. It feels so good, so right and he hits himself mentally for being such a big idiot this entire week.
"I'm so sorry," now it's his turn to whisper and he senses Sasha stiffing in his hug, as if she wants to pull away, so he hugs her even tighter to prevent her from doing that. "I'm sorry for acting like a jerk, for running away, for…giving you the wrong message, for being so distant all the week."
"What do you mean?"
"I acted as if what happened was a big fat mistake…which it totally wasn't, I…I just ran away because I got so scared that you would regret it…and I couldn't face your regret. Not when…when it was the damn best thing that's happened to me in a long time."
Now Sasha does break the embrace, although only slightly, so their arms are still around each other. Her big, hazel eyes widen at Jean's words and her confusion gives its place to a beautiful, happy smile that transforms her entire expression; she looks so carefree now that Jean can't stop himself from being intimate and gently traces a finger over her cheek.
"No regrets?" she asks and he shakes his head, hurting at her insecurity; God, their friends were so right, he acted like the biggest idiot in the world and caused her pain she didn't deserve.
"My only regret is that I didn't act on my feelings sooner, I just didn't know what to do," he explains and gives her an apologetic smile. "And so, instead of running to you, hugging you and kissing you senseless I acted like a coward."
"Then we're a pair of cowards, I guess." Sasha chuckles and approaches him again, leaning her forehead on his and giving him her most loving smile. "That doesn't mean we can't make up for it, though."
This kiss is so much different and even better than their first one, which was a spontaneous action between two close friends. This one is firmer, more loving, a silent confession of love, speaking of feelings that have been defined and are ready to be explored; it turns softer and slower at some point, but then it's like they're in a frenzy of emotions, protectiveness, gentleness, love, passion, despair…as if they're both afraid that something will interrupt them again. This fear almost drives Sasha crazy and she wraps her arms around Jean's neck, trying to anchor herself on him, terrified of letting him go and realize that it was only a dreamlike moment.
This fear is what Jean senses when they pull away for air and he immediately understands what's going on. Sasha's eyes remain closed and her grip hasn't loosened; something that makes him sigh and smile at her.
"Sasha…open your eyes," he whispers sweetly against her face as he tries to regain his normal breathing, but she only shakes her head, as if actually afraid to see her surroundings. "Sasha, I'm not leaving this time…please, open your eyes," he repeats and gives another peck on her lips, a soft, assuring brush that convinces her that this is real.
When her bright, hazel eyes meet Jean's amber ones, she almost feels like crying at the honesty his gaze reflects and she has the sudden urge to hug him again, to forget the storm outside and the pain and everything else. Instead, she smiles and nods at him; a silent way to tell him that she's sorry for her fear…that she trusts him.
"So, since I actually didn't sleep at your place because of my stupid fear that other night…want to stay over tonight?"
"Thought you'd never ask."
The courtyard of Karanese College seems different when they step foot on it the next day; it's like the sun's shining brighter, like everything's happier now, more carefree. They exchange small looks and happy smiles and right now they have this unmistakable feeling couples have when they first get together: like the whole world's smiling at them, like they can conquer anything. When they approach the bench where their friends usually sit before classes and everyone sees them coming, hand in hand, with wide smiles and relaxed stances, they all know immediately what's happening.
"So that's why you wouldn't answer my questions about what happened yesterday, huh, Marco?" Mina teases her boyfriend and laughs as she watches Krista jumping in Sasha's arms and giving her the tightest hug ever.
"Well, I wanted to tell you, but I decided to let you make speculations, it was so amusing to watch." Marco laughs and winks towards his best friend, who smiles with gratitude at him.
"Yay, yay, yay, finally, I'm so happy for you two!" Krista giggles when she lets Sasha free from her hug and turns towards Jean. "No matter how happy I am, though, Jean, just so you know, if you ever hurt our Sasha, Ymir's still on standby!"
"Krista!"
A/N: Sooo, that was it for now, my friends :) I really hope you liked it and stay tuned for more one-shots, hehe ;) Love you all!