Disclaimer: these are not my creations otherwise I would not be bothering to publish it on the web, I would be making money.
Note: if you do not come from Britain, or have itv, then this joke may be lost on you.
Also note: For those of you who do not know what number9 tablets are, they are constipation tablets.
Britain's Brainiest Character from Lord of the Rings (fellowship of the ring)!
And tonight, please welcome, our contestants....
Frodo Baggins, *applause*
Sam Gangee, *applause*
Gandalf, *applause*
Legolas, *applause and cries of "we love you Legolas!!!" and lots of knicker throwing*
Aragorn, *big sigh all round*
Pippin, *every one laughs as he trips over the step*
Merry, *applause*
Gimli, *applause and waving of "nobody tosses a dwarf!" Banners*
A-N-D a special guest tonight...the ghost of Boromir! *Silence, and a few polite coughs*
"Well seeing as we have a very unorthodox- ahem, I mean special types of constants, we're going to have slightly different questions."
At which point Merry pokes Pippin in the stomach and hisses; "your not meant to cry, that was yesterday!"
"*Sob* oh,"
"Anyway! Our first question today is;
Who is the first to die after they have set out from Rivendell?"
Pippin pounds furiously on his buzzer.
"That's easy! Its Frodo!"
People stare at him,
"He is dead right?"
Merry hisses: "No, that was in your DREAM last night," Pippin looks around, and Frodo waves at him,
"I dunno Merry, he looks kinds dead to me!"
"Yes Pippin, that's what you said about the cow, right before he charged at us,"
"Do I need more proof?"
Frodo beeps on buzzer.
"That's got to be Long John Silver."
People stare at him.
"What? When I left he was alive, then all of a sudden I come back and he's stranded on desert island-"
Presenter pulls her hair out: "The answer was BOROMIR!"
Boromir scratches his head; "Oh cool! Now the tunnel bit all makes sense!"
"Next question!" The now bald presenter calls desperately, "Who is the ring bearer?"
They all stare about and scratch their chins.
"Hmm, now I knew who it was a second ago! Oh, oh wait! Its on the tip of my tongue!" Frodo calls out excitedly.
Aragorn slams the buzzer,
"What ring to you mean? Because there lots of ring bearers..."he trails off and lists all that he can think of.
Pippin buzzes madly,
"I know it! I know it! Its Frodo!"
"So it is!" exclaims everyone else. Pippin looks smug and settles down in his chair.
"That's one point to Pippin. Next question, who saves the Fellowship from the evil monster, who tries to stop them crossing the bridge in the Mines of Moria?"
Frodo, beeps on buzzer and shrieks out "ME!"
Sam, Pippin and Merry also do like-wise.
Boromir falls asleep at the sound of 4 bells, thinking its nap-nap time, Legolas thinks its time for his daily groom and begins to brush his hair, Aragorn gets panic stricken thinking the end of the world is going to happen, and Gandalf casually pulls out his nail art set from his beard and gets to work for a long overdue session.
The presenter faints. When she wakes up someone new has taken her place and she goes in to therapy for the rest of her years.
Meanwhile, the new presenter walks on and takes her place.
"Next question, guys!" Her crisp voice makes everyone snap out of it and slowly gather their senses. "What does Frodo see in the water reflection in Lothlórien?"
Frodo starts going round and round, like a chicken, on the floor "I should know this I should know this!" He mutters furiously.
Legolas bleeps his buzzer and yawns slightly, "Easy," He says, almost bored, "His, ahem, reflection,"
"Nope," The presenter says, staring worriedly at Frodo on the floor; who had now begun hitting his head as well, "Any...anyone else?"
Gandalf taps his buzzer lightly, "He sees what he sees, and knows what he knows if you get what I mean, and mean what I get!"
"Err...right, I'm just going to go to the loo, I'll be back soon..."And the presenter speeds out and everyone hears a door slamming; followed by a car driving away.
After half an hour, everyone establishes the fact that's she not coming back and Gandalf gives himself a point.
The audience decide that it's their duty to ask the questions now, so the boss comes down and picks people from the audience.
"You, over there with the red hair!" 10 people point at them selves and say: "Me?"
"No, the one in the pink and green top!"
"Oh...me. Well, why do you, Frodo son of Drogo, I always wanted to say that!" She exclaims, "any way, why do you look like stuffed chicken in the film?"
Merry beeps the buzzer this time and says:
"Its because he been overdoing it on the Number9 tablets," The audience cringe in sympathy and stare at Frodo. Merry gives himself a point, feeling proud that he was the only one who knew that.
"The one jumping up and down, with a builders hat on, an orange top, checked dungarees and a blue cat next to him," the audience turn round to face Bob the Builder.
"Ahem, why does Sam never get fed up with following Frodo around and calling him master?"
Aragorn beeps his buzzer and replies:
"Well, when the first one committed suicide we just got another one from his family. So as soon as one hangs himself we just get another."
The audience sigh sympathetically and nod to show that they understand, while Sam milks it for all he's worth and puts on the puppy dog eyes (Poor puppy). Meanwhile Aragorn gives himself a point, chuckling to himself that he yet again got out of the tricky situation of confessing that Sam is a robot.
"Next question-"
BEEP!!!
The audience groan in unison,
"Oh no! It's time for a break! But join us after to find out: WHO IS BRITTIANS BRAINEST CHARACTER FROM LORD OF THE RINGS? (Fellowship of the Ring)!"
Music plays and adverts come on.
*Dweeby man says:* If you liked this chippers audio, ahem, I mean writing, then you can read more by scrolling back up and reading it again.
Or you could just post a review and I'll write more. Once I have 3 reviews I'll add another. If I never get reviews then I'll know that my talents are going to waste here. *Sniff and sob!*
Note: if you do not come from Britain, or have itv, then this joke may be lost on you.
Also note: For those of you who do not know what number9 tablets are, they are constipation tablets.
Britain's Brainiest Character from Lord of the Rings (fellowship of the ring)!
And tonight, please welcome, our contestants....
Frodo Baggins, *applause*
Sam Gangee, *applause*
Gandalf, *applause*
Legolas, *applause and cries of "we love you Legolas!!!" and lots of knicker throwing*
Aragorn, *big sigh all round*
Pippin, *every one laughs as he trips over the step*
Merry, *applause*
Gimli, *applause and waving of "nobody tosses a dwarf!" Banners*
A-N-D a special guest tonight...the ghost of Boromir! *Silence, and a few polite coughs*
"Well seeing as we have a very unorthodox- ahem, I mean special types of constants, we're going to have slightly different questions."
At which point Merry pokes Pippin in the stomach and hisses; "your not meant to cry, that was yesterday!"
"*Sob* oh,"
"Anyway! Our first question today is;
Who is the first to die after they have set out from Rivendell?"
Pippin pounds furiously on his buzzer.
"That's easy! Its Frodo!"
People stare at him,
"He is dead right?"
Merry hisses: "No, that was in your DREAM last night," Pippin looks around, and Frodo waves at him,
"I dunno Merry, he looks kinds dead to me!"
"Yes Pippin, that's what you said about the cow, right before he charged at us,"
"Do I need more proof?"
Frodo beeps on buzzer.
"That's got to be Long John Silver."
People stare at him.
"What? When I left he was alive, then all of a sudden I come back and he's stranded on desert island-"
Presenter pulls her hair out: "The answer was BOROMIR!"
Boromir scratches his head; "Oh cool! Now the tunnel bit all makes sense!"
"Next question!" The now bald presenter calls desperately, "Who is the ring bearer?"
They all stare about and scratch their chins.
"Hmm, now I knew who it was a second ago! Oh, oh wait! Its on the tip of my tongue!" Frodo calls out excitedly.
Aragorn slams the buzzer,
"What ring to you mean? Because there lots of ring bearers..."he trails off and lists all that he can think of.
Pippin buzzes madly,
"I know it! I know it! Its Frodo!"
"So it is!" exclaims everyone else. Pippin looks smug and settles down in his chair.
"That's one point to Pippin. Next question, who saves the Fellowship from the evil monster, who tries to stop them crossing the bridge in the Mines of Moria?"
Frodo, beeps on buzzer and shrieks out "ME!"
Sam, Pippin and Merry also do like-wise.
Boromir falls asleep at the sound of 4 bells, thinking its nap-nap time, Legolas thinks its time for his daily groom and begins to brush his hair, Aragorn gets panic stricken thinking the end of the world is going to happen, and Gandalf casually pulls out his nail art set from his beard and gets to work for a long overdue session.
The presenter faints. When she wakes up someone new has taken her place and she goes in to therapy for the rest of her years.
Meanwhile, the new presenter walks on and takes her place.
"Next question, guys!" Her crisp voice makes everyone snap out of it and slowly gather their senses. "What does Frodo see in the water reflection in Lothlórien?"
Frodo starts going round and round, like a chicken, on the floor "I should know this I should know this!" He mutters furiously.
Legolas bleeps his buzzer and yawns slightly, "Easy," He says, almost bored, "His, ahem, reflection,"
"Nope," The presenter says, staring worriedly at Frodo on the floor; who had now begun hitting his head as well, "Any...anyone else?"
Gandalf taps his buzzer lightly, "He sees what he sees, and knows what he knows if you get what I mean, and mean what I get!"
"Err...right, I'm just going to go to the loo, I'll be back soon..."And the presenter speeds out and everyone hears a door slamming; followed by a car driving away.
After half an hour, everyone establishes the fact that's she not coming back and Gandalf gives himself a point.
The audience decide that it's their duty to ask the questions now, so the boss comes down and picks people from the audience.
"You, over there with the red hair!" 10 people point at them selves and say: "Me?"
"No, the one in the pink and green top!"
"Oh...me. Well, why do you, Frodo son of Drogo, I always wanted to say that!" She exclaims, "any way, why do you look like stuffed chicken in the film?"
Merry beeps the buzzer this time and says:
"Its because he been overdoing it on the Number9 tablets," The audience cringe in sympathy and stare at Frodo. Merry gives himself a point, feeling proud that he was the only one who knew that.
"The one jumping up and down, with a builders hat on, an orange top, checked dungarees and a blue cat next to him," the audience turn round to face Bob the Builder.
"Ahem, why does Sam never get fed up with following Frodo around and calling him master?"
Aragorn beeps his buzzer and replies:
"Well, when the first one committed suicide we just got another one from his family. So as soon as one hangs himself we just get another."
The audience sigh sympathetically and nod to show that they understand, while Sam milks it for all he's worth and puts on the puppy dog eyes (Poor puppy). Meanwhile Aragorn gives himself a point, chuckling to himself that he yet again got out of the tricky situation of confessing that Sam is a robot.
"Next question-"
BEEP!!!
The audience groan in unison,
"Oh no! It's time for a break! But join us after to find out: WHO IS BRITTIANS BRAINEST CHARACTER FROM LORD OF THE RINGS? (Fellowship of the Ring)!"
Music plays and adverts come on.
*Dweeby man says:* If you liked this chippers audio, ahem, I mean writing, then you can read more by scrolling back up and reading it again.
Or you could just post a review and I'll write more. Once I have 3 reviews I'll add another. If I never get reviews then I'll know that my talents are going to waste here. *Sniff and sob!*