The morning was a grey, dismal one, the kind that made you want to throw the covers over your head in bed and refuse to move until it was way past noon. It was a Saturday, so the streets were silent, most people not even awake yet. I was heading back home from the grocery store. It was easiest for me buy food early in the morning because I had to work in a convenience store for most of the day, trying in vain to earn enough money to keep food on the table.

As I walked, I felt the first few drops of rain fall. Great. The last thing that I needed right now was to get soaking wet. It wasn't long before it was raining heavily and I was drenched in rainwater. The walk from the convenience store to my place was long, and it wasn't like I could afford a car, so I trekked on, wishing with all my heart at that moment that I could be anywhere else, anyone else. It felt like this morning couldn't get much worse when a back sports car sped past me, splashing me with muddy rainwater.

"Hey! Watch it, asshole!" I yelled. The last thing that I needed right now was to deal with an ignorant jerk who thought that cruising around at seven in the morning on a Saturday made them 'cool'. The car came to a halt and backed up until the driver's window was facing me. The windows were tinted, so I couldn't exactly see who was driving it, but knowing my luck, it would be a six-foot tall body builder who would probably like nothing better than to pound my face.

"I'm sorry." The tinted window rolled down to reveal a man who was around thirty years old. His short black hair fell messily down to his ears and almost exactly matched the shade of his dark eyes. He was pale and of normal build, not exactly the gigantic muscle-man I'd expected. If fact he was quite… attractive.

"Well, you should be." I mumbled, feeling slightly inadequate compared to him. Every part of me, from my clothes to my blond braid that could be considered too long for a guy, was soaking wet, and I was positive that I couldn't have looked very appealing while holding several paper bags filled with cheap food.

"How about I make it up to you and give you a lift. It's raining pretty badly." He suggested. I frowned as I thought it over. Getting in a car with a complete stranger who was being very friendly didn't seem like a good idea, but then again, it was soaking wet, and I was pretty sure that I could take him in a fight in the need arose.

"Sure." I said. He opened the door and helped me put my groceries in the trunk before getting back into the driver's seat. I took the front passenger seat silently. The interior of the car was expensive-looking. The seats were leather and it looked pristine.

"Nice car." I commented, stroking the dashboard.

"Thanks. It was supposed to be my college fund." He smiled as he started the car again , executing a possibly dangerous turn in the middle of the street so that he faced the direction I was walking in. He began to drive, looking at me for directions every time there was a turn-off. We talked a lot about nothing in particular, laughing and joking for most of the journey. It felt like only a few minutes had passed when we got to my small home.

"This is it." I said, waiting for him to park the car on the unused drive before starting to get out. "Thanks, erm…" I hesitated awkwardly as I tried to recall any point in the conversation where he'd mentioned his name.

"Roy." He smiled "And you are?"

"Ed." I replied. It was funny how I'd connected so well with this man, almost fallen for him, without us even knowing each other's names.

"Well you're welcome, Ed." He fumbled in the glove compartment for a second before pulling out a scrap of paper and a pen. He scribbled something quickly down on it and handed it to me. "You don't have a car right? Well in case you need a ride, just call me." He smiled again, hinting that he was open to more than just giving me a lift. I grabbed the groceries out of the trunk quickly, not wanting him to see the slight blush that I had. Waving him goodbye as he reversed off the drive and headed down the street, I managed to unlock the front door without dropping any bags of food. As soon as I entered, I plonked the bags down on the kitchen counter. They could be unpacked later.

"Ed, is that you?" A croaky voice came from the other room.

"Yeah." I responded. I walked in to find my father sitting at the coffee table with his head in his hands. He was in a more depressed mood today. I guess that I should be relieved. It was a lot better than when he was angry. You see, when I was little, my mum died, leaving me and my little brother in my dad's care. Dad loved Mum a lot, so much that when she died, he was never the same again. He tried to drown his sorrows in alcohol, wanting to numb the pain. Over the years, he got worse until he could barely take care of us. I dropped out of my last year of high school to look after him, and social services sent my brother to live with our grandma IT wasn't exactly fair, but somebody had to take care of him, and it seemed like the only capable person was me.

"Ed, I've failed you as a father, haven't I?" He asked. On the coffee table were an empty tumbler and a half-emptied bottle of whiskey. I sighed. When he stared drinking this early in the morning, it was never a good sign.

"No." I lied, but Dad could not be convinced. I felt terrible for him. He knew everything that he'd done wrong, but he was powerless to change it. But I didn't have the time for this right now. I'm going to be late for work.

It's not that work is bad, it was just boring. I'd stack shelves, help customers and sweep the floor about five times a day. It was the same old routine day in and day out, and by now, I was sick of it. I wanted change. Something new, something exciting and different. I didn't want to be stuck here when there was a whole world of adventure out there.

The bad weather meant that business was slow, and I spent most of my time in the store alone. The rain carried on for the rest of the day, and by the time my shift was over, it hadn't stopped. I felt the scrap of paper in my pocket and an idea came to my mind. Roy had said to call him if I ever needed a lift, didn't he?" I headed over to a nearby phone box and punched the number in. His phone rang a couple of times before he picked up.

"Hello?"

"Hey Roy, it's Ed. I was just wondering…" I trailed off, feeling awkward mooching off of a person that I barely knew.

"If I could give you a ride." He laughed, "Sure. Where are you?" After telling him where I was, I waited near the store entrance. Fifteen minutes later, the familiar black sports car arrived in the parking lot, performing a flashy turn before stopping. The door to the front passage seat was thrown wide open. I hurried through the rain to get into the car as quickly as possible.

"Sorry to bug so much." I said as I closed the door behind me.

"No problem." He smiled. Looking at him, I noticed that he was wearing a leather jacket and dark jeans. He looked damn good.

"Nah. I feel like I was interrupting something." I responded.

"Just my uncle trying to convince me to go back to school or something. I think he's trying to get me to please my parents."

"You don't get on with your parents?"

"They got pretty mad when I told them I was gay, but I think that the car thing just pushed them over the edge. I'm not the son they wanted at all." He said. So liked guys too… Maybe my luck was changing a little.

"So are you heading straight home?" He asked as we drove past the public park.

"I think I can chill out with you for a while." I said, and he parked the car on the drive. It was raining too heavily to go outside, so we just sat in the car and talked. We must have talked for ages. I told him about my father and he told me about his parents and his life in the city.

"It must have been a cool place to live." I said.

"Yeah. I miss it. Maybe I'll go back one day." He said. This guy was something special. He was deep, good-looking and funny. I didn't feel like I was falling for him. I felt more like he was lifting me up. He pulled my out of the dark hole of my boring life, and before I knew it, we were meeting more and more regularly. He's stop by my house in the morning to drive me to work, and then he'd take me back home in the evening.

In the car, we'd talk about anything and everything. I learned about how Roy almost got expelled from high school on three separate occasions, and the time when he'd nearly set his own house on fire. Apparently, he'd been quite a delinquent in his youth, but that didn't bother me too much. He was a change, an escape from the life I had.

Like every other day, I waved goodbye to Roy as I entered the house. It was quiet. Maybe Dad had fallen asleep or something like that. Not wanting to disturb him, I went to the kitchen and made myself a cup of coffee. Work had been long and relentless that day. A big football game was supposed to come on TV and people in town were stocking up on our entire inventory of Cheetos, potato chips and salty pretzels. It was nice to have a moment of relief, I thought as I sipped the hot coffee. The peace in my house was enjoyable. With Dad probably asleep, I had time to relax. At that moment, the thought came into my mind that I needed to check on him, just to make sure that he was okay. I left my coffee on the table and knocked on his bedroom door.

"Dad?" I called, opening the door and peering inside. It was empty. The curtains weren't drawn despite how dark it was outside and the bed was still made. Nobody had been in it for a few hours at least. I looked at the unused desk. Usually if he went somewhere, he'd leave me a note, saying where he was. But the desk was bare.

"Dad?!" I called again, louder this time, looking more carefully around the room, as if he was going to jump out of the closet or something, I left the empty room and began to run all over the house, opening every door I could find and looking in any place where it would be considered possible for a person to hide.

"Dad!?" I called, feeling panicked. He wasn't in the house. Now I was really worried. He wouldn't be able to look after himself. He'd probably get lost…or maybe even hurt. I rushed to the out-dated landline phone we barely used.

"Hello, police? My Dad is missing. He's about six feet tall, blond and he wears glasses." I said "He's an alcoholic and he isn't able to look after himself. Find him soon, please." I found myself almost crying as I finished. When the police finally arrived at my house, I was already close to hysterical.

"So, do you have any idea where he might have gone?" A tall cop asked, tapping his pen against a notebook slightly impatiently.

"No… I don't think so." I said, "He usually hardly leaves the house, I don't know where he is why he left." I tugged at my hair, stressed. Where the hell was he? And why was he putting me through this?

"Well, we'll send some people out to look for him, but I can't promise much. If you can think of anywhere he might be, just call, okay?" The cop said kindly before taking his leave. He couldn't promise much. Those were the only words that stuck in my head. What if they couldn't find him? Something could have happened to him. He could have been injured, or worse. I'd already lost a parent, and I couldn't let it happen again. I rushed once again to the landline phone, keying in a number quickly.

"Roy!"

"Ed? What's wrong?" He asked, instantly sensing the distress in my voice.

"Everything!" I cried.

"Slow down and tell me. What's the problem?" He tried to calm me.

"Dad's gone. I don't know where he went, but he never leaves the house without telling me first, and I'm scared, Roy. What if he's out there and he's drunk? He could get hurt. I don't know what to do, Roy." I started to sob.

"Okay," Roy tried again to console me. "Did you call the police?"

"Yeah, but…"

"They'll find him. Don't worry."

"But-"

"If it makes you feel any better, I'll go look for him too."

"You'd do that?" I stopped crying at once, tears still in my eyes.

"Of course." And then he hung up. I put the phone back on the receiver and sighed. Why me? I just hoped that Dad was safe, that either Roy or the cops would find him.

The time dragged by as I paced by the front door about twenty times before walking up to the window and staring out of it for a while. I switched back to pacing soon, thoughts rushing through my head. I was too worried to stay still for too long, or do anything productive. I kept looking at the clock every few seconds, watching it get later and later into the night. Midnight passed without event. And then one o'clock. Two o'clock was even quieter and the clock ticked closer and closer to three a.m. when I was about to give up.

I heard a knocking on the door and my heart leapt. I rushed to the door and opened it. Standing there were Roy and Dad. Roy was supporting Dad, who looked too drunk to walk. Relief hit me like a wave. Dad was safe. Everything was going to be okay.

"Dad! You're okay! Thanks so much, Roy." I said.

"It's okay." He said, and we carried my barely conscious father to his room and put him in the bed.

"I don't know how you can deal with this." He said as we left the bedroom, silently closing the door behind us. "If I was you, I would've given up ages ago."

"I can't." I said, "He's my dad. He might not be a great one, but I love him."

"You're so sweet." Roy smiled. "If you need help though, you know I'm always here." I couldn't think up of a response so I just hugged him. He was warm and soft and when he hugged me back I never wanted him to let go.

And then I kissed him.

Maybe it was just the relief, maybe it was my feelings couldn't contain themselves any longer. I guess it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that I kissed him. His lips were softer than I expected and they felt like they moulded to mine. My face was still wet from the tears, giving the kiss the slightest taste of salt, but I didn't care. He was kissing me back. His lips moved against mine and I felt like I was in heaven. Neither Dad nor my crappy life could make a bit of difference to how I felt right then, because I had this moment. After what felt like minutes, he pulled away, leaving me breathless.

"Ed…" He breathed.

"Sorry, it's just-" I began.

"Don't be. He said, and with that, he leaned in closer and kissed me again. I was flooded with europhia. So he liked me back. I guess some things were starting to work out in my favour after all.

That kiss changed our relationship forever. We started dating, became boyfriend and other boyfriend. It made my day every time he so much as smiled at me. I was in love, and that was all I really needed. Dad still drank too much most of the time and my life had the same monotonous routine to it, but I felt a little better knowing that I had Roy there for me.

"How do you survive here?" He'd asked me one day. "It's so boring. There are no clubs and barely any stores. Seriously, the only mildly entertaining place there is here is the library."

"I don't know. I guess I'm always too busy for stuff like that." I'd replied. But he was right. This town was dull, boring and lifeless. It was obvious why Roy hated it here so much, it lacked the glamour of the city life he'd grown so used to living.

"But don't you ever wish that you could just get out of here? I mean, it's so easy to feel really trapped in this town. Wouldn't it be great if you could, you know run away and never have to come back again?" He spoke more passionately than I'd heard in a while. Clearly, the idea of escaping had been on Roy's mind for quite a while.

"Yeah. That would be amazing." I'd be lying if I said that the idea had never come to me. I'd thought about it a lot, usually when I was at work and there was nothing to do. At first it would seem like a good idea. I'd never have to look back, and I could make my own way. But then, I'd think about Dad. He was my responsibility. Who would be there to look after him when I wasn't there? That was when I realized I couldn't run away from these problems I had. As much as I wanted to leave, I had a job to do here and there was no way in hell that I was going to be able to leave until it was done.

"It would, wouldn't it? We wouldn't have to answer to anybody, or give a crap about them." He said dreamily, momentarily carried away by the thoughts of further sticking it to his disappointed parents. "We should get away."

"What?" I wasn't sure whether he meant it seriously or he was still just thinking about what would make his parents the angriest.

"We should get away." He repeated, sounding more resolute this time. "All we have to do is pack up, leave this hellhole and never turn back. We'll go and make our lives in the city. It can't be too hard, can it?"

"But Roy, my Dad…" I began.

"I'm not saying that we need to leave tonight. When it's safe to leave your Dad alone, you and I can finally get out of here." He said. I liked that idea. Soon, we'd thought up of our perfect lives in the city. We wouldn't live right in the centre; that would be way too busy and noisy all the time. We'd live on the outskirts, in a nice, family neighbourhood. There'd be kids, of course. We decided that we would adopt two; a little girl and a slightly older boy. Maybe we'd adopt another baby as well. We wouldn't make very much money, but we'd have enough to get by. On long weekends, we could go for picnics or go hiking. In short, we were going to be the perfect family.

That fantasy was exactly what I needed to get me through each day. I started saving every penny I could, so that I could afford help for Dad. My plan was for Dad to get better first. Once Dad could take care of himself, I'd be free. And then I would leave for the city with Roy, and everything would be okay. It had to be, I'd been through so much already in life. Whatever it was up there, looking down on Earth with its all-powerful gaze, had to give me some kind of a break sooner or later. I'd deserved it, hadn't I?

That day, I'd come home early. Winter had hit pretty badly and it was snowing heavily outside. Nobody in this town would be insane enough to go outdoors unless it was an absolute emergency. For that reason, the manager cleverly decided that closing the store would be a good idea. In fact, I would have been home even sooner if it wasn't for the fact that Roy's car, fast as it was, wasn't exactly suited too well to the snow and ice-covered roads.

When he finally turned onto our street, I had the shock of my life. There was an ambulance parked on our driveway. Roy got us down the street as quickly as he could without causing an accident, parking quickly on the sidewalk. I rushed out of the car. The front door had been opened and through the window, I could see two paramedics lifting Dad onto a stretcher. He wasn't conscious. Standing by the ambulance and watching this entire scene was our neighbour, Mrs. Stevens, looking anxious.

"What happened?" I asked her desperately. She was an elderly woman, and I'd hardly ever seen her as much as stand up for more than five minutes. If she was waiting outside our house, something terrible must have happened.

"I saw your father through the window. It didn't look like he was sleeping, so I got pretty worried. I remembered the key that you kept under the doormat, so I unlocked the door and let myself in. I tried to wake him up, but when I didn't, I checked if he was breathing and worked out that he had just passed out. So the first thing I did was call the paramedics. I was going to call you as soon as they got to the hospital." She recounted. I barely listened to the last few words of her story. They moved the stretcher with my dad on it out of the house and down the drive. I rushed to the paramedics.

"Is he going to be okay?" I asked, looking at Dad. He was lying peacefully on the stretcher, as if he was oblivious to the panic surrounding him.

"He has a pretty serious case of alcohol poisoning. But with any luck, all that they'll need to do is pump his stomach and maybe keep him in a room overnight for observation." The paramedic pushing the stretcher from behind informed me. My mind, however, didn't want to relax and once again, was playing worst-case scenarios in my head. What if something went wrong? What if the alcohol poisoning was too bad and he wouldn't be able to make it? What if Dad had finally destroyed his liver?

Roy drove me to the hospital. The journey wasn't very long, but I felt like it would never end. I spent the trip somewhere in between panic and worry. Maybe if I'd done more to help him , we wouldn't be here. I should've tried to get him help sooner, or found someone who could have taken better care of him. These thoughts followed me as I arrived at the hospital, and was told to sit outside the room he was in.

So there I was, sitting on a hard plastic chair, waiting. I hated hospitals. For me, they'd always bring up bad memories, mostly about mom. One hospital looked exactly like the next one. They all had the same pale walls and feeble décor, with the smell that I couldn't describe, but still found it hard to stand. Our hospital was small. And it was almost empty in the middle of the night. The only other people I saw were a couple of doctors and some janitors. I was left alone to my thoughts, which wasn't really a very good idea right now.

"He's going to be okay, you know." Roy said, returning from the cafeteria carrying a cup of crappy coffee. He set it down next to a wilting potted plant and sat next to me, putting his arm around my waist. "He's tough. Don't worry. He'll be just fine." I tried to find relief in his words, but I just couldn't.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" I asked, staring down at my knees.

"No." Roy said, gently turning my head so that I was facing him. "Ed, it's not your fault. You didn't ask to be put in this situation." He hugged me and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead, trying to make me feel at least a little bit better. But I wouldn't be consoled until I saw a doctor leave Dad's room after a few hours.

"How is he?" I begged for information.

"We've pumped his stomach and now he's sleeping. We're going to have to keep him overnight for observation, but you shouldn't worry. He'll be just fine" The doctor told me. I knew that I should have been relieved, but all that I could think about was how close he'd come to dying. If it happened once, it could happen again, and maybe the next time he wouldn't be so lucky.

"Thanks." I replied anyways.

"Does he do this a lot?" The doctor asked, sounding concerned.

"Drink? Yeah."

"Well, I know about a programme that might help, if he has a problem. It'd be like a rehab. It's very effective, and I'd highly recommend it." He suggested.

"But… I don't think that we can afford it right now." I answered. I would have loved to be able to send Dad somewhere where he could get professionals to help him, but I thought about the measly amount of money I'd managed to save up. There was no way in hell I'd be able to afford it.

"There are a lot of payment plans." The doctor added. I told him that I'd think it over and watched him leave. Even though there were a lot of payment plans, it would still probably take me a while to save up the money that I'd need.

"We should leave." Roy said. He was standing close to the large window, looking out at the sky. It was dark now, and the small town's hospital towered over the houses, flooding the nearby ones with artificial light. "Tonight."

"You can't be serious! What about Dad?" I asked, shocked.

"If we leave now, they'll have to find a place for him, get him some help. But if you stay, then nothing is going to change. It'll take a while to save up money for him to get help. This is your only chance to get out of here.

"But…" I tried to argue but I knew that he was right.

"You have to make a decision, Ed. Either you leave tonight, or you live and die this way." I bit my lip. This was my one chance at freedom, but could I give up and just run away from everything? It had all seemed so simple when we'd talk about it before, so why had it become so much harder now? I looked at the closed door to Dad's room. Maybe it would be better for him if he got some help. And then I'd be free, I could live my life, and do all the things that I'd never thought that I'd be able to do.

"Let's go." I said determinedly. I left a note for Dad, telling him why I was leaving and apologizing in advance for anything that he'd have to go through. The first thing that we did was stop by home to pick up a few things that we might have needed, and then we left. I don't think that any feeling in the world could compare to how I felt when we flew down the highway, doing almost twice the legal speed limit. It was like nothing else at that moment mattered. Roy drove with one hand on the wheel and one arm around my shoulder. We blasted music out of the expensive speakers at full volume, causing a wake of disruption behind us. But I couldn't care less. I finally was free. The world was my oyster.

When we arrived in the city, I was lost for words. It was beautiful. Despite the fact that it was so late at night, there was life everywhere. And the lights. The lights were amazing, different colours, patterns and shapes, all glowing from the tops of tall buildings that touched the sky. I could see why Roy loved it here so much. It was paradise. We found a cheap motel that looked as if it was home to more bugs than people. It wasn't exactly the best place to stay, but we had each other, and that was all we really needed, right?

As time passed on, we get settled in the city. I got a job working at a stall in the flea market, selling second hand musical instruments, Roy found it harder to get a job. He hadn't done well in high school, so his grades were pretty low. It was a struggle for us to get enough money to eat, drink and have a roof over our heads, but that couldn't get us down. So what if we couldn't afford a TV? We'd drive around the city at night to keep ourselves entertained. And it was worth the struggle, every day, to see Roy's smiling face as he'd pick me up from work. He's kiss me every day, and every night before we went to sleep, he'd promise me that it would get better. We knew that one day, we would have our dream life. That nice house in a quiet neighbourhood with three adopted kids. It'd be a life of school plays and birthday parties. We'd be the perfect happy family.

10 YEARS LATER

I sat in the armchair by the window, watching the clock. In ten years, things had changed a lot for me and Roy. Now, I ran that second-hand instrument stall I used to work at. Roy finally got a job as a construction worker, and everything seemed fine for a while. We adopted our three kids and bought the suburban house of our dreams. We'd even got married in a small chapel, watching the angry faced of all those who opposed in glee. In short, we'd had the perfect life we'd always dreamed of, but it didn't last too long. Roy started meeting up with old friends of his, and that's where things turned sour. He would stay out late drinking with them, and then when he'd come home, we would just fight. It was terrible, and it pained me to see him get so drunk and then say things that he didn't mean.

The sick, twisted irony was that this was how it started with Dad after Mom died. He'd spend more time drinking than he would with his own children. Nest, he'd start drinking more, and more. And he wouldn't be able to stop until he'd reach the point where he couldn't look after himself.

It would end up just like before. I'd have to spend my entire life looking after a drunkard again. When I fell in love with Roy, this wasn't how I wanted it to end. The love had gone. I'd watched as the glimmer in his eyes dimmed, and he became more volatile, easier to fight with. It was like the old Roy was gone, and he'd been replaced with one that was a little dead inside. That spark, that little something about him that I'd fallen head over heels for had been extinguished by shots of whiskey, and now life was just a broken record. I was living through the same day again and again.

My train of thought was broken by a pair of headlights appearing in the window. Roy was home.

"Hey, Honey." He called loudly from the front doorway. "I'm home!" I didn't reply, but waited in the armchair until he entered the room.

"You're late." I said coldly.

"Sorry, Ed. Me and the guys went out drinking again." He swayed slightly as he talked. Apparently, it hadn't occurred to him that it wasn't a good idea to drive home drunk. The way he acted, I may as well have been ten years old again, putting my little brother to bed and wondering why Daddy wouldn't come home on time. I'd never wanted this to happen. I'd never wanted to have to live through what I had with Dad ever again, but somehow, I'd gut stuck here.

"You spend too much time at the bar."

"Jealous, are you?" He said playfully, leaning in closer so that his boozy stink hit me in the face.

"No. I just think that it would be nice if you could spend as much time with your kids as you do at the bar." I replied, pushing him away. Where did the smooth, sexy Roy go? The man who used to take me out for spontaneous drives around the city in the middle of the night? I'd lost him. I'd lost him to the clutches of drink and sadness, something that Dad showed me didn't make a very good mix.

"I spend plenty of time with the kids!" He protested loudly.

"You missed Jack's recital. And Katie's play." I informed him. Roy exhaled, smacking the palm of his hand against his forehead.

"You're right! How could I forget?"

"You need to stop drinking so much. Please." I begged.

"Okay." He resolved. "I promise you, baba. I'll never touch the stuff again." A long time ago, that would've convinced me, and it would all be over. But not anymore. He'd promised one day that he'd never drink again, but I knew for a fact that he's come home the next day just as wasted as he was the last. See what I mean? Broken record.

As I headed up to bed, I remembered the words Roy had said to start all this, and how crushingly true they still were to this day.

"You have to make a decision Ed. Either you leave tonight or live and die this way."