DISCLAIMER: I am not J.K. Rowling. I am not J.K. Rowling. I am not J.K. Rowling.
This story will be a series of one-shots where Sirius Black has no idea what Muggle objects do and he attempts to figure out how they work.
A nineteen year old Sirius Black had always been fantasized by muggle objects. He had entered a store called, "Home Hardware", trying to pass time in central London. He saw a sign saying "Highest Suction." Unsure of what that could mean, Sirius walked up to the sign and saw a long tube attached to a canister that hat a small plug. The plug meant to be plugged into something that muggles called a "socket". Sirius had learned that muggles plugged things into the wall to provide them with a thing called electricity. Something Sirius had never used in his life. His parents, the pureblood supremacists, would never dare figure out what this peculiar muggle artifact could do.
The long tube that was attached to the canister was by some boxes labelled with the picture of the canister-tube. It was labelled Dyson DC66 Vacuum cleaner. Sirius laughed to himself, "They call this a DEE-son VAY-Come cleaner. I wonder what purpose it serves."
The store wasn't quite crowded and Sirius decided that he would figure out the function. He took the plug straight to the wall, knocking the vacuum off the display. "Merlin help me," Sirius muttered to himself as a bunch of boxes fell down, creating an echo of crashing noises. Oops, Sirius thought. He picked up the vacuum, preventing it from knocking any more boxes over. He was surprised at how light it was, considering that muggles didn't have charms to make things lighter.
Sirius took the plug and dragged it over to a wall. He wasn't sure what a socket looked like and wasn't about to find out. Finally he found a white rectangle with a bunch of holes in it. Figuring that was a socket, Sirius tried to figure out how to use it. He stuck his finger in it and felt a jolt. Nope! That's not how it works. How can muggles stand to do this? It's awfully painful!
After minutes of contemplating, Sirius figured out that he had to put the prongs of the plug into the socket. Hah! Imagine if James was here! I should call him wall-socket-muggle-Prongs.
As he put the prongs into the holes in the socket, Sirius was looking for the next thing to do. There was a switch that looked interesting. Sirius switched it on and heard a loud noise that sounded awfully like a broomstick on fire. He put his hand over the tube and felt a weird suction feeling. So this is what the sign meant by the highest suction.
By the socket, there was a mirror. Unsure of war the vacuum cleaner did, Sirius looked around. He sat down on the ground and twirled one of his curls with his fingers. Wait! This is what muggles use for hairstyling!
Surprised by his stroke of genius, Sirius put the vacuum cleaner over his head and felt his curls be lifted up by the suction powers of the vacuum. The air was cool on his scalp and Sirius realized that muggles were geniuses by inventing a hair-styling-vacuum-cleaner. He removed the vacuum cleaner and saw that his hair was now sticking up. Enthralled by this, Sirius did it again and again.
Maya Collins was working her summertime job at Hone Hardware. A sketchy looking man had come into the store and was absolutely intrigued by the cameras at the front. He laughed to himself and something must have caught his eyes because he headed to the back. Maya sighed and went back to helping a young couple who were buying a set of lawn furniture. Sighing, she heard the sound of multiple boxes crashing and the possible sound of something being moved. My boss is going to be absolutely angry with me, Maya thought to herself, groaning because she had to clean up boxes that were half her size. After internally complaining for a bit, Maya heard the vacuum cleaner turn on. It wasn't uncommon for people to test it out but this time was different. Maya heard a deep, throaty, laugh and headed to the back where the man was vacuuming his hair. This is a new one, she thought to herself, I don't usually deal with the weirdos in this job. Usually the restaurants get the weirdos.
Sirius looked up as a twenty-something woman glared at him with her chocolate brown eyes. Her thin lips were pressed into a frown and her black hair was put into a bun that rivalled McGonagalls. "What do you think you're doing?" The staff member asked, shaking her head.
"I'm using the deeson vaycome cleaner." replied Sirius who had long ago turned the muggle device off as soon as Maya came along.
"The Dyson Vacuum cleaner is meant for floors, not your hair. Now get out before I call the police! NOW!" Maya yelled at the man who had evidently came in to cause trouble.
"It feels so good. Also don't put your finger in the socket, it doesn't feel good at all," Sirius whined.
"Out! Now!" Maya yelled.
Sirius ran out of the store, barely able to contain his laughter. That muggle girl was so stupid. Who would use a deeson vaycome cleaner for the floors when it could be used for hairstyling.
Muggles were complete idiots.
Sirius set off to go find James and tell him about his newest discovery. After all, he had an extremely fun time with the vacuum cleaner.
A/N: I hope you guys enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I could barely contain my laughter as Sirius vacuumed his hair. Anyways, when you review, feel free to give me the next muggle thing you want Sirius to try out.