CUTE REVENGE
a.k.a Always Give Your Staff a Vacation
A/N: Hello dear readers. After a long hiatus I bring you this wee tale of five days in Xemnas' law office... five days of sweet, sweet revenge. Do enjoy~
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I don't even own any stock in Disney or Square Enix :/
"I hope you don't mind, Mr. Xemnas, but I brought my dog with me to work today." Naminé smiled sweetly as she approached her boss's open office door.
"What dog?" Xemnas snapped, striding through the entryway of his office, a scowl on his face as he buttoned up his Armani suit. "How dare – "
Before Xemnas could say another word, his speech was frozen by the appearance of one delicate fluffy ear from the depths of Naminé's unusually large purse. The lovely little ear twitched, and a second one appeared. Finally, a set of pure blue eyes framed in soft white fluff appeared, blinking once, then twice.
"Now, now, Mister Xemnas, don't use that tone of voice with Maximillian III . . . he doesn't appreciate it, now does he?" Naminé's voice turned from scolding to that of a doting mother as she fully pulled Maximillian III out of her purse. She held the little cloud up, and he just stared at Mr. Xemnas, his tongue hanging daintily out of his mouth.
Mr. Xemnas just stared at Maximillian III, who was lazily flopping his white fluffy ear, looking at Mr. Xemnas as if he were expecting an answer. Mr. Xemnas opened his mouth as if to speak, but no sound emerged. He straightened his back a little, pulled on his collar stiffly, and managed a gruff "Hmph" as he brusquely sidestepped the dog, giving it a wide radius, and exited the office door. A few of Naminé's coworkers had just begun to stand when Xemnas walked back in, mumbling something about forgetting something. He eyed Maximillian III, who was wagging his tail gently, still suspended from Naminé's hands. Xemnas stiffened and clumsily rushed to gather his files and leave
Once he was finally out the door, the rest of the Xemnas Law Firm staff burst out of their chairs and rushed out towards Naminé, all talking at once.
"Did you see his reaction when your dog stuck his ear out?" Aerith, the secretary, gushed as she approached her friend.
"That's the first time I've ever seen Old Xemy's heart melt even a little," Cid, a senior attorney, cackled from his plush leather chair.
"Naminé girl, your dog is soooo cute!" Demyx, an eccentric yet brilliant law clerk, cooed, tugging on Maximillian III's ears.
"Aww, does Xem-Xem have a weakness for cute things?" Yuffie, an intern, giggled as she shook Maximillian III's paw.
"You do know what this means, don't you guys?" the last of the office staff, Axel, a junior attorney, cut in mischievously. The other five staff members looked at Axel curiously. "It's high time ol' Xemnas loosened up a bit... and time for us to have a little... fun..." Axel threw his head back and laughed madly.
Naminé's eyes narrowed. "Axel, dear... I couldn't agree more."
"I'm in. Xem hasn't given me a vacation in fourteen years and it's about time I got a little revenge," Cid chimed in, planting his feet on his desk. "Not really sure why I still work here, honestly."
Demyx and Yuffie looked at each other. "We're in!" they exclaimed simultaneously, high-fiving each other.
I heard and saw nothing," Aerith said, shaking her head disapprovingly.
Axel smirked. "Alrighty then. The game is on, co-workers."
MONDAY. 9:00 AM.
"What... is this? Aerith!" Mr. Xemnas called out from his office. "Have you been using my computer?"
"No, sir," she replied stiffly from her desk. The telephone then rang, relieving her from any further duty to speak.
"Hmmm... how... odd," Mr. Xemnas muttered, staring at his desktop background, which now featured none other than Hello Kitty, gracefully sipping a cup of hot tea. "Hmmm," he uttered again, his gaze lingering on the adorable anthropomorphic feline. He shook his head and went back to business.
He didn't change the background, though.
MONDAY. 12:00 PM.
"And this is my daughter's fifth birthday... isn't she cute? And this is her first ballet... look at that adorable tutu!" Aerith and Naminé were oohing and ahhing over pictures of Aerith's daughter. Xemnas's ears perked a bit when he heard the word "cute." He started to rise from his chair involuntarily.
"And look at this stuffed Moogle she made me!" Aerith squealed, holding up an adorable plush Moogle.
"I'm trying to concentrate!" Mr. Xemnas roared from the doorway, his eyes, however, on the Moogle. "Back to work with you!"
He huffed madly back into his office, the memory of the Moogle lingering in his mind.
MONDAY. 1:30 PM.
"Delish!" Demyx took a bite of his parfait, which was covered in strawberries and whipped cream.
Demyx, that parfait is sooo cute!" Yuffie exclaimed, "Thanks for bringing one for everyone!"
"Did you bring one for Mr. Xemnas?" Naminé asked.
"Oh, he'd never eat anything this sweet and adorable," Axel commented much too loudly, waving the parfait up in the air, in the line of sight of Xemnas's open door.
Mr. Xemnas just looked down sadly at his desk, eyes on his paperwork and unattractive slice of frozen pizza.
TUESDAY. 9:00 AM.
"Naminé. What is the meaning of this?" Mr. Xemnas demanded to know when he found Maximillian III living in his office Tuesday morning.
"I couldn't leave him at home! It's raining and Maximillian III is scared of thunder!" Naminé justified her actions as Maximillian III pranced gleefully over Mr. Xemnas's desk.
Mr. Xemnas just sighed, looking broken, and waved Naminé away.
TUESDAY. 11:30 AM.
Mr. Xemnas had to forcefully look away when Yuffie arrived late, carrying a gigantic plushie panda. She placed it on her desk proudly for all to see.
TUESDAY. 4:00 PM.
Mr. Xemnas shielded his eyes when Cid pasted a life size poster of his adorable three-year-old daughter, hugging a kitten, on the wall behind his desk.
WEDNESDAY. 9:00 AM.
Xemnas cried silently inside when he found a litter of abandoned kittens snuggling up to Maximillian III in his office. He stared at their little closed eyelids with barely-concealed compassion.
"I just couldn't leave them, Mr. Xemnas – you should have seen them, mewing sadly and just begging me to take them home. I couldn't leave them on the street, alone and hung- " Axel started saying.
Xemnas just silently waved Axel away, never once moving from his position crouched by Maximillian III's bed.
WEDNESDAY. 12:00 PM.
Mr. Xemnas averted his eyes from the large assortment of mini desserts his office staff was eating for lunch.
WEDNESDAY. 3:00 PM.
Yuffie added a Mama panda and a baby panda to her collection.
Xemnas shut his office door.
THURSDAY. 9:00 AM.
"It's bring your daughter to work day, and, I'm sorry! She begged me! I don't know how she got in here, I really don't! Please forgive us!" Aerith begged as Xemnas stared at the hearts, stars, rainbows, and unicorns that now adorned every inch of his office walls. Xemnas put a hand to his head and waved the pair away.
As Aerith and her daughter passed Axel's desk, Axel high-fived the little girl, eyeing the locked drawer where he stashed the extra stickers.
THURSDAY. 12:30 PM.
Mr. Xemnas awoke from his afternoon nap with pink bows and braids in his hair, thanks to Aerith's daughter.
THURSDAY. 5:00 PM.
Later that day, Mr. Xemnas staggered to his Maserati, only to find that someone had stuck more stickers of hearts, stars, and rainbows on it.
FRIDAY. 9:00 AM.
"What is this, a zoo?" Mr. Xemnas barely managed to splutter as he walked into the office to find five white bunnies napping happily on Cid's desk, while Maximillian III and the kittens frolicked in Mr. Xemnas's office.
Cid shrugged and simply said, "Gotta care for my bunnies. Want to try feedin' 'em?" Cid held out a carrot to Xemnas, while taking a bite out of another one.
Mr. Xemnas ran into his office and slammed the door shut.
FRIDAY. 1:30 P.M.
Demyx dressed Maximillian III in a handmade Moogle outfit he crocheted during the lunch break.
Mr. Xemnas gave in and let Maximillian lie on his lap for the next three hours.
FRIDAY. 5:00 PM.
Yuffie's offer of chocolate-dipped strawberries was the final straw.
"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE," Xemnas yelled. Maximillian III started backing. "ALL THIS CUTENESS. I CAN'T HANDLE IT."
"Aww, is your heart melting yet, Mr. Xemnas?" Axel teased from his desk.
"And has it melted enough to give me a vacay?" Cid added, flipping lazily through some court documents.
"YES! NO! YES, I CONFESS. I can't concentrate with all these cute things around because they are a DISTRACTION!" Xemnas shielded his eyes as Maximillian III brushed up against his leg while still wearing his Moogle costume.
"Mr. Xemnas... do you happen to like cute things?" Yuffie asked teasingly.
"YES! I ADMIT IT, AND I AM SURE YOU ARE PLEASED. NOW REMOVE EVERYTHING AT ONCE," Mr. Xemnas howled, unable to resist pulling Maximillian III up when he whined.
"On one condition, boss," Axel said, smirking. "Vacation."
"YOU. I knew you were behind this wretched torture," Xemnas hissed, eyes narrowed.
"Vacation. Paid. Two weeks. Or the cute things stay," Axel demanded, banging his fist on the table.
"Don't make me set these bunnies on you, Mr. Xemnas," Cid threatened menacingly.
"Fine!" Xemnas snapped, "Two weeks! NOW GET THESE CUTE THINGS OUT OF MY SIGHT!"
"It would be my pleasure," Axel commented, standing up. "Chocolate! Vanilla! Hazelnut! Mocha! Java! Come here little kitties!" Axel called into Mr. Xemnas' office, clapping his hands.
"Ahem," Mr. Xemnas cleared his throat and shifted his eyes. "The cats can stay. Since they are homeless, after all."
"Oh yes, of course," Axel agreed readily.
"BUT EVERYTHING ELSE MUST GO," Xemnas attempted to salvage what was left of his manliness.
Two weeks later, the staff of the Xemnas Law Firm were lounging on a beach in Hawaii, sipping Pina Colada 'till the sun went down.
Xemnas, however, was secretly out swimming with the adorable dolphins.
THE END!