Warnings: This is a HPDM Slash fic…if you don't like, don't read. Uh, there is sex later on (but not like, porn quality…I think it's fairly tame…), they swear a bit, and there is a rape scene. I don't want to offend anyone so don't read it if it is going to upset you. Really. If you're gonna read it, read on and enjoy
CHAPTER ONE
Disclaimer: Neither the characters or locations are mine; they belong to J. K. Rowling and various affiliated companies. No plagiarism or copyright infringement is intended. All characters will be returned safe and sound with smiles on their faces and food in their bellies. :D
A/N: Give me a handful of candy-canes (God bless after Chrissy sales) and watch me go! This started as a completely different fic, which I got bored with and scrapped after eating perhaps one too many candy canes (although if you ask me 12 is NOT too many). Oh, I may not be entirely accurate with events, etc. that happened, but please forgive me, I haven't read the books in years (in fact, I do believe I only got up to the one where Sirius dies…I forgot the name of it). Honestly, I prefer the movies (wow, I NEVER prefer movies, don't shoot!). Please R&R! Oh yeah, song lyrics are from "Duality" by Slipknot… (I heart Slipknot!) And I apologize in advance for reference to lyrics from Lady Gaga's "Poker Face"…I despise that song, but it's been #1 in the charts over here for weeks and weeks and weeks and it is stuck in my damn head constantly…grrr…
Harry sat in the Great Hall, a silent pocket in its otherwise overwhelming noise level. He pushed the food on his plate around mournfully before dropping the fork with a slight clatter that cracked his silence. All the sounds came rushing in, crushing him. It was the first day back and normally he would be overjoyed, but he wasn't. He just wanted to return to Grimmauld Place. He felt safe there, even without Sirius … oh God … Tears filled his eyes at the slightest thought of his godfather. It was like rubbing salt into a wound.
'Harry?' Hermione whispered.
Harry shook his head, murmuring for her to leave him alone and then fleeing the room. The eyes of the Gryffindors weren't the only ones following him; a solitary pair of steely eyes also followed his progress before snapping back to his friends. Seated beneath the green and silver banners he felt like a traitor. He couldn't explain it, but his eyes kept drifting toward the red and gold…a strange longing rising in him. It was sacrilegious; he was a Slytherin, a Malfoy, he shouldn't feel this way. He couldn't… He disgusted himself. He was a failure in every possible sense of the word.
'Stop drooling, Draco, it's unbecoming of one of your social standing.' Blaise whispered in his ear, a grin on his face.
'I-I'm not… I wasn't…' Draco mumbled with ineloquence unfamiliar to him.
'Relax, although I must say, you couldn't possibly have chosen a worse person for your next sexual conquest if you'd set out to do so on purpose.'
Draco raised a pale eyebrow.
'What do you mean, Zabini?' he snarled.
Pansy touched his cheek tenderly.
'Poor dear, you haven't even realized it yourself.'
Draco slapped her hand away, murmuring for her to leave him alone and then stalking from the room. He didn't understand what he was feeling, why his eyes, usually so cold, were now misted over with tears. He roughly wiped the back of his hand across his eyes, clearing them. He took several deep breaths, trying to clear the tightness in his chest that precluded tears. He stalked the corridors, angry at himself. What was he doing? He heard sobbing from an alcove and stepped closer, astonished at the sight of brilliant green eyes staring back at him, veiled with sorrow.
'Malfoy…what are you staring at?' Harry whispered, with none of the usual vehemence.
Draco, puzzled, simply stared, breathless, his heart pounding. His brain couldn't function, his mouth couldn't form words. Harry was staring back, his eyes dull. He was weary, too weary to fight, even with the bane of his existence. A flash of blinding pain and green light overcame him and he fell, grasping the nearest thing for support; unfortunately that happened to be Draco. The sudden contact seemed to snap Draco out of whatever…trance…he'd been in and he stared contemptuously at the hand on his shoulder. He stepped backward, the hand dropped, and he watched Harry wobble, trying to maintain his balance. As Harry began to fall to the floor, Draco swiftly steadied him with an arm around his waist.
'Merlin, Potter.' Draco muttered, supporting the boy's entire weight which, admittedly, wasn't substantial.
He felt the boy shudder and twitch as he held him up. Harry was mortified that he was reliant on Draco to remain upright, but the pain, the light, it overwhelmed him. When he finally had the sensations under control and he had stopped trembling he extricated himself from Draco's grasp and, mumbling a thanks to the boy, returned to the Great Hall, flushing pink. Draco trailed slowly behind, arriving as Vincent, Jonas was sorted into Ravenclaw. He sat at his place at the table, suddenly so very weary. He chanced a glance over at the Gryffindor table, seeing Harry, still slightly wobbly, his head buried in his hands. He smirked a little, finally realizing what Blaise and Pansy had been getting at. What the hell have you gotten yourself into? He asked himself, disturbed by the warmth rising in his groin at the vision of emerald eyes.
--
Silence throbbed in Draco's brain louder than anything he'd ever known. Left alone his thoughts rambled, disgust and desire mingling over emerald eyes. Everything was fucking green…in these surroundings he would never forget Potter. Goddamn Potter, he thought, running his hands through his immaculate hair, messing it up. He hated not feeling in control, it reminded him of- NO! He admonished himself, shaking his head to clear those thoughts. He pushed his thumbs into his eyes, hoping to ease the ache in his head, lyrics of a half-remembered muggle song running through his thoughts.
I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside
If the pain goes on I'm not gonna make it
He screamed and began throwing things around the room, filling his ears with the rewarding sound of things shattering and breaking, thinking he'd finally lost his fucking mind. He stalked from the common room, through the corridors and into the cool night air that embraced him tenderly. He was shocked to discover tears rapidly drying on his cheeks in the wind. He hadn't realized he'd been crying…another indication he had lost control. He swore under his breath and kicked the dirt. He sensed a presence behind him and whirled around, wand at the ready. He swore again when he realized it was only Potter and tried to calm his pounding heart.
'Potter, shit, make some fucking noise when you come up behind someone.' Draco snapped, putting his wand away.
He waited for the customary smarmy response but all he received was a "sorry" in a hoarse voice. Draco frowned, confused. He tried again to incense his opponent.
'Fucking hell Potter…what are you staring at?'
'Hmmm…?' was Harry's vacant response.
Draco had an overwhelming desire to take him in his arms, and then was disgusted by the thought. He didn't go for this soppy lovey-dovey stuff, hugs and what-not. Love wasn't fun if it wasn't rough. The next thing he knew he had Potter pushed against the wall, their mouths pressed violently together. He looked into a pair of extremely surprised green eyes and stalked off, licking his lips, looking for the lost time. What the fuck had he done?
--
Harry eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep at around 5am, plagued with thoughts of Draco, but awoke soon after, a scream dying in his throat. He sighed, knowing further attempts at sleep were futile. He laid still, thoughts of steely eyes and soft lips running through his head, filling him with confusion.