Okay, all you Bill Cosby fans. If ya'll found this, you must remember his bit Chocolate Cake For Breakfast. Well, ya'll sure won't be disappointed! Enjoy, and please remember to review!
Disclaimer: The people you recognize aren't mine. And of course, Chocolate Cake For Breakfast is not mine. I just borrowed the lines from the skit. Thank you, Bill Cosby!
I'd like to dedicate this story to InfinityStar, Sarah, my dad, who used to play a tape of Bill Cosby everytime we went somewhere when I was growing up, and the girl who inspired this, skykissedwindknight! Thanks, everyone!
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The alarm clock went off at six a.m., as it did every morning, and House groaned when his wife poked him in his side. "I want you to go downstairs and cook breakfast for the children."
"Allison, it's six o'clock in the morning," he groaned, and she poked him again.
"Exactly. Now go downstairs and cook breakfast for your children. They have to go to school," she stated, pushing him closer to the edge of their bed.
"No."
"Greg, you need to get up and make the kids breakfast," she mumbled, pushing at him with her hand. He groaned again and buried his face in his pillow. "Now."
"But it's six in the morning!" he whined, and she smacked his head.
"Greg, get out of this bed, and go downstairs and cook breakfast for your children!" she demanded.
"But I don't know what they like to eat!"
She said, "It's downstairs. Now you get out of the bed!"
He finally rolled out of the bed with a groan, popping a Vicodin before he rose to his feet.
He didn't even bother putting on his robe before he stumbled down the stairs and into the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, dressed in his pajamas, he began slamming things around as he muttered to himself angrily.
"Got to get this… fix breakfast in the… six o'clock in the morning…" And he slammed the pans down on the stove. Then he went to the refrigerator and mumbled, "Grab the damn bacon and the sausage! Cooking breakfast at six o'clock in the damn morning!" Then he grabbed the- Have to be careful with the eggs.
"Got to cook breakfast!"
The first one down the stairs was their four year old daughter. She walked into the kitchen with a bright smile and her hair done in two braids, with her little face washed.
"Good morning, Daddy," she chirped as she climbed into her booster seat at the table.
House turned and looked at his youngest child. "What do you want for breakfast?" he demanded. One reason he did not cook breakfast, other than it forced him to wake up before his normal time, was that he had no idea of what to feed them. And little did he realize, the four year old had the ability to see through him and find the wrong thing. And the child saw through his body, and saw what was behind him. The chocolate cake.
"Can I have chocolate cake?" she asked with a smile.
"Chocolate cake? Chocolate cake where?" House demanded, one eyebrow arched.
The four year old rolled her eyes and sighed in exasperation. "The chocolate cake behind you," she stated in her you're a compete idiot voice that she had inherited from her mother.
Chocolate cake? And he turned around and looked, and there was chocolate cake! The child wanted chocolate cake for breakfast. How ridiculous! And he said- and someone in his brain looked under the ingredients. Eggs! Eggs are in chocolate cake! And milk. Oh goody! And wheat! That's nutrition! "What do you want?"
"Can I have the chocolate cake?"
"Chocolate cake, coming up!" he announced loudly, making Missy giggle. He grabbed one of her little plates and forks, then cut a small piece of the chocolate cake and laid it on the plate.
He set the plate down in front of her with a flourish, and she smiled and dug into the cake.
Looking around the kitchen, he realized that she needed something to go with the chocolate cake. Something breakfast. Grapefruit juice! So he poured her a sippy cup full of grapefruit juice, then handed it to her. Nutrition. Eggs, milk and wheat in the chocolate cake. And he didn't have to cook.
Not twenty minutes later, the three oldest children appeared and walked down the stairs, looking for all the world like zombies. He could hear them grumbling, but the only words he could make out were "school", "food", and "sleep."
The first one to round the corner was the oldest, Mia, who was sixteen years old. Dressed in blue jeans and a black AC/DC t-shirt, she groaned and rubbed at her eyes.
A few seconds later, Jamie, who was fifteen, appeared, followed by the only boy, Matthew Gregory, who was fourteen.
As soon as the three of them saw the four year old eating chocolate cake, they stared at her, and they said, "Dad, where did she get the chocolate cake from?" Then they turned to Missy and said, "Where did you get the chocolate cake?"
Missy smiled at him and wiped the goo off of her mouth, sticking her messy fingers into her mouth. "Daddy gave me chocolate cake," she said proudly, and three sets of eyes focused on House.
House looked at his three eldest children as their eyes became very large, and they each pushed out their lower lips, pouting. Then Jamie asked, "Daddy… could we have chocolate cake?"
He looked from them to Missy, and he said, "Chocolate cake, coming up!" The three teens grinned and sat down at the table while House sliced four slices of cake and passed them around to the kids, leaving one for himself. Then he poured three glasses of grapefruit juice and passed them to his children.
And they all sat eating their chocolate cake and drinking their grapefruit juice. Matt began singing and drumming his hands on the table. "Dad is great!" He took another bite of the cake and grinned. "Gave us the chocolate cake!"
House smirked at his little musical prodigy, and they all continued eating their chocolate cake and having a ball as they did so. Everything was great… until…
She came down the stairs, still half asleep and rubbing at her bloodshot eyes. And when she saw what the children were eating… The look on her face sent a cold chill down his spine. He had always heard of people having a conniption, but he had never actually seen one. He didn't want to see it.
His wife's face split- the skin and hair split and came off of her face so that there was nothing except a skull. An orange light came out of her hair and it lit all around. And fire shot from her eye sockets and began to burn his stomach.
And she said, "Where did they get chocolate cake from?"
He took a step backwards and held his hands up in surrender. "They asked for it!" he said, sweeping his arm in a motion toward the four House children.
And then the children, who had been singing praises to him, lied on him! And they said, "Nuh uh, we asked for eggs and milk, and dad made us eat this!"
And his wife sent him to his room! Which is where he wanted to go in the first place…
The End!
A/N: Okay, what'd ya'll think? I hope everyone enjoyed this, and if you did, be on the lookout for my next story, Unfaithful. Thanks again for reading, and I'll see ya'll again soon!