Disclaimer: I do not own Glee, but I did borrow lines from 1x15 and 4x13 as well as lines from Madonna's "Hung Up".
A/N: This is essentially what I wanted to see happen on Glee in "Diva", or Tina really finding herself. I had to write it, otherwise I would really dislike what Tina's character has become, and I don't want to but I can't ignore it anymore (a constant struggle, as I do love Jenna Ushkowitz, and I think she really rocked "Hung Up"). Hints of Klaine and Tartie, my OTP's.
Admitting to herself out loud that she was starting to fall in love with Blaine had scared Tina Cohen-Chang more than anything. When the idea had been swimming around in her head, it hadn't seemed as horrific, but it had oddly seemed so much more concrete as words falling from her lips. She stared at her teary reflection in the mirror back in her bedroom, appalled. How had it come to this? She had known she was lonely this year without Mike by her side, and she had latched onto Blaine, who had understood her loneliness. But she had conveniently managed to forget that he understood because he felt it too, because they both had forgotten how to stand on their own two feet.
If Mercedes was here, she would've slapped me by now, Tina thought ruefully. Hadn't she been the one who had tried to stage an intervention with Rachel when Mercedes had had a crush on Kurt? And that was before Mercedes had known Kurt was gay. In fact, Tina realized guiltily that her friend was far nobler than she was, because Mercedes had tried not to label Kurt the way other people did. She had simply seen him as a guy who shared her interests, who seemed to enjoy spending time with her.
On the other hand, what had she done? Tried to question whether Blaine was really gay?
She felt sick at the thought of it. How had she let this happen?
It was not going to happen anymore, Tina decided firmly. From the research she had done this week on divas, she had concluded that they were fierce and controlled their own fates. They didn't let anything happen to them: they grabbed life by the horns and made it go their way.
It was time she was a true diva and squashed these self-destructive feelings for Blaine before it got out of hand. It had been a fairly harmless crush, but falling in love with him?
She refused to let it happen to her, the way she had let so many other things happen to her. She was fed up. Done. She would channel her inner diva and use it to pull off the assignment, too.
Tina wiped away her tears harshly and reached for her laptop.
She needed the perfect song, and she needed it now.
Tina tried to feel the righteous anger that she had felt the previous night as she tore down the picture of Blaine and herself in her locker. Was she really going through with this? Was she brave enough to do the right thing? It was just so easy to indulge in her crush; it was comforting to bask in daydreams of the early stages of romance, before love fizzled and became hard and confusing the way it had with Mike. She wanted that honeymoon phase again of sighing over someone's perfection, of feeling on cloud nine with a kind word or compliment from him, and Blaine was the consummate gentleman and gorgeous to boot—he was the perfect crush candidate.
The framed photograph of Kurt and Blaine on Blaine's bedside table flashed before her eyes, and it cemented her wavering resolve. She was going to get over this, because as much as she wanted to delude herself, she knew it was never going to happen. Even if Blaine had been into girls too, it was clear that he was still very much in love with Kurt. She had never wanted to be this desperate person, and she was done with being hung up on a what-if that was ridiculous to entertain.
It gave her the courage she needed to start the music, flouncing down the hallway and motioning for Kitty, Unique and Brittany to follow her.
It was as much for Blaine as it was for herself.
"Time goes by, so slowly
Time goes by, so slowly
Time goes by, so slowly
Time goes by, so slowly"
She burst into the courtyard, knowing it was lunch and it would be full of on-lookers. Good. She needed people to witness this, so she could think back to this moment and remind herself if she fell down the slippery slope of her folly again. For a second, she marveled at herself, her daring, how far she had come from that stuttering mess she had been before Glee, desperate to hide herself.
How had she gone from that to scrabbling to make people to notice her?
Her old insecurities floated back to the surface at the thought, and she swallowed, her confident stride faltering just a half-step. Scanning the courtyard, her eyes fell on Artie, sitting by one of the tables, and she smiled without thinking. He had been the first guy to encourage her out of her comfort zone, and she did still hold a soft spot in her heart for it, despite their bitter break-up. She remembered vividly the rush of empowerment she had felt after giving him that speech in the hallway during Madonna week, and her grin widened.
She was going to get that self back.
Mustering up her best sexy smile and swaying her hips suggestively, she sauntered over to Artie's table, depositing the boom box in Blaine's lap along the way. Artie's head had snapped up at the sound of loud music near him, and Tina noted smugly that he was staring at her. Taking care not to look at Blaine, she opened her mouth to sing, not missing the confusion in everyone's eyes at her outfit and her song.
If everyone expected mousy Cohen-Chang to fail at grabbing attention, well, she would prove them wrong. Dramatically.
Deciding to up her performance, she walked over to Artie, dropping a light hand on his shoulder and hooking her leg on the back of his wheelchair and stretching gracefully over it, leaning close to him and making sure to emphasize the stiletto heels she was wearing by running her hand down her outstretched leg. She certainly didn't miss how his jaw dropped, shock written over his face as he leaned slightly towards her.
Was that a glimpse of recognition in his eyes?
"I am a powerful woman, and my growing feminism will cut you in half like a righteous blade of equality!"
She smirked as she lowered her leg and tossed Artie one last smoldering look over her shoulder before she strutted up to the stone stairs, whirling around to continue her song.
"Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up, I don't know what to do"
As she dropped to the ground to raise her leg above her head in one fluid motion and then straightened to tousle her hair, she saw a flash of unadulterated male admiration across Artie's face, and she was only slightly surprised at the intense satisfaction she felt at the sight. Jumping up between the steel banisters on the steps, she closed her eyes as she crouched and arched back up. It felt so good to unleash her feminine side, to let go of all her inhibitions. To be wanted.
By the time she finished the song with a hand on her hip, everyone was cat-calling and applauding madly. Some people were slack-jawed, gaping.
It was perfect.
Just the way she'd envisioned, for once.
She opted to spend the rest of the day in her outfit from the end of the number, letting the leather jacket keep her enclosed in a sense of invincible pride. She felt more herself than she had been in a long time, as if she had finally found herself after a long haze.
The admiring looks she got from all the boys in the hallways didn't hurt, either.
She closed her locker door with a small sigh of contentment, double-checking that she had what she needed for the last class of the day.
"Awesome number today," came a smooth, familiar voice behind her, and she turned to see Artie grinning up at her. Her breath snagged: the power of that trademark Abrams grin still hadn't faded.
"Thanks, I thought I should make a good example as a senior for the other girls in Glee since Brittany didn't seem to be putting together a number," she replied airily, pretending to toss her hair back arrogantly. He laughed good-naturedly, and the way his eyes followed her carefully curled hair made her heart skip a beat.
"It was really good. You finally got that Madonna number you wanted ever since Rachel stole your choreography," he said, wrinkling up his nose. She was taken aback by his words.
"But that was the week we were…fighting. I thought you weren't listening to me ramble about 'Express Yourself', you weren't really that interested," she pointed out, confused.
"I was being an ass, but that doesn't mean I wasn't listening to you," Artie said defensively, and hesitated.
"Plus, I spent a lot of time during the end of that week thinking over everything I'd said and how I'd acted with you," he said quietly into his lap, adjusting his glasses. She didn't understand why, but her throat suddenly felt tight at his admission.
It had been such a long time since she had thought about that week. Surely she shouldn't care that his apology in the choir room (as cute as it had been) hadn't been made lightly. She had suspected it back then, but having it confirmed was something else.
It reminded her with a force how Artie was all heart under the laid-back bluster.
He cleared his throat, dispelling the meaningful silence.
"So, Mr. Shue's wedding is next week," he noted suddenly, and Tina nodded, hoisting her bag up further on her shoulder and wondering where he was going with this.
"Yeah, I can't believe it's actually happening. It's so cute, remember going to the showcase at Carmel? It was so obvious even then that Ms. Pillsbury liked him," she said with a smile, recalling that disastrous trip that had ended up crushing their initial dreams.
"I guess it was," Artie agreed, and shifted in his wheelchair.
"I actually wanted to talk to you about the wedding…if you're going with someone. I was, um, wondering if you'd like to go with me, you know, if you're not…if you don't already have someone in mind."
His voice sounded nervously hopeful, the same way he had sounded when he had first asked her out.
She gaped at him in surprise, and he flushed, his cheeks turning pink.
She hadn't imagined he still thought of her that way.
Did she…?
She hadn't thought so, but judging from how her heart jolted at the idea of going with him as his date, maybe she did. She was…pleased. Looking forward to it, even.
It couldn't hurt to take a date to the wedding, especially since she would probably feel overly sentimental at one and might be at risk of losing her newfound attitude towards her stupid crush on Blaine.
And it was Artie who had asked. He had made her feel special once, and evidently she still felt drawn to him. There was undeniably some unresolved chemistry between them, for all her resolve not to look back at exes. Maybe it was fate, giving her the chance to redeem herself for the terrible way she had dumped him. She might have been hurt, but it had been no excuse for her behavior. He hadn't deserved that.
Maybe she had been looking at the wrong person all along.
"I'd like that," she blurted out, and the look of panic that had started to creep into his eyes vanished instantly.
"Great! Um—"
The bell rang, and Tina blinked in surprise as students darted around them into various classrooms.
"I have to get to class, but I'll see you later?" Her voice rose questioningly at the end of her rushed sentence, and he smiled warmly at her.
"See you later," he echoed, and she turned to head into the math classroom, hugging her books to her chest and feeling strangely giddy.
The best things, she decided, were the completely unexpected.
"Hey, Tay Tay!" Blaine called out energetically to her from the end of the hallway, and Tina took a breath to steady herself as she walked over to him.
"The chicken soup you made for me was magic. I feel great today," Blaine said brightly.
"No problem, I'm glad I could help," she replied honestly, noting he did look more like his usual self.
They began walking down the hallway on their way out to the parking lot to their cars as Blaine started talking about his day.
"So I was thinking, you're the most important person to me in school right now, and I haven't felt this close to anyone in a long time…so I have a proposition for you. Will you be my date to Mr. Shue's wedding next week?"
And there it was. Words that she would have killed to hear from him a day ago. But somehow, hearing them now only intensified her guilt. She didn't feel the overwhelming rush of adoration she had come to associate with him, though his mini speech had been heart-wrenchingly cute. But even the way he had phrased it was a dead giveaway, one that the old Tina would have ignored in favor of the Blaine she had created in her head.
She could read between the lines now.
She exhaled in relief.
"Sorry, it would be fun, but I can't. I'm going with Artie," Tina tried to say casually, failing when she stumbled a little over his name.
Blaine turned to her, his eyes twinkling mischievously.
"Alright! Well, when did this happen?" he asked, tilting his head to the side, and she filled him in quickly, though something made her opt not to tell him about the comment on Madonna week. It felt like a private moment, somehow.
"So do you like him?" Blaine pressed curiously, narrowing his eyes inquisitively at her and smiling triumphantly when she didn't answer.
"Why, Miss Cohen-Chang, I do declare you're blushing," he drawled, and Tina slapped him lightly on the arm.
"That ship sailed a long time ago," she said, ducking her head, and he shook his head disbelievingly.
"That's what you think. Your first love is forever," he said teasingly. His face gave nothing away, but she thought she detected a hint of sadness in his voice.
"Fine, fine. Say what you want. Did I tell you about the time he convinced me to dance as he sang 'U Can't Touch This' in the library?" Tina asked hastily to change the topic, and he scoffed incredulously.
"I'm not making it up, I swear!" she said, laughing.
As she proceeded to tell him the story, she mused how much better, how relaxing, it was to just be in his presence without worrying whether he would ever like her. Besides, if there was one thing she had taken from Diva Week, it was that a diva didn't need a boyfriend, much less a guy, to define her.
It felt good to be brutally honest with herself.
Still…
She hid a grin, remembering the way Artie's face had lit up, happiness crinkling up the corners of his expressive baby-blue eyes when she had said yes.
Maybe things were finally falling into place for her after all.