Living Proof

Hi

I'm publishing this story independently because this is "the" Living Proof, maybe more than any others. I started thinking about it a

very long time ago but found the inspiration and the time to finish it only recently.

It's taking place during "Bombshells". I used some of the lines of the episode but the rest is mine.

I saw the episode only one time, my memories aren't clear. (And obviouly, I didn't watch it again ... and probably won't ).

I used some of the lines of Springsteen's song "Living Proof" as well. I identified them with an *

This is my contribution to the episode. I hope you like what I imagined and wrote.

It'll be published in three chapters. Here's the first one.

I do not own the serie or the characters.

Ju.

Chapter I.

He forgot how small she was because she was always so strong, bigger than life.

"Go see her, House. She needs you"

Wilson's advices reached his ears. It made him shiver.

"I can't … stay with her while she might be dying" he replied in a low voice.

"That's what you told me"

"You're not her", he thought but did not say. Both men stood there for a long time, until Julia looked up. That's when he knew it was time to leave.

…

He couldn't even begin to think about a life without her in it - except that it kept invading his mind and those thoughts paralyzed him. He was able to sense the emptiness, the unbearable solitude it would bring and the pain that came with it. However, he was far from being able to imagine the immensity of such despair or the irrevocable absence of a cherish late one. It was too big a thing to imagine, till it cruelly crashed upon you. House swallowed a gulp of bourbon and set his glass on the coffee table. It was the middle of the afternoon, he shouldn't be drinking.

His medical mind was useless - there wasn't any puzzle to solve anymore. The bitterness of the alcohol burnt his throat, down to his stomach, but he knew it wasn't the reason why he had tears in his eyes. He wanted to throw things against the wall and forgot the amber bottle that happened to be there. Its white contents scattered in front of him. He clenched his jaw so much it almost gave him a headache.

He didn't know why, suddenly, it was Hannah's terrified eyes that came dancing in front of him. It threw him into a cold panic and repulsed his next moves. He felt like a man on the edge of abysses. The facility with which he could remember both the taste of it against his tongue and the effects on his body and mind scared him. His blue eyes were fixed on the Vicodin. The past was never that far behind, ready to jump out the shadows, grab oneself by the throat and throw him in the dust, till it destroyed the fragile equilibrium of the present times.

He was about to fuck up and it would only take one single pill.

Even the simple thought of Vicodin smelled like defeat and betrayal. A taste of salt invaded his mouth when his tongue ran across his lips. House snorted and sharply wiped away the tears. He could remember the last time he'd cried. Today, in the loneliness of his apartment, his tears weren't just a solitary one.

The vibrations of his cell-phone on the table made him jump out of his own skin. He picked up without looking.

"Howse?"

His heart went dead in his chest. This wasn't the hospital or Wilson or his team. Someone was calling from home. He could not forget that special way she had of pronouncing his name.

"Howse?"

He closed his eyes, ran a hand on his face.

"Hey, kid"

He cleared his throat.

"Mummy is with you?"

Was there something more painful than the distressed voice of a child, he wondered.

"Listen, I …" House lowered his head and repressed the puissant urge to just hang up "She is not, Rachel."

"Where is she? I want to see her"

"It's better if you don't see her right now. She is…"

"She doesn't want to see us?" the girl asked, her voice started to break because of the tears that must have appeared in her eyes too.

"No, she does, kid. She does, I promise. She's tired, that's all"

His words were hurried, hushed and he had no idea if he was making sense.

"Aunt Ju'a sai' that too"

"Your mum loves you, Rachel, very much"

"I wanna see her, I want her home."

And so do I, he thought, fighting back his own distress.

"Please, Howse"

As hard as it might be to face the girl and even more the questions she must have, House refused to abandon her when she needed him the most. Errors and horrors from the past would not be repeated. He might be feeling lonely, but he was far from being alone.

"I can stay with you?"

"I'll be there shortly, okay? Just, don't say anything to your aunt till then"

"Like a secret?"

"Yeah, like a secret."

"'Kay! Imma waiting!"

Somewhere nearby, there was a child asking for him and that wasn't a wish he could ignore.

…

The sounds of machines were constant. As a doctor, she should be used to hear them but being the one connected to the devices was more scaring. The silence was oppressive, there was too much room for her nervous thoughts. Julia was supposed to come back in the afternoon, but it'd be a lie to say it wasn't the visit she was expecting. Most of her thoughts were directed toward her young daughter and the man who shared their life. Cuddy missed them deeply, but her feelings were confused when it came to House. Anger, sadness and fear battled against her love for him.

She's seen his silhouette behind the curtains. As far as she knew him – and she knew him deeply, Cuddy understood his fear and demons. They were both scared but she was the one in need this time. When he was broken, that night, she came. I came, she thought. In the silence of the room, Cuddy prayed he'd come.

She must have fallen asleep, because when her eyes opened, she saw Wilson standing by her side. He was checking the medicine and smiled to her.

"How are you feeling?"

"Tired" Cuddy managed a small smile and followed his moves when he took the chair beside the bed. Then she asked the sole question she knew the answer wouldn't please her "where is he, James?"

"With Rachel"

Wilson smiled and had a little shrug, witnessing the surprise on his friend's face. He couldn't blame her. He's been the first one surprised.

"I thought Julia …"

"I know. But she insisted. And you know how hard it is to resist a Cuddy" Wilson replied, smiling "and he knows that better than anyone else. She wanted to be with Howse if she couldn't be with you. They're spending the night at his apartment."

"And he asked you to babysit me"

"He is good with her, Lisa"

"I know. It's just that … I wish he were here too"

Outside, the sky was dark. The night has fallen upon Princeton.

Thanks. Chapter two, soon.