Heat in Chicago
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these characters. I'm just not that cool.
Carol woke suddenly with a start. Her thick black curls had cascaded down over her pale face while she lay in a tangled heap of sheets. The Chicago heat wave had been bad enough, but recently, the dreams had Carol waking up at all hours of the night, drenched in a cold sweat. It all seemed so real, Carol had thought. Each time, she saw him; she felt that all-too-familiar burning within her heart. Each time, she would see him in the blurry distance, and each time she would walk closer and closer until they were inches apart. And each time he would slowly and tenderly touch her cheek with his warm hand. And she would feel whole again. And then, as quickly as he appeared, he was gone…and Carol woke up.
Carol hated having these dreams. She couldn't stop thinking about him, or the day he left. She gazed down at her immense pregnant belly and rubbed it longingly, as if it were a magic lamp, granting her true love. All that the belly gave her, though, was a memory of what used to be, of when Doug was still here.
With an extreme effort, Carol rolled out of bed, disentangling her swelled legs from the mess of beige sheets. Supporting her back with her hands, she wobbled, slowly and anxiously, towards the bathrooms to prepare herself for her last week at County General. Her due date was in less than two weeks. At this point, Carol couldn't wait to have this baby, just so that she could work on returning to a normal size and every moment wouldn't feel so damn uncomfortable. Her anxieties weren't exactly the baby itself; she was excited to be a mother and to raise a child. She just wasn't prepared to do it alone. With every pound she gained with the baby, she felt more and more heavily the burden of doing this without Doug by her side.
Carol contemplated her situation, like she did everyday. She asked herself why she didn't go to Seattle with Doug. He couldn't stay at County, or even in Chicago. She knew that he was restless and that he needed to find a new life somewhere else. He had asked her to come, begged her. He told her how much he loved her and couldn't live without her, and she believed him because she couldn't live without him, either. But she couldn't just leave County. She walked into work every day and loved her job, her co-workers, her patients. They were the reason why she was still alive, and she was grateful to that. For months, though, Carol was physically in Chicago and emotionally in Seattle. It was a strange feeling to have your body live and work somewhere when your heart and soul were somewhere else.
Carol considered leaving for Seattle a few times, but never really went through with it. Part of her still doubted that they would live happily ever after. By now, his life was completely new. Why would she want to play the part of the pregnant girlfriend, coming to haunt him about a past that he had tried so hard to forget? No. She would not go to him. She would not be his baggage. She just wished that she knew how to deal with this baby, so close to birth.
As much as Mark and Haleh and Carter had been there for her, it wasn't the same. And everyone knew it. Everyone knew that Carol wasn't happy, and though the baby excited her, the anxieties and longings for Doug overpowered it, and she rarely found herself smiling anymore. Her entire being was a contradiction, and Carol felt powerless to find solace.