Dinner at the Fire Nation Royal Family Table
A/N: A completely random fic that happens during dinner on the Day of Black Sun. It's an attempt at humor. Sorry if I suck! I'm trying to brush up on my writing. Avatar: The Last Airbender belongs to Mike & Bryan.
"Prince Zuko!" Firelord Ozai exclaimed happily. "It's good to see you back, son!"
Zuko was not used to such happiness pouring out of his father, so he just said, "Er, yeah."
"How was your vacation, son?" Ozai asked. "Azula tells me you had quite the time in Ba Sing Se."
"Er, vacation?" Zuko managed to crack out. He whispered to Azula who was sitting next to him. "What the hell?"
Azula just smirked even wider. Zuko was beginning to think that it was a permanent look plastered on her face just to annoy the world and let them know she wouldn't hesitate to stab them at any moment.
"Dad's been acting strange all day," she shrugged, smirk still plastered on her face. Zuko felt like ripping her mouth off. "It's not bothering me."
"Rough, to say the least," Zuko told his father dryly.
"Rough?" Ozai asked in concern. He frowned. "Well, we'll just have to fix that and get you in a better mood!" He rubbed his hands together. "Roast duck!" Servants came out and set food on the table.
"Isn't this just your favorite?" Ozai asked.
"I am so lost," Zuko stated.
Ozai paid no attention to him. "I have some surprises! We have some guests joining us for dinner."
From the dark corner, Iroh was led by a prison guard through the fire. Ozai got up and hugged him.
"I have roast duck and plenty more food for everyone! I know it's your favorite, brother," Ozai said. Iroh would have attacked, but he was in utter confusion as well. The food also smelled really good, so he just took a seat across Zuko.
"What's wrong with him?" Iroh asked his nephew.
"I have no idea," Zuko said.
"He's been hitting the cactus juice," Azula said. "I love when he hits the cactus juice. He acts like a happy idiot."
Iroh raised his eyebrows. "I just want to put it out there that I want to stab each of you with a small blade."
"Uncle, I already told you Azula tricked me into joining her!" Zuko yelled. "She promised me she'd teach me how to lightning bend."
"I already tried. You just suck." Iroh said simply.
"Iroh, make us some of your wonderful tea!" Ozai said, completely oblivious to the conversation that was happening at hand.
The fire that surrounded them rose even higher. Why they were eating surrounded by fire was unknown to Zuko, but it was really irritating. He had fire nation pride and all but it was really hot. He didn't know how Firelords just sat in front of fires all day.
"Hey, dad, what the hell do you do all day sitting in front of a fire?" Zuko asked.
"I drink tea!" he smiled.
Oh my God, that's even hotter, Zuko thought. "Have you ever considered, you know, doing something other than drinking tea in front of a roaring fire? Or maybe, switching to iced tea or something?"
Ozai's eyebrows rose in confusion. "Iced tea? That sounds absurd."
Another figure came walking through the fire.
"MOM!" Zuko and Azula yelled at the same time.
"Hello, kids," Ursa smiled. "Good to see you again."
"I sent a hawk to your mother to come join us today. I don't think one dinner will get us into too much trouble, will it?" Ozai said.
"You mean this whole time we could've just sent her a hawk!" Zuko said.
"Really, Zuko, it didn't take a genius to figure that one out," Ursa replied.
"But I've been trying to send you hawks for the last six years," Azula confessed.
Ursa shrugged, "Yeah, I was ignoring you."
Azula began crying. Zuko laughed uncontrollably because that stupid smirk was finally off her face. Iroh was busy devouring all of the roast duck.
"Hey, none of us have even touched that yet!" Zuko said. Iroh gave him the finger and continued eating.
"So, Azula, any boyfriends?" Ozai asked, taking a sip of tea.
"Pffft," Zuko said, "Azula can't get a guy."
Azula was still crying, "That's not true! Plenty of guys have liked me!"
"Like who?" Ursa said raising an eyebrow.
"Well…Chan… and Ty Lee… I'm certain that Sokka character thinks I'm pretty…." Azula said uncertainly.
"Ty Lee is a girl," Zuko said simply.
"I'm not a lesbian!" Azula screamed. Her family looked at her. She looked away, knowing she completely overreacted and practically gave herself away.
A figure came running through the fire. "Sir! We're under attack!"
"Can't you see we're having dinner right now?" Ozai asked, annoyed.
"Sir, it's Day of Black Sun. We're going down."
"Get out of here, if you know what's good for you!" Ozai yelled, getting back into his normal demeanor. He immediately became happy again. "Now, back to dinner."
"Dad, that avatar's going to be in here any minute." Zuko said. "We're going to be powerless."
Ozai waved his hand carelessly. "No matter. I've sent some pirates to take care of that."
"Pirates?" Zuko said. "Those pirates tried to kill me!"
"Oh, did they? Sounds like you had quite the adventure during your vacation!"
"IT WASN'T A VACATION!" Zuko screamed.
"Now, now, Zuko," Ursa said, "Your father merely thought three years away would be a nice vacation for you to fix your temper."
"Oh. My. God." Zuko said, now banging his head on the table. "I'm pretty sure I didn't burn my own face."
The fire fell. The Fire Nation Royal Family was powerless and completely vulnerable.
"I think it's great that we had this dinner. We really should do this more often," Ozai commented thoughtfully.
"Only Uncle Iroh ate," Azula said, wiping her tears.
The Avatar and his friends suddenly came flying through the doors, all wearing pink uniforms.
"The Avatar is back!" Aang yelled.
"Yes, we knew that," Ozai said, brushing him off. "Really, you could have saved us some roast duck, Iroh."
"Aren't you guys gonna fight or something?" Sokka asked.
"Well, you guys were too busy talking, so I ate all of it," Iroh said. "Do you know how bad prison food is?"
"Didn't you like that kimono chicken I brought you?" Zuko asked.
"I threw it out the window," Iroh said.
"Why are you guys ignoring us?" Aang asked. "Is this some sort of trick?"
"Yeah, where's Lord Voldemort?" Toph asked. Her friends looked at her.
"What? Who's Voldemort?" Suki asked.
"Suki?" Sokka exclaimed. "You're not supposed to be here for another three episodes."
"Prince Zuko!" Katara exclaimed, pushing her friends to the side. "I've come to confess my love for you! Ever since you captured me and tried to kill me on several occasions, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. You were chasing me, not the avatar! You don't have to deny it. Your love has no reason to be hidden anymore!"
"Katara, you came here saying you'd fight but your confessing your love to Zuko instead?" Sokka asked.
"But I just kissed you like five minutes ago," Aang said, scratching his head.
"That's gross, man," said Sokka. "You're like, 12."
"Yeah, that is pretty gross," Toph said.
"Oh, please," Aang replied, rolling his eyes, "We all know you're in love with Sokka and the age difference between you two is even worse!"
"Shut it, twinkle toes!" Toph yelled.
"I was using you guys! I only came here to be with Zuko," Katara confessed dramatically. "His love just gave me so much hope."
"Er," Zuko started, "I was chasing the avatar. Sorry. And I have a girlfriend."
"She's just a cover!" Katara said indenial. "You couldn't possibly love that brooding, emo girl with the horrible hairstyle."
"No… she's for real." Zuko said. "Sorry?"
Katara's eyes began to water. She then became mad and started to bloodbend him.
"Hey, that tickles," Zuko started giggling like a girl.
"Alright, enough chit chat," Aang said. He pulled a wand out of his pockets and pointed to Ozai, "Avada Kedavra!"
Aang continued to cast spells at everyone. "The powers of the avatar know no world bounderies!"
The last voice heard from the Royal Family was Zuko's screaming, "HONOR!"
THE END.