Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story.
Warnings: Yaoi. Pairings to be announced at a later stage.
One cold summer's day, Naruto sat leisurely in his tree. He was very happy he had a tree.
Sasuke came along, secretly, he was jealous that Naruto had a tree and he didn't, but he'd never admit this because he was emo. Sasuke was busy eating a packet of peas.
"Hey, I want pea," Naruto exclaimed almost falling off the branch he was perched on.
" Hn, " Sasuke heatedly replied and crunched another pea.
"Why," Naruto granted. Sasuke turned around and left. "Sasuke, I want pea," Naruto yelled and fell on his knee.
"Uwah…"
"Yo"
"Who"
Oh. It was Kakashi.
"Hey Mr. Naruto what are you doing with that knee?" Kakashi questioned.
"huh," Naruto looked down at his knee that had a cut on it. "Oh"
"Uwah"
"What was that," Kakashi yelled. "It's Iruka, he's stuck in the toilet again," Naruto wept. "Such an erotic sound," Kakashi murmured and left.
"Uwah incest," Naruto cried.
"Incest."
"who's that," Naruto exclaimed realising that he did not say that.
It was Itachi. "I'm looking for Sasuke, I want my peas back," Itachi hissed.
"Oh no," Naruto yelled and tried to hobble away because of his bad knee.
"Come back here I will break your kneecap," Itachi growled.
"No"
Naruto turned to run but Itachi was to fast and he fell on his other knee. "Uwaah"
"Yo," Kisame greeted as he swam towards Itachi.
" I don't like you," was all Itachi could say.
"Please Mr Itachi, don't eat my kneecap," Naruto blubbered . "Give him a fishnet and I'll kill him," Kisame smiled.
Itachi felt like he was going mad. "Shut up, " he yelled and ran away. "Hey Itachi, I smell likes you," Kisame cried after him and began to swim after him.
"Wait, " he said and turned around to look at Naruto, whose eyes were puffy from crying. Kisame patted him on the back.
"I just want a small bite," he said and suddenly bit Naruto's kneecap.
"u uuwa," Naruto hesitated before collapsing in a heap. Just then Sasuke came back, his packet of peas were empty except for one, a rotten one at that. "Naruto you can have a pea now," he grinned and saw the sight before him.
Sasuke felt tears streaming down his cheeks.
"What did you do to Naruto ," he wailed and then saw Kisame smiling at him.
"Please don't rape me," he screamed
"No Itachi said you had crabs," Kisame laughed and swam away.
Sasuke laughed. "Idiot shark, he said that so you wouldn't rape me," he said and suddenly felt sad. "Wait," he yelled, "How can you be sure!"
"Because he said he gave them to you"
"uwah"
"Sa…sa.. uke"
"What"
"he ..help me… m.. m-m y knee… I can't f-fee it" Naruto spluttered.
"That's because you don't have a leg"
"waa"
Suddenly Kakashi appeared, a maniacal grin on his face.
"Hey everyone, Iruka's got piles."
-o-o-
Naruto lay in the hospital bed. He looked outside, the sky had a deep orange glow as the sun was setting already. Naruto yawned. It had been a long painful day and with what happened to Iruka…
Naruto felt his eyes well up with tears. He should be glad he only lost a leg… Iruka has piles.. He didn't know what piles were but it sounded bad. Suddenly, Kakashi came into the room, munching on the rotten pea Sasuke had so generously given him.
"What's wrong"
"Is Iruka gonna d-die," Naruto sniffed, the snot eventually settling on his upper lip.
"Why"
"Isn't piles dangerous?"
" Oh," Kakashi laughed and sat on the side of the bed on Naruto's one leg.
"Ow," Naruto squeaked and tried to move his leg. Kakashi didn't notice what he was doing because he assumed Naruto was always like this. He decided to 'pull Naruto's leg.'
"Yes, piles is a terminal disease. He's going to die"
Naruto cried even harder. Oh Kakashi thought, this is the time to be my perverted self.
He pulled Naruto into a hug, ignoring the cries of pain the boy made because his leg was now twisted. "There there, it fine," Kakashi whispered grossly into his ear and patted his back. Somehow his other hand landed on Naruto's butt.
"Hey" Sasuke suddenly interrupted before Kakashi could rape Naruto.
Kakashi was a bit angry, but this subsided because he realised Sasuke had a cuter butt.
"You," he pointed at Kakashi, "Outside. I want to talk."
-o-o-
Kakashi walked outside and huffed. "What the hell you want?" he shouted.
"leave me alone" Sasuke yelled back.
"But you wanted me!"
Sasuke stopped and blushed heavily, before running away.
Suddenly he heard a scream coming from the Naruto room.
They both crashed into the room, but Naruto was gone.
The only thing left behind was the smell of fish.
tbc