Ch 1: Moving In
"… and that's the 24-hour cafeteria complete with a salad bar and chocolate fountain next to the armory," Viridi finished explaining to a very tired and confused Pit as they finally came to a stop. "Any questions?"
"Umm… why do you have a salad bar around here?" Pit asked as he tried to get a look inside the place. "I mean, isn't it sort of weird for your troops to be eating salad seeing as how most of them are plants themselves?"
Viridi couldn't help but give a mischievous smile before answering.
"Apparently someone hasn't tasted our Nutski/Zert Spring Mix Salad before. With the right amount of dressing it's simply divine."
Pit couldn't help but stare at the goddess with an open mouth as he heard this. Upon seeing the shocked look on Pit's face, Viridi couldn't help but start laughing.
"Ha ha! Wow, your expression is just priceless!" she managed to say in between her fits of laughter. "I can't believe you actually believed that! You really aren't the brightest angel in the bunch, huh?"
"I'm the only angel around here," Pit pouted, realizing that Viridi had tricked him, as the aforementioned goddess continued to laugh at him.
After a couple more minutes, Viridi finally got tired of laughing and assumed her usual semi-serious demeanor.
"Ahem. Anyways, the salad bar does have actual food so head there if you ever get hungry. And seeing as how I'm such a generous and caring goddess, I'll only charge you 5000 hearts for every meal."
"Er, thanks… I guess," Pit replied uncertainly. "By the way, you haven't told me exactly where I'm supposed to sleep."
"Oh, right. I almost forgot about that," Viridi muttered as she brought her hand up to her chin as she began thinking. "Hmmm. We don't exactly have a lot of spare rooms so this might be a bit of a problem. I mean, I guess I could ask one of my commanders to let you room with them for a bit. How does crashing at Phosphora's place sound?"
"W… W… WHAT?" Pit stuttered out as his face turned bright red. "Y… you're joking right?"
"Of course I'm joking ding-brain," Viridi answered, completely ignoring Pit's outburst. "Phosphora hates having people in her room. Heck, she doesn't even let the Urgles in to clean. Anyways, I don't really think anyone will be too pleased about you camping out with them so I guess we'll need to think of something else. Let's see now… Aha! I've got it!"
With that, Viridi headed off towards an empty hallway with Pit following close behind. After a few minutes of walking, the goddess stopped in front of a very shady-looking door.
"Here we go. The perfect room for our honored guest."
"It… looks more like a storage closet than a guest room…" Pit muttered as he hesitantly reached forward and opened the door. As soon as he did so, a bunch of old mops and buckets came crashing out. "Hey, wait a second! This really is a storage closet!"
"No duh it's a storage closet," Viridi commented with a nonchalant shrug.
"Uh uh. No. I am not going to sleep inside this tiny little closet!"
"Well, where else are you going to spend the night then genius?" Viridi asked with her arms crossed. "I can't have you just squatting in the middle of my sanctuary like some hobo you know. Besides, I'll get some of the Urgles to clean the place up and place a temporary bed for you."
Realizing that arguing any further was a lost cause, Pit hung his head in defeat and gave a depressed sigh.
"Fine. You win. I'll sleep inside this… closet."
"Perfect!" Viridi exclaimed with a triumphant smile. "Now then, why don't you go off and find something to do while your room gets prepared? As for me, I'm going to head off to check up on my troops. See ya later Pit!"
With that, the Goddess of Nature teleported out of the room leaving a very depressed angel behind.
xxx
Having nothing better to do, Pit decided that now was a good time to get some food.
"Man, being a ring for three years can really work up an appetite," Pit said to himself as he made his way back to the cafeteria. "I wonder if they have any garbage… I mean, burgers… here. Heh heh. I guess I still have that dog's thoughts in my mind."
Once he reached the cafeteria, Pit cautiously stuck his head in to see what the place looked like. At first glance, the place looked just like a typical buffet restaurant with numerous tables of food laid up in a row at the back with a bunch of tables littering the rest of the room. The only really strange thing about the place was the dirt floor and the numerous giant boulders and trees that decorated the area. At the moment, only a couple of Nutskis, Cawcaws, and a few Flages were inside as they chatted in their weird plant language. Figuring it was safe, Pit headed inside. As he did so, he spotted a cash register a few feet to his left with an Urgle standing behind it.
"Umm… I'm guessing I pay here right?" Pit asked uncertainly as he approached the cashier.
In response, the Urgle merely rolled its eyes and held out its enormous hand to accept the hearts.
After paying the 5000 hearts, Pit went over to the food tables to see if there was anything edible. Luckily for him, there were plenty of normal dishes such as pizzas, burgers, roast meat, and fruits. However, there were also quite a few questionable dishes, such as Monoeye soup and candied Ornes, among the selections as well. Deciding to play it safe, Pit quickly piled his plate with as many burgers as he could and turned around to find a place to sit. Still a bit wary of the Cawcaws, Pit decided to keep a large distance away from them and picked a spot in the corner.
"Well, the place might look a little strange, but at least the food looks good," Pit commented as he sat down at one of the tables and picked up a burger. "Seriously though, I know that they're going for the natural look and all but placing all these trees and boulders in here seems a bit overkill. And whose bright idea was it to put a dirt floor in a cafeteria? That has to be against some kind of health code or something."
As soon as he said this, one of the boulder in front of him turned around revealing a face behind it. As expected, Pit didn't take the surprise very well.
"Aghhh!" Pit screamed in a high-pitched voice as he dropped the burger he was holding. "It's a giant rock monster! Run for your… wait a second… I've seen that face before. Is that you Cragalanche?"
As expected, the rocky commander of the Forces of Nature replied in his usual manner.
"…"
"Hey, it is you!" Pit said with a smile as he calmed down. "Whew! I thought for sure you were an angry Graveler that was going to attack me! I don't know what it is but those rock-types always seemed to have it out for me."
"…"
"So… what are you doing here Cragalanche?" Pit asked cheerfully as he picked up his burger once again. "I didn't know rocks had to eat."
"…"
"Umm… I guess they don't. If that's the case, I'm assuming this is just your usual hang-out?"
"…"
"Strong and silent as ever I see," Pit muttered. "By the way, I see that you fixed up that weak-spot on your butt. Heh heh... Umm… I really hope you're not holding a grudge against me for our battle before."
"…"
"Okay, good. I'm sure Viridi's told you but we're on the same side now. I hope we can put our past behind us and get along."
"…"
"Thanks buddy. I knew you would understand."
With that said, Pit began digging into his mountain of burgers. Unfortunately for him, Cragalanche continued to stare at him with the same unnerving gaze as before.
"Umm… are you going to stare at me the entire time I eat?" Pit asked uncomfortably as he finished off his first burger. "It's kinda unsettling.
"…"
"Okay… er… if it's all the same to you, could you… just maybe turn around until I finish eating?"
"…"
"Guess not. Well… this isn't weird at all," Pit said sarcastically. "I guess I'll just finish my meal while a giant living rock continues to stare into the very depths of my soul with that look of his."
"…"
"Fine, have it your way. I'll just pretend like you're not even there."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"You're still staring at me, aren't you…?"
"…"
xxx
After that very eventful dinner, Pit made his way back to his closet… er, room. Upon getting there, he saw that Viridi had kept her word and had cleaned out the closet as well as somehow squeezing a small bed inside. However, the sheets covering it looked anything but new and were covered in numerous stains and holes.
"Terrific," Pit said with a sigh as he inspected the ragged bed sheets. "The great Goddess of Nature couldn't even afford to get me some new sheets. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if a bunch of bugs come crawling out of it the moment I… AGHHHHH!"
As soon as Pit touched the sheets, a large Skreetle suddenly popped out of the sheets. After giving an angry hiss at Pit, the giant beetle scurried away into the hallway.
"It's just one thing after another!" Pit shouted out to no one in particular. "Can't a guy get a little break once in a while? Ah, whatever. At least I still have my 3DS with me. I'm sure playing a few rounds of Light vs. Dark will cheer me up."
With that, Pit turned on his game only to realize that his troubles were far from over.
"No… this can't be… it… it doesn't make any sense… I… I… NOOOOOOOOO!"
Indeed, Viridi's sanctuary had no Wi-Fi.