The Intimacy Consideration

By Draic Kin of the Balance

"Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down for all I need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear me down

You've opened the door now, don't let it close

I'm here on the edge again

I wish I could let it go

I know that I'm only one step away

From turning it around

Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace." –Within Temptation, All I Need

Sheldon

"Amy?" Knock, knock, knock. "Amy?" Knock, knock, knock. "Amy?" Here goes nothing. I wait outside my door for her reply, and when she does, there is no mistaking her exasperated, tired tone. I enter the bedroom, closing the door behind me. Amy looks up at me despondently, and I can't help but wonder why the in-game love spell has distressed her so. I am no idiot with an IQ as high as mine, but if the circumstances were different, I most likely would not have given a diddly-darn toot about how everyone else felt about it – but it is Amy who is upset, and just her being upset upsets me. Not that I would admit that to Leonard. Or everyone else for that matter.

"What?" she snaps, and I flinch at the anger in her tone. I didn't do anything to upset her – that was all Howard.

"Never knocked on my own door before," I remark. "That was a wild ride." I half-expect her to crack a smile or laugh, but she doesn't.

"You didn't have to come in here and cheer me up," says Amy.

"Thank you!" I exclaim. "Would you go in there and tell everyone else that because they think otherwise?" Amy rolls her eyes angrily at me, and I know immediately I've said the wrong thing. She's upset – and the Relationship Agreement says that it's my duty to comfort her in times of need, but this is different. She's my girlfriend, whom I have grown quite fond of over the past three years. I suppose you could say she's the…Bonnie to my Clyde, the Sam to my Dean, the Kirk to my Spock, the Mulder to my Scully. Leonard is my best friend, yes, but Amy is completely different.

"I'll tell you what they think," she replies. "They think our relationship is a joke." She chuckles bitterly, and my head begins to spin. A joke? What we share is no joke to be shared over dinner. Why would our friends think such nonsense? They're called our friends for a reason, not our enemies. I make a mental note to yell at them about it before approaching her.

"Well, I don't think our relationship is a joke," I tell her. "I think a horse goes into a bar; the bartender says, 'Why the long face?' That's a joke – it's good one too, because a horse has a long face." I can't help myself; I laugh at myself, but what Amy says next completely derails me.

"Sheldon, are we ever going to have an intimate relationship?" she asks me. Oh dear lord…

"Oh my," I begin. "That's an uncomfortable topic." I am well aware of Amy's desire to pursue a sexual, a physical, relationship with me. We have been in a relationship of the mind for three years now, and now, I understand why she wants more. Not just because of her natural, inner desires to have coitus, but because her affection for me has grown. I can't help but think of Leonard's relationship with Penny, and Howard's marriage to Bernadette. In every sense of the term, they have become intimate with one another, whether or not it's sexual intercourse or close emotional attachment to each other. I guess it was inevitable that Amy would want more from our relationship. I sit down on the bed and meet her eyes. "Amy, before I met you, I never had any interest in becoming intimate with anyone," I confess. No walls, no jokes, nothing. She needs to hear this.

"And now…?" she presses.

"And now what?" I counter.

"Do you have any interest now?" she asks me. Just by her tone, I can sense she is reaching the end of her rope. With our friends' pestering about a physical relationship and what I now realize as recent attempts to gain bodily contact from me, I realize perhaps I have not been as good a boyfriend as she'd hoped. As she'd wanted me to be. I remember her asking me to attend one of her family member's weddings and how I'd prioritized my video games over her, and shame fills me. It's time things changed. It's time I changed.

"I've not ruled it out," I tell her. And it's true. Intimacy, as I'd come to learn, was not a bad thing. As averse to human contact as I'd been prior to meeting Amy, I realize that perhaps I had been overreacting. Leonard, Howard, Raj and Penny always told me I was overreacting, but now…

"Wow," Amy says after several moments of stunned silence. "Talk dirty to me." I sit closer to her, and take her hand in mine.

"I know it doesn't seem like it to you," I say, "but for me, what we have is extremely intimate." I feel a surge of warmth rushing through me. I'd always thought the concept of romantic love and falling in love to be overrated, and yet at that warm feeling, I didn't shove it away. I was fond of Amy, and that feeling was something I didn't experience often with other people. Not in this sense. Perhaps I was falling in love with Amy Farrah Fowler, and just didn't realize it.

"I guess I know that," she says slowly. "It's just a part of me wants more." She looks down at our entwined fingers, expecting me to pull away. I don't.

"More?" I repeat. "Just look at us. It's only been three years, and here we are in bed together." Amy laughs, and I offer her a small smile.

"Come on," she tells me. "Let's get back out there." She rises, but I hold her back gently.

"No, hold on," I say. "My elfen magic user and your half-orc warrior did have a love spell cast on them. We wouldn't really be playing the game right if we didn't see that through." Amy nods.

"Okay," she agrees. I rise this time and retrieve my own Dungeons and Dragons board and dice from my shelf and return to the bed.

"I believe that we just killed the dragon and while the others pillage the corpse I lead you to a secluded area where I attempt to remove your leather armor." I roll the dice. "It comes off. What do you do?"

"I…kiss you on the lips." I roll the dice again.

"I kiss you back on the lips as well. Your turn," I tell her. She rolls the dice.

"I remove your armor. What do you do?"

"I erotically caress your…nose," I say.

"Keep rolling!" Amy instructs me.

Half an hour later, it is still just the two of us. I am surprised the others haven't barged on in here, but I keep those thoughts to myself. Amy seems to have lost some of the tension in her body, and she says quietly to me, "Thank you, Sheldon."

"For what?" I ask. "The virtual lovemaking or…?"

"For…this," Amy answers. "It means a lot to me."

"You're welcome," I say. Without another word, I pull her into my arms. It feels…nice to feel her in my arms, and I can tell she appreciates the gesture. I kiss her hair before resting my chin atop her head and closing my eyes. That warm feeling comes again, and once again, I let it come.

FIN.