He wasn't ready.
I told him time and time again but he never seems to listen.
I'm not surprised though.
The Birds have been his life.
It's all he's ever known.
So I wasn't surprised when nobody saw him for the rest of the day.
Then I find out he's taken Tracy One to America.
Then I'm surprised.
Why would he go to America?
What's he going to do?
They're the thoughts that are running through my mind.
Then I get a call from NYPD.
Then I know.
He's killed himself.
Or rather, I killed him.
My baby boy.
I killed the last gift Lucy gave me before her death.
I'm a murderer.
A monster.
The others won't talk to me.
And I don't blame them.
I'm so sorry Alan.
I'm so sorry.
At the moment, I'm in my bedroom,
Staring at the knife in my hands.
Then I see my sons.
My boys.
The reason I'm putting the knife down.
They won't be able to cope with my death straight after Alan's.
So why should they suffer my selfishness.
I had to live to put things right and I must for them.
For my boys.
I'm so sorry, Alan.
I'm so sorry…..Lucy.