*~((This fic was known as Not Quite Paradise a week or so ago, but my computer did something
evil and it won't let me upload my new stuff so I decided to erase and replace it up^_^ Oh,
and I don't own FF or anything, except maybe Laguna...._ _ ^_^;; Please be a sweetie and
review^_~))~*
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Sitting on the sand I waited. Time shifted around me and the sky darkened swiftly as
only a dream can. He was there, as I knew he would be; as always, sitting atop a
white horse and wearing a robe of black wool. The lower half of his face is covered so that
only his eyes can be seen. Those eyes.... The outer lids dip down just slightly, giving
him a look of sadness, as though he has seen more pain than a person should.
"Who are you?" I whispered. "What do you want of me?"
He gazed at me over the dark scarf, and his eyes seemed full of sorrow.
"I am waiting for you," he whispered.
"How?" I asked, leaning toward him, and my single word told it all. I was not
hesitating about whether I would go to him or not, but asking only how I could find
him.
Slowly he reaches out to me, his long, strong fingers servhing for mine...and I lift my hand...
I awoke with a start, and my face was lying in a wet place on the pillow; I had
been crying in my sleep. For a moment I didn't remember the dream, but then it came
back to me with all its frustration. Where was I to go? What did he want from me?
Why where his eyes so filled with sadness?
On impulse I slid out of bed and walked to my dresser. Silently, I reached down and
pulled open the drawer on the far right. For only a moment did I hesitate before lifting
the false bottom. Carefully, and almost reverently, I lifted up the piles of pictures and
magazines, all very ordinary, except for the fact that the lower face of every man in every
picture, was blackened out, as if veiled.
Tenderly, I ran a slender finger over the one of Squall, marveling at the similarities
between the two men. Then I smiled slightly, and ruefully shook my head.
"I should have myself comitted," I commented dryly to the wall. Quickly, with a stab of my
guilty conscious, I placed the pictures back into the drawer, secured the bottom, and shut
it with a snap.
After giving a quick glance at my bed, I stepped lightly to the window and looked out at
the beautiful summer night.
For a moment, I didn't know what to do with myself. Sleep didn't seem possible, again,
so there were hours of freedom before I had to get up.
In spite of myself, I felt the power of the dream, even while awake. If I'd had the
dream only once or twice, it would have been possible to forget about it, but there had
never been a week since I was 9 years old that I hadn't had that dream. It was always
exactly the same, without the tiniest variation.
Peeling my seemingly calm gaze from the stars; I looked down at my fingertips.
"And always", I began to think out loud, whispering, and only half knowing that
I was speaking at all, " I try to take his hand. More than anything else in the world I
want to jump on that horse and ride away with him. I want to go wherever he is going, to
be with him, but I can't. I can't reach his hand. I try to, but there is too much
distance between us... After awhile he gives me a look that wrings at my heart, he
withdraws, and rides away...he rides as though he is part of the horse. After a long moment
he halts, then turns back for just a second, and looks at me as though he hopes I will
change my mind and go with him. Each time I call out to him not to leave me, but he never
seems to hear. He looks even more hurt, then turns, and rides away..."
Passing from the open window to the vanity; I rested my elbows on the dusted, wooden
surface and peered at my reflection detachedly. "...and ever since Squall proposed to
Rinoa, that dream has been haunting me every night. I'm happy for her, but I don't understand
what this means. I wish I had someone to talk to...but I can just hear them now: 'Hey, there
goes the ex-Instructor Trepe. Doesn't she still have a thing for one of her students? Heh,
she may SEEM impervious, but I hear she has dreams of a strange man every night! Isn't
that hilarious? Who would have thought, that 'Frostbite-Ice-Princess-Cold-Fish Quistis
Trepe' was a hopeless romantic? And right when half of Garden was convinced she was a
lesbian!'
Laughing humorlessly at my own loneliness, I slipped back into bed and stared
blankly at the ceiling.
"Perhaps, this is the way my life was meant to be....." I said to no one in particular.
"I helped save the world, I am respected, and have friends. Who on earth needs more than
that?" Slowly I closed my eyes and curled up; unconsciously hugging my pillow for comfort.
".....who would want more than that....?"
Moments later, I was fast asleep.
evil and it won't let me upload my new stuff so I decided to erase and replace it up^_^ Oh,
and I don't own FF or anything, except maybe Laguna...._ _ ^_^;; Please be a sweetie and
review^_~))~*
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Sitting on the sand I waited. Time shifted around me and the sky darkened swiftly as
only a dream can. He was there, as I knew he would be; as always, sitting atop a
white horse and wearing a robe of black wool. The lower half of his face is covered so that
only his eyes can be seen. Those eyes.... The outer lids dip down just slightly, giving
him a look of sadness, as though he has seen more pain than a person should.
"Who are you?" I whispered. "What do you want of me?"
He gazed at me over the dark scarf, and his eyes seemed full of sorrow.
"I am waiting for you," he whispered.
"How?" I asked, leaning toward him, and my single word told it all. I was not
hesitating about whether I would go to him or not, but asking only how I could find
him.
Slowly he reaches out to me, his long, strong fingers servhing for mine...and I lift my hand...
I awoke with a start, and my face was lying in a wet place on the pillow; I had
been crying in my sleep. For a moment I didn't remember the dream, but then it came
back to me with all its frustration. Where was I to go? What did he want from me?
Why where his eyes so filled with sadness?
On impulse I slid out of bed and walked to my dresser. Silently, I reached down and
pulled open the drawer on the far right. For only a moment did I hesitate before lifting
the false bottom. Carefully, and almost reverently, I lifted up the piles of pictures and
magazines, all very ordinary, except for the fact that the lower face of every man in every
picture, was blackened out, as if veiled.
Tenderly, I ran a slender finger over the one of Squall, marveling at the similarities
between the two men. Then I smiled slightly, and ruefully shook my head.
"I should have myself comitted," I commented dryly to the wall. Quickly, with a stab of my
guilty conscious, I placed the pictures back into the drawer, secured the bottom, and shut
it with a snap.
After giving a quick glance at my bed, I stepped lightly to the window and looked out at
the beautiful summer night.
For a moment, I didn't know what to do with myself. Sleep didn't seem possible, again,
so there were hours of freedom before I had to get up.
In spite of myself, I felt the power of the dream, even while awake. If I'd had the
dream only once or twice, it would have been possible to forget about it, but there had
never been a week since I was 9 years old that I hadn't had that dream. It was always
exactly the same, without the tiniest variation.
Peeling my seemingly calm gaze from the stars; I looked down at my fingertips.
"And always", I began to think out loud, whispering, and only half knowing that
I was speaking at all, " I try to take his hand. More than anything else in the world I
want to jump on that horse and ride away with him. I want to go wherever he is going, to
be with him, but I can't. I can't reach his hand. I try to, but there is too much
distance between us... After awhile he gives me a look that wrings at my heart, he
withdraws, and rides away...he rides as though he is part of the horse. After a long moment
he halts, then turns back for just a second, and looks at me as though he hopes I will
change my mind and go with him. Each time I call out to him not to leave me, but he never
seems to hear. He looks even more hurt, then turns, and rides away..."
Passing from the open window to the vanity; I rested my elbows on the dusted, wooden
surface and peered at my reflection detachedly. "...and ever since Squall proposed to
Rinoa, that dream has been haunting me every night. I'm happy for her, but I don't understand
what this means. I wish I had someone to talk to...but I can just hear them now: 'Hey, there
goes the ex-Instructor Trepe. Doesn't she still have a thing for one of her students? Heh,
she may SEEM impervious, but I hear she has dreams of a strange man every night! Isn't
that hilarious? Who would have thought, that 'Frostbite-Ice-Princess-Cold-Fish Quistis
Trepe' was a hopeless romantic? And right when half of Garden was convinced she was a
lesbian!'
Laughing humorlessly at my own loneliness, I slipped back into bed and stared
blankly at the ceiling.
"Perhaps, this is the way my life was meant to be....." I said to no one in particular.
"I helped save the world, I am respected, and have friends. Who on earth needs more than
that?" Slowly I closed my eyes and curled up; unconsciously hugging my pillow for comfort.
".....who would want more than that....?"
Moments later, I was fast asleep.