It was a bright and sunny day in Fairy Tail. It was a normal-seeming day as well, until Happy stumbled across a book in the library.

"Hey, Natsu, look at this!" Happy called.

"What is it?" Natsu asked.

"It's a book...it's about a sword named Excalibur!"

"Excalibur...who names a sword?"

"I don't know! But it seems cool! It sounds really powerful! Let's go look for it!"

"Yeah! I'm all fired up!"

Later, in the guild hall, a client came by. His name was Death the Kid.

"Mira, this is our client, Death the Kid. By the way, have you seen Natsu?"

"Hello, Death the Kid. No, I haven't seen Natsu, but I heard he was going to look for a sword named Excalibur with Happy."

"'Death the Kid'?" Gray asked.

"Excalibur?" Death the Kid asked.

"Yeah." Mira told Kid, ignoring Gray. "Apparently, they found a book about him in the library."

"That sword...is obnoxious!" Kid warned, making a face.

"How can a sword be obnoxious?" Gray asked.

"They'll see when they get there."

"What is this?" Natsu asked, seeing Excalibur not in his sword form, but his (semi) human form.

"Fools!"

"How are we fools?" Happy asked.

"Fools!"

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"My legend began in the 12th century..." Excalibur began.

"That's cool. Tell me more!" Natsu said, pretending to be interested. Truthfully, he was already irritated with him.

"Fools! I cannot begin my story until I sing you my song!"

"Your...song?" Happy didn't understand how a sword could talk, let alone sing.

"Excalibur, Excalibur, I'm from the United Kingdom, I'm looking for heaven, I'm going to California...! Excalibur, Excalibur, Excalibur, Excalibur!"

"He's worse than Gajeel." Happy whispered to Natsu.

"Now then, my legend began in the 12th century."

Natsu and Happy made a face.

"Fools!"

"Stop saying that!" Happy fell to the ground in sheer exasperation.

"Why are you here?" Natsu asked.

"Fools! You will find out in my five-hour storytelling party!"

"Five...hours?" Natsu was ready to burn this thing.

"If you wield me, you will hear it every day!"

"I see." Natsu said.

"Um, is there anything else?" Happy asked.

"Fools! There are 1000 provisions! Provision #1...My mornings start with off with a cup of coffee and cream. Provision #22...On a refreshing morning, start out with a refreshing greeting. Provision #75...Celebrate my birthday in grand style."

"When's your birthday?" Happy asked.

"Every day is my birthday!"

"Happy?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I burn him?"

"Please."