It's a bit different from what I usually write, but hell, I was in the mood.
Each shaky breath shook took brought with it a sharp pain in her chest. She was alone, as she always was in times like this, alone in the confines of her room, where no one else dared to enter. She took another deep breath in an attempt to calm herself; smiling slightly at the story her best friend had sent her.
This story in particular was about a proposal, a young man had taken it upon himself to record his entire marriage proposal, and his girlfriend's (now fiancé's) adventure through the beach side city. It was amazingly thoughtful and cute, and she was green with jealousy.
There were people in this world who were incredibly lucky, to able to find that one person whom they knew, they could spend the rest of their lives with. A soul mate, that one person bonded to you for life, bound by a single red thread around one's pinky. For as long as she could remember, that was what she had in mind when they had finally gotten together.
She remembered the cool winter day he had pulled her aside one their way home from a long day of class, into a near by park, sat her down on a bench and simply stated "I like you. Be my girlfriend." It was a command rather than a question, but she was so happy, she said yes. The next couple of months were happy times. She smiled slightly, remembering the first present he had given her. A monogram necklace, she remembered how his hands shook as he struggled to hook the back while they stood in the middle of the library at lunch. Finally, she had laughed and told him that she could do it, and he smiled and kissed her cheek, before walking her back to class.
After that, the nasty rumors, and such about him started. One of his ex-girlfriends had made several attempts to contact her, warning her of how he had cheated before, and so many other things. She had become confused, not understanding what she should do. She told him that for the time being, it would be better if they wouldn't see each other, to take a break. And for the next two and a half months, they didn't speak or so much as look at each other once.
It had been a random IM from one of his best friends that had broken her fragile constitution, a few simple lines that had sent her into tears, those that she had been trying to hold in those past few weeks.
Stop being a bitch and talk to him. It had said. I'm tired of seeing my best friend angry all the time. It's time you suck it up and work it out.
She cried, for a long time. She didn't have the courage anymore, the strength to try and talk to him. And for the next week it remained that way, until one day he sent her a message.
Hey, I know it's been a while, but I have to talk to you. I just want to know if were still friends?
From then on they were friends. They rebuilt their relationship, and, though it was rocky at first, they were happy again. And they stayed happy, going about their relationship in their own way, it was almost like an infinite honeymoon phase. It lasted a year, before everything came crashing down.
Everything about that week is still vivid in her mind, and as the date comes closer and closer, she closes her eyes and begins to wish that none of it ever happened. She starts to wish that she hadn't talked to him, that they hadn't been friends again, that she didn't love him, that she couldn't live without him, that he was her best friend and the love of her life. It wasn't fair, this cruel curve ball that fate threw at her.
It was almost a year ago when she found out, only a few days after their anniversary, to make it worse it was through the grape vine, a rumor she had heard from a friend. She remembered the conversation clear as day.
Tell me the truth, did you cheat on me? Did you sleep with her?
I'm sorry, I never meant for it to go that far.
She cried, for hours, talking on the phone with her best friend while in tears, but strange enough she wasn't angry, not with him at least. She was hurt, depressed, and most of all disappointed. He betrayed her, after all they had been through, even though she trusted him unconditionally, after she let him get away with all of his bullshit and utter crap, she forgave him and loved him. This time wasn't any different. Her forgiveness was almost instant, she told him she loved him, but for now it was over, that this was his last chance. One more slip up and they were done.
It was a slow process, to make everything come together again. She remembered the sleepless nights, filled with studying and tears; after all, it had been a busy week. There were midterms coming up, and a choir festival to get ready for, her time was limited. And she remembered as she sat in that dark theater, when everything was said and done, how horrible she felt, listening to all the love songs performed by the other schools, realizing what had happened to her, and for the first time that week, she felt angry and bitter, but most of all alone. She hated it.
The months that followed weren't easy, mainly because she didn't trust him. She stopped trusting people. Period. She never let loose again. She was careful to hide away, tuck her real feelings in a dark corner for the day, and cry herself to sleep at night. And she carried on like that for a long time, never once letting anyone else know what was wrong.
And so, over the course of the next year they were okay again, at least to other people they seemed that way. But she was never the same, never again. She didn't trust him like before, there was always that part of her that was worried, paranoid, and cautious, warning her not to get too attached because he might cheat again. Spending time together gradually became harder and harder, but somehow they made it work. For a while, she was happy again, and so was he. They went on like that for they remainder of the year, happily ignoring the presence of the negativity that constantly surrounded them, planning their future, thinking of college and careers. That was the best of times.
So, here we are, in the present, the worst of times. It is that time of year again; their anniversary was in just a couple of days. Last minute, he cancelled their plans, explaining that he had an important interview to go to, on that he hadn't found out about until a few minutes ago. It started at 12:30, the place and ending time unknown. She understood, that it was something important, that he had to go, but she was hurt and angry. If it had been a few days ago that he had told her, a week ago, then she would have been fine, she could have thought of something else. But now, he anticipation and excitement was gone. She felt disappoint and anger now, she wanted to scream and kick and rage, but she didn't.
She fell silent, a sure sign that something was wrong. Over and over again he apologized, careful not to agitate her anymore than necessary. She spoke only the bare minimum, not willing to make conversation. She was deep in thought, reviewing all that was happening within the next few months in her head. Exams, projects, festival, shows, and now this; it wasn't something she really needed to be thinking about.
Things simply got worse, over the course of the next few days, her temper was short, and she wasn't in the mood to play games, all she wanted to was to be left alone, with no one to bother her with their petty fights and fantasies. She felt cold and empty. Numb. They fought again and again. And now, their special day was right around the corner.
She was sitting on her bed, reflecting on what had happened the last few days, the last few months, the past two years. They had gone through so much, and whenever she looked through her memories, she saw something.
She was the one who tried to make it better, to compromise, to make plans, to present ideas, to make the decisions, she was the only one trying. At least, to her it seemed that way. Somehow, whenever it was important, whenever she was excited to do something, he backed down or away, allowing her to take control, he never tried.
This new revelation upset her, she cried more, thinking of all her hard work and effort, going to waste. Long hours spent knitting that stupid scarf, fretting over money, time, and other tiny details, worrying about what he might want, and all the other bullshit that came with relationships.
Tomorrow, she thought to herself, tomorrow I'll talk to him about it. She repeated that thought until she fell asleep. Though, in the end she wished she hadn't.
The next day was no good. It was probably the worse day of her life, she hated herself every second for being so stupid, so careless, for forgetting to keep her guard up. That day, she had told him after club she wanted to talk to him, she asked him to wait. He agreed, saying that he would meet her in the library, he had to tutor one the first year kids who was endanger of repeating a year. She nodded and headed off to the clubroom, thinking nothing of it.
Practice, much to her pleasure, ended early, the captain had an emergency, and cut it short. She rushed into the locker room and changed quickly, dashing to the library to find her love. Oh, and she found him, just not where she had thought he would be.
When she entered, she had thought that he would be at one of the long tables that littered the library, but only found his bag, as well as the bag of the student he was tutoring that day, a girl from the looks of the frilly charms that hung from the strap. She tensed slightly, wondering where they were. She placed her stuff next to his and began walking around the aisles. She turned into one of the first aisle of fiction when she ran into a first year she recognized.
Oh! Senpai! Sorry, I was looking around for the reference book that I needed for tutoring.
Who's tutoring you? She asked.
The girl laughed. Who else? I'm sure you're looking for him.
Oh right, sorry.
She let out a sigh of relief, he wasn't cheating with the younger girl, but he still wasn't there. So she asked. The younger girl explained that he had gotten a phone call and went out into the hall to take it. She thanked her and exited the room, after taking he stuff with her. She wandered down the halls, looking for him, when she thought she heard something from a classroom just up ahead.
She heard someone say his name, in a short, choppy breath. She knew what that meant; she wasn't a fool, after all how many times had she been in a similar situation with him? She held back her tears and stood in the hall for a moment, contemplating her next move. She took the small gift bag from her school bag and clutched it in one hand before slamming the door open.
There he was, all over the same girl he had been with a year ago, and there she was, the whore, trying to unbutton his shirt, the two of them stood there for a moment, stunned, he realized what was happening, and moved to make some sort of explanation. She stopped him, she started yelling, and then she suddenly went silent.
You know what this means. She stood there looking at the present before throwing it on the ground. Take it, do whatever you want with it, there's no longer any meaning behind it.
She turned on her heel and ran, she ran and ran and ran until she was at her own house. She hurriedly opened the door and locked it before racing up to her room, not bothering to check if anyone was home. She stayed there for hours, staring at the wall, dazed, a mixture of emotions running through her. She never realized that she was crying.
Now we bring you back to the present, her shaky breaths and hard sobs filled the silence of the house. Her parents were gone; they decided to spend the night out with their own friends, the parents of that bastard. She was alone, and thankful for it, that way no one would hear her cry.
The pain in her chest was as sharp as a knife, cutting through her every time she took a breath, dulling slightly whenever she exhaled. She was betrayed again, for the second time, with the same girl. She was an idiot, an imbecile, and a complete and total dumbass for believing that this time would be different. She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there, nor did she care, she only snapped out of her trance when she heard her phone ring. Grudgingly reaching for it, she stared at the caller ID. It was him.
What do you want?
I opened your present.
And?
I'm sorry.
I told you what would happen if you screw up again.
I know.
It's over.
Please hear me out.
I don't need any of your bullshit.
Please, just listen to me let me at least explain.
There isn't anything to explain, I saw everything and you clearly didn't object to what she was doing to you.
Ino, please.
We're done Shikamaru, it's over.
She slammed the phone shut and took another shaky breath, letting out the tears that she had been holding in all that time. Unsteady, she slowly stood, grabbed a random box and started piling in all of the things he had ever given her. In her blind rage she created an ultimatum, a promise to herself, next time she would be ready, but for now, it was okay to just cry.
Yeah, it doesn't really make sense. It does to me. It's actually based on a real story. Not mine necessarily, just someone who's going through a tough time right now in their relationship. But yeah, I'm not really good at writing angst and dark stuff. Review telling me what you think and how I can make it better.
Truly Yours,
We Hold These Truths