SUMMARY: The Order was her family. Her family was her world. And she would do anything to keep her world from loosing a member, a piece and breaking apart, especially when it was Allen Walker who needed to be saved. Lenalee and Allen
DISCLAIMER: No, last time checked I hadn't own -man or any other anime but you know what? I own my imagination and so do I own this story.
Info: A bit K+ and M
Have Fun and Live Long ^_^
NEVER LET YOU LEAVE
By LexieDragomire (Saška)
The Black Order the home of the exorcists, warriors in the secret war of the world. The war between demons and humanity. The war in which they had a minimum chance to end up as the winners but still hadn't back down yet.
They were just like us. Some of them were adults who had families somewhere out there. Families that had worked as a motivation to keep on fighting in any costs. Others were still kids who hadn't have time to build a peaceful family of their own but decided to create a huge family together. An exorcist's family made of thousand sorrowful souls who had just them left in this world. They weren't just exorcist of course. They also were scientists, cooks, doctors and nurses. Of course there was a difference between them. Everyone worked somewhere else and did something else but in the end in a family it didn't matter.
It was a solitary and loyal family who did its best to not lose any of its members. A family must keep together a family must do everything to keep its members save. To not let anything bad happen to them. To save them from any kind of pain or hurt. To help they find the lost balance if they needed it. And Lenalee Lee one of the exorcist members of the family would do anything to not lose another member. To not feel the pain of a broken world whenever one of her siblings had gone away. To not let her heart be broken again like that. She would do anything and especially if it was Allen Walker who needed to be saved.
She had noticed it. She would have to be a terrible friend if she hadn't but then again what kind of a friend was she if she knew but couldn't do anything about it?
For quite a while she noticed that one of her closes friend Allen had started to act more then strange. She didn't know what was wrong because he started to build a wall around himself so no one could enter and see his true sorrow. She was sad about it. She was despite.
'Why doesn't he say something?' she asked herself once at the dinner when they were chatting all together.
Her exorcists group plus one sometimes annoying watch dog. Her, Allen, Lavi, Krory, Miranda, Marie, Link and Timothy they all were loudly talking and joking around like normal humans. (Even Link) Like normal unaffected by the war people.
She was feeling a bit strange these days but she consider it must be caused be the weather or her latest mission. She loved these kind of times when they were acting as normal people she was happy but then she noticed it. Allen been acting strange a while but she didn't pain much attention to it till now.
Allen who was sitting opposite to her was talking about something with Lavi when they suddenly laughed. Somebody else wouldn't notice. Lavi hadn't notice and neither did anyone else but she had. She was shocked. Was it just now? Or was he doing this often? Because right now at this moment Lenalee Lee heard a fake laugh of Allen Walker and she know it was bad.
Don't get her wrong, it wasn't that kind of laugh that you do when you don't want to embarrass people that their joke was not funny. It was a laugh of somebody that wasn't having a good time that something bad had happen. It was a laugh that breaks your heart. Like when a mother is laughing about her serious illness to not make her children worried. Or when a girl laughs at a break up even when she truly loved him. The laugh can be camouflaged really well but when you look them into the eyes you see it. The hidden feeling of pain that wants to break free but can't because if you admin it you will lose your balance and fall.
'Allen.'
At the same time he stopped laughing he looked in front of him to see Lenalee looking at him with a face full of grief.
His breath was caught in his throat. 'Lenalee… did she knew?' came an unspoken question.
Krory who was sitting at her left looked at her and confusedly blinked. "Lenalee are you ok?"
The table got quiet and the entire group looked at her. She was still in a trance which made them worried. She was looking at Allen's direction but her eyes were empty like she was looking through him. She was still shocked. 'Allen. Why didn't you say something?'
Miranda who was at her right put down her spoon a gently touched her hand which made her come back to reality.
"Lenalee?" she asked curious about her behavior and so was the rest of the table.
She blinked and looked first at Miranda's hand and then at the others. "I am fine," she managed to get out of her.
"You sure?" asked Allen worried.
She stood up but looked at him as he spoke. His face looked as if he was truly worried but now she wondered if it was really because of her behavior or because of his secret that she just revealed.
In a few days Lenalee noticed more things that had been Allen hiding from them and she started to feel even worst.
She noticed that except for the breakfasts, lunches and dinners he's always nowhere to be found. He used to go to the library or to the training room or just walk around the Order checking up the Scientist department or the kitchen or… everything. He was definitely running away from them.
She didn't want anyone to worry thanks to what she understood why he hadn't he want them to worry but as she was asking everybody told her that they hadn't seen Allen in a long time and began to think about it. Lenalee had to quickly come up with a busy schedule which was a clear as day lay but luckily no one argue.
"Hey Kanda!" she greeted him cheerfully when she noticed him in the hall.
The always asocial male gave her a poker face look and turn around to leave.
She made an annoyed grimace and fallowed him. "How was your mission I heard you were in…Amsterdam?"
"It was rainy," was all he said.
Lenalee lifted an eyebrow. "Okay so…rainy. Must have been unpleasant," she continued the conversation doing her best to make it a polite one. "I hope you had an umbrella I heard that there was a festival wasn't it? So…"
"Do you want something?" he cut her speech at the beginning.
She made a grimace. "You know me to well. I wanted to ask you were quite often training with Allen-kun weren't you?"
Kanda smirked. "Yeah it was the only chance to kick Moyashi's ass without having problems with the leadership."
"Right… So have you and Allen been training during this month?" she asked carefully.
He watched her for a moment and then gave her a proud look. "I was wondering when one of you who calls yourselves Moyashi's friends will finally notice that he's leaving."
She lost words. 'Leaving?' her mind was suddenly disoriented.
"W-what are you talking about?" she asked not controlling her mouth.
Kanda gave her a knowledge look. A more careful person would try to calm her down and say something cheerful unfortunately Kanda Yu was everything but a careful person. "He's clearly burning bridges so he can leave soon without feeling guilty or broken. He's bonding of from you. From all of you. It's no surprise. Who would have wanted to live as a prisoner being watched twenty-four hours a day? Besides being watched by that dick Roulvier leaving is more than understanding. You should know it the best." He said and without waiting for Lenalee to absorb the information he left.
"He's leaving me? Without a goodbye?" she asked herself still in a trance.
Leave? Just like that? He will go and will not even turn around? He will leave her? But why? Why can he stay for her? Doesn't he understand that if he leaves her live her world will be broken? She will be lost without him. How can he do that? Doesn't he care for her? Doesn't he care for any of them anymore?
Before she knew it she started sobbing and tears came out of her dark purple eyes. She felt so weak she felt so broken. He was still here but she already felt like she was going to be tore a part any moment from the pain that just discovering that he wants to leave her had caused her.
She helplessly took a few steps to the nearest wall and pressed herself against it.
She heard footsteps somewhere behind her but as seconds passed they sounded like they were miles away so she didn't pain attention to them.
Suddenly somebody took her by the shoulders and somebody else asked. "Miss Lenalee, are you ok?" asked an old yet worried voice. She blinked and looked at the figure that held her. "Lavi?" and then at the man who asked. "Bookman-sama?"
Lavi frowned. "Lenalee what's wrong? Are you sick?"
"H-he wants to break my world, Lavi." Although the words did come from her mouth the voice was unfamiliar to her.
She again looked at the old Bookman. "Why does he want to break my world?" the unfamiliar voice was the last thing she heard before she fainted and her world was covered with a black blanket.
A day later in the hospital Lenalee was still in a delirium. Her own Nirvana where she could rest a bit despite the fact that she could hear what was going on around her. The first person she heard was her brother who was asking the nurses what's wrong with her. She had a feeling that from the volume he used she would hear him even from the grave.
She ended up in the state for a week hearing everything that was going on her and everything that the nurses and doctors were saying. It was quite fun. As she was quietly sleeping sometimes waking up to again fall asleep she notice that one person was coming quite often which was a shock since it was his fault that she had ended up here in the first place. Still Allen Walker had come everyday during the lunch break when it was sure that everybody else from their group is going to be in the cafeteria. How smart.
She always knew when he came because it was at the same time as sister Robin was leaving for lunch and like she knew that something was up to she never forgot to loudly greet him.
As he also greeted her back he quietly as he could came to Lenalee's bed where had been a chair and sat on it. He never said anything he just continued to quietly sit next to her and stare. She was too tired from the medicine she was obeyed to take so she never was awake and when she latter always thought about it she wasn't sure if she would like to talk to him if he wants to leave her maybe she should let him.
As he came and came she started to feel bad about thinking something like that so she decided to slowly quit taking the medicine to be up so they could talk. It was useless every time he came she had fall asleep. Well expect for once when she was awake during his arrived.
"A-allen-kun," she greeted him already talking really slow which meant she had only a few minutes before flying away.
He blinked surprised that she was awake. "H-hello Lenalee I hadn't expect you to be up."
"Well you always come when I am sle..eping," she said already feeling the sedatives working.
He sat next to her. "I know sorry I am quite unlucky in timing," he said and gave her a warm smile that would surely fool everybody else but not her. Not anymore.
"S-sorry Allen-ku.. but I'm the q-eeen of fake smi-les," she said and he blinked at surprised. She wanted to say more. To let him know that she knows that she's mad and that he can't just leave her like that but she was already pulled into the Nirvana again.
"Lenalee?" asked her Allen worriedly. She could hear him loud and clear but she couldn't move or let him know.
She heard him sighed. "Gosh Lenalee," she felt something gentle and warm making a trail through her cheek. "You're really a smart girl Lena but I've always knew that. I talked to Lavi so I know what you said before you fainted. I don't want to destroy your world. I never wanted to hurt you. Neither of you. I just don't feel the way I felt about the Order at the beginning when I came. Back then I was amazed and happy but now… I really feel like a slave or a prisoner. I don't blame Komui. There are bigger fishes to blame. I would really want to stay Lena but the longer I'm here the worst I feel. I would give up everything for a reason to let my fears and feeling behind but I can't. I love you guys. All of you. You're my family. A huge sometimes dysfunctional family. I always dreamed to have one and now that I have I really can't have it."
She heard a sob and it almost caused her to wake up.
"I feel bad for leaving you already even when I'm still here but I know that if I will leave now before you still care about me you will do anything to bring me back not to mention that you will have problems with Roulvier. You can't imagine how much I hate him for hurting you. That's why I never want you to have to deal with him again…." He cut his speech and stood up.
She heard as his footsteps were leaving the room which was like an echo in her head. "I'm sorry Lenalee… I wish I could stay."
He left.
She woke up in an hour with her face all wet from tears and a determinate look on her still white from the illness face. 'You will stay.'
Even when it was hard to fool Head Nurse she managed to do it and to not take the pills the whole day.
At the evening when the nurses were on their last day-checks up she gently asked them to let the key here because she had told them that she would feel safer. Since they never had any problems with her as a patient they agreed for this time.
When they left she waited for two hours to leave from her bed. It was her first out of bed so she was a bit clumsy and still not used to but she got a hold of herself and with locking her room up she left the hospital department.
It was hard and exhausting but she made it to the place where she was positive to find Allen and she was right. She should figure it out earlier where else could he be hiding all day? The music room of course.
She walked in. He wasn't playing anything. He just sat in front of the piano with his fingers on the keys but not moving his fingers.
He must had have heard something because he turned around and found her standing next to the door with her back pressed against the cold wall. It was really cold.
"Lenalee?" he sounded surprised which gave her more convincement but that had immediately felt off when she notice that Allen is staring at her hospital gown which was perfectly showing out her legs to the world. She should have dressed up before coming. She would get embarrassed and blushed like mad but she was still sick and her skin was like milk.
"Hello Allen," she had to repeated herself it a few times before coming so she would get used to skipping the –kun.
He noticed it. She could tell it by the look of his confused face.
"Lenalee what are you doing here? Are you ok? You so white," he said and he quickly got up trying his best to ignore her outfit reaching her to take her back to the hospital.
"I'm fine."
He came to her and gently took her arm. "Lenalee you're like ice. Why did you come?"
She smiled a bit. "I had a dream," she said and went to his piano.
He curious and nervous about the new situation watched her as she sat on the long piano chair and turned for him. "Come sit, please."
He suspiciously sat beside her. "What kind of a dream was it?"
Her smile grew. "You were in it."
"Was I?"
"Uh and you were saying something important but I can't remember what so I came. I had a feeling you wanted to say something to me."
He was shocked. This was unexpected. He thought she was asleep. She must had have heard something before she was asleep. Had she really forgotten or was she just playing with him?
He wanted to ask her but before he got the chance she took the leading word.
"If you don't than I got something important…if you don't mind that is."
He confusedly shook his head. This situation was getting stranger and stranger but he was taking most of it as an effect of Lenalee's sickness.
She looked at the keys and carefully put her fingers on few of them which caused them to make a sound. She was ready she was convincing and teaching herself all day. She knew what to do to make him stay.
She again looked at him. It was Allen. She might not know him for a long time but she got pretty bounded with him. She liked him. He was her family. He was a part of her world that she didn't want to lose no matter what. She knew that if it was Lavi or Kanda or anyone else not even her brother she wouldn't go as far as now but since it's Allen she had no other choice. Her choice made be radical but as she thought about it over and over again she came to the only possibly reason why he was different than others. She loved him. And if it truly was love she couldn't let him leave.
Taking a deep breath she leaned closer and ended up brushing her feverish lips against his. 'There's no way back now,' was the last thing that crossed her mind before it went blind and her instincts and desires took the lead.
He froze. He didn't expect her to do something like that. He hadn't expected her to do neither of any of this but she did.
He tried to stay calm and again take it as a fever reaction but when she really put herself into the kiss he let his theory somewhere behind and tried to focus on returning the kisses.
Leaning down more he pressed his lips on hers, they were lip-locked for a little while he brought one arm around her waist to bring her closer to him and making the other arm rest behind her head. When they made an oxygen break she stood up and sat into his lap.
'This isn't right. You will regret it.' He wanted to say something but she quickly began to playing with his lower lip. He gasped and when she kissed him again he didn't do anything to stop her. If fact he thought that even if she wanted he wouldn't do anything to stop.
Their second kissing was more affected more adulates. Wilder.
She felt his warm and passion running through her mouth to her whole body. Their tongues were fighting like forever because when they pulled apart she was gasping for air really hard this time and so was he. Her heart was beating uncontrolled fast like it was about to jump out of her chest.
He tried to calm down himself but before he could she again crashed her lips against his so he hadn't had time to think about the consequences of what may come off of this. All he cared about right now was to make her moan and gasp as much as possible and to remember breathing.
Before neither of them had noticed the room got hotter their kisses rougher and touches unbearable. She wasn't even aware of where he had touched her because it all changed into a pleasure warmness and satisfaction. She hugged him around the waists with her legs and moaned when he started a trail down her neck to her key bone. He smirked as a respond but before he could continue lower he got some hold of himself and put her away on the closed keys.
It was so sudden and surprising that she hadn't had time to react and stop him and so hadn't he.
She was breathing like she was three minutes under water and her body was shuddering which was not caused by the cold.
She glanced into his eyes with a questioned look.
He swallowed hard to find his lost voice again. "I… why are you doing this?"
She put her hands on his face and tried to skip the question by keeping his lips busy again but unfortunately he hadn't let her and took her hands in his away from him.
She blinked confusedly but he snubbed it and patiently waited for his answered.
"So?"
"I…I don't want you to leave," she said with her eyes full of sorrow.
He blinked and made a sad smile appear on his face. "So you had heard me? I thought so. You are an intelligent girl so it's normal that you found out."
She looked away. "How can you do something like that?"
"It's… you wouldn't understand…."
"Wouldn't I?" she asked sounding frustrated and touched by his words. "I was a prisoner of the Order Allen of Roulvier and I also wanted to leave. To runaway like a traitor. But I was alone. It was just me against him against them. But you're not Allen. You have me and Lavi and the others so you're not alone."
"So this was all to show me that I'm not alone?"
She looked at him. "Yes. Because when you came and said that you want to leave I felt that you truly do and that you will. Allen I couldn't let that happen. I… you're part of me world."
He frowned. "That's why you did it? To save a part? What about Lavi or Kanda? Would you also do this," he let go of her hands and gently brushed her waist which caused her to stop breathing. "Would you also do this to make them stay?"
She looked him straight into the eyes refusing to look away. "I would do anything to make my world together… but this is because of you."
He swallowed hard and a small blushed came on his face. One thing was to kiss a girl but another was to know that she loves you. Even all their kisses weren't as strong and moving as this perfect moment when he for the first time felt her true caring for him. Only for him. He knew she cared for him of course she cared for all of her friends but right now he found out that he's not like the rest of her friends. That he's different. He's more and thanks to that he for the first time in awhile felt like a human again. Like he lived again.
He didn't say anything but he knew that he will not leave her so easily. He knew that she got under his skin and that if she herself won't send him away and he knew she won't he's definitely going to stay.
It took him a really long time to break the eye contact. He calmly took her face and for the last time kissed her on her lips. Even if he would want to continue in the process he took her by the waists and put her down.
She wanted to know more but he just quietly took her to her hospital room and by few quick moves put her on the bed.
"Give me time." Was all that he said.
She wanted shout 'give time for what' but he silently lied down next to her which had surprised her so much that she just bitted her tongue and look at the wall.
Not knowing how she managed to sleep next to him without even being turned to each other.
When she woke up he was gone so she again got nervous. 'Is he still planning to leave?' she asked herself.
Feeling better she walked out of her room to find Allen in the hall friendly talking to Lavi and Krory.
"Oh, hey Lenalee!" greeted her Lavi. "Guess what Allen here decided to go on a picnic if you feel better…"
"Lavi!" yelled Allen and Krory together.
Lenalee looked at Allen and he glanced at her. Their eyes found each other souls hidden in them.
"Look what you did? You ruined the surprise!" said Krory upset.
"Surprise? Listen if you knew Lena as long as I do you would have knew that it is impossible to hid something away from her, right Allen?"
They both looked at Allen who was slowly reaching Lenalee but stopped as they mention his name. He turned around and smiled at them. "Yeah Krory, Lena is to smart to get fooled by a lie like that," he assured him and again looked at her.
She smiled. "Apparently am."
He went to her and gently took her hand. He let his fears and feeling behind and she knew he wouldn't leave. At least not for now. And right now it was enough.
That's all for tonight guys! ^_^ Oh and give a reviews or put it into favorite if you like :-)