Quack Experimental Crossover: The Bishounen House (Sneak Preview II!)

Disclaimer: We, Cynical Skittles, do not own any of the characters, dead or alive, real or unreal, that you will see mentioned in this story nor are we making any type of financial profit off of it. We also do not own the movie "What's Love Got to Do With It" nor do we own the song "Proud Mary". This is just the warped collaboration of two fucked up imaginations and too many hours spent on the phone. Besides, it's just a story, deal with it.

Now that we have that over with, please feel free to enjoy your second sneak preview of the Quack Experimental Crossover: The Bishounen House! (More hot bishis than you can shake a stick at)

Cynical's Note: I would like to severely apologize for using the word "niggets" in this story. I realize that some people are very sensitive and their panties get into a bunch over anything and everything. No, it is not in any way related to, nor intended to be a certain racial slur which begins with the letter n. This word "niggets" which my spell-check keeps trying to turn to "nuggets" was actually accidentally said by Skittles on the phone when we were coming up with this particular chapter of the story. Of course, I pounced on it like a rabid dog, and commented on how Riku's day would surely be making a turn for the worse should he ever utter that word in McDonalds, and it affected the course of the story, and well… You'll just have to read it for yourself.

Skittles' Note: We actually came up with the idea for this story after reading one too many fan fictions portraying Sora and Riku in the all too famous "Ike and Tina" relationship. You know which stories we're talking about! The one's where Sora is some spineless, whiny, lovesick fool who Riku constantly beats on and bitches to the point of de-masculinity only to have Sora come back for more?

*SLAP!*

Sora: "Riku, please stop! Don't hit me again!" **cries**

Riku: "Sora, baby I'm sorry. I-I don't know what came over me. Please don't be mad. I-I love you."

Sora: "If you love me then why do y-you hurt m-me?" **sniffs, sobs**

Riku: "Its the darkness, Sora! Its fucking with my head! You know I'd never hurt you on purpose!"

Sora: "Darkness, darkness! Its always the damn darkness! When are you going to own up an be a man?!"

Riku: "Why you-!!" **rears back to hit him**

Sora: **cowers** "Sob! Hiccup!"

Riku: **stares at his hand in horror** "S-Sora, I-"

Sora: "Go away! **whines** "Leave me alone!"

Riku: "I'll give it up. All for you." **wraps arms around Sora's waist** "I love you."

Sora: "Oh, Riku." **hugs him back** "I forgive you. We can start over again."

Riku: "Yeah. Sniiiiiiifff!" **takes a hit of darkness up his nose**

Sora: "What was that?"

Riku: "N-nothing! Sniff, sniff." **rubs his nose** "Let's go home."

Sora: "Okay!" **is happy again, the fool*

And no, in case you're wondering, that is not the actual story we have planned for you to read; that's just an example of some of the Riku/Sora bullshit we see floating around out there. And so we, Cynical Skittles, have decided to do a direct "Ike and Tina" parody pulled straight from the scenes of the movie 'What's Love Got To Do With It', just to let you people see what we have to put up with by reading your stories. Not that some of isn't damn hilarious, but come on, people enough is enough. Well, we're done. Enjoy! ^_^ You probably didn't even read any of the shit above anyway (no one ever does), so if you still flame us, we understand. We really do. You'll see. ^_~

Bishounen House Presents: Eat the Nuggets, Sora!

Curtain opens to reveal Cynical & Skittles standing on a stage, wearing sparkly dresses. "Proud Mary" starts playing and Skittles begins to sing, while Cynical talks.

Cynical: You know, now every now and then, I'm sure you'd like to hear something from us that isn't retarded.

Skittles: Left a good job in the city…

Cynical: But there's just one thing, you see.

Skittles: Working for the man every night and day.

Cynical: We never ever do anything that isn't retarded.

Skittles: But I never lost one minute of sleep worrying about the way things might've been.

Cynical: We always do it nice and crazy.

Skittles: Big wheels keep on turning…

Cynical: Now we're going to take the beginning of this story and do it nice and easy.

Skittles: The Proud Mary keeps on burning.

Cynical: But we're going to do the finish rough.

Skittles: And we're rolling, rolling, rolling on a river…

Cynical: That's how we do the Bishounen House's Eat the Nuggets.

Lights fade to black, and then back to bright white, while Cynical & Skittles dance around like psychos to "Proud Mary". All of a sudden the stage goes completely black, and the music stops.

Cynical: Alright, now what the fuck just happened? Hey! *falls off the edge of the stage*

Skittles: Which one of you bastards cut the power! Ow! *falls off the stage as well*

Ansem: For fuck's sakes! Just start the damn story, already! *holds up the yard clippers he used to cut the power cable* Give in to the darkness.

Bishounen House Presents: Eat the Nuggets, Sora!

(and we mean it this time. . Ansem is such a jerk!)

Kairi, Legolas, Sora and Riku walked into a McDonalds on a sunny Saturday afternoon. The dumbasses…

"Holy shit, this place is crowded!" exclaimed Riku. "Sora, are you sure you can't wait until we get home to eat? I mean, I'm hungry too, but damn! Look at that line!"

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Yeah, even the line to the drive-thru was jam packed and wrapped around the building. We damn near got run over in the parking lot trying to get to the door."

Sora sighed. "No, I can't wait, I'm really hungry Riku."

"Me too." added Kairi.

Riku looked at the line again and frowned up. "Okay Sora, I'll get you something to eat. This could take a while though, so go get a booth for us. Come on Legolas." Riku and Legolas sprinted off to get a decent spot in the line.

Sora reached after them. "Riku wait! I want a-"

"Come on Sora, we've got to get our seats before someone takes them." said Kairi, pulling Sora towards a booth.

After what seemed like days, Riku and Legolas arrived at the booth, carrying large bags of food. They set them down on the table and slid into the booth next to their respective dates.

Riku rustled around in his bag, bringing out two milkshakes, two apple pies, and a 20 piece box of nuggets. "Finally! I'm starving." Riku picked up a nugget and dunked it in honey mustard before cramming it into his mouth. "Mmm! Goddamn, that was delicious. These nuggets are good! Here Sora, have a nugget baby."

Sora wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I don't want any nuggets."

Riku insisted, holding the box out to Sora. "Come on baby, just tr-try the nuggets. They're really good."

Sora shook his head. "I don't want any nuggets, Riku."

Kairi and Legolas exclaimed worried glances. They both knew how Riku stuttered when he was really angry.

Riku's eyes narrowed, and he set the box down on the table. "Now, looky here S-Sora. N-now, we came in here, and you s-said to me, 'Riku, I'm really hungry.' I said 'Okay, Sora, I'll get you s-something to eat.'" Riku raised his voice. "Now, I-I done stood in that long-ass line! I d-done got all the way up to the register! I done b-bought that expensive ass 20 piece box of nuggets and two c-chocolate shakes, and t-two apple p-pies, and now your simple ass is g-gonna sit here and t-tell me you're not hungry?!"

"I am hungry!" shouted Sora. "But you didn't ask me what I wanted! I don't like chicken nuggets, Riku!"

Riku picked up a handful of nuggets. "Now, Sora, you're going to eat these g-goddamn nuggets!" he yelled.

Sora shook his head. "Riku, you can't make me eat tho- mmpff!!!" he choked as Riku crammed a fistful of nuggets into his mouth. "Mmpff!" he said angrily, his eyes watering.

Riku sat back, smirking in satisfaction. "Now was that so diffu-" SPLASH! Riku sputtered as Sora threw his entire chocolate shake in his face. "Bitch!" he yelled, and slapped Sora out of the booth.

Sora screamed and fell on his ass onto the linoleum floor.

"Sora!" cried Kairi. Not thinking, she lunged at Riku. "Ow!" she shrieked as Riku slapped her right down onto the floor next to Sora. She jumped to her feet almost instantly and prepared to attack Riku again.

Kairi!" cried Sora, trying to hold her back from his spot on the floor. "Kairi, it's alright!"

Kairi whirled around on him, her eyes blazing. "No, it is not alright to let some motherfucker pound on you!" She wrenched out of Sora's grip and stomped towards the door. "You'll leave too if you're smart, Sora!" she shouted, slamming the door on her way out.

Sora slowly climbed up from his spot on the floor, aware that everyone in McDonalds was watching him. His cheeks aflame, he eased back into his spot in the booth and sighed. How humiliating.

Riku watched it all with satisfaction, nonchalantly wiping his face dry with a napkin. He resumed eating his nuggets, and then pulled out one and dunked it in honey mustard and offered it to Sora. "Sorry about that Sora. Last time you didn't get to taste it with the sauce on it. Here. Try this nugget. It's delicious."

Sora sighed. "Riku, I don't want the nug-"

"Sora, just eat the damn nugget." Legolas interrupted with exasperation.

Sora glared at him. "No." He crossed his arms stubbornly. "I'm not eating anything!"

Riku's face turned red with rage. After all the shit they'd gone through in the past hour, that little bitch still wouldn't eat the food he'd bought for him?! Oh, this was just great! "Sora, I am sick and tired of your bullshit tantrums! Now you are going to eat THESE MOTHERFUCKING NIGGETS!!!!!!!"

All conversation in McDonalds ceased, and it grew dead silent as every single customer and employee turned to look at Riku.

Legolas' eyes popped out. "What did he just say?" he asked quietly.

Sora's jaw dropped. "Niggets… I think…" he whispered.

Finally someone broke the silence. "Yo, what the fuck did he just say?!" yelled an indignant employee.

"Was that a racial slur?" shouted a very-pissed off customer.

All color drained from Riku's face as he realized that they were the only white people in the entire McDonalds. They must've mistaken what he'd said for the n-word. Angry African American, Hispanic, and Asian faces glared back at him. He tried to speak. "Um… I-I…." He cleared his throat. "It was just… um… a slip of the tongue!"

"Interesting slip of the tongue, at that." muttered Legolas.

"I really mean to say nuggets, I swear! I have nothing against you people!" Riku pleaded.

"You people?!" growled a customer.

"So what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" snapped the manager.

"You're about to get fucked up!" someone yelled in through the drive-thru microphone.

The employees came from around the counter in a swarm. The customers rose from their seats and began to advance towards Riku.

"Oh shit!" Legolas muttered, snatching Sora by the arm and yanking him towards the door. "Come on, we have to get the hell out of here now!"

Sora struggled weakly against his grip. "But what about Riku?!"

Legolas dragged Sora out of the door moments before the crowd reached their booth. "He can handle himself! Come on!"

Sora turned back to look.

The crowd fell upon Riku despite his pleas for mercy.

"No!!!!!" screamed Riku, as the angry mob beat him to the ground.

"Eh, hold that motherfucker down yo!" ordered an angry employee, coming from around the counter with a batch of freshly cooked French fries.

The mob complied, mashing Riku face down on the Linoleum, and lifting up the back of his shirt.

"Oh my God! Legolas, they're going to throw hot fries on his back!" shrieked Sora. "We've got to help him!"

Legolas slapped Sora in the face. "Calm down, Sora!" He gently turned Sora around and began pushing him in the direction of the house. "We can't help Riku now. It's too late for him."

Sora shuddered. "Legolas, I'm afraid."

"So am I, Sora. So am I."

Meanwhile, back in McDonalds, Riku heard the hissing and popping of the hot fries and struggled vainly to escape. "Oh God no!!!" The hot fries dropped onto his back. "Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!" He thrashed around on the ground as the entire fry basket was dumped onto him.

Far away in Hollow Bastion, Ansem watched it all in his crystal ball. "Man, it's a shame how they fucked that Riku kid up like that."

Back at McDonalds, Riku was in so much pain, he was barely aware of the ass-kicking he was receiving. Defeated, he merely remained sprawled out face-down on the ground, only vaguely disgusted that his mouth and nose were in contact with a McDonalds floor. And it was filthy too, because when the janitor arrived on his shift and saw the fight, he'd put down the mop and joined in. Now Riku had broom prints on his legs, and he was probably going to catch some funky disease. He was just abut to slip into blissful unconconsciouness when he heard the sound of a police siren.

"Shit!" exclaimed someone.

"It's the fuzz!" yelled the janitor.

"Let's get the fuck out of here!" shouted the manager.

Instantly the mob was off Riku, and rushing out the door. Relieved, Riku staggered painfully to his feet, wincing. "I never thought I'd ever be glad to hear a police siren heading my way." he gasped. He lurched to the door, and pushed it open, stumbling out into the open. The parking lot was completely deserted, except for the one police car pulling to a stop a few feet away from him. Riku waved it down, and staggered over, as the cop opened the door. "Officer am I glad to see… You!" he cried, recognizing the cop who'd always busted him when he first came to the city.

The cop looked back at Riku and sighed. "You. Good God boy, can't you ever stay out of trouble? What did your silly ass do this time, Riku?"

Riku stammered. "Me?! I just got my ass handed to me by a bunch of angry McDonalds people!" he shouted.

The cop nodded. "Whatever. You're the only one left here, so you're under arrest for destruction of property."

"What?!" screamed Riku.

"You heard me. And seeing how I've arrested you so many times before, we'll just say I read you your rights. You probably know them by heart now, anyway. Now get in the car."

"I can't believe this shit." Riku muttered as he was handcuffed. The cop pushed him into the car by the back of his head. "Ow! Hey!" Riku yelled as his head was smacked roughly on the top of the door frame.

"Watch your head." the cop muttered impassively, slamming the door in Riku's face. "Shut up, and look out the window. It's a long ride to the station, kid." The cop got in the car and drove off into the distance, as the theme song from COPS played in the background.

Bad boys, bad boys… What you gonna do? What you gonna do when they come for you?

The End

Cynical: *cuts on a flashlight* Or is it?

Skittles: *lights a match* Nah, we got a whole lot more fucked up shit coming for them soon enough.

Cynical: Yep, this was just a sneak preview, people!

Ansem: Sneak preview this! *swings huge mallet*

Cynical: O_O *THUD!*

Skittles: O_O *THUD!*

Lights go out again.

Ansem: Like I said, give in to the darkness. Fools.

The End

(for real this time)