-1Title: She Hoped, Until it Happened
Author: 1million-words-unsaid
Rating: K+
Summary: HHR-- a weird sort of third person narrative of Harry and Hermione and their love and the trials it's been through.
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters created by J.K. Rowling because if I did I would not be writing for a free online service and looking for an after school job.
She Hoped, Until it Happened
It wasn't that she was scared--it was that he wasn't, or at least he didn't show it--that's what scared her. She didn't fear the war, or death, or the silence during the Horocrux search. Her biggest fear was never seeing him smile again. She feared that he would never know true love. That he would die believing he was alone in the world he worked so hard to save. She feared that in his death his last thought would be of his failure, because only failure could mean his death, she hoped.
It couldn't be about what she wanted--it had to be about what he wanted, even if he never asked for it--she couldn't want it for him. She couldn't want him to hold her, or kiss her, or love her. She shouldn't wonder what his lips would taste like. She shouldn't wonder about what type of lover he would be. That he would be full of passion and comfort even when he had been so deprived of both. She couldn't make his dreams for him, but she could be one of his dreams, she hoped.
She wasn't allowed to help him--he had to learn it all himself, even if it seemed impossible--She wasn't allowed to learn it for him. She wasn't allowed to share her secrets, or give him hints, or be his support system. She wasn't allowed to keep him from falling. She was forbid from helping him get back onto his feet. Despite how hard he fell and how much it broke her heart. She wasn't allowed to be his rock, but she could lend a shoulder to cry on, she hoped.
Until it happened
Until he looked into her eyes and showed her his fear. Until he took her in his arms and whispered in her ear. Until he took her by the hand to steady himself. It wasn't the love she had hoped for, but at least he was beginning to let her back in.
Until it happened
Until her found another whose eyes were brighter. Until he found another to who he whispered 'I love you'. Until he walked down the hall hand in hand with another girl. It was back to the emptiness and hoping.
She feared losing him forever--He seemed so lost in make believe, even if he thought is was reality--she feared her. She feared that girl, and her smile, and the way she could make him laugh. Her biggest fear was him never returning. She feared the love they shared. The out of the park homerun, matching sweaters, lets grow old together type of love. She feared that the love was only a fleeting type of love, because then he could recover from the lose, she hoped.
She could tell him what she thought--even if he didn't believe her, didn't want the truth--she could give it to him straight. She could tell him that the hugs, and the kisses, and the love was all for show. She should help him see the truth. She should prove their love was just a charade. That this hole he was digging was going to be hard to get out of. She could prove him wrong, and still be his friend, she hoped.
She was allowed to cry in her room for hours--about all the things he had done to hurt her, even if he didn't know it--she was allowed to bleed. She was allowed to curse, and yell, and scream. She was allowed to be angry. She was allowed to feel betrayed. Even if he didn't know why she didn't speak to him. She had permission to hate him, and yet still feel an overwhelming love towards him, she hoped.
Until it happened
Until he came home broken and alone. Until he raged and cried enough for the two of them. Until she put her arms around him to ease the pain. It wasn't the reunion she had hoped for, but at least she had a friend again.
Until it happened
Until one day he took her lips in his. Until his hand wound its way through her hair. Until hours later their cloths lay forgotten in some other room. It was now so much more than friendship,
Now she feared losing him to death. She could be his dreams and he could be hers. Now she could help him stand back up because she fell too. She could cry over him as long as he promised to fix the tears, and she no longer had to fear him not returning because now she was his home. She could tell him what she thought and he could try to prove her wrong. She could be angry because he would make her happy.
Until it happened
Until he took her hand in his and asked for forever. Until he took her hand in his and fought for the future. Until he took her hand in his and whispered one last "I love you". It was the love she had hoped for, and now it was gone.
Until it happened
Until years later they were laid the side by side. Until a little boy with jet black hair and chocolate colored eyes sat with a red haired man and cried. Until they whispered 'I love you' in heaven for the first time. It was just as the tomb had inscribed 'Harry and Hermione Potter, a love that never died.'
Authors Note: This is really out there compared to how I normally write, but I kind of like it. I love getting reviews--the good and the bad. Just as an idea for where this came from I was listening to 'Ghost' by Howie Day and just the sound of it kind of lended to this piece.