Tandem Night
Chapter One
His eyes were the pale greenish hue of faded aquamarines under the Aegean Sea, beautiful and knowing. Large, heavy lidded, thickly lashed and sensually tilted down slightly at the corners, they could beg, beguile or gleam with laughter in a way that few women would be able to resist. I often thought that those eyes were more expressive in simply one glance than most people could be if they were to write an entire novel.
To be honest, perhaps it wasn't so much the beauty but the complicated mix of sadness in those eyes that I was drawn to. Because as pragmatic and sunny as I was in my daily life, there was a tandem pull of dark night within me. I often surreptitiously watched his eyes, lingered over the faceted hidden pain and often wondered about it in the beginning of our friendship.
Calen Bryn.
I had met him a year ago at my best friend Lori's birthday party. In all of the glittering frenzy of the celebration, he had cut a dark mysterious figure leaning against the star lit skies on the patio. I had been trying to quietly rest in relative peace of the patio and escape from my boisterously drunk husband and his friends. Perhaps I had been a little bit inebriated myself. I cannot quite recall.
When he walked out to the patio to stand by the railing, I peered over the lawn chair I was sprawled in, but kept quiet. I hadn't wanted to talk to anyone. Yet he must have somehow seen me.
"You're Emma aren't you?" His voice was low, masculine and gruff in many ways, yet so incredibly musical that it felt like velvet against my skin. I started in surprise at the almost visceral reaction I had to just his voice. Nobody affected me like that.
"Uhm. Yes." Was my eloquent reply as I quickly sat up and made sure my dress wasn't gaping somewhere inappropriate.
"I'm Calen. I went to college with Phil." Phil was Lori's boyfriend.
I put a polite smile on my face as he started walking towards me. Calen's voice and his lean figure were still all I could discern of him. I couldn't see his face as he made his way over to where I was sitting. His scent reached me first. I still remember my polite smile fading away and clenching my fists when I inhaled the subtle sensual mix of summer air and some softly masculine cologne.
His eyes were the third surprise of evening.
Even in the dimly lit night of the patio, they were unearthly bright, clear and unwavering as they made contact with my own widened brown ones. Instinctively I lowered my eyes away from his. Even then I understood the danger of those eyes.
He sat down next to me. Then leaned back and contemplated the skies. After a moment, I realized that he wasn't going to make any awkward conversation and I relaxed a little bit as well, leaning back on my chair.
Then I suddenly sat up and laughed as I remembered. "Oh! You're Phil's old college roommate right? You were traveling in Indonesia for the last month I think he was telling us."
"Yes." He turned towards me slightly.
"How was Indonesia?" I must have sighed with some longing. "I've been to Europe but never Southeast Asia. I've always wanted to go. My parents go back home to Thailand once a year but I've never had the time to go." I knew I was babbling and quickly shut myself up.
He laughed quietly. Just a low rumble that made me feel as if there were marbles swirling around in my stomach.
"Indonesia was beautiful." He said softly. "And I plan to visit Thailand this year. Strangely enough."
I began to regurgitate words again, something I did when I was nervous and something that drove my husband crazy with annoyance.
"Oh great choice! My parents love Thailand. Obviously since that's where they were born. I really would love to visit Thailand with them sometime soon."
"Why don't you go Emma?" He asked. For some reason it sounded more than a simple rhetorical question. It sounded as if he were asking me for answers that I had no clue about.
"I…just don't have time." I rubbed my forehead. "My husband and I are pretty busy."
"You're married. That's right." He turned away, and I looked at his profile for a second. His face was really as beautiful as his eyes. I turned away myself.
"Yes." I answered defensively. Though why I was being so defensive was a mystery to me at that point.
"You should still make the time to go. Just do it." Was his response.
"Sure." I suddenly felt disoriented. Why was this guy making me feel all off-balanced? "I'd better get back inside."
"Wait." He stood up. "Let me help you up." Before I could respond, his hand was warmly grasping mine. With an efficiency of movement, he gently pulled me to my feet and stepped away.
"Thank you. I think." My heart was pounding too hard for this moment to last any longer.
"Emma?" His quiet voice stopped me from immediate flight. Hardly breathing, I turned and nodded.
"Would you like to grab coffee tomorrow? I'd love to hear more about Thailand." There was no pressure in those words, but it still pushed whatever breath I had left out of me.
"Look Calen. I'm married." I said rather harshly. "It wouldn't be appropriate."
He gave a strained slight laugh that sounded odd. "I know. Forgive me."
I turned to walk away.
"Would friendship be okay?" He asked gruffly.
"Why?" I wasn't a fool. And I was no model but I knew that I was pretty enough to draw some male attention once in a while. However, there had never been any temptation inside of me to invite that attention any further. As I've said before, the pull this person had on me was shocking.
"I don't know." He gave that odd laugh again. "I just know that…I would like to remain in your life somehow."
"I don't think it would be a good idea." I shook my head and had left him there.
I hadn't seen him the rest of that night except once briefly his eyes had caught mine as my husband and I were leaving the birthday party.
A week later I was freezing and wet trying to hide from a sudden August downpour under some tree branches. Downtown traffic was terrible and I had already been splashed twice by cars zooming by through the deep puddles on the street. My husband was supposed to pick me up but he had to work late and I was waiting for the bus to take me home. The bus stop shelter was filled and I hadn't brought an umbrella.
"Emma?" That low voice sent a sudden flush through my body even in the cold rain. Shivering and peering through wet strands of hair, I saw him standing there in the rain holding a large black umbrella with a teak handle. I lost my breath.
In the full light of day, even with the gray clouds, cold air and pouring rain, Calen was beautiful. Those eyes were green…no blue…no aquamarine. His hair was almost black with a dusting of gold throughout, and his face was finely sculpted with masculine perfection. His lips lifted in a half smile.
"Emma…you're drowning."
I waved a sodden arm and shook my head. "No, no. I'm fine. It's just a little rain." I shouted.
"This is a monsoon. Not a 'little rain'." He laughed and before I could do anything other than try not to stumble, he was holding my hand and pulling me next to him. The sudden break from the rain allowed me to rub my eyes free of rainwater and blink at him clearly for the first time. Up close he was dazzling. All glittering knowing eyes, straight teeth and lean lips.
I jerked away but he held on tight to my hand.
"Even if we're not friends, I can still offer a drowning lady some help can't I?" His lips quirked. He began walking and I had no choice but to follow. A few women twittered nearby and I glared straight ahead. My ridiculous heels that had looked so cute that morning were completely useless stomping through the puddles. The rain had gotten so heavy that in some areas water had risen to my ankles.
I couldn't help but be grateful for the umbrella. My teeth started chattering and I wrapped my free arm around myself.
"W-where are we going?" I asked through clattering teeth.
"My car." He gave me a brief glance. "I'll drive you to wherever you need to go."
I didn't argue. He raised a brow and we walked silently for about a block when I suddenly slipped. His dropped the umbrella and grabbed me with both hands, catching me neatly before I could hit the ground. Rain poured over both of us again. I blinked furiously through the heavy droplets and tried to stand up. He straightened me and looked around for his umbrella.
Standing there, I watched his lean figure get soaked in the rain. He was wearing what had probably been a really nice suit at one point. People all around were running, some looked panicked, some looked gleeful. I glanced down at my bedraggled appearance and without warning, began to giggle. I raised my arms, kicked my heels off, tilted my head back and laughed with genuine mirth.
"Calen!" I gasped when he held the umbrella over me again. This time I grabbed hold of his arm with mine. "Isn't this fun?"
"Fun?" His eyes began to crinkle as he stared at me. "Yes." He agreed softly. "This is fun."
I picked up my ruined heels with one hand, held onto him with another, and shouted, "Come on, let's run to the car!"
The puddles splashed around me. It was as if the world was moving in slow motion. The grayness of the skies, and the heavy rain, and the blurred movements of people around me felt surreal. I was laughing because really, when was the last time I had simply had so much damn stupid fun? For a moment I was a little girl again, holding onto my best friend's hands as we giggled and splashed our way through the playground during rainy May months.
His arm was secure around me as he guided us through until suddenly we were at his car. A dark British green Jaguar that looked rather old and classic. He opened the door for me and I clambered inside. The leather seats were smooth against my wet skin. It smelled like him in there and the intoxicating scent sobered me instantly from my strange rain-induced high.
He slid into the driver's seat.
"Where to?" He said without looking at me.
I gave him my address. Then I wrapped my arms around myself, looked out the window and started shivering.
"You're freezing." He cursed softly and turned on the heat to full blast. I soaked in the warmth gratefully but my teeth wouldn't stop chattering. I felt cold deep inside as if there was ice encasing my internal organs.
He drove for a few minutes and then stopped the car. I was barely aware of what was happening because I was feeling nauseous and feverish. He came back into the car moments later. He was holding a steaming cup of tea that he carefully put into my hands.
"Please drink this Emma." I nodded and took a sip. The hot liquid felt good. I drank a few more mouthfuls and then he took it from me and put it in the cup holder.
"Thank you." I croaked.
"Let's get you home." He gave me the barest hint of a smile.
I must have fell asleep because the next thing I knew, it was dark out and we were outside of my house. I quickly jerked up and blinked.
"How long was I asleep?" My voice was husky from sleep and I felt terrible. I was pretty sure I was going to get sick from my time in the rain.
"Just a few hours." Calen looked over at me. His hands were loosely draped over the steering wheel. He seemed completely relaxed and content.
"Crap. You should have woken me up!" I glanced at my watch. "It's almost 8pm! Luke is going to be so worried!"
"I tried waking you up." He said apologetically. "But you took a swing at me and refused to budge. I wasn't sure how your husband would feel if I carried you in. So…I waited."
"I'm sorry." I grabbed my purse . "I'm a terrible person when I wake up. Thank you again Calen. I'll head in now."
"See you Emma." He replied with a small nod.
I half stumbled inside the house in a panic. Only to find that there was nobody home. I checked my cell phone. There was a message from Luke letting me know that he was doing a business dinner with some clients and wouldn't be home until later. I sighed and slipped to the floor. I hugged my knees and felt incredibly sad all of the sudden. I texted Luke that I was home and waited a few minutes for a response. He never texted back which meant that I wouldn't hear from him until he was home.
My cell dinged as I was taking off my wet clothes. Surprised and happy, I checked my cell to see what my husband had texted. Instead it was from a strange number.
Just checking to see if you're okay.
I frowned and texted back. Who is this?
It's Calen.
I sat down on the bed in my bra and panties and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My long dark hair was a frizzy mess and my skin was blotchy from the rain and nap in the car.
I slowly texted back.
I'm fine. Thank you. How did you get my number?
Phil gave it to me.
Okay…
He'd ask for my phone number? Why?
I hope Luke wasn't too worried.
I regarded the text thoughtfully. Then I lied.
He was super worried but everything is cool. Thanks again and goodnight.
I slumped back on the bed and rolled up in the comforter until I was wrapped up like big human burrito. The fluffy warmth of the blanket allowed my body to finally relax and my mind to wander free. Dangerously I allowed my thoughts to drift to Calen. Who was this guy? And what in the hell did Calen want with me? Was this some sort of strange game he was playing? A man who looked the way he did…did not need to chase someone who wasn't interested.
Unless that was the draw?
I buried my face into my comforter and fell into a dream-filled slumber where I was a child again, swinging at the playground, higher and higher into the skies until I could no longer tell what was up or down.
"Stop looking at me like that." I admonished Calen half-heartedly. I was a bit too drunk to be as adept as I usually was at hiding my feelings. And god, Calen. The way he looked at me. People shouldn't be so naked with their eyes the way he was.
As closemouthed and subdued as he was when it came to words, in contrast he showed almost everything with solely his eyes. It came to be that I started to listen in a different way. How did I never notice that others were so loud, so crass, almost in the way they demanded someone's ear for their stories? How have I not noticed that the noise from others could be so blinding? His very stillness made me aware of things that came from the deepest, most unexplored parts of me.
It was often unnerving to be the subject of his quiet focus. I would pause from my barrage of silly inconsequential stories and gossip to catch his gaze on me, alert yet lazy, a half smile on his lips.
"How was your date?" I asked him to fill the silence because I was one of those loud crass people. And because I was genuinely curious.
"Ah." He leaned back as well and I gave a silent breath of relief to be freed from his eyes. "The date went well I thought."
"Good." I smiled. It was good. An attached Calen would make life much easier. He traveled a lot for his work and I only saw him rarely. A part of me missed him more than I should.
Calen had ended up being my friend despite my initial misgivings. It had been almost a year now and we were somehow good friends. Mostly because I was so careful. So very careful that not by a single thought or outward action could our relationship be misconstrued as anything but friendship. Fake it till you make it I suppose. Sometimes I could believe it myself.
Friendship. Sometimes I laughed internally at the term. What a silly term to describe the unbearable strange connection I felt towards him. And perhaps it was the same with him. I would never know. I would never ask. I wanted to keep this the way it was. Forever. For as long as possible. I didn't want it to change.
Technically I suppose I could push it further. After all I was no longer married.
Luke had served me with divorce papers six months ago, and then gotten re-married only two months later. Whenever I think about my ex-husband the familiar descending feelings of pain and guilt swarmed over me. Perhaps I would have fought harder for him, forgiven him, still be married…but I hadn't really fought.
"Are you okay Emma?" I looked up at him involuntarily.
Calen's eyes unnerved me and I did not welcome the change from the numb state I now mostly existed in.
What did he want from me? I asked myself that often. Was it to get me into bed? But I couldn't flatter myself that way. I wasn't beautiful or desirable enough for someone to put a year of effort into simply having sex with me. And he didn't make those sorts of overtures anyway.
Maybe things would clear up if I initiated things and just slept with him…but no. I didn't want our relationship to change. It was the one thing in my life that I felt was entirely mine and kept me sane on days where I felt my life was falling apart around me in large crackling chunks.
And truth be told I still felt that somehow Calen would always remain off limits to me whether I was single or married, or whether my dreams have long spiraled away from my control into forbidden territory.
I remembered the one time I had seen him almost nude. Bronzed skin sprawled in opulent abandon across his strong frame; muscled, sinuous, and predatory in the way that he moved. There had been a skillfully rendered and oddly beautiful tattoo that spiraled down one side of his shoulders. The memory remained fresh. It had been an accident from a month ago. I wondered if he remembered it as well.
"I'm fine Calen." I responded quickly. The memories sobered me from my slightly drunken state and made me back up. We were sitting across from each other at his place and suddenly I was wondering what the hell I was doing there. Drunk no less. I grimaced and rubbed my face.
Seeing that, his eyes darkened with slight emotion. Then those thick lashes lowered and hid his eyes from me. Right now his mouth was all lean lines, closed with tension. I watched as the masculine curve of those lips as they tightened and wondered if anyone would ever know him fully. He gave away so little. I knew I was an open book by comparison, even though I have made a huge effort to reign the way I stumbled far too passionately into whatever captured my attention.
"I'm sorry I just barged in here." I said lightly as if it excused my sudden withdrawal.
He merely inclined his head slightly. It frustrated me often how I couldn't read him as well as I wished. I considered myself a rather perceptive person on the whole. But Calen's moods were as mysterious as the depths of the ocean sometimes, opaque and impenetrable when he wanted to be.
Strong emotion cracked those walls I knew. It let his eyes speak. And god knows sometimes I wanted to crack those walls with an intensity that vibrated through my very soul. But I didn't. It wouldn't be nice. Or fair.
"You're allowed." He finally said.
"I shouldn't though." I insisted. I stood up and began to pace, albeit a little unsteadily. A solid two hours of drinking with co-workers at the trendy new bar in downtown Jaceinda had put quite the dent in my sobriety.
"You're Emma." Calen suddenly grinned, showing irreverent dimples and strong white teeth. His eyes remained hidden from me. Then he softly repeated. "You're allowed."
Those rare moments of humor from him felt as heated and warm as the strange hot summer that we were currently experiencing in Maryland. I basked in the heat with a silly grin. Then realizing I had paused in a rather ungraceful pose across from him, I untangled my limbs and sat back down.
He smoothly stood up as soon as I was seated and walked towards his kitchen. Leaning against the wall he crossed his arms and regarded me. Calen well matched the elegance of his sleek modern kitchen in his crisp fitted cerulean blue shirt and slim dress slacks. He lived in one of the most expensive high-rises in the city and according to Lori, was incredibly successful with the business he owned. Other than knowing that it had something to do with security, I had never asked him. And being the close-mouthed man that he was, Calen had never divulged much information either.
"Tell me Emma. Why did you come here tonight?" He matched those words with an unblinking opaque blue green stare that quickly unnerved me. "Was it to ask about my date?"
"Yes. Well no. Actually, I didn't mean to. I must have had too much to drink. The cab dropped me off here" Was my muttered babbling excuse. He raised an eyebrow with a bit of dark humor.
"You're saying it was because you were drunk?" He challenged softly. Suddenly the air felt charged with heavy tension. I pulled nervously at the hem of my rather frumpy dress that I had worn to work that day. Why hadn't I taken the two minutes to change into something less matronly and awful?
Why did I care?
Frustrated I glared at him. "Sure." Why was he pushing me? I was too unsteady to be doing this dance tonight. "But I should really leave now."
"Don't leave yet." He gave me a saccharine smile. "You haven't even heard about my date with Danielle".
This was a Calen that sometimes came out and made me extremely nervous. No longer friendly, he looked at me with what looked almost like hostility in his eyes.
"You said it went well." I said calmly and stood up. "And I should get going. Thanks for letting me…I don't know. For letting me hang out with you for a bit."
He laughed and walked around the kitchen island.
"Yeah, hanging out is fun." He said over his shoulder, lashes lowered. I watched a bit uncertainly as he poured himself what looked like a tumbler of golden whiskey. He took the entire contents of the tumbler smoothly in one shot. His cheeks were slightly flushed when he tilted his head back down. That was when I began to realize with some disconcertion that perhaps I wasn't the only one drunk.
"How many whiskeys have you had?" I asked with a raised brow of my own and a nonchalance I didn't really feel.
"I sometimes hate you Emma." He said conversationally as he poured another generous splash of whiskey into his glass. He looked up and snared my eyes with his own. The usually inviting orbs were so pale they now looked like jade chips.
"I hate what you do to me." He toasted me and took another deep swallow.
A deep breath broke past my lips and I lowered my eyes away. How to answer that?
"This is my second bottle of Macallan 1926. A good year." His voice was sardonic and hardly slurred at all. Perhaps he wasn't drunk.
"I'd better leave." I mumbled and headed towards the door in my bare feet. He must have moved quickly as well as silently because I didn't even hear him before my body registered that he was standing in my way, towering over me in a way that was at once familiar and threatening.
I opened my mouth to give a sharp retort but when I looked up, I lost what words I was going to say. His beautiful face was held in an exquisite balance of agony, pain and anger. And those eyes, as they blinked slowly, there was a faint redness where the whites should be. It looked like he hadn't slept in days…or was that sorrow? My heart threatened to fall out of my chest when I saw that the edges of his heavy lashes were tipped with moisture.
He held out one slightly trembling hand and touched my cheek gently. I was frozen in place. That light touch, that single moment of contact of flesh upon flesh felt like a bolt of lightening through my body. I couldn't breathe.
"I hate you sometimes Emma." He whispered with unbearable sadness. "You are a mere girl. A mere mortal. A human without a faintest concept of what it means to truly want something, someone, until pain and pleasure blend into one and there is no escaping it."
His words stunned me and confused me all at the same time. Was he reciting the words from some old literature? Calen loved reading obscure old books and often tried to foist them on me to read. We have different tastes in books.
"What are you talking about Calen?" I choked out the question and forced myself to move back from his dangerous touch so that I could think more clearly. Unfortunately the combination of alcohol and his eyes made thinking clearly incredibly difficult. "Is that from one of your old books?"
He lowered his brows and closed his eyes. "Emma." He said softly. "Perhaps you should leave."
Conversely now I wanted to touch him. It was a craving that was never far beneath the surface. My fingers convulsed and I clenched them to prevent them from doing what they wanted to do.
"I'm going to leave." I agreed and before I could do anything stupid, I scooted around him and ran out the door. Shoeless I dialed a cab company with trembling hands. Tears trickled slowly out the corners of my eyes as I lowered my head. As terrible as it felt, I was going to let Calen go. I was going to stop seeing him and forcing us in this awful parody of friendship. Whatever true liking we had for each other would always be overshadowed by the unspoken thing between us and I was far too frightened to ever look at it in the eyes. I was going to run away.
My cell made a beeping noise. I looked down.
Coward.
I shut my cell off.