Written for the Neverending List Challenge at the HPFC.

Lily Potter could honestly say with the utmost sincerity that Scorpius Malfoy was the love of her life. But just because someone was the love of your life didn't mean that you couldn't also have a burning hatred for them at times, especially when they decided that they wanted to annoy people in an elevator with things that they found on a list online. Which was how Lily ended up sitting on the floor of a dirty elevator with her hands in her face as Scor made vrooming sounds to anyone getting on or off the elevator. It was number one on the list.

1. Make Race Car Noises Whenever Anyone Gets Off Or On

Lily did have to admit that Scor was doing a splendid job. Everyone looked positively annoyed at him and pityingly at her. Lily wondered if they testify for her if she murdered Scor. Possibly. But if one of them made a move, Lily knew that she would be there for them. Maybe she should strike a deal with someone. That business man in the corner seemed like a nice bet. He looked like he could have been a Slytherin. Lily was a Slytherin. It seemed like a match made in heaven.

Turns out Tim, the business man, was actually a Muggleborn wizard that had been Sorted into Hufflepuff, but it had been a close call between Slytherin. Full name was Timothy Puckle Spinks, though Lily felt the need to shorten it to Tim, he hated Lucius Malfoy with a fury when he was at Hogwarts and so long as his archenemy's grandsons' girlfriend didn't mind killing the aforementioned grandson, he didn't see anything wrong with it. Lily didn't either as Scor moved on to the next thing on his list.

2. Blow Your Nose and Offer to Show the Contents of Your Kleenex to Other Passengers

Sometimes you had to take one for the team.

The plan had originally just been a simple shiv made out of stuff in Tim's briefcase, but eventually other passengers had started giving their ideas combined with other people idea's and while none of those other passengers stayed, Lily and Tim were left the shuffle the wreckage to see if they could find anything working. As such, Scor could move onto the next thing on his list.

3. Grimace Painfully While Smacking Your Forehead and Muttering: "Shut Up, Dammit, Just All Of You Shut Up!"

Lily felt like crying at seeing how her beautiful plan was falling apart.

Tim and Lily were now in a fight and were now plotting their own ways to kill Scor, as Tim had found out that Lucius Malfoy actually like Lily and kept on talking about how he while normally would have been off by the Potter/Weasley combo that was her genes, her Slytherin cunning far outweighed it and it might be just the thing to get the Malfoy's out of the Gryffindor dry-spell that was Scor. Lily wasn't quite sure but she supposed it was a compliment. She wondered what Lucius would think of her Slytherin cunning now as she watched Scor do the next thing on his list.

4. Whistle the First Seven Notes of 'It's A Small World After All' Incessantly

Damn. Now she wanted to go to Disney World.

Lily and Tim had made up, but they couldn't plan as they watched Scor do the next thing on his list.

5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies

Lily and Tim had debated doing magic to help kill Scor but then decided against for two reasons. The first was that Lily was underage. The second was that they were too many people coming in and out the elevator and someone could have very easily seen that Lily and Tim wouldn't know about them seeing and thus, there goes everything the Ministry's worked for on keeping Muggles from knowing magic. Yet Scor somehow managed to a hundred Girl Scout cookies and was currently selling them to everyone. He must have done magic to get them in as there was no way that Scor could have snuck that many in without Lily noticing. Scor must have used magic. Lily wanted to know how.

6. On a Long Ride, Sway Side to Side at the Natural Frequency of the Elevator

There was many an unsuspecting woman who went up to Scor just swaying, sighing, and staring straight ahead, to ask if he was okay. Lily admired their bravery. But Scor wasn't okay, had never been okay, and never will be okay. Though she did think that it was overkill that when someone asked him if he was okay to say, "Master wants me back. I do not want to go back to Master. But I shall go back to Master as Master needs me." What the heck did that even mean?

Scor was shaving. Holding Lily's compact mirror in one hand, he was shaving his face with the other. Lily had looked at the list and that was all number seven said to do.

7. Shave

Lily had to give Scor credit. He hadn't nicked himself once.

Lily and Tim had given up on trying killing Scor. It was useless. Scor was already on number eight.

8. Crack Open Your Briefcase or Purse, and While Peering Inside Ask: "Got Enough Air In There?"

He was using Lily's purse to do this little act. A Mother was holding her two sons close to her and was looking nervously at Scor, as if trying to gauge what he had in there just by his face. The doors dinged open just as Scor looked up, smiled at her and her sons and waved too. Lily wondered if that was the fastest the lady had ever moved.

Lily and Tim had actually participated in one of Scor's numbers. Well, not so much participated as he smacked a name tag on both of them before offering name tag's to everyone else in the elevator.

9. Offer Name Tags to Everyone Getting On the Elevator. Wear Yours Upside-Down.

Lily was glad that he was almost through them now. She could see home in her sights.

10. Stand Silent and Motionless In the Corner, Facing the Wall, Without Getting Off.

This last one wasn't done by Scorpius. It was done by Lily, until Scor manage to get Lily off the elevator and back to home.

Not one of my better stories but I think it works. But let me know what you think in the review.