Realize

By: Sweetzer

[[I own nothing, all belongs to Stephanie Meyer.]]

{Thanks to Kings Of Leon for the inspiration at 3:22 in the morning.}

Chapter 1: Spit it out or I'm just going to ignore you.

JPOV

Seth, I said, slightly annoyed. Seth, are you asleep? You don't have to run around like this, kid. I can do it. I don't sleep anymore. It was true. My eyes were always wide open, because if I closed them then dreams would come to me and those dreams would kill me inside.

Leah shivered suddenly as Seth said, I… is awake, Jay. Don't worry… He was about to pass out any second. I could feel the stinging sensation in his eyes. He was dead, poor guy had been using every last energy molecule he had over the last few days of protecting Bella and the Cullens.

Sleep. Now, I commanded, though not using my Alpha power. I could sense Leah agreeing with me, apparently there was something on her mind she wanted to keep from Seth. I couldn't deny that she was doing a good job of not showing it, because I couldn't see anything in her head that showed a hint of what she was worrying about now.

Seth had shifted back to human mode right out side the Cullens back yard just seconds after I told him to get to rest. There was an awkward silence now that it was just me and Leah. I saw all the things that Leah saw, and vice versa. I had thought it was going to be weird, sharing thoughts solely with the Clearwaters, more often then not just Leah. But it was weird, I loved the way she looked at life. Everything was pain to her and her main goal was to get away from it, yet she was enjoying the ride along the way.

What's up? I thought after a few minutes of listening to Leah battling herself about whether she should tell me what she wanted or not. I sighed mentally, then told her, Spit it out, Leah. What ever you say won't affect me, I'm sure. My words were a little harsh, but that was how Leah and I always acted towards each other. Like that could ever change.

Leah growled internally, deciding that she was no longer going to tell me what she had hidden. I ignored her, keeping my nose on the trail.

LPOV

Jake and I had finally managed to get Seth a sleep. My little brother could be so loyal some times, to loyal even. It bothered me that he would get down on his hands and knees for Jacob, in more then one sense, sadly… I wanted to wring my hands around his neck right now, but I couldn't show it. Jacob couldn't see anything I was thinking right now, or else he would know that I was starting to have feelings for him.

It wasn't like I wanted to like this young kid, his older sister's used to be my best friends. There was a three year age difference, but still, after joining his pack there was an undeniable need for him. That was my addiction, I guess, Alpha males. Figures. Sam wasn't enough, no, now I was tripping for Jacob.

I knew that I had no chance, though. Jake was still insane about Bella Swan. I hated that girl with a burning passion and Jacob knew it. Yet, I was still protecting her. For three reasons, though. One, because I had to get away from Sam. Two, I had to protect my little brother and make sure he was safe. And three… Because I had to stick with Jacob. There was no way in hell I could leave him now.

I knew we were supposed to be, though. Neither of us were going to imprint ever, both genetic mutations as we had decided just a few days ago. It was also clear that we had identical personalities, and with out our disliking towards each other, it could go far. We would be at peace for the rest of our lives. We could live a great life together in the future. Maybe never get married, but we'd be together and of course no kids because of my problem.

I'd thought this all up yesterday when I was the only one in wolf mode. Jacob and I were going to be together after the monster child was born and Jake was crushed. I would comfort him and explain my feelings further then I was about to.

I had been doing a good job of hiding these thoughts as we both ran patrol with Seth a sleep, making a majority of my focus on the passing scenery. I was becoming good at hiding my thoughts from my small pack. It'd be impossible if I joined up Sam's huge pack again, so I liked it even more.

As I glared at a possum as I ran the large loop, Jacob said, Spit it out, Leah. What ever you say won't affect me, I'm sure. Those words cut deep. I "hmphed" and decided that I wouldn't pore my heart out to him right now. He really didn't need to be such a jack ass. Especially when I was trying to tell him something like how I liked him and thought he should get over Bella before he had to.

He was already ignoring me, so I returned the favor.