OITNB is my new obsession. It's just so great and amazing. I just love it. Words cannot even begin to describe how great of a show it is. I haven't written anything in awhile and I've had the urge to write something, anything. So, this happened. I loved "the Chickening," it's easily one of my favorite episodes. Well, right after the episode where Alex and Piper have sex in the chapel. Ah, season one was great. My writing's kinda rusty and this wasn't meant to be anything serious XD Just something short and sweet. If you could call it sweet.
Also, I guess this would take place after the whole sex in the chapel. Yeah, let's go with that.
Enjoy yourself~
I don't own anything. That's probably a good thing.
Piper speed walked through the dimly lit hallways of the Litchfield prison, her tool belt bouncing with every step she took. The already dull lights flickered off then back on; it was amazing how nobody bothered to fix them. However, Luschek never attempted to fix anything unless it was absolutely necessary. Like when Betty the freezer passed away. She was already too far gone by the time the lazy guard got there. What a shame.
The blonde turned at the familiar corner, her boots thudding on the dirty floor as her speed increased. That was another thing, the prison was incredibly filthy. Even for a prison. The only person she knew that was on custodial was Crazy Eyes. Her mind was starting to wander, she had to stay focused. If she forgot her resolve by the time she reached her destination then all the jogging would have been for nothing. Not to mention all the nerves that were bubbling in her stomach.
Piper turned another corner, heading for the white domain. She made her home in the ghetto but a lot of her friends were in the "white bunks." The ghetto wasn't a bad place, she'd rather be there than in the Spanish slums. She spoke a little Spanish but not enough to hold a conversation with any of them. Her mind was wandering again, she had to stay focused. She quickened her pace once more only to slow down again when someone called out to her.
"Walk, inmate!" one of the guards called to her. At least it wasn't Pornstache. He would have given her another lecture on running. There were two speeds in prison; walk and shuffle.
Piper shuffled into the white domain and made her way to a certain cube. After what occurred last time this happened, she couldn't go to anyone else. She found the person she was looking for sitting on her assigned metal frame, she no longer had a bed. The tall woman sat with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest, a book resting on her lap.
"Alex," the blonde breathed, stepping into the cube without the former hesitation she use to have about entering the small space.
Her girlfriend/ex girlfriend/things were complicated looked up and smiled at the sight of her. Piper moved closer and almost flung herself on the frame. She positioned both her arms on either side of Alex's body, using the wall to keep herself upright. The blonde leaned in closer, her face almost touching the other woman's.
"Whoa, what's gotten into you?" the smile on the brunette's face grew wider. "Are we going back to the chapel?" she leaned in, their noses brushing against one another's.
"Alex, it's back." Piper whispered urgently.
Alex's smile faltered, "What's back?"
"The chicken, it's back."
The brunette raised her eyebrow and studied the blonde's face. She looked completely serious; her brows furrowed, her mouth pressed into a thin line, and she had that look in her eye that said she meant business.
"Piper," Alex said slowly and gently. She closed her book and set it aside, tucking a lock of hair behind the blonde's ear. "You should probably lie down for a little awhile."
Maybe being in the SHU affected Piper more than she originally thought. Nicky had told her that it was an awful place to be but she hadn't thought that the blonde would completely lose her mind. She never expected Piper to start seeing imaginary chickens. What if that's all she did while she was in SHU? Talk to fake chickens and laugh at their jokes. The thought of her girlfriend going crazy was very unsettling and slightly arousing. But mostly unsettling.
"No!" Piper hissed quietly. She looked over her shoulder to make sure Alex's bunk mate wasn't there before looking back at her. "Alex, I'm telling you, it's back! The Einstein chicken is back! I just saw it outside!"
Alex sighed in a mixture of pity, concern, and amusement. The brunette grabbed the other woman by her wrists and pulled her onto the bed, more like frame since she didn't have a mattress. It was stolen in the name of Jesus. Sinners were not permitted to have proper eye care and were doomed to sleep on metal for all eternity or until their sentence was over. Whichever came first. Alex folded one leg under her and let the other one dangle off the bed, completely ignoring all the blonde's protesting.
"Knock it off!" Piper scowled, slapping the brunette's hand away when she tried to force her to lie down. "Your bed's freezing!"
"Oh?" Alex smirked and pulled the blonde closer to her, their faces only inches apart. "I guess you could always sit on me."
Piper blushed but allowed herself to be pulled onto her girlfriend's lap. She couldn't waste anytime arguing. By the time she's down fighting an impossible fight with Alex, Houdini chicken would already by gone. How the fuck that thing got over the fence was beyond her. It looked way too fat to fly.
"Alex, stop!" the blonde gasped when she felt a cold hand slip under her shirt. "I'm being serious!"
Alex sighed in exasperation and her head fell against Piper's shoulder. "Fine, tell me about this super chicken."
"Fuck this stupid door," Nicky grumbled, squatting down and poking at the hinges with a screw driver.
The door to the shop kept getting jammed and like the expert electricians they were, Luschek told them to go fix it. When Piper protested that a door didn't count as an electrical appliance she almost got a shot. The threat shut her right up and sent her scurrying out the door after her wild haired friend. Now here they were, outside in below freezing temperatures with dark clouds above them threatening to start pouring at any second.
Piper puffed, her breath coming out as a white cloud in front of her face. She shifted her weight as she skimmed through the large book in her arms. Why there was a huge book all about fixing various problems with doors, she honestly didn't know. Who knew that doors could have so many problems? Doors were like teenage girls going through puberty.
"Uh, It says to... Shit..." she grumbled after almost dropping the massive book. This thing probably weighed more than Polly did while she was pregnant.
"I'm just gonna take the whole fucking thing off the frame." Nicky told her, already beginning to unscrew it.
"But, the knob is the problem-" Nicky cut her off.
"This is prison! We don't fuckin' need doors anywhere!" she scoffed. "If we don't have stall doors in the bathrooms then we don't need one in the shop."
You can't argue with that logic. Piper looked up, adjusting her grip on the book as she did so. That's when she saw it. The Steve Irwin of all survivalists. The creature so much smarter than any other of it's kind. The creature who convinced everyone at the prison that she was a liar and desperately wanted attention. The creature who somehow made it over an enormous fence in a matter of seconds. It was the chicken. Her first instinct was to drop the book and run towards it. No, that would scare it away.
"Nicky!" Piper lowered her voice and glanced at her fellow inmate. "Nicky!" she repeated, trying to keep her voice under control so she wouldn't scare off the bird. She frantically slapped her hand on her friend's shoulder over and over. "It's the chicken!"
"You're crazy," Nicky rolled her shoulder to shake the blonde's hand off. "For the last time, there is no chicken. Get over it."
Piper felt her heartbeat quickening and her breathing became heavier. The chicken pecked at the ground and clucked. It was mocking her. It was telling her that no matter how hard she tried she'd never be able to prove its existence. She refused to lose to an obese piece of meat with legs. She had to tell someone about this. She needed someone to help her catch it and prove that's she not an attention needing bitch. But who? She couldn't go to Red after what happened last time.
She went through a list of inmates that could potentially help her. Morello? No, that girl would scare it away with her constant chatter. The Spanish inmates? No, they really didn't like her all that much. Her fellow ghetto bunkies? No, they almost killed her last time. Then it hit her. The one person who hadn't heard about it or was at the first chicken hunt. Alex.
She watched the chicken strut its fat body around the side of the building. That little fucker was getting what's coming to it. Piper dropped the book, turned on her heel, and speed walked back to the prison's main building.
"Hey, I think it got it," Nicky grinned proudly now that the door was half hanging off its hinges. She looked over her should and stared at the blonde's retreating figure. "Chapman, where the hell are you going?!" the door had already shut by the time the words were out.
"Uh huh," Alex nodded thoughtfully, her glasses pushed up on top of her head. "Piper, I'm going to say this as nicely as possible. You're insane."
"Alex, I'm not crazy!" Piper insisted. "I really saw it!"
"Okay, okay," Alex held up her hands in mock surrender before slipping them back around the blonde's waist. "But why are you telling me this?"
The wild look returned as Piper slipped her hands on both sides of the brunette's face, squeezing her face and leaning in closer. "Because you're going to help me catch it." she whispered. Alex snorted and looked away. "Aw, c'mon," she pleaded, sticking out her bottom lip and clasping her hands together.
"Pipes," Alex sighed, trying to avoid eye contact.
"Please?" she begged, giving her girlfriend the best puppy dog face that she had ever pulled off.
The brunette groaned and she rolled her head back. "Fine," she said, raising her head and lowering her glasses back into their proper place. "But you owe me."
A large grin spread across the blonde's face and she gave her girlfriend a quick peck on the lips. "Great! Let's catch it before dinner!"
Alex felt water droplets hitting her very fancy prison clothes and tilted her head back to look up at the sky. A few more raindrops splashed onto her glasses and rolled down the lenses. Somehow, Piper had her outside on a chicken hunt right before a storm. A low rumble filled the air around them, announcing that mother nature was just getting started.
"Piper," Alex watched her girlfriend crawling on her hands and knees, inspecting every inch of the court yard for a sign of the chicken. Why couldn't the blonde move like that when they were in the chapel? "It's raining." she pointed at the sky, stating the obvious.
"Yep," Piper replied, popping her lips for emphasis on the p. "You should start looking before it gets bad."
The brunette groaned but decided to help anyway. She was looking for an imaginary chicken in the pouring rain. Oh the things she did for love. The search continued as minutes ticked by and the world around them became darker. The ground became slippery and muddy from the pouring rain. It was pretty hard to see but they got a good look at their surroundings whenever lightning lit up the sky.
"Piper!" Alex yelled over the booming thunder. "This is crazy! There is no chicken!"
"Yes, there is!" Piper screeched back. "She's here! I know she is!" the blonde crouched down to look under a picnic table.
Alex covered her mouth with her hand and shook her head. This was so sad. Her sweet little Piper had completely lost it. Part of her knew this was going to happen but she refused to believe it. Piper just wasn't cut out for prison. She was bound to lose her marbles eventually.
"Alex!" Piper shrieked, quickly standing up. "There she is!" she pointed to the spot beside her girlfriend.
The brunette looked down, sure enough a chicken was pecking at the ground beside her feet. Alex wasn't sure if she was more surprised that there was a chicken in the prison or that Piper was sane. Nonetheless, she reached down to grab it but it moved away from her. Strutting out of her grasp like a prestigious Hilary Clinton in feathers.
Alex snatched at it again, the fat thing clucked and hopped out of reach once more. Now she was getting frustrated. The chicken crowed and took off in a sprint, flapping its wings wildly. Alex was right behind it, chasing it around the court yard like some kind of children's cartoon. Piper didn't make a move to help, she just stood there, giving the brunette directions and pointing out whenever she failed to grab it.
Lightning lit up the world just as Alex dove for the feathered beast. She wrapped her arms around it's fat body and hugged it to her chest as they slid through the mud. The chicken crowed loudly right before the brunette crushed the life out of it. She lied there face down in the mud, her heart slamming against her chest and ears ringing from the thunder. It was a miracle no guard saw her running and commanded her to stop. They probably thought no one in their right mind would be out in a storm trying to catch a chicken.
"Alex!" Piper exclaimed, running over to the brunette. Alex made some kind of muffled sound and rolled over on her back. "You did it!" the blonde squealed, pulling off her khaki shirt and wrapping the crushed chicken in it.
"I lost my glasses somewhere." Alex fumbled around in the mud, when she tried to stand up she'd slide right back down on to her knees.
After searching for Alex's glasses for what felt like eternity, they finally found them. They were covered in mud and there was a crack in one of the lenses, but hey, they still found them. The two inmates walked back into the prison, completely soaked. Their clothes clung to their bodies and their hair was wet and tangled. Alex had mud smeared all over her clothes, on her face, in her hair, it was everywhere. She wanted to go shower but Piper insisted they take the chicken to the cafeteria first.
Alex groaned but let Piper grab her hand and lead her to the kitchen, the chicken shirt swinging at her side. They managed to avoid all the guards and make it into the cafeteria. A lot of inmates were in there already but no one had their food yet. The brunette pulled her hand away, trying to find a clean patch on her shirt to clean her glasses with. Piper kept marching on, a proud/smug smirk on her face. Like the chicken before her, she strut to the table where Nicky, Morello, Yoga Jones, and Sister Ingalls sat.
"Whoa!" Morello's eyes widened when she saw the two women.
"Geez, what happened to you two?" Nicky asked, looking at Piper then at Alex who was trudging behind her. "Did you have sex outside or something?"
Piper didn't reply, she just dropped the drenched shirt on to the table. She nodded towards it when the other inmates looked at her like she was crazy. Nicky, being the brave one, unwrapped the suspicious item. They all stared in shock at the dead chicken sitting before them. Morello just grinned and disappeared somewhere, most likely to get Red. Yoga Jones smiled and Sister Ingalls looked appalled. Nicky just slowly nodded her head and clicked her tongue.
"Well, well," the corner of her lip twitched into a smile. "I guess there really was a chicken."
Piper was beaming; her hands were on her hips and she had her chest puffed out proudly. All the other inmates were beginning to gather around them. Moments later the crowd parted for the Russian cook, she walked right over to the dead bird and inspected it. Her facial expression was a mixture of joy and shock. The crowd grew silent as they waited for her to say something. Piper bit her lip in anticipation.
"Tonight," Red began. "We have real chicken!" she announced. Finally, the time had come. She was going to eat the Hercules chicken and absorb its powers.
The inmates irrupted into roar. They cheered and shouted until one of the guards yelled at them to quiet down. "Waita go, Chapman!" Poussey slapped the blonde on the back. A lot of the other inmates gathered around to congratulate and thank her. Piper tried to explain that Alex was the one who caught it but they kept interrupting her before she could get it out.
When the crowd began to disperse back to their appropriate tables, Alex moved closer to her girlfriend. Piper shivered when she felt warm breath against her neck. The husky yet smooth voice vibrated in her ear, making her heart skip a beat. The brunette purred, "You owe me."
And there you have it. Piper has finally conquered her worst enemy. No, not Pennsatucky. No, not Mr. Healy. No, not Larry. I think of Larry as her enemy. Maybe that's just me XD Has anyone else noticed that he looks like a young Adam Sandler? Is that just me? Okay. Maybe if I'm feeling creative this could turn into a two-shot. I mean, if any of you wanna see Piper paying Alex back. Wink wink, nudge nudge. I'll stop now.
I hope you enjoyed it!