I'm stupid and don't know how to make seperate chapters...
Title:I still miss you
Author:ThisIsHowTheBeatDrops
Disclaimer:TiHtBD owns NOTHING...dammit
Warnings:Character death,Short
Summary:What if Youji hadn't survived the fight with the zero girls
Pairings: Implied NatsuoxYouji
The funeral
It was a small funeral only Natsuo,Ritsuka,Soubi,Kio and Nagisa-sensei had bothered to show up.Everyone shed a few tears except for Natsuo.Natsuo Sagan who was geneitically engineered to feel no pain, Felt a dull ache in his heart.Natsuo Sagan who had laughed so joyously at everything was now sobbing uncontrollably, his small frame shaking with every gasp for breath.The very same Natsuo Sagan who had attempted to rape an adult was staring disbelieving at the body laying in the coffin.His beautiful sacrifice lay there motionless and peaceful as if only sleeping.The fighter prayed as he stroked the lifeless cheek of the one person who truly mattered.He prayed that Youji would sit up and shout "Psyche!"At the top of his lungs and everything would go back to the way it was but no matter how hard he pleaded it didn't happen.Youji didn't open his beautiful Purple eyes and stare into Natsuo green one.Youji didn't sit up and tell Natsuo he was just kidding and he could stop worrying.
"NO!"Natsuo screamed as the priest tried to lead him into the chapel."I can't leave him!Please he's going to open his eyes any minute and tell us all it was just a joke!"
"Come on Natsuo."Ritsuka said laying his hand on the other boys shoulders.Natsuo allowed himself to be lead away.
"Dearly beloved we are gathered here to say our goodbyes to Youji Sagan."A fresh wave of tears came over Natsuo."Youji's death was a tragedy for everyone.He left us at such a young age but now he's in a better place.A place without sin and hate where he can be happy."A few minutes later the service ended with the priest saying."Rest in Peace Youji,may god bless your soul." Natsuo was sobbing into his hands when the priest asked if anyone had anything they wanted to say.Of course every one did.
Kio was the first to speak,
"Hey brat,It's so different without you,Sou-chan's house is so quiet without you there torturing someone,"He gave a small smile to Natsuo trough his tears."I guess I'm trying to say I miss you."Kio finished as he sat down.Soubi in turn stood up.As he passed Natsuo he squeezed Natsuo's shoulder reassuringly.As he finished Ritsuka stood.
"Bye Youji,"He said softly."It's so weird to be saying goodbye to you I always thought it'd be the other way around everytime you asked if I wanted to play a game."He paused in front of Natsuo to hug him briefly.As Ritsuka went back to where Soubi was sitting Nagisa rose and made her way to the podium. "No one wants to say goodbye to their child and that's exactly what you were to me. It's so hard for me to say goodbye you were a son and a friend to me. Goodbye Youji." She finished and Natsuo walked slowly to Youji's casket. "I guess this is goodbye huh Yo-chan?" He did the only thing he could really think to do and began to sing the chorus to one of Youji's favorite songs.
I've talked to friends
Talked to myself
Talked to god
I've prayed like hell
But I still miss you
He paused to push Youji's hair off his forehead. "Bye Youji, I love you." He whispered before continuing the song.
I've tried sober
I've tried drinkin'
I've been strong
And I've been weak
But I still miss you
I've done everything to move on
Like I'm supposed to
But I 'd give anything
For one more minute with you
I still miss you
"I miss you baby." He finished with tears pouring down his face.
Chapter 2
Saying sorry
It'd been about a week since Youji's funeral and Natsuo was doing no better. He cried constantly and when he ran out of tears he sat staring at the wall paper of the phone he had shared with his precious Youji the picture of the two of them together brought the first smile to his face since the fight with those bitches who'd killed his Youji . Yo-chan. he thought sadly what's heaven like? Is it beautiful? I miss you. It's your birthday. I miss you Youji. I miss the way you laugh and the way you'd be so gentle and protective even though I'm the fighter. I miss the way you kiss me most. It's hurts Youji I don't WANT to say good bye. I'm so sorry I wasn't a good enough fighter to protect you.
Saying good bye
This time
The same old story
Seeing you cry makes me feel like saying sorry
Just a few last hours we gotta make this count
We're counting backward
We're falling forward
Natsuo flipped open the of the phone. "Moshi Moshi?" he asked wearily.
"Natsuo?" an uncertain voice on the other end asked.
"Hai." He answered softly as if it hurt to speak.
"My name is Yuki. I'm your new sacrifice."
Natsuo froze. "I don't want a new sacrifice!" He shouted causing Ritsuka to jump and Kio to look up startled.
Yuki in turn nodded understandingly before she realized he couldn't see her. Natsuo heard as the girl shouted. "Sensei? He says he doesn't want another sacrifice. Okay…I'll tell him."
"Nagisa-sensei says you haven't got a choice." She told him.
"Tell sensei I'll call her later." was his response. He hung up the phone and grabbed his jacket. "I'm going to see Youji." He informed the group.
Saying sorry before we part
Wish we knew this from the start
Saying goodbyes the hardest part
Wish we knew this from the start
"Youji!" He sobbed resting his against the tombstone. "Nagisa-sensei made me a new sacrifice! I don't want anyone else but you Youji." He paused to sniffle a bit. "Only you." He whispered. "It should have been me." He whispered softly. "I should be the one lying in that coffin not you." He said quietly. "Do you miss me? I miss you so much. I wish you were here with me."
"You're so devoted." Some one commented. Natsuo turned.
"YOU! It's you're fault I'm here. You bitch you killed my Youji." He yelled at the brunette who's hand was clasped tightly in a blondes.
"We never meant to kill your sacrifice." She commented dryly.
"We want to tell you we're sorry." The blonde added softly. Natsuo glared at them
"Sorry wont bring Youji back." He said quietly tears welling in his eye.
"We know." The blonde said.
"Yamato." The brunette said softly
"I just want my Youji back." He said crying softly.
Chapter 3
All around me
Natsuo lay curled in bed with Youji's pillow pressed against his chest as if it was the boy himself.
Some how Natsuo had managed to fall asleep he lay there dreaming.
"Youji?" Natsuo asked as a flash of mint green flew past him. "Yo-Chan! Wait for me" He realized then Youji was smaller about 8 and that he recognized the scene him and Youji had been out playing and their Sensei had called them in. "Please wait Youji-chan." 8 year old Natsuo begged before falling. Youji turned as just as Natsuo hit the ground. Natsuo didn't cry It hadn't hurt him just sat there watching the blood pour out of the cut on his knee.
"Stupid 'Tsun." Youji said as he helped Natsuo stand up. "Can you walk Nat-chan?" He asked. Natsuo thought it was a stupid question of course he could walk he just had been. He didn't answer and took a step forward. He stumbled and fell but Youji caught him and pulled him up. "Don't worry Natsuo's got me to help him back!" Youji said heroically causing Natsuo to giggle. They made it to their room and Youji bandaged Natsuo's wound.
"Youji?" Natsuo asked. "Do you think that since I didn't feel my self get hurt we could bleed to death and not notice?"
Youji considered it for a moment before nodding. "What would you do if I died?" he asked.
"I'd die without Youji." was Natsuo's reply.
"I'd want Natsuo to be happy." Youji said wrapping his arms around his fighter.
"What would you do if I died?" Natsuo asked.
"Shh let's not talk about death Nat-chan." He said softly.
Natsuo's eyes snapped open and he found him self reaching for his sacrifice.
My hands searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
Natsuo slowly retracted his hands. I'd want Natsuo to be happy. The words replayed in his head. "But how am I supposed to be happy without Youji?" Asked the sacrifice even though he wasn't there. "You're gone so how am I supposed to be happy? You were what made me happy." He said softly.
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fly
Into out secret place
I love Nat-chan so I'd want him to be happy. Youji's words echoed. That was his answer everytime Natsuo would say he'd die without him. Natsuo stood up and turned on the radio. He began moving in time with the music of Youji's favorite c.d.
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are to with you.
Natsuo sat on the bed and clutched Youji's pillow to his chest inhaling the faint scent of Lilac's and candy. Natsuo whispered quietly as the music played. "You said you would never leave me."
Take my hand and give it you
Now you want me all I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe
"He never will so long as you love him." A voice from the doorway said.
"How would you know?" Natsuo asked.
"I lost my brother." Ritsuka replied. "It hurt. It still does at times." He said sitting down. "We could talk you know about our losses." Natsuo just nodded.
"How'd you deal with the pain?" He asked quietly.
"I don't know. I suppose I realized my brother would always be with me in spirit as well as my heart." Ritsuka answered. "It'll never go away not fully at least but you should think of happy things when you remember him."
"I just-"
"I know but it'll get better. I promise."
Natsuo smiled. "Thanks Loveless-kun that makes me feel better."
"Youji'd want you to be happy." Ritsuka replied. "Don't forget you have people who care about you that you can talk to."
Chapter 4
Johanna
It had been a month since Youji's funeral and Natsuo was almost back to his old self. But of course there were times when he'd think of Youji and cry. But there were also times he'd think of Youji and laugh. He still visited Youji's grave every day and he told him about what was going on in his life he'd smile and tell him he loved him and that he missed him but he'd be happy for the both of them.
I think we shall not meet again
My little dove my sweet
Johanna
It saddened him to think wouldn't meet again for a long time. But at the same time he knew they'd meet again.
Goodbye Johanna
You're gone
And yet your mine
I'm fine Johanna I'm fine
It hurt to think he'd never hear that wonderful voice he loved so much. He realized it was true he was fine. He'd get on without Youji and he'd be okay.
And if I never hear your voice
My turtledove my dear
I still have reason to rejoice
The way ahead is clear
Johanna
There where times when the pain overwhelmed him and he'd do something brash and stupid like harm himself or others and he'd sink into depression but he'd remember that Youji wanted him to be happy and he'd go visit him and tell him everything.
And in that darkness
When I'm blind but what I can't forget
It's always morning in my mind
My little lamb, my pet
His Youji would always remain his Youji though no matter how much time elapsed and he'd always remain the way Natsuo remembered his mint green hair shining in the light and his beautiful violet eyes sparkling as he laughed and everytime he thought of Youji he'd remember the wish he'd made when they were younger. I wish that me and Yo-chan could grow up and live happily ever after. Of course that hadn't happened but there was always heaven where they could have their happily ever after
You stay Johanna
The way I dreamed you were
Oh look Johanna a star
A shooting star.
Still he knew he'd think of his Youji 'til the day he died and he knew there where times when he'd think of him and he'd cry but he also knew when that happened that he had people to talk to he could talk to Soubi and Ritsuka to Kio and even to Yuki who he had met and discovered she had lost her fighter and that she was equally upset.
And though I'll think of you
I guess until the day I die
I think I miss you less and less
As everyday goes by
Johanna.
He'd wake up and wish his Youji was there but he never was and in time that faded though he still said good morning and good night to Youji.
Wake up Johanna
Another bright red day
We learn Johanna
To say goodbye,
The End
.