I'm crying out.
I'm screaming out as loudly as i can, but no one can hear me. No matter how loud i am, no matter how much i BEG, I'm drowned out.
I'm drowning, life is completely lost of meaning. I don't know why i continue to try to stumble. I wish i had never been born. I am USELESS, UGLY, HORRID, MONSTROUS, POINTLESS, DAMNED TO FOREVER BE VERMIN.
I hate the monster i am. I have nobody. But no one else can see it. They see my smile and no one is wiling to try to see what's really there begging to be seen. To be saved. Why won't you help me? Why won't you hug me and say, Eli, you can drop the fake smile now, it's okay. Because i'm sick of trying to be this happy never sad person that i'm not.
I hate this. I hate that no one will ever even read this. I hate that i beg for help, but no one cares enough to offer out their hand. No one cares enough to even stick through with me to the end. That's why no one will. That's why i want to die. That's why i hate life. Life is hell to me. I can never be happy and it's because no one else can ever love me. I can't even love myself.