A/N: Very, very unlikely, but the idea kind of kicked around in my head. It's kind of a parody, but not quite. Anyways, enjoy!

Summery: Down the alleyway beside Town Hall lies a small company, Supernatural Creature's Alliance Help Centre. A place where mythical creatures go to get therapy. What happens when our favourite vampire decides to go see what it's about? Read to find out.

X

Damon Salvatore would have never agreed to do this. He didn't need a shrink to vent his feelings to, but this wasn't any normal shrink. No, this was different, and hell if he said he wasn't curious, he would be lying.

He looked around the brightly lit office, a petite girl sitting at a desk off in the far corner. Her slender fingers moving across the keyboard on a computer. Her brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. Damon looked down at the card in his hands.

Supernatural Creature's Alliance Help Centre.

Need to vent? Nobody listening to you? Give us a call.

1-800-666-6666, or visit us down the alley beside Town Hall, Virginia, Mystic Falls.

At least it was close to home. He had found the card sitting on his nightstand, he had searched all over Mystic Falls for the same card and found nothing. He walked up to the desk, clearing his throat. The woman looked up, she smiled politely at him.

" What can I do for you, Hun?"

" I would like to make an appointment." Damon said, looking around the waiting room, noticing the other...patients. A man with glowing yellow eyes looked over at him and smirked, Damon quickly looked over at the receptionist again.

" Sure thing. I'll just get your information. Name?"

" Damon Salvatore."

" Race?"

" Race?" Damon asked, raising his eyebrow. She looked up at him, smiling.

" You know, dragon, demon, angel, zombie, vampire wannabe..."

" Uh, vampire." Damon said, the woman smiled at him.

" We get quite a lot of those, I'll have to ask for proof."

Damon opened his mouth, baring his fangs. The woman nodded and typed something into the computer. " age?"

Damon had to stop and think a bit, the receptionist looked up at him. " What year were you turned?"

" 1864."

" Alright." She sat back in the chair, " Mr. Novak is currently with someone, but if you'll sit over there, he'll be with you shortly."

Damon nodded, walking over to sit beside a man, the blonde was staring off into space, Damon noticed that his skin looked almost translucent, he could see the veins in his cheek and his skin was peeling slightly. The man turned to look at him, Damon just smirked.

" What you in for?"

The man pursed his lips, " wanting to destroy the human race."

Damon blinked, " oh."

" Don't we all?" He asked, looking at him. Damon chuckled.

" Sure..."

" Lucifer." The receptionist said, " Dr. Winchester will see you know."

The man that sat beside Damon stood and walked down the hall, Damon just gaped after him.

What. The. Hell?

" Damon Salvatore?" She called, " Dr. Novak will see you now."

" Yeah, thanks." Damon muttered, standing and walking down the dimmed hallway, stopping to look at list of doctors.

Dr. Jimmy Novak, second floor, room B20.

Damon sighed and continued to walk down the dark hallway until he reached an elevator. He stepped inside and pushed the button to the second floor. The elevator purred to life and started to lift him upwards. A cheerful tune played out of the speakers and made Damon want to hit his head against the metal wall repeatedly. After what felt like a giant amount of time out of his forever the doors opened to another dark hallway. He stopped at the door B20 and opened it slowly.

" Dr. Novak?"

The man at the desk looked up, a smile on his face. " You must be Damon, come in."

Damon walked into the bright office, closing the door behind him. He took notice of the man's slightly messed brown hair and bright blue eyes. He sat down in the lone chair in front of his desk. Jimmy closed the folder in front of him and looked up at him.

" So, the dragon's picked you, huh?"

Damon stared at him, " what?"

He leaned back in his chair, pulling open a drawer in his desk and pulled out an empty folder. " Dragons. They seem to know how to pick them. Usually the ones that need help the most and they are usually right, ninety-nine percent of the time."

" Dragons don't exist."

Jimmy glanced at him, " one thing you might need to learn while you're here is that you will find most of the patients we treat don't think vampires exist."

Damon scuffed, but didn't say anything.

" So, enough about us, let's talk about you." Jimmy said, he clicked a pen. " Do you have any siblings?"

Damon leaned back in the chair. " One."

" What's he like?"

" Broody, boring, annoying, acts like he has a stick up his ass..."

Jimmy nodded, writing across a piece of paper. " what is your relationship like with him?"

Damon paused, " Pass?"

Jimmy chuckled, " so it's a bad one?"

" Yeah, can we move on?"

" I would really like to talk about your brother."

Damon gritted his teeth. " What did you want to know?"

" What was your childhood like? I'm guessing you were born in a very different time..."

" My childhood wasn't the best." Damon said, deciding to tell him, " Stefan was the star of the family and I was just Damon. The bigger brother who was in the background."

Jimmy nodded, " and your father?"

" Was a dick."

Jimmy smirked and wrote that down, " alright, so there seems to be a few resentment issues with your brother. Does he know what you are?"

" He is one."

" It must be hard then, living with all that resentment for him for so long."

" I'm dealing with it quite nicely, actually." Damon said, glaring at the doctor. Jimmy just nodded.

" So, what do you feel about blood?"

" Love it."

" Do you?"

" Yes."

Jimmy nodded, writing that down. '' Keep patient away from zombies.''

Damon leaned forward, trying to peek at what he was writing. Jimmy gave him a look and Damon backed off.

" So, Mr. Salvatore, how is your love life?"

Damon sighed, " can't we talk about my brother and call it a day?"

" No."

Damon glared. " I payed four hundred dollars for this. We are talking about what I want to talk about."

" Our services are free, Damon. Don't try and bullshit me." Jimmy said, he closed the folder. " But, I guess we can call it a day. I want to see you tomorrow, you think you can do that?"

" I'm not sure. You're customer service is not the best here, Dr. Novak."

" Well, I'll give you a call tomorrow, and if you don't show, the dragons will."

Damon sighed, " alright fine, what time?"

" Whatever time you feel comfortable, Damon." Jimmy said, giving him a knowing look. " I'll see you tomorrow."

Damon turned and walked out into the hall, closing the door behind him. " well, that was a complete waste of my time." He walked over into the elevator again, pressing the main floor. His first impression of Dr. Novak wasn't a good one.

He met the man that he sat beside in the waiting room earlier, was he really the devil?

Lucifer looked over his shoulder, " how'd it go?"

" Why do you want to know?" Damon snapped.

" Because you got one of the nicer doctors." He said, Damon noticed he seemed pretty timid for someone who wanted to destroy the human race.

" He was a dick." Damon said, Lucifer shook his head,

" was it Jim or Cas?"

" ...what?"

" Never mind."

Damon walked out into the lobby, a frown on his face. He guessed he'd show up tomorrow and ask to be taken out of the ' program'.

Stefan had sat at home, a book open in his lap. That's when he heard the flapping. Like birds wings, there was no birds in the house, he would know. He quickly got to his feet and looked around, there wasn't anymore flapping. He turned back to the couch and saw something laying on the table, he picked it up and studied it. It was a white card.

Supernatural Creature's Alliance Help Centre.

Need to vent? Nobody listening to you? Give us a call.

1-800-666-6666 or visit us down the alley beside Town Hall, Virginia, Mystic Falls.