I don't think we're in Konoha anymore, Akamaru!
Chapter one
Heya, It's Kyo and I think someone spiked my chocolate milk- except I've had this idea for a while. Basically, it's the wizard of Oz with Kiba as Dorothy. And miraculously, this one won't have any OCs. Enjoy, folks!
Oh, yeah, I don't own Naruto.
"Kiba, get up and do your chores!" Hana yelled. He rolled over in his bed.
"Jeez, she's so loud so early in the morning, right, Akamaru?" He asked sleepily as he sat up. "Akamaru?"
He looked around his room. Akamaru wasn't anywhere. "Akamaru?". He checked under his bed, where several interesting types of mold were growing. He checked in his closet, where he found-
"Naruto! Why the hell are you in my closet!" He yelped in surprise.
"Because this girl told me that your closet was the Hokage closet, and if I sat in it, I'd become Hokage"
"The hell? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!- Oh, wait, before that, have you seen Akamaru?"
"No"
"THEN GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" Kiba grabbed his collar and promptly threw Naruto out the window.
"Kiba, are you up yet?" Hana opened his door.
"Yeah. Oi, Nee-chan, have you seen Akamaru?"
Hana gave her brother an exasperated look. "You've lost him? He's probably out somewhere discovering the joys of squirrel-chasing. Anyways, you better find him quick, don't you have training today?"
"Yeah. We're training with the team from sand."
"Well come on and get dressed. Breakfast is on the table and I'll eat all your bacon if you don't hurry up"
"Whoever said 'Women are delicate' obviously never met you" he muttered.
"What was that? Well excuse me! You're a pathetic man yourself! You lost to that blonde kid! And you're an Inuzuka who can't even keep up with his dog! I am now officially revoking your talking privileges!"
"You can't do that!"
"You have no talking privileges! Shut up and get downstairs! And I'm eating your bacon"
He got downstairs dressed in his usual parka with fur trimming. He sat down at the table where his mother was reading the paper. "Itadakimasu! Hi mom"
"You don't have any talking privileges. Quiet"
He ate his scrambled eggs without bacon, wondering how his mother knew that Hana had revoked his talking privileges. He guessed that she'd told her. Where was Akamaru?
Just then the doorbell rang. Kiba got up to get it. He opened the door to see Kabuto holding Akamaru.
"HE BIT ME, THE LITTLE BITCH!"
"AKAMARU!"
"WOOF!"
Kabuto looked displeased at the happy emotional reunion he was witnessing. "He bit me!"
Tsume got up from the table. "Can I help you, sir? I hear that Akamaru bit you. He's a ninken. He'll do that if he perceives danger"
"I want him put to sleep!"
Tsume's eyes narrowed. You don't suggest to an Inuzuka that dogs should be put down. They don't take kindly to that. As Kabuto continued bitching, she pulled her fist back and punched him. She continued to mercilessly beat him as Team eight walked up to the front door.
"Kiba. You're late. It makes the rest of us look bad if you make us late" Shino said. Kiba scowled.
"It isn't my fault! Akamaru ran off, and then I found Naruto in my closet, and then Hana ate all my bacon! I'm bound to be a little late with that!"
Shino glared, apparent even from behind his glasses. "If you're going to lie, at least bother to make them good lies"
"But- but- I'm not lying!"
Kurenai pressed her hand to her forehead. "Kiba, we really don't have time for this. We need to go. Now"
"Fine"
They walked to the training ground on the east side of town to find Gaara looking particularly homicidal. Temari was painting her fingernails and… so was Kankuro ((WTF? Jeez, what next, Kuro-tan, are you going to murder your whole family and join Akatsuki, too?)), though to his credit, he was only doing it because his bop-it was broken. ((Don't ask. It's from a fanfic my friends wrote)).
"You're twenty minutes late. We're busy people. I myself have things to do later this afternoon." Temari said disdainfully.
"Things that involve your tongue down Shikamaru's throat, I bet" Gaara murmured resentfully. He was sulking. He was used to being important; people being late to meet him was simply not something that happened to him.
"You know what, Gaara, at least I don't still have my fuckin' teddy bear. You can shut your pie hole right now" Temari gave him her best death glare.
"I don't feel like training. I'm going to go get ice cream" He jumped down from the tree branch he'd been hanging upside down from.
"Gaara!" Temari called after him warningly. He continued walking off. "Okay, well I, for one want to train. I'm working on a new move, and I need to improve it. Is that okay with you? And KANKURO! I TOLD YOU I'D KILL YOU NEXT TIME YOU GOT INTO MY DAMN NAIL POLISH!"
Thirty minutes later, Kiba was hiding in a tree house that Konohamaru and his friends had built the week before. He and Akamaru were both panting. Temari was hella scary when she was mad. Which she was at that particular moment. At least team eight had gotten a head start when she'd beaten Kankuro over the head with her fan.
"Ookaze no jutsu!" Crap. Temari's new move involved using wind-style ninjutsu with her fan's movement. Combined, they created a whirlwind, a tornado. And it was really scary. And her latest attack swept Kiba up in it. The winds pulled Kiba's tree out by the roots and sent the tree house flying through space.
As if hurtled over the trees, Kiba hit his head on the floor. When he looked up and out the window he saw Kabuto flying on a broom, cackling wildly, and… wearing a dress? But then another gale hit the house and Kiba hit his head again, this time on the ceiling. Everything went dark.
Kiba shook his head. "Whuzzgoinon?" he asked himself. Akamaru yipped. "Whaddya mean, look outside?" Kiba got out of the tree house. The place he stepped into seemed filled with rainbow colors.
"Oh, auntie Em, where am I?" he asked himself in a girlish voice. Then he seemed to regain his senses, and said "Wait, what? Who the hell is Auntie Em? Where am I? I don't think we're in Konoha anymore, Akamaru"
A cluster of vividly bright and entirely too big to be real buttercups giggled. Kiba turned. "Don't fucking laugh!" and threw a handful of kunai at the flowers.
"Gah! Konohamaru! Are you okay?" a voice in a clump of violets asked.
"WHY ARE FLOWERS TALKING TO ME? INO WAS RIGHT ABOUT FLOWERS TALKING!"
He flailed around a little until he noticed a pink bubble floating towards him. "THE HELL? Did I lick a toad or am I just going crazy?"
The bubble grew and then popped. Kurenai stood in a pink dress that resembled a wedding cake more than an article of clothing.
"Hello, little boy, where are you from?" She asked. "nd when was the last time you had a bath? In any case, the munchkins are simply laughing because you look so silly. Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?"
"Wait, hold up. What are you talking about?"
"It's really very simple, little boy. Are you a good witch or a bad witch, and where did you come from?" she asked.
"Uh… I'm a Kiba. And I come from Konohagakure no sato. Kurenai, why are you in a dress?"
"Silly little Kiba, I'm not Kurenai! I'm Glinda, the good witch of the north. In any case, you killed the wicked witch of the east, Kabuto! Now you get his shoes!"
Kiba turned around to look at where the tree house had landed. There were two feet sticking out, both shod in what had to be the tackiest red sequined sandals he'd ever seen. As soon as he took a good look at them, the shoes vanished and reappeared on his own feet.
"I don't wanna wear his girly ass shoes! I'm a firm believer in letting dead people keep their own shoes!"
"Oh, you're so cute, Kiba! Here, I have an idea!" She waved her wand. Kiba looked down to find himself wearing a dress. ((Think of the one Dorothy wears)).
"CRAP! GET ME OUT OF IT!" He yelled. Kurenai giggled until he started throwing kunai at her. Then she sighed.
"Oh well, I guess this will have to do" she waved her wand again. This time, Kiba's clothes turned into his normal pants, but he had a girly-ass shirt made of the same blue and white cloth. "Now, if you want to get home, you have to go see the Wizard of Oz, okay? Follow the yellow brick road! Now ta ta, darling, I have places to go, people to see." She was in the midst of waving her wand when a cloud of black smoke appeared.
"WHO THE FUCK KILLED MY BITCH!" the cloud yelled in an angry voice. As soon as the black smoke dissipated, Kiba could see Orochimaru in a black robish-thing, waving a broom. "I mean, I'm not complaining, but I want the fucking shoes back!"
"Too bad, Kiba got them first!" Kurenai said. "That's the wicked witch of the west, Orochimaru. He's a mean mofo. Don't let him have the shoes, okay?" she said to Kiba.
"He can have 'em! I don't want 'em!" Kiba yelled.
"Sucks for you!" she said. Then she waved her wand and both her and Orochimaru vanished. As soon they were gone, Konohamaru, Udon, Moegi, and Hanabi leapt out of the bushes and started to sing "Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!"
Akamaru yipped at Kiba. "Oh right. She did say we were supposed to follow the yellow brick road. There's one over there. I guess that's the one I'll take. C'mon' he said, and he and Akamaru started off.
Okay, there's the first chapter. Have any of you ever noticed how hard it is to write when someone keeps asking "Are you done yet? Are you done yet?". Any who, Maki, kiba in a dress is just for you. Next chapter: the scarecrow.
Ja'ne.