I do not own any of these character's i'm just using them for a while to play with :D - I make no money from these stories I just enjoy writing them.
Ceejai De Monic.
It's worn face a reminder of what had been.
Stepping into Oz's room Willow sensed a change in the air and it wasn't just the tension between her self and her red haired partner. She saw a large bag on his bed almost spilling out with his things.
Closing the door behind her she slowly began making her way forward to the scene she couldn't yet understand.
"Hello?" she questioned, not knowing whether he was actually in the room or not. Turning slightly to the left at the hint of movement she saw him, was he her boyfriend anymore? or was he an ex? that was a question she couldn't think about too much right now.
She watched Oz coming towards her with an arm full of clothes taking note that behind him the empty hangers left in his closet where swinging making shapes in the shadows.
"Hi" it was a short reply but Oz had a way of making it seem like he'd said so much more
Looking between the bag and back at Oz Willow asked
"What are you doing?" feeling like a child asking confirmation of what had just smacked her straight in the face. He was leaving her.
Throwing the rest of his clothes in the duffle bag he tried to busy him self with the task in hand, wishing he didn't have to look at the pain that he had filled Willow's eyes with
"I'm going" the strain was evident in his answer
Willow had moved to the left watching as her heart was being packed in the large black bag with all the rest of Oz's things and there was no way that she could of gotten it back, did she even want it back? It was Oz's and it always would be.
"Now?" It was the only word she could think of and sentences were out of the question at this point
Oz shook his head, yes. He couldn't get his vocal chords to work and he was using all the will power he normally used when wolfing out just to stop himself looking at the only person in the entire world he would of even thought of giving his soul to.
Zipping up the now bulging bag Oz just wanted to run, get away and leave Willow in peace
"That's your solution?" Willow couldn't believe that he had been the one to make the mistake but it felt like she was the one who was having to pay for it
Grabbing his coat off the bed Oz began pulling it on as he gave his answer
"That's my decision" He didn't want to be having this conversation now, he needed to go, he needed to leave Willow to become the woman he knew she'd become if she didn't have this freak dragging her down and making her always look over her shoulder because of the danger he was bringing to her life just by being him. He wasn't what she deserved.
"Don't I get any say in this?" Willow was a little angry, Why was he getting to make all the decisions? If he had made the decision when she had messed up with Xander why was he making the decision again when he'd been the one to mess up? Why wasn't she getting her say?
"No" Oz shook his head keeping his eyes firmly locked down at the bag, it's fraying strap taking his attention away for a second
Willow couldn't take that Oz wouldn't even look at her, why was he the one being all spazzy? She wanted to yell and scream that it wasn't up to him to leave her but before she could even begin to work out what to say Oz turned to look at her for the first time since she'd entered the room and began speaking softly
"Veruca was right about something. The wolf is inside me all the time, and I don't know where that line is anymore between me and it. And until I figure out what that means, I shouldn't be around you... Or anybody" Oz had to once again look down at the floor as he began to see the tears form in the eyes of his perfect match. How had it turned out like this?
Willow couldn't hold on any longer, Her heart was breaking and the feeling was worst than any monster bite or stratch or fight she'd ever been involved in, the salty taste began to rest on her lips as small rivers ran down her face
"Well, that could be a problem 'cause people... Kind of a planetary epidemic" Maybe if she made a joke she could make all this disappear and some how this would stop happening
The joke was lost on Oz as he took a glance at Willow and now saw the destruction he had bought to her life "I'll find someplace"
"Well, how long?" She had to ask, a week? a month?...A year?
"I don't know" Would he ever come back? He couldn't think about the possibility
The desperation was heard in her voice, she needed him and he wasn't responding "Oz... Don't you love me?"
He glanced up again and knew this has been a huge mistake "My whole life... I've never loved anything else" His voice began to crack as he had never understood the concept of heart break before, sure he'd heard about it but to expierence it and know that he'd been the cause of it...This wasn't something you could read in books or be taught in class. Then suddenly all those soppy love songs that chicks dug so much all made sense.
His strides caught her off guard, not thinking he would touch her ever again so when the contact came she could do nothing but to cling on for dear life. The warmth of his forhead touching her face made her feel safe and then she realised that she would never feel safe again "... Oh, god. Oz..."
His armour was broken, he hadn't even been aware he'd been wearing any but he was so close to tears that for as long as he could remember this had been the only time he'd ever wanted to cry like a small child except when he had been a small child. Even when Willow had had that thing with Xander he's just gone numb and right now that was what he wished for almost as much as he wished he wasn't hurting Willow. Pulling her forward and down to meet him, Oz kissed her. Doing anything to reassure her that she was better off without him.
And then he was going. He couldn't stand this any longer, he'd tried so hard but it was fight or flight and Oz was no fighter. Grabbing his bag he couldn't allow himself to take one last look at the most important thing in the world that he had shattered and couldn't put back together. Shutting the door behind him he could hear Willow's sobs getting louder and more painful, his pace pick up until he was through the door at the end of the hall and could no longer hear, though he would never be able to get that sound out of his head. Oz knew he was being selfish, in his whole life it'd never called to be selfish but he knew he had to be today.
Outside Oz made his way to the driver's side of the battered blue van, opening the door he threw in his bag before following it himself. Slamming the door behind him he fiddled with the keys trying to remember which one it was to start the vehicle. Finally he found the correct key and started the engine. His brain was darting from one thing to another and back again not really understanding what he was doing, he seemed to of gone into auto-pilot. He let the engine die and looked down breathing heavily, Who was he anymore? This wasn't the Oz he knew. Oz was cool and quiet making him mysterious. What he did said was little but always had a soild point.
When had he become needy and self doubting?
When he'd woken up naked next to Veruca in the woods that's when.
Looking up at the house he could see that Willow had made her way to the window, her shoulders moving up and down with jerky motions as sobs ran through her body.
Oz glanced over at his bag and saw something poking out from under it, why had that caught his eye? He pushed his bag out of the way and it revealed the witch Pez dispenser that he had given Willow just after they'd first started dating, god that felt like a life time ago now. It was stratched and worn, the paint once bright and garish now dull but well loved. The feeling that he'd had giving it her came back like a punch in the throat, the way she smiled and jumped around at the silly but thoughtful gift. But why was it in the Van? Unless...Surely Willow didn't carry it around everywhere she went, Did she? As far as he could remember she had been the last one in the van with him so who else's would it of been?
She really carried the small piece of plastic around with her? It meant that much?
Oz studied the window once again where Willow was using her sleeve to wipe away the tears that were staining her face.
What was he doing? How was him leaving going to solve anything? Just from the state of Willow now while he was sat outside in the van was bad enough, what would she be like if he went across country? to another country infact. Then something came to the front of Oz's mind. Something he remembered Willow saying when Angel had broken up with Buffy
*Flash back* At the Bronze
Oz had just gotten back from getting him self and Willow a drink, Willow was sat on one of the comfty seats at the back, legs tucked under her self, her eyes lighting up and a smile spreading across her face when she saw Oz coming back to her, even if he had only been away a few minutes.
Oz sat close next to her, turning his body so that his thigh brushed against hers and with his free hand he took hers and began making small circles with his thumb on the outside of her hand
"It was awful, she just lay there crying barely able to breath. Oz i've never seen her like that you know, she's the slayer. She's supposed to be the strong one and, and a protecter but when it came down to a guy she's just as vunerable as the rest of us"
*Back to present day*
If a break up could do that to someone like Buffy what would the effect be on Willow? Oz remembered how long it had taken Buffy to get over Angel and how she became clingy to Parker as soon as he had shown any interested, it made Oz whince at the thought of Willow being rejected just as harshly by some guy who just wanted her for a night, Willow was worth more than a night, she was worth a life time.
So why was he leaving?
*Flash back* After Buffy's rejection from Parker, Buffy Willow in the cafeteria, Oz shows up
"I've got the basics down – levitation, charms, glamours. I just feel like I've plateaued wicca-wise." Willow said feeling a little deflated
"What's the next level?" Buffy asked looking at the trays of food infront of her
"Transmutation, conjuring, bringing forth something from nothing. Gets pretty close to the primal forces. A little scary" But something in Willow's voice made her seem excited about the possibities
"Well, no one's pushing. You know, if it's too much don't do it" Buffy replied matter-of-factly
"Don't do it? What kind of encouragement is that?" Willow wondered if Buffy had even been listening
"This is an 'encouragement' talk? I thought it was 'share my pain'" obviously she hadn't been listening all that well
"I don't know. Then again, what is college for if not experimenting? You know, maybe I can handle it. I'll know when I've reached my limit"
"Wine coolers?" Oz appeared behind Willow wondering if they'd been talking about the party everyone on campus had been talking about
"Magic" Buffy stated
"Ooh, you didn't encourage her, did you?" Oz asked a little concerned
"Where is supportive boyfriend guy?" What was with everyone today getting on her back?
"He's picking up your dry cleaning, but he told me to tell you that he's afraid you're gonna get hurt" Oz sensed Willow's growing annoyance and tried to make his reply a little more light hearted
It seemed to work as Willow smiled "Okay, Brutus... Brutus – Caesar? ...Betrayal – trusted friend?" Willow bagan stabbing the air with the banana she had been holding in her hand to make her point "Back stabby?"
"Oh, I'm with you on the reference, but – I won't lie about the fact that I worry" Oz looked between his girlfriend and Buffy "I know what it's like to have power you can't control. I mean, every time I start to wolf out, I touch something...deep...dark. It's not fun" Oz remembered the feelings from the last time he wolfed out, probabily the worst he'd had to deal with so far "But just know that what ever you decide, I back your play"
*Back to present day*
"But just know that what ever you decide, I back your play" Oz remembered saying that as clear as day. This wasn't his decision to make, It was Willow's and he realised that the whole time he'd just spend in that room with her he'd never actually asked her what she wanted, he'd just assumed he knew what was right for her. In fact ever since Willow had found him and Veruca in his cage he had never asked her what she wanted. Veruca had been right, the animal was inside him all the time but there was no one to say that he couldn't cage the animal within and stop it coming out completely. And what could be more of an incentive than the woman who owned his heart and soul?
Grabbing the Witch Pez dispencer Oz pulled the keys from the ignition and swung open the van door, running from blue machine, up the path, through the door and straight up the stairs back to where he should never of left. The safety of Willow's gaze.
Hope you liked my story as much as I loved writing it. xox