A/N: I changed the rocket to vinegar and baking soda rather than lemon juice due to Rodney's allergy. It still functions the same way though.
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John Sheppard's ecstatic grin widened as he checked his calendar. In four days, it would be April 1 and John was well into plotting what pranks he was going to pull. Normally John down played his intelligence to fit in with the other soldiers, however, this was the time of the year when he put his brilliance and creativity to use, and unfortunately it was for the embarrassment of other people. The Colonel carried his tray across the mess hall and took a seat at an empty corner table in order to pick out his victims, to choose his marks. John's eyes scanned the room and came to rest on the head of the Atlantis science department, Rodney McKay. He smirked behind his coffee mug as his mind began to formulate the perfect prank for Rodney, along with a list of other possible victims.
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John was not the only person on Atlantis who was looking forward towards the upcoming Prank-a-thon, Major Lorne and some of his fellow marines had been holding secret meetings in an unused part of the city for days. Even the geeks down in the laboratories had some pranks in mind for each other and the other unsuspecting residence of their home away from home.
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Teyla Emmagan had survived one April Fool's Day with the people of Earth already and had learned the best way to avoid any unwanted embarrassment was to stay locked in her room. As a survivor, she took it upon herself to inform the newest member of Atlantis, Ronon Dex, about the festivities that would transpire in now two days time. She also gave him a little friendly advice on how to avoid any pranks.
"I have been through this day once before." She said, "Do not trust anybody that approached you, especially Colonel Sheppard. He is the worst of anyone here."
"It is still hard to believe that once a year, these people that seem generally nice go out of their way to intentionally embarrass each other." Ronon furrowed his brows in confusion.
Teyla gave a small smile and shrugged before leaving to gather the basic yet essential items for her 24-hour lockdown. She carried with her a small box that contained a few MREs, several bottles of water, and a book that Elizabeth Weir had lent her.
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At 12:01 am on the morning of April 1, John Sheppard was already wide-awake, dressed and roaming the halls. His first stop was the kitchen, were he commandeered a large trashcan and filled it with water before carefully carrying it to Major Lorne's quarters. John leaned the water-laden can at an angle against the door and left quietly down the hall to cause more mayhem on the other personnel of Atlantis.
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Around 3 am, Major Lorne attempted to exit his room, only to be soaked from the knees down by the trashcan that was now empty and on its side. As the water flooded into his room, Lorne shook his head at the mess and knew that it had to have been the work of his military commander, John Sheppard. Lorne righted the can and hurried down the hall to meet up with a few of his marines, one of them carrying four normal looking glass pop bottles. The quietly made their way down to the sleeping quarters of Carson Beckett, the head medical physician. Lorne punched the button on the console and the doors opened with a soft whoosh. Two of the marines took up a position and the head of the bed and two more at the foot of it. As carefully as possible, they lifted the bed, with Carson still in it, a good eight inches off the ground while Lorne placed the bottles under all four corners. They as just as carefully lowered bed onto the tops of the bottles and Lorne and his company left as quickly and quietly as they entered.
Somewhere around half an hour later, Carson shifted in his sleep into a more comfortable position. Unbeknownst to him it shifted the bed on the pop bottles just enough that the bed came crashing down six inches, startling the doctor out of his peaceful sleep.
"Bloody hell." he mumbled as realized what had happened.
Carson had a sneaking suspicion that this was Major Lorne's doing, as he had seen one of Lorne's men coming out of the kitchen carrying four bottles. Now too awake to even try and get more sleep, Carson dressed and trekked down to the infirmary where he proceeded to rummage through the cabinets until his desired object was found, a small bottle of phenolthalein. Carson smirked as he held the small jar up, revenge would be sweet.
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John met up with Lorne outside of the community bathrooms with a tub of soft margarine. The pair of officers grinned at each other as they proceeded to slather on a coat of butter on all of the toilets and sink knobs. As the task was completed, they split up cause their own disorder.
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By now it was 5:30 am and seeing as how John had the ATA gene, he had no need for using the console to enter Radek Zelenka's room. He crept up to the bedside table where the Czech's glasses lay unused at the current moment. Placing small pieces of cellophane over the lenses, John carefully began to trim away the excess so it looked like nothing had been done. He set the wire frames back down on the table and left before Radek woke up.
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Carson had gotten a hold of Lorne's coffee up early enough to deploy his plan. He added one drop of phenolthalein to the bottom of the mug and filled it with water. The cup was then emptied and left to dry. The residue of the phenolthalein was still present in the bottom of the cup. Carson smirked and placed the cup were it had originally been and walked away acting if nothing had just happened.
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At approximately 7:00 am, many people had started making their way down to the mess hall as cautiously as possible to enjoy their military grade scrambled eggs and hash browns. As Radek slipped out of bed and dressed, he picked up his glasses and placed then on the bridge of him nose, taking them off immediately when his eyesight got worse, not better. Radek rubbed his eyes, thinking that it was just an effect of still being tired; he put the glasses back on. His vision once again got worse when the frame were put on so he took them off again, this time to inspect the glass itself. He noticed that on the corner of the left lens there was a microscopic air bubble. Using his fingernail to pry it up, the clear layer of cellophane came up, so he did the same with the right lens. When both piece of clear plastic were removed the Czech engineer place the frames back on his face, this time his vision improved.
"It's seems that I was visited by Colonel Sheppard this morning." He said to himself.
Radek entered the mess and took a seat next to his colleague, Dr. Rodney McKay. Radek leaned over to whisper into the Canadian's ear.
"I have gotten the buzzer that you asked for. When do you want to install it?" he asked.
"After breakfast, then we'll get Carson down there to turn on the console." Rodney replied between bites.
Radek nodded and went back to eating his own breakfast.
Major Lorne walked over to the coffee pot with his mug in hand and poured him self a steaming cupful. Carson sat watching at one of the near by tables as the Major began to drink the hot liquid down. Half way through his food and second cup of coffee, Major Lorne let out a grunt as his intestinal muscles clenched and gurgled. He let out a sharp breath when the sensation did not subside. Realize what was happening in his body, Lorne shot out of his seat and sprinted down the corridors to the bathrooms. He was in so much intestinal distress, that he completely forgotten that he and John had previously buttered all the toilets. He slipped off the seat the first time he tried to sit but quickly got back in place before the phenolthalein completely took effect.
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Ronon Dex sat in the mess hall next to the good doctor Carson and looked over as he silently began to laugh. Most people witnessed the sudden evacuation of Major Lorne, but it was apparent to Ronon that only Carson knew what it was about.
"Do you know why the Major left so quickly?" the former runner inquired.
"I tampered with his coffee cup after he tampered with my bed." It was a simple enough answer from Carson, but it still left Ronon wondering.
"What did you do? What did he do?" Ronon seemed intrigued by the fact that Carson would actually do something in retaliation.
"He and some of his marines lifted my bed while I was asleep and placed bottles under the corners. When I shifted in my sleep, the bottles moves and the bed dropped to the floor six inches. So I went down to the infirmary and got out a jar of a substance known as phenolthalein and put a drop of it in his coffee cup." Carson explained but continued when he still saw the confusion on Ronon's face. "Phenothalein is a chemical that is often used in laxatives. It's helps clear out your gut in quite a hurry. That stuff is fast acting so Major Lorne had to use the first bathroom he came to, and I happen to know that he and John Sheppard buttered all the community toilets this morning. If I were you though, I wouldn't worry about anything, people are probably too terrified to pull anything on you and I know that Teyla locked herself in her room for the duration of the day."
"They buttered the toilets?" Ronon asked.
"Yeah, early this morning when everyone was still asleep, the got a container of butter, the stuff they put on the bread and potatoes, and covered all the toilet seats and sink knobs. If you have to use the bathroom, feel free to use the one in my room, it hasn't been tampered with" Carson answered.
Ronon nodded his thanks for the warning and his agreement on Carson's offer.
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Down in the laboratories, Radek and Rodney were hard at work installing the stadium buzzer into one of the consoles. They figured that because Carson was still slightly freaked out about using the ancient technology, that he would be the perfect candidate for their prank. Once the buzzer was completely installed and the front panel was put back into place Rodney got on the radio to summon Carson down to the lab. Everyone in the lab was acting normally when Carson arrived and he had no suspicion that the pair of scientists were up to something.
"Glad you could finally grace us with your presence Carson. We need you and you 'I'm so special gene' to activate this console so we can have a better look at it's power consumption." Rodney informed the doctor.
"Um, ok fine." Carson stepped up to the piece of equipment and stared at it for a minute.
"Any time now would be good. I have other very important things to do today." Rodney barked at the clearly nervous man.
Carson nodded and concentrated on turning the machine on. As soon as he did so, the light's light up and the stadium buzzer went off loudly, starling Carson so much he jumped back a good three feet before falling backwards. The people who were idly standing around got a good laugh at the expression on Carson's face as he struggled to get off the floor.
"You're just mean Rodney. Somebody's gonna get you back and I'm goona be there when it happens." Carson snapped before brushing off his lab coat and storming out the door.
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It was mid morning when Dr. Elizabeth Weir returned to her quarters from breakfast and filing some reports in her office. Upon entering her living space she noticed a box on the third self of her bookcase that hadn't been there before. Walking over cautiously, in case anything popped out or exploded, she inspected the box to find out that it was just a box. Her name was clearly written on the side and as she picked it up to take it to her desk, the bottom dropped out and thousands of little circles from the hole punchers fell out onto the floor and her own pants legs. Elizabeth groaned in dismay at the thought of having to clean them all up.
"This is too simple for John to do, so who else could have put it there?" she pondered.
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John got into the kitchen about half and hour before lunch was to be served. He nabbed one of the saltshakers, white vinegar, and some baking soda. John stuffed himself into a utility closet and preceded with his "Saltshaker Rocket" plan against Rodney. The Colonel popped the top off of the opaque plastic container and poured about 2 tablespoons od vinegar into the bottom. He then taped over the holes in the top of the shaker from the inside and placed a thin one-ply piece of tissue over the hole and filled the depression it made with the baking soda. John carefully snapped the top back on and trimmed off the extra tissue. By the time he had set it up people were already arriving for lunch. Surprisingly, Rodney was already out of his lab at the table eating. John quickly grabbed his lunch and sat across from his "friend". Rodney looked up as John sat down and placed the "saltshaker" between them.
"Oh good, you brought the salt." Rodney said as he reached for it.
Carson was again sitting next to Ronon in the mess hall watching the scene unfold. He knew something was up when John placed the shaker between them rather than keeping it on his tray.
Rodney picked up the small, white, plastic container and attempted to get anything out of it. On about the fourth shake he gave up and set it back down.
"I think you grabbed an empty one Sheppard." The scientist stated.
Just as he was about to ask for a different one, the top of the shaker popped off with such a force that it went rocketing towards the ceiling, splattering Rodney with its "fuel". As Rodney fell off the bench from the shock, John took the opportunity to savor the look of terror on his face before laughing whole-heartedly.
"Oh my God Rodney. Science 101, acid plus base plus limited space equals chemical reaction that sends an object flying. Oh man, you should have see the look on your face, it was hilarious" John continued to laugh at Rodney's expense.
Carson had his head buried in his arms against the table and his shoulders shaking he was laughing so much. He told Rodney someone would get him, and he said that he would be there to witness it. Rodney growled in the direction of John and a hysterical Carson before grabbing what was left of his lunch and going back down to the labs.
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Before Rodney got back down to the lab, Radek finished installing a program he had written earlier on the Canadian's laptop. It was untraceable to anyone and could only be removed by Radek himself. Basically the program wouldn't allow Rodney to login into his computer, no matter how many times he tried.
As Rodney arrive he opened up his laptop and thought he was going to work. When he typed in his password, the access was denied, over and over, until Rodney became so frustrated he slammed the computer shut and stalked off towards his room.
Radek also set about rigging Kavanagh's toolbox to a 110-volt current, but not before removing all the tools, bolting the box to the floor then replacing the tools again.
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Several of the geeks got together to begin work on the ultimate "scare the crap out of Sheppard prank". Their plan was to make a Cornflakes bomb. It would take them all afternoon of setting up the prank and it would hopefully be executed tonight in John's own room. They got together and began the work. A thin filament was wrapped around the fuse of an M80 that they had gotten a hold of. They placed the rigged firecracker inside of a box of cornflakes they had nicked from the kitchen. Wires were led out of the box and attached to a series of flash bulbs that were set up in a circuit with the M80 and a 12 V battery. The last thing that need to be done was to add the solenoid that would close the circuit. Everything was set up; they just needed to install it in the Colonel's room later that evening.
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Rodney had spent much of the early afternoon devising a plan to get back at John. He knew that he was supposed to have a sparring match later that day, so Rodney grabbed a large bucket, a bottle of dish detergent, and a few pounds of dry ice. He marched his way to the training room through the back corridors so as not to be spotted and began to set up.
The bucket was filled with hot water and Rodney dumped the entire contents of the detergent bottle into the bucket before adding the broken up pieces of dry ice. As his masterpiece began to take shape, Rodney quickly exited the room as it filled up waist deep with suds.
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John met with Ronon outside of the sparring room and gave him a brief nod before opening the door. The both men took in the sight before them as thick white suds filled the room. There was no way they would be able to spar in now chest deep bubbles.
"This is Rodney's revenge for the Saltshaker Rocket at lunch." John stated.
"I guess we will not spar today, or at least not until the bubbles are cleaned up." Ronon continued to stare at the sea of white that filled the room.
"I guess so." John agreed.
The two men parted ways, Ronon to his quarters and John to the control room.
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Dinner was being served and most everybody made an appearance, with the exception of a few geeks, but it was normal for them to miss meals when they were making breakthroughs in the lab. Unfortunately, the lab is not where several of the geeks were located. They had joined together outside of John's room to put the finishing touches on their Cornflake bomb. The box was hung in the middle of the room and the flash bulbs set up around the door. The solenoid was put in the position that when the door was opened the circuit would be closed. However, that meant that they would be stuck inside the room until the prank was over, seeing as they couldn't open the door to leave without detonating the bomb. Earlier that day, the group of geeks gave the warning to anyone of importance in the city what they were conspiring to do and invited them to watch when John returned to his quarters.
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Around 10:00 pm, John started to make his way back towards his room. He stopped a few times, having the feeling that he was being followed, but when he turned around, no one was ever behind him. He finally reached his room, with most of the staff of Atlantis, including Elizabeth, hiding behind the corners and columns of the hallway. John thought the door open and was knocked down by the force of the M80 going off in such close proximity. The blinding light from the flash bulbs combined with the noise and the stinging sensation from the burning cornflakes had John thinking that his room just exploded. While the Colonel was still a little dazed, the group of geeks that had been stuck inside of the room for the prank, made a break for it and scrambled out of the door and into the crowd that had now formed before John identified the individuals. When John finally regained his composure and picked himself up off the floor, the crowd that included Elizabeth, Rodney, Radek, Ronon, Carson, and even Teyla, got the best laugh they had all day. The slightly singed Colonel brushed crispy, burnt pieces of cornflakes off his uniform before turning to face his audience. His serious and stern face broke into a grin, because for once, someone had bested him at his own game.
"Right now I would like to congratulate the science department for their brilliant use of explosives and cereal. I never thought I would say this, but you got me better than I got you. Live it up, because next year, it's on. I'm taking you geeks down." John announced before joining his friends and what he would consider his family at laughing at his own expense.
A truce was called proclaiming that there would be no more pranks that evening. So with a Major who was in love with his toilet and a cornflake bombarded Colonel, another successful April Fool's Day came to an end in the lost city of the Ancients.