To say Kotetsu could have planned the night better was an understatement.

It was not meant to take the turn that it did. He had dinner with Barnaby, his partner and close friend. They ate at the Justice Tower and tried their best to ignore being watched. They worked together in the second league, but they were still incredibly popular. Everybody loved them. Everybody really loved Barnaby.

Including Kotetsu.

He wished he could blame it on alcohol – wine or beer. But he was out of luck as he had only drunk water since he was trying very hard to cut down on his alcohol intake. He wished he could blame it on being sick, or sleepy or any number of things.

There was no excuse. Their conversation moved into the lives of their fellow heroes and eventually relationships. When Barnaby started his usual light teasing about how Kotetsu should find someone nice and stop being a lonely old man, he let it slip. That he found someone who always kept him company and made him happy.

He wasn't sure what he expected when he admitted to Barnaby that he had feelings for him. A very small part of him thought they were close enough that Barnaby returned them. A larger part thought Barnaby would stand up and walk out of his life. The rest had no idea what to think.

At first Barnaby only said "Oh," and it was horribly awkward.

Each of them spent time studying their own food. "I don't expect anything. I just thought I should tell you," Kotetsu had told him.

Barnaby nodded and they tried to recover into some sort of conversation, but it wasn't working. Kotetsu stumbled over some nonsense about how solid his steak was and Barnaby kept looking out the window and asking about the buildings as he had done before. When Kotetsu just sighed and leaned back Barnaby admitted he didn't return the feelings and wasn't quite sure what to think.

Dinner ended earlier than Kotetsu would have liked and soon enough he was in his apartment, laying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. "Well Tomoe, what do I do?" he asked knowing full well he wouldn't get an answer. If spirits existed, hers would have gone to Heaven instead of having to hang around the earth.

He could only think he'd ruined an amazing friendship. The closest one he had. He blamed his feelings but knew there was no way he could really stop them. For a couple of hours he thought about calling Barnaby. He didn't though. The kid deserved space after Kotetsu ruined dinner.

And Kotetsu needed to talk to someone badly.

"I didn't know who else to talk to."

"Why me?" Muramasa's annoyed voice came from phone and Kotetsu cringed a little.

"I don't know. I talked to you when my powers were fading and, well, I just don't know who else I'm okay telling." It was true. Muramasa was the only one who was able to coax some truth out of him so many months ago. Remembering that made Kotetsu feel better about talking to him.

Muramasa sighed. "Alright. Still Kotetsu, what do you want me to say? You told me two minutes ago you're into another man. Not only is that kind of surprising, but I really do not have gay romance advice for you."

Kotetsu cringed. He knew his brother might be uncomfortable with such a topic. Although it didn't seem that he was exactly uncomfortable – he just didn't know how to approach the subject. Kotetsu didn't know himself. "That's fine. It's just that, okay, what if your closest guy friend said he wanted to be with you?" Kotetsu blushed hard even though Muramasa couldn't see. His anxiety had shot so far through the roof that he had almost thrown up before calling his brother.

"I really don't want to talk about this."

"Please?" Kotetsu begged. "It would really help me know what's going through his head. And yes, before you say anything, I know Barnaby's mind is sorta different than most."

"I guess that makes sense," Muramasa grumbled and fell silent. Kotetsu guessed he was thinking, and after a minute Muramasa spoke up again. "Well, I wouldn't stop being friends with him. I'd probably be a bit more guarded and though and extremely aware of the hints I could be dropping."

"You wouldn't think about giving him a shot?"

"Kotetsu…"

"Sorry." Kotetsu swallowed. He had been hoping his brother would tell him what he wanted to hear. It was pretty foolish.

"I'm just not into men. That's why my close friend would be JUST my close friend and not more."

"Well, I don't know if I want to have sex with him or what, you see?" He had found it to be more of a personality thing, though Barnaby was certainly attractive.

"Okay, Kotetsu, stop. I don't mind if you have an interest in men, but how about we don't mention sex?"

"Sorry. I'm just trying to figure it all out."

"I know." Muramasa fell silent again momentarily. "I need to go to work now. Kotetsu, I'm sure he won't want to stop talking to you or even hanging out with you. Just don't push anything and I'm sure he'll stick around."

"Sure," Kotetsu answered, his voice thick as his mind started to check out a little. He wasn't sure how to act around Barnaby, what would be pushing it. And if Barnaby really did grow distant he didn't know if he could handle it. But worst of all was thinking about his brother's answer, that he wouldn't give him a shot.

He barely heard his brother say goodbye and was in a daze when he hung up. He tried to snap himself out of it with a coffee to get the day started. He had to go to work and he dreaded it. There was no way he could hide his sadness if he got there and Barnaby wanted nothing to do with him.

As he entered the office they shared his stomach clenched painfully. He could see Barnaby sitting at his computer, clicking away at things that were probably important, like the paperwork Kotetsu had blown off in favor of trying to flick tiny balls of paper into a cup across the desk…

He couldn't blame Barnaby if on top of the awkwardness of the previous night, he was pissed at him for slacking off.

"Hi, Bunny," he said as he sat in his chair and turned on his computer.

"Morning," came the reply. Barnaby didn't sound angry or any different than normal. Still, Kotetsu didn't say anything else. He couldn't find the guts to ask Barnaby how his morning was going, how his night went, if he was mad, if he hated him.

And so silence fell over the office for at least two hours before anyone spoke again. "Kotetsu, are you okay?" Barnaby finally asked, turning in his chair with his hands settled in his lap.

Kotetsu startled and pretended to be very interested in the report he was working on. "I'm fine, I'm fine."

"No you're not. You are never this quiet. You would have said something and found several excuses to get up and walk around by now."

"…" Kotetsu defaulted to one of his favored mannerisms, pulling his hat down to try and hide his eyes. "I'll get up if you want to."

"That's not what I'm trying to say - look, I'm not mad about last night."

"Ah."

"I just didn't know what to say. I didn't want you to be upset but I can see there was really no avoiding it."

He was right about that. No matter how nicely Barnaby may have treated him, he was still going to be rejected. "Yea, but now you must feel weird," Kotetsu mumbled.

"A little. I don't know how to deal with this stuff. I don't date."

That hurt, crushed him even if Barnaby didn't mean it personally. "I see."

"I'm not going anywhere, Kotetsu," Barnaby said very gently. "It would be very cruel of me to stop being your friend after all we've been through. I'd be hurting myself to do that too. You belong in my life, just not that way."

Kotetsu nodded but stared at his keyboard. "Okay."

Barnaby sighed. "Well, I guess I can't expect you to feel better right away. I don't know what it's like to be turned down." He probably didn't mean to sound above Kotetsu, but it just added another dagger to his heart. "All I can say is I don't dislike you and I won't leave you for feeling this way."

Barnaby handled it well, and Kotetsu wanted to give him some credit. But it was impossible to focus when he felt like his heart was shrinking in his chest. He had thought just maybe being rejected might make him realize his feelings weren't of the romantic variety, like a wake-up call. Instead it just drove home how much he wanted Barnaby.

Eventually Barnaby did stop talking when he was getting nowhere, and then a heavy mood really did settle over the office. Kotetsu was responsible for it. He decided to get to work, and he actually made progress since he was working to try and push away the thoughts he had swirling in his head.

At about noon Barnaby spoke again. "I'm going to get lunch. Do you want to come with me?"

Kotetsu appreciated the gesture. Barnaby had every right to ignore the hell out of him and leave. But he shook his head. "No, thanks. I'm sorry Bunny, I just don't think that would be a good idea."

"Do you want me to bring you back something?" Barnaby asked almost immediately.

"Um, sure. You know what I like, just pick whatever." He didn't have an appetite but maybe if he saw food he would feel at least a little hungry. He also did not need to mope so much he turned down every offer Barnaby tried to ease his pain even if only for an hour.

Barnaby looked relieved as he nodded and left. Kotetsu was glad of that and he leaned back in his chair. His brother had said not to push. But what if, he tried little nudges, here and there? Maybe, just maybe he could at least get Barnaby to consider dating him. And if he was careful about it then it wouldn't chase Barnaby away, right? He needed some hope to cling to, and there it was.

He didn't know exactly what he would do, but he kept in mind that Barnaby had said he didn't date. That meant it was a general thing, not exactly against him and him alone. Kotetsu had been responsible for a lot of the changes in Barnaby's attitude and very life.

Perhaps he could convince him to change his mind once again…