I am sitting on a beach; it's the one from shell's camping trip. No one else is with me, I am completely alone. Suddenly there are arms around me, not choking just holding. I know who they belong. I close my eyes.
"I'm dreaming aren't I, Chris?"
"I don't know, Jal, Its your head. Did you ever have that dream when you were a kid, when there was something you wanted, that you had it and when you woke up it would be gone?"
"So this kind of like that, then? I remember those dreams, I hated them."
"Do you want me to leave then because you know I could..."
"Stop it, just stay."
"Even though it'll hurt you when you wake up."
"Especially, cause it'll hurt... I never... I never got to say goodbye, you were with Cassie, you should have been with me."
"It's not your fault Jal, these things happen."
I stood up and walked forward, there was no breeze and my feet couldn't feel the sand. That's the thing about dreams, they are intangible.
"If I turn around will you be gone?"
"I dunno Jal, its your head." I turn around, slowly, warily. I will him to be there. And for the first time in a fortnight he's still there. I can eelf myself start to hope. It is a cruel sensation that mocks me. That if I wake up one more time, I'll be back in Chris's flat, and it was his death that was a dream. I reach forward and take his hand. I know that when I wake up I'll believe for a few blissful sec onds that he's still alive and then reality will crash down on me like a bucket of ice cold water.
But I live for these dreams. So I back towards the sea.
"What are you doing?"
"Come on let's go for a swim." I smile and pull him with me.
I won't wake up if I can help it.