title: ten things
summary: ten things Tsukishima Kei would never admit to anyone ever. "This," he thought., "is what sunlight tastes then." [Tsukishima x Hinata]
notes: idk how this pairing grew on me. but you've got to admit they'll be perfect for each other. and no, I don't support Kageyama x Hinata. This fic tastes like caramel milk tea. reviews are highly appreciated! the quote before the actual fic was written by me. I wrote that a year before I even started watching Haikyuu! But it was kind of like serendipity that I found that again right before I was going to post this.
disclaimer: haikyuu! is not mine
"Our love was condensed into two things: one was you trying to hand me the world and the other was me pretending not to want it. Why? It was your smile, and the way you tried to hold your hands over my head to keep me sheltered from the rain. It was that time when you called me at three forty eight am to tell me you missed the slope of my neck whenever I leaned down to kiss you. It was that moment when our fingers first touched and felt the ground shift beneath me and I was kinda worried that I would fall and screw up― but it was just me shivering because holding your hand was defying the laws of thermodynamics. I felt freezing all over, but somehow it felt like I was laying in my funeral pyre. It was the way you basically told my mother that you wanted me up until beyond the afterlife when you finally met her. I wanted you because of this. But you unraveled me. You peeled away layers I didn't know I had. I did not know whether this was a good thing because you were a good person and I wasn't. I just wasn't. You knew this fact, but still you took me into your arms and laughed into my ear. You knew this fact yet you still stayed and that scared me." (mine)
I
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but he absolutely believes that Hinata Shoyo was custom made to fit snugly in his arms. When they sleep together (sleep as in cuddling and not fucking because even though he wants to, Hinata just isn't ready for that stuff yet) and Hinata just innocently presses himself against Tsukishima, it feels like that is where they both should be.
II
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but when Hinata first held his hand, almost every bodily movement of his stopped, and he felt the world just cease turning. He was doing everything in his power not to seem too eager when he squeezed Hinata's hand back. But Hinata smiled up at him like he gave him the world, and then Tsukishima felt his fingers grip Hinata like his life depended on it. Hinata did not stop smiling, even though Tsukishima's hand was sweating, even though people were staring at them.
III
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but he gets lividly jealous whenever Hinata brightens around that loser Kageyama. Well, Hinata brightens around everyone (the boy is sunlight, another thing Tsukishima would never ever tell anyone) but when it comes to Kageyama he glows differently (see how lovesick Tsukishima's becoming? Who the fuck uses glow to describe a person? A goddamn hopeless romantic, that's who.)
And though he knows for certain that Kageyama does not have any more feelings for Hinata (he's now head over heels for Shimizu which baffles Tsukishima, really. What do they talk about, anyway?) Tsukishima still has the urge to chuck a ball at his face whenever he makes Hinata smile. He's possessive, he knows.
IV
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but Yamaguchi once asked him to leave Hinata for him. Tsukishima would hear none of this, of course, because for some reason, the thought of walking away from that light made him feel empty inside.
Yamaguchi cried at his doorstep, begging for Tsukishima to please break up with him, please, I love you, I've loved you since we were kids! I've waited for you to be okay with that kind of affection but I was wrong! You were okay with it, you just weren't okay with me! that was the moment Tsukishima slammed the door in Yamaguchi's face. He was so fucking angry at Yamaguchi, but mostly he was angry at himself. How could he not have seen Yamaguchi that way? They were joined at the hip since forever, but never did Tsukishima think that it would be possible for them to―
When Hinata called him that night, he tried so hard not to sob. He wanted to be the less emotional one in the relationship. Hinata saw right through him, though. And, at exactly ten pm, Hinata was in his house, waiting for him at the living room. Tsukishima's mother smiled sheepishly, I didn't want to send him away. Tsukishima's brother made hot chocolate for him and Hinata.
Hinata held him on his couch, not saying anything. His arms rubbing circles on Tsukishima's back. They both fell asleep in each other's embrace, (which probably looked adorable or something because no one had the courage to wake them up.) They were late for school anyway, so they decided not to attend. They spent the day watching those dumb dog films Hinata seems to love. When Hinata finally left, Tsukishima paid Yamaguchi a visit. Yamaguchi's mother looked at him forlornly and said that her son did not want to talk to him.
V
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but one of his three most favorite things to do to Hinata is comb his hair back with his hand. Hinata always gives him this funny look that combines exasperation and amusement.
Another favorite thing he does is when he "accidentally" touches Hinata's ass or crotch. He likes this because Hinata always lets out a surprised oh that is immediately followed by a beet red blush. Tsukishima thinks this is adorable.
But of course, his most favorite thing to do to Hinata is kiss him. When he kisses Hinata, Hinata gets to be too distracted with his lips to notice Tsukishima's hands wandering over his feverish body. When they kiss, Tsukishima gets to experience a completely different Hinata, who makes the best sounds Tsukishima has ever heard.
VI
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but one of the three most favorite things Hinata does to him is hug him from behind. He feels extra taller when Hinata does this, and it is a good feeling to try not to smile when that's the only thing you want to do.
Another is when Hinata straddles him when they kiss, because Tsukishima gets to pull him closer, closer, closer, until their breaths are in sync, and their bodies are flush against each other.
But his most favorite is how Hinata calls him every night without fail, even if there are classes the next day or if they are both exhausted as hell, just to ask how Tsukishima's day went (like Hinata wasn't with him in the first place.) He likes how Hinata's voice sounds over the phone's static, how his words feel when Hinata says You were amazing a while ago, Kei.
VII
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but there are times when he wants to push Hinata off him, to slap his hand away when he reaches for him, to tell him to shut the fuck up when he calls his name in a crowded place (he never does though, never ever)―because people are always watching. Always looking at them with ill veiled disgust. Looking at Hinata and him like they are making a mistake just by being together.
He doesn't even want to admit it to himself, but when he thinks about breaking things off with Hinata, he knows it's not just to save Hinata from those judging stares―it's also to save himself.
If Yamaguchi was wrong with something, it was when he said that Tsukishima was comfortable with this kind of relationship. But it's not like he's uncomfortable with Hinata―it's far from that. Tsukishima isn't comfortable with the fact that if any one of them both hadn't been born male, people wouldn't be staring at all.
VIII
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but it takes him a full five seconds (he has counted this) to stare at Hinata right after he just spiked magnificently. It kind of scares Tsukishima, really, how someone so spectacular ever see something worth loving in him.
It scares him to the point of being paranoid of losing that love, that light. But then, after he spikes, Hinata turns to him with the brightest smile ever, as if saying did you see that, Kei, did you see, as if what he just did was for Tsukishima and no one else.
This scares Tsukishima too because Hinata is the sun, and by nature the sun does not shine for the moon.
IX
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but when Hinata confessed his little crush on him (more like shouted TSUKISHIMA KEI I LIKE YOU OKAY I HAVE LIKED YOU FOR TWO MONTHS NOW AND IT IS EATING ME ALIVE over dinner with the team) his heart jumped up into his throat and choked him. He heard Yachi squeal. Tsukishima had gone into a crazy coughing fit, with Shimizu slapping his back rather roughly to soothe (?) him. Tsukishima remembers everyone looking at him and Hinata with wide, anticipating eyes. He swallowed a whole glass of water with one gulp.
He hadn't even recovered fully yet (he just stared at Hinata in horrid disbelief; Hinata was resolutely staring back, face red and adorable) when Kageyama said, He told you he liked you, you idiot, are you just going to stare at him like that till the restaurant closes. Tsukishima turns to Kageyama sharply, glaring with all the dignity he could muster. His face was burning; he almost took another glass and poured the contents above his head. Kageyama looked away, smirking, to meet Shimizu's eyes. They gave each other knowing smiles.
Fuckers, Tsukishima had thought.
Tsukki, Yamaguchi nudged him. Tsukishima took one look at his face and knew how Yamaguchi was taking this. Tsukki, Hinata likes you.
Tsukishima turned back to Hinata then, trying to overwrite the heartbroken image of Yamaguchi with Hinata's hopeful one. Until this day he hasn't figured out just where his first words post-confession came from.
Y-You like me? Hinata nodded frantically, and Tsukishima swore his head would pop off his neck.
Well, you better do something about it besides yelling at me from across the goddamned table.
X
Tsukishima would never admit this to anyone ever, but their first kiss made him feel like someone staged a fireworks show inside his very stomach.
They were in his room, and nobody was home. Tsukishima was teaching him English, and Hinata was intently staring at what his boyfriend (they were calling each other that by this time, and it felt exhilarating to do so) was pointing at. You touch your tongue to the roof your mouth to pronounce the 'L' sound, he instructed, which was his first mistake. His second one was him turning to look at Hinata when he said like this? with his lips parted to show him the inside of his mouth.
And just like that, Tsukishima had claimed Hinata's lips with his own. Hinata squeaked into him, and he relished that sound. He swiped all academic stuff off his desk and lifted off Hinata from his seat and onto the table. Tsukishima smiled at how he was still taller than Hinata in this position.
Hinata was (understandably) unresponsive at first. He just kept letting Tsukishima move his lips against his. Tsukishima thought crazily that maybe Hinata wasn't ready yet, and that he moved too fast (they were only dating for a month by then.) But then Hinata's hands gripped the back of Tsukishima's head and he pushed it towards him aggressively, hungrily. Tsukishima murmured appreciatively and stood up. He was leaning far down to meet Hinata, who in turn raised his upper body to comply.
Hinata's hand had snaked around Tsukishima's neck, and before he knew it, Hinata was clinging onto him funnily like a monkey. Tsukishima brought him from his desk to his bed, and carefully laid him there. They parted, and they were breathing heavily, like they had just finished training.
Hinata's eyes shone, and he grinned wide. That felt―you felt amazing, he breathed, lips swollen and hair tousled. Pride slapped his chest, and Tsukishima gravitated back down to Hinata. The moon meeting the sun. No, you, Hinata, he said with his teeth biting down on Hinata's lower lip. You're amazing. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
He pressed his body to Hinata's (Kei you needy fuck, he thought to himself), and Hinata responded by pulling him closer. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
Everything was a hot, feverish blur. At one point Tsukishima took off his glasses, and then his shirt. At one point Hinata was on top of him, and Tsukishima locked him against his body with one long arm. At one point Hinata struggled to take off his own shirt without letting go of Tsukishima's waists. At one point their chests had developed a magnetic attraction towards each other. At one point Tsukishima was trailing bruising kisses down Hinata's neck (Hinata was humming, Hinata was pulling him by the hair, Hinata was planting his lips on Tsukishima's head softly, repeatedly.) Hinata did not complain and just kept kissing and kissing and kissing.
This, Tsukishima thought, fighting to get on top, (Hinata laughed and just let him do what he wanted) this is what sunlight tastes, then.