I Just Got Some Milk, Mark!

Summary: So during Will I?, Roger leaves the house for what seems to be the first time since April committed suicide. During Christmas Bells, it's obvious Roger was trying to explain to Mark what happened. This is what's in between that.

ROGER

"I'm writing one great song before I…" I sang. I sat back down. I can't do this. I can't write a song, not since…no, too much pain, don't think about her. Or her. But it was hard not to. Mimi…I pushed her away. The first person to talk to me since I stopped leaving the apartment. I'm an idiot.

Will I lose my dignity? I wondered. Where the hell did that come from? I've been hanging out with Mark too much. All his, "you have to talk about your problems, let go, don't hold all that emotion in, I'm here for you," crap.

Will someone care? Popped into my head. Again, where did that come from…would someone care when I went? Yes, Mark would. I know he would.

Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare? I thought. No, there was no waking from this nightmare, this nightmare was my life. Unless they found a cure for AIDS, which I doubt they will, this was the way I would live for the rest of my too short life. I put my head in my hands. I couldn't stand that thought. Living another few years, with this fear of touching anything in case I got sick. But then again, I couldn't just leave Mark. After Maureen dumped him, I'm all he's got. And he's all I've got since…no, don't think about that, it hurts too much. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to live.

I wondered what was happening at that Life Support meeting. That guy…girl…Angel…that Collins brought in said that it helped. I don't know. I haven't left the house in so long…and really, how many people could possibly have AIDS? I bet Collins, Angel, and I were the only ones…

"Will I lose my dignity?" I wondered aloud. I lifted my head up. "Will someone care? Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?" What if something happened to Mark? No one would notice if I died. I'd die in this hellhole and the only reason someone would find me would be because stupid Benny wanted the fucking rent.

There's no more milk left, I thought. That was random. I should get some…go out…talk to people…no. I can't leave the house. No one would want to talk to me…Mimi would. If I ran into her, she would talk to me. I knew she would. I had to take that first step. I have agoraphobia, I thought. My cousin has agoraphobia. I didn't like him. I thought he was so dull, such a wussy, because he was afraid of being outside. I don't want to be him, I thought to myself. I don't want to be just another guy, afraid of his shadow. I ran to get my coat. Gosh damn it, I was going to go buy some damned milk. I stopped. Who the hell am I kidding? I can't go outside. It's so big, and there are so many people, and I could catch something. I can't go outside.

Yes, I can. I looked at my coat, then at the door, then back to my coat. I could do it. I could do it. Run, before you lose your nerve. I threw the coat on and walked out. Home run Roger, you mofo!'

MARK

"I'll see you at the show. I'll try to convince Roger to go," I said. Like that was going to happen. The boy hadn't left the house since April committed suicide. I swear, he as agoraphobia…agoraphobia on top of HIV. Jeez, he was one messed-up guy. But he was my best friend, and I had to take him the way he was, agoraphobia and all. I had to get home quickly though. I had to be back my Maureen's sound check. Her highness awaited…stupid Maureen and her stupid way of manipulating me and her stupid way of always cheating on me…and now leaving me…

I finally got home.

"Roger? Roger? I'm home," I said. He said nothing. Okay, where the hell is he? I went to the bathroom, but he wasn't there. "ROGER?!" I yelled. I was starting to get nervous. Please tell me nothing happened to him, I don't know how I'd take it if something happened. No answer. Okay, now I was officially freaked. I looked around for our phone. Who could I call? I could check with Collins, although I don't think he'd answer, from the look he'd been giving Angel. Crap. Crap. Crap. Oh shit, Roger…don't leave, not on Christmas Eve, please.

"Stupid milk, I forgot how cold it was," I heard someone grunt. I ran to the door. There was Roger.

"Roger! Where the fuck where you?!" I yelled. He gave me a pained look.

"I was at the store."

"Why?"

"We were out of milk."

"Why didn't you call me?" I asked him. At least he wasn't dead.

"Well daddy, I'm a big boy now. I can reach the top shelf and everything," he told me in a baby voice. Well, at least I knew he was okay.

"But you never leave the house," I persisted.

"The store's right across the street," he reminded me. Oh yeah. "Can we drop the subject now? This milk is fucking cold," he whined. I ran over and took it from him. I walked over to the kitchen area.

"Are you hungry?" I asked. He nodded. I looked through the cabinets.

"Why are you back so early?" he asked.

"I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Maureen's show," I told him.

"No." I knew it. He sat on the counter.

"Please!" I whined.

"I went out to get milk, that's all the adventure I need for the day," he said.

"I guess. But you should get out of the apartment more. Angel seems really nice, and I can say for certain she is the most energetic person I have ever met," I told him. He nodded. "Come on. You can't spend the rest of your life hiding in this place," I told him.

"Did you find anything?" he asked.

"No."

"Great…hey Mark?" he asked He seemed nervous, shy even.

"What's wrong?"

"I met someone," he said slowly, "but I pushed her away." Genius, Roger, just genius. I leaned in closer. "Her name is Mimi. She lives downstairs. She came up here a few hours ago and…I chased her out," he said in a rush. I stared at him.

"Mimi as in Mimi the dancer at the Cat Scratch Club?" I asked him. He nodded. I smacked him.

"You idiot! If she really liked you…you'd probably be the luckiest son of a bitch alive!" I yelled at him. He smiled sadly. "So tell me exactly what happened. I think Angel knows her so you might get to see her again," I told him. He shook his head.

"I was mean," he said.

"Even if she won't come back I need all the details. I have to live through you since I don't have Maureen anymore," I told him. He started laughing. I smacked him again. "It's not funny!" I yelled. He laughed one more time, then stopped.

"Okay, so after you left to go help Maureen, she knocked on the door. So I went over and," he started. I moved some crap off the couch and sat down. This was going to be an interesting conversation.

I felt really confused. "She said 'would you light my candle?' Then she put on a pout and she wanted you to take her out tonight!" I said. I think I get it.

"Right."

"She got you out," I said.

"She was more than okay but I pushed her away. It was bad, I got mad and I had to get her out of my sight," he said sadly.

"Wait, wait, wait," I said, "you said she was sweet!" Why would he chase her out.

"Let's go eat. I'll just get fat. It's the one vice left when you're dead meat," he said pathetically. We started walking. I wonder what Maureen's doing. I wonder if she's with Joanne. I hope not, although Joanne seems cool.

"There, that's her!" Roger called.

"Maureen?" I asked. Is she here!?

"MIMI!" he yelled.

"Whoa," I said. She was hot.

"I should go," he said. He was chickening out. Not a good sign. I felt something hit my face. Oh look, snow.

"Hey, it's beginning to snow," we both said. We walked around, looking about, but I could see Roger sneaking peeks at Mimi. I pushed him over to her.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I just want to say," he started nervously, "I'm sorry for the way-"

"Forget it," she cut him off. Ooh, treated!

"-I blew up. Can I make it up to you?" he asked.

"How?"

"Dinner party?"

"That'll do," she said quickly. They smiled at each other. I looked over and saw "the man." Oh shit, that was Roger's drug dealer. Go away!

"Hey, Lover boy, Cutie pie, you steal my client, you die," he said. Roger stood firm.

"You didn't miss me, you won't miss her, you'll never lack for customer," Roger yelled. He pulled Mimi away. I could kiss you Roger! I love you right now!

"Mark, this is Mimi," Roger introduced.

"Hi," we both said.

"She'll be dining with us," he said proudly. I smiled. I held up my camera to record the snow. Mimi stepped in front of it and started to make faces. She seems really nice. Roger's kinda…standoffish. I didn't think it would last long. Not at that moment anyway.

Boy, was I ever wrong.

So what do you think? I might post a second chapter about the three of them, probably Mimi getting on Mark's nerves, but only if you want me to. So...review? I love you!!!!!