A/N That you can definitely ignore: Hello everyone! It's been awhile! This note is mostly to say, hopefully I'll be around more often and hopefully you're excited about that. Oh boy am I late to the party on 'Fairy Tail just disbanded' fics but, hopefully this is still enjoyable?
When Phantom Lord disbanded Gajeel had no goodbyes to give, no loose ends to tie up, there was just a few belongings to collect and he was gone. They'd never been a family, they'd never really been anything but a ragtag group of people who were disillusioned with, everything. Fairy Tail disbanding was different. Even if he didn't want to say goodbye to some people, they found him. He was thanked for saving them. Laki was even brave enough to hug him when she said goodbye. They wished him good luck wherever the road took him and as they walked away they cast their hand in the air, one finger pointing to the sky to let him know they would be watching over him wherever they went. Although he once looked at the gesture with disdain, he found his own hand slowly rising every time.
Juvia was the only person who he wanted to say goodbye to when he left Phantom Lord but, she'd already left for Fairy Tail. He didn't want to get in the way of her new life. History repeated itself this time around when she left with Gray before he even knew Fairy Tail was over. He was glad the stripper was with her though, at least she'd be happy. Like last time he knew that he and Juvia would see each other again and, even if they didn't there was nothing to resolve between them.
This time though, he had one very important farewell to give. There was so much he had been too afraid to say to Levy but now there was no avoiding it. Well, there was but either he didn't say any of it now or he risked never getting the chance to tell her. The fear of losing her was stronger than his fear of what he had to say. Which still meant he was terrified.
So here he stood, outside her door building up the courage to knock. He could hear her singing to herself, light footsteps that sounded as though she were pacing and amongst the scent of paper and ink he smelt a fresh cup of coffee. He could picture her clearly, hair tied up in a messy ponytail and wearing her favourite leggings and oversized orange sweater she always wore when she wasn't going anywhere. In his mind he could see a book in her hand, although since she was pacing she wouldn't be reading it but she liked to hold them for comfort when she was working something out. If she was pacing, she was definitely trying to work something out.
He marvelled at how through a closed door, with just scent and sound to guide him, he could fit together the things he knew about her and imagine just what she would be doing. He had never been so close to another person, not even Juvia, not even Metalicana, and to know someone so well was disconcerting and exciting for him. Somehow, that realisation gave him the boost he needed to knock on her door.
He could do this, he was Black Steel Gajeel, he could defeat a demon of Tartarus and he could damned well tell Levy he was sorry. He tugged each of his gloves down, punched his fist into the palm of his other hand and then knocked twice sharply against the doorframe. He winced when he saw the wood splinter a bit, he'd have to come back and fix that before he left.
"Gajeel!" Levy exclaimed, her face burst into a grin at the sight of him and it still took him by surprise that he could bring joy to someone he had brought so much pain. "I was worried you'd taken off, so many people are gone already. Can you come in or is there a time limit on this visit?"
"I've got nothing planned," Gajeel muttered, rubbing the back of his neck absently.
"Come on in then! Sorry about the mess, I was trying to work out what I'm going to do with all my books and it just spiralled out of control." Levy stepped, aside, still clutching at the edge of the door until he walked past her and took his usual spot on the couch. He noticed that in all the chaos, she had still left 'his spot' clear. He hadn't been there often but, it was enough for her to know.
"What are you going to do with them when you go?" Gajeel asked, for the most part sincerely curious about how she would manage moving the library and also fishing for an answer about if she was leaving, where she was going, would she stay in touch or, was this the end.
"I'm not sure yet. If I stay in Magnolia I'll need to find a place big enough for them all since, with no Fairy Tail there's no Fairy Hills. Lucy offered to take a few, but her place isn't really big enough to take all of them for me. She's also not really sure what she's doing, Natsu leaving really rattled her. If I travel then I guess I'll just put them in storage. I'm not sure if that's even a possibility since the city is so demolished at the moment. I don't know, maybe I'll move to another city? Moving them will be tricky. More than that though, Magnolia has so many memories for me and I can't decide if that makes me want to leave or stay. Sorry I'm just, thinking out loud," Levy rambled. "What did you come over for?"
"I just," Gajeel took a deep breath, it was now or never, "had something I needed to tell you."
"I'm all ears," Levy said, to prove her point she put down the books she was stacking and took a seat on the couch next to him, folding her legs up to her chest and perching her chin on her knees.
"I found a reason to change who I used to be," Gajeel started, not able to look at her and instead staring pointedly at the corner of one of her bookshelves. "I've been trying to change for a while now but, I haven't been able to explain it to you. I have a reason that that makes me want to start over new, erase all the mistakes I've made if I can and that reason is you. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I have to live with that mistake every day of my life, I never wanted to hurt you, well I did but not you I wanted to hurt some prissy fairy who thought they were better than everyone else and I haven't found any of those in Fairy Tail, except maybe Evergreen who I still kind of want to punch but, never mind. So I just, had to say before I go that I wish I could take that pain away. I wish I could stop your nightmares. But I can't, so I've got to find something I can do. That's why I'm going to join the Magic Council, if they'll take me. I'm going to work at atoning for my mistakes, to remedy all the pain that I've caused. I want to become the kind of person that you'd be proud to stand beside, not someone you have to be ashamed of and apologise for. I'm not perfect and I never will be Shrimp, but before I go I just needed you to know that all the good in my life is because of you and I…"
Levy leaned up and pressed one finger to his lips. He finally looked at her and saw her head down, shoulders shaking. He thought she was crying at first but when she looked up her eyes were clear, albeit a little shiny, and she was smiling brighter than ever.
"You think I'm going to let you go after a speech like that?" She laughed, taking her hand back while he processed her statement. She giggled when his eyes widened and his mouth twitched into a hint of his smirk. "I am already proud to stand by your side Gajeel and I understand if this is something you have to do alone but, if you'll have me along for the journey then I want to be there to support you through it. I forgave you a long time ago, I know that sometimes I've been holding back but, it's more because I'm afraid you're going to suddenly change your mind about me than because of what you did in the past. I understand that you have to do this, and I want to be there to see you forgive yourself."
"What about your books?" Gajeel asked. It was perhaps not the smoothest of questions, it wasn't really what he wanted to ask but, he had never anticipated this reaction from her and he was at a loss for any coherent questions.
"Well, it just so happens the Council has a massive library but it is missing quite a few of my rare texts. I'm sure they'll be grateful for the donation, who knows maybe they'll let me be a librarian or something," Levy shrugged. "In any case, I'm sure they'll cope."
"You'd risk leaving your books behind to, come with me?" Gajeel asked.
"Gajeel, I'd leave everything behind to come with you," Levy said, immediately after the words left her mouth, her whole face flushed bright red and she threw up her hands as though to stop him from noticing. He did.
"I have nothing worthwhile without you, so, I guess I'd follow you anywhere to." Gajeel said, again looking away awkwardly.
"Well," Levy said, her voice stronger than he'd expected and her hand suddenly on his, "you did once tell me to stay by your side. I promise to do that if, you promise to stay by mine?"
"I promise," Gajeel said sincerely. He could remember telling her to stay beside him so clearly, that day, that fear still so fresh in his mind. It was the first time he really worried about losing someone, the first time he worried that his own strength wasn't enough because, for the first time he was fighting for someone else. Ever since then that feeling had grown stronger and, so had he. He was more afraid of losing her than ever and now he knew that she didn't want to go he would fight even harder to keep her by his side. He couldn't risk losing her, losing her meant losing everything.
"So," Levy said, breaking him from his thoughts, "when do we leave?"
"How soon can you pack up your books?"