Elena huffed angrily as she made her way towards her office, dripping frigid water onto the tile floor beneath her as she walked. So far her day had been a complete and utter mess. She had woken up to see a beautiful white blanket of snow and that had put her in a good mood. Unfortunately that mood hadn't lasted long.

When Elena woke up she was in love with the snow surrounding her house, but as she stomped through the Shinra building she decided that she never wanted to see it again. Her car had been buried beneath the thick flakes and she couldn't release winters tight hold on her tires enough to back out of her driveway. She spent so much time trying to free her car that she had missed the bus she could have taken instead. She had been forced to walk through the knee deep snow that no one had had time to shovel away.

It seemed to take hours for the Shinra building to draw near enough for her to see and by then she was nearly frozen despite the heavy layers of winter gear she had draped over her Turk uniform.

Now she was finally inside her cozily warm office, but all she could see was red. This was because a red-headed demon was sitting in her chair with his feet propped up on her desk as he drank coffee from the moogle patterned mug her mother had given her for Christmas a year ago.

Elena stomped over to Reno, hands on her hips and a frown on her face. "Get the hell out of my chair!"

Reno grinned cheekily at her and stood, pressing the half-empty mug into her hands. "Sure thing Laney! I thought you've never get here. Did ya sleep in?"

Elena frowned and sat, peeling off her wet winter gear. She sighed with relief as warmth enveloped her and if Reno wasn't in the room with her she might have thought she felt better. "What do you want spawn of Satan?"

Reno grinned and sat on Elena's desk, "This time of year daddy prefers to be called Santa."

Elena bit back an unwanted laugh and fixed Reno with the angriest frown her pretty face could muster. "Tell me what you want or get out. I need to get to work."

Reno grinned wider and slumped forward until his face was only inches from Elena's. "I wrote you a poem, Laney. Wanna hear it?"

Elena backed away from the devilishly grinning face and sighed, "Sure Reno, go ahead."

Reno cleared his throat and began, a face-splitting grin plastered onto his face. "Love me tender, love me sweet. Wrap your lips around my meat. See me smile, see me grin. Watch my cum run down your chin."

Elena blinked at Reno, mouth gaping in shock. Whether it was the fact that Reno had successfully written a rhyming poem or the fact that he had just asked for a blow job that surprised her, he will never know.

Reno grinned at Elena's gaping face and stood, ready to bolt when she recovered from her shock. "I didn't know you'd be so eager, Laney. You're going to have to open your mouth wider than that if I'm gonna fit."

Elena flushed crimson and started beating Reno violently as he attempted a hasty retreat. He slipped in the puddle of water she had dripped only minutes before and fell flat on his back. He curled up in the fetal position, hands weakly attempting to block Elena's blows as he laughed uncontrollably.

Elena kicked and punched at every part of Reno she could reach, intent on doing as much damage as possible before someone took pity on his bleeding form and dragged her away. She jumped as Tseng cleared his throat loudly behind her, turning to face him. She panted hard as she tried to reign in her anger and pointed an accusatory finger at Reno. "Tseng, Reno's sexually harassing me!"

Tseng blinked at the fighting pair below him, stirring his coffee absentmindedly. He wasn't sure just what was going on and he didn't honestly care. "So? What else is new? You're kicking his ass, I'm pretty sure that's a fair trade." He walked off, leaving the pair behind him in search of a janitor to clean up the wet mess covering all the floors.

Reno grinned and poked Elena's cheek as she gaped after Tseng with surprise. "Wider than that, Laney. It won't fit unless you really-" His words were cut off as Elena's fist connected with his face.

As Elena resumed her frantic beating, she had to admit to herself that Reno was good to have around. All of the work she was putting into beating him senseless was warming her up.

Author's Note: Saw the 'poem' written on a wooden study cubicle at college and had no choice but to write this story. I don't know who originally wrote those disturbing but hilarious lines, but they have my thanks.