Summary:- AH. Song fanfic. Edward and Bella both come from dysfunctional families. They've both lost their mothers in someway and their fathers don't quite know how to cope. They've been friends a while and closer than anything but Edward knows he can't tell Bella what happens behind the walls of his house. He knows she'll leave him and he'll have no one. This is a story of their friendship and the parabola it is. (I know the summary sucks but please read it.)
CRY
I'll always rememberIt was late afternoonIt lasted foreverAnd ended so soon(yeah, yeah)You were all by yourselfStaring up at the dark gray skyI was changedIn places no one will findAll your feelings so deep inside(deep inside)Was then that i realizedThat forever was in your eyesThe moment i saw you cryIt was late in SeptemberAnd I've seen you before(and you were)You were always the cold oneBut I was never that sureYou were all by yourselfStaring up at the dark gray skyI was changedIn places no one will find All your feelings so deep inside(deep inside)Was then that I realised That forever was in your eyesThe moment I saw you cryCuz I wanted to hold youI wanted to make it go awayI wanted to know youI wanted to make your everythingAlright...I'll always remember...It was late afternoonIn places no one find.....In places no one will find(baby,oh no no)All your feelings so deep inside(forever was in your eyes)(deep inside)Was then that I realised That forever was in your eyesThe moment i saw you cryBaby cry(moment that i saw you cry)Oh no noI think i saw you cryThe moment i saw you cryI wanted to know you
I wanted to know you
I wanted to know you
Edward Cullen
January 2009
Another day. Another reason to not exist. I woke up again this morning from the same nightmare the had graced my mind for the past eight years. The screaming. The crying. The crash and busting glass. Then the darkness when I thought I was dead. If only I had been so lucky. . .
August 2001
"Edward! Alice! Emmett! Come on, kids, we have to go home now!"
Three kids ran to the woman, each one different from the next and from her. She pulled her caramel hair back into a high pony as her eyes skimmed over her little troops. Emmett, 16, was here, huge and hard to miss, his dark chocolate curls stuck down to his sweaty forehead. Alice, 12, was here, smaller than the others and bouncy, the same electroucuted look that she left the house with. And Edward, 8, was here, his bronze hair gelled into a punkish mohawk, the work of Alice, his thin blue shirt a darker colour now from all of that play.
"When the three of you get home, it's straight to the showers," Esme scolded her children playfully, holding her handbag out for them to spill their party favours into, "and then you'll get these back." She remembered the time Emmett had eaten one of Edward's party favours. Poor boy had bawled so loudly.
"Yeah, yeah," Emmett said with a patronizing grin.
"Of course, Mum," Alice reassured her with an angelic smile.
Edward just smiled crookedly up at her, his face still flushed from all of the horse play.
"Edward?" Esme asked with a faux scowl.
"Yes, Mummy!" and with that he threw himself into her arms.
She laughed and held her son, reaching for the others who overwhelmed her as well and she landed on her butt, laughing with her kids. After a couple of minutes she dusted her skirt and pulled them along with her to their shiny new Parado. They all filed into the SUV, joking and negotiating about bed time.
"I'm sixteen, Mum!" Emmett whined, "Why do I have to go to sleep the same time as them?"
"You played like you were the same age as them, you will be treated like one of them." And that was the end of that discussion.
Everything went downhill from the time Esme's phone rang.
"Oh, Alice answer that for me," she said, turning around for a moment, running the red light unintentionally.
BANG!
A Mack truck slammed into the driver's side. . .
I pushed the thought from my mind. Who would want to remember their mother not screaming because she died before she could even react? Or their sibling screams being drowned out by the gurgling sound of blood in their mouth? Who would want to be the one who survived because their siblings shielded them from the impact?
Not me but this was my reality.
Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt by We Are Scientists started playing on the bedside table. The fancy Nokia N96 my father got me for my seventeenth birthday vibrated harshly against the smooth laminate surface.
Bella.
"Hello?"
"Hi Edward. I didn't think you'd be up yet."
It was 6:30a.m. She was right. She usually woke me up at 6:45. Today must be an occasion.
"Oh. Just got up on my own I guess. You're calling early."
"Oh yeah. You have to get to school a little earlier this morning. Band practice and you have to ride with me. Your dad called my house yesterday and you can't catch the bus either. It's not running today."
"Ok. That's not a problem. What time will you be coming?"
"In forty-five minutes."
"I'll be ready. Bye, Bella."
"Bye, Tony!" I could hear the smile in her voice.
Bella. Isabella Marie Swan. My only friend at Forks High. Bella comes from a dysfunctional family. . . just like me. . .
September 2007
"Hello?" My voice was strained and I was fighting to staunch the bleeding in my leg.
"Edward, this is Bella." She was crying. "Can you come over? I need to talk to you."
"Uh, sure. Just give me some time. I'll be there in a half hour."
This was what I needed. My chance to be a healer. I hung up and tied a rag tightly around the wound on my shin and pulled on fresh clothes. I looked at myself in the mirror. Blood. On my cheek. One my neck. In my hair. My hands were stained. I began scrubbing my skin vigorously, desperately trying to clean myself of the crimson and the memory of it all.
What had I done? Ripped the corner off of a sheet of paper. A sheet of paper that only had "Carlisle Cullen" written on the top, left justified…
No time to dwell. There were more important things than wounds of the flesh, God knew I had enough. Once I was clean I darted from the house, wincing every time I stepped down on the left. Bella's house was approximately twenty blocks from my house. With each step, every time my feet pounded into the hard unfeeling cement, the wound bled more and soon enough the leg of my jeans was damp but I pushed forth. A little blood loss had never killed anyone but the blood loss I was experiencing had. Fifteen more blocks but I was doing okay. My breathing was still regular. Ten more blocks and nothing had changed except now the leg on my jeans stuck to my shin. Stupid mistakes could wait 'til later, Bella needed me.
I passed the house.
"Edward!"
I spun around, sweat holding my hair to my forehead and the nape of my neck. The sidewalk was coming up fast.
"Edward!" Panic.
"Tony?"
That woke me up.
"Tony?" I laughed feebly, sitting up and pushing my matted locks off of my skin, "So what do you want to talk about? I'm here…and awake now."
She hiccupped a laugh and I laughed with her. At least one of us was remotely happy. I had spent the past two years doing this; making her smile.
"First, what happened to you leg?! Your jeans are soaked in blood!"
I took that as an indication to look at it. Her bed sheet was now a vile brown colour and so were my jeans. I moved my foot a bit and hissed loudly. I could feel the bump that was now there and pulled up the material to reveal a fresh bandage that was quickly absorbing the blood that was oozing caused by my jostle.
"The pedal on my bike." She could never know. She would leave me and then I would have no one. She would leave me and hate me always.
"Okay but be more careful."
"Will you tell me what I ran twenty blocks for?" I joked trying to get her off of it. She was having difficulty believing me. Bella was a very perceptive girl, more so than anyone gave her credit for and lying to her was quite a feat.
That turned out to be a huge mistake. Bella burst out wailing with huge tears spilling onto her cheeks. She threw herself on top of me, clutching the neck of my jersey, stretching it a considerable distance. I hugged her and let her cry into the crook of my neck.
"It's okay, Bella. Just let it all out." Embrace the privilege I don't. "When you're ready to tell me, I'm right here, Bells, I'm right here."
I had no romantic feelings towards Bella in any way but she was my reason for living. The idea that I could give someone the joy that was far beyond my reach was enough to make me stick around.
"My father's a wife beater and my mother's a drunken whore."
That I was not prepared for but I would say nothing about it. How could I? I should never judge. Never.
My phone rang at 6:25a.m. We Are Scientists. What was so appealing about this song to Bella? Such a strange girl.
"Hey, Tony," she piped on the other line and I could not help but laugh. She was adorable.
"Hey, Marie," I teased right back, knowing how she blushed whenever I called her that, "I'm almost ready. I can't find my other drumstick though. Did I leave it by you from last time?"
Every time I went over to Bella's – every day – I carried my drumsticks in case we decided to practice.
"Yeah. I think I stuffed my flute cloth in you back pack by accident," she laughed sweetly, "I told you not to buy the same backpack."
I glanced down at the black Jansport at my feet with the silver hearts.
"You wouldn't have gotten it if I hadn't and by the way, Swan, you so owe me, my abs are killing me!" I complained, knowing she would know I was talking about my recent piercing there that I had to get so she would get one.
"My tummy hurts too, Tony, and if you weren't so chivalrous, you wouldn't have that problem," she teased back, "but thank you again. For that and for the tongue and the five times with the ear and the nose and the eyebrow and the lip and the – er – nipple."
"The last one I did on my own and the lip was for your industrial piercing and the other lip and eyebrow was for your other navel rings and the nose was for the stud on your right ear," I grinned at the amount of times I had willingly hurt myself for this girl. That was the way it was suppose to be. I was suppose to willingly hurt myself. Once it was for Bella, I'd do anything, "Don't forget about your tattoo."
"Oh! Thanks for that too." I could definitely hear the blush in her voice. I reached down to scratch my stomach and realized two things; damn that little fucker was not to be touched and I was half-naked. "Listen, Bells, I'm going now. I now realized, I'm not fully dressed." I flushed this time and she laughed loudly.
"Pants?" The little twit sounded so hopeful.
"No! Shirt!"
"Aw!" She sounded disappointed. "It would've been funnier to see you get jumped before the gates."
"Evil." And I hung up. I knew she was laughing her ass off. Sucking my teeth in playful anger, I made my way to my room to find a jersey. Today was a normal day for everyone else but I felt better and newer. Today was a special day for me. Today made it two weeks since he had touched me. My legs were a mangled mess of scars just like my lower back and the line of my spine but my chest was clean with the exception of little white lines from scrape that had been meant to bleed me during his torture, like my arms. But I knew better than to get my hopes up. This was the calm before the storm. I felt braver than usual about my dress today. Today was also a rare sunny day. A breaking of grey clouds just for me. Out of a pile of clothes at the foot of my bed I dredged up an armless jersey – thin, fitted and black with 'Already Over' printed across the shoulders – that showed off the guardian angel on my right bicep with 'Bella' disguised in the folds of her dress in a clever way very nicely. I gave my baggy faded blue jeans a sad look.
"Sorry, boys, maybe tomorrow." I stripped off my Doc Martens first before pulling them down. Today was a special day, right? Time to look special, Cullen. My cousin, Rosalie, from Seattle sent me a whole new set of clothing, all nice and fashionable but still deviant to fit my 'weirdness' in her words. Standing in my boxers with my hands on my hips, looking peculiar, I picked out a crisp pair of stretch skinny jeans. A first for me. They surprisingly felt comfy and were form fitting, showing off the muscles in my legs without showing off my skin but with enough room to keep me from looking gay. Ah, today was going to be interesting. . .once they stopped slipping off my hips. I dug through the box and found a white leather belt with columns of three holes going right around then two black ones. Hm. . . A black one went through the loops, then the white one went through one, hanging just off of my hips and then the second black one, hanging right below that one.
Shoes. . . shoes. . . shoes. . . Ah! Here we go! I had to love my cousin now. She took such good care of me. I slipped my feet into a pair of Vans – dark grey with checked with black. Absolutely beautiful. I checked my watch. Bella would be here any minute. Wait. Hang on. Were there any sunglasses in there? I could've slapped myself and laughed at myself for the way I was acting but sure enough there were an array of glasses. I went for classic me. Aviator shades. Ray Ban, according to the writing on the side. Grabbing my dull black leather jacket from the bed post, I threw it on, feeling good and worth something, knowing I'd be with the most amazing friend in a couple of minutes. Trying not to break my I-feel-special mood, I stopped in front of a mirror in the hallway to do something with my hair. I looked at what Bella called my 'sex hair' even though I was still a virgin and had a devious idea. I pulled slowly on a stray strand in front of my face then ran my hair through my locks with closed eyes, imagining I was caught somewhere in the throes of passion with. . .an unnamed beauty who had blindfolded me? I pulled and tugged at my hair, running my fingers through and twisting locks around my fingers. Ok, time to look. When my eyes fluttered open I wanted to fall down in hysterics. It was even more of 'sex hair' than usual. If she called it 'orgy hair' I wouldn't be able to hold back the laughter. Wow. I hadn't been in such a good mood in so long. Sure enough, there was a beep outside and I knew I would go out with a grin on my face.
"Oh my God!" The snickering began. "Who are you and what did you do to Edward?" The chuckling began. "Please, tell me who you are sexy stranger." Ok, that one made me snort.
"You make me feel so good," I said sarcastically, making her laugh, "Hi, I'm the on-special-days Edward. Who are you unsexy stranger?"
"Dick." She slapped me on my arm playfully. "But honestly, you look really hott. About time you let go of those plain Jane jerseys and sweaters."
Plain Jane? Oh God, Bella. I laughed, rolling my eyes and looking her over. She wasn't unsexy, by the way. She was dressed in her normal way. Jeans that fitted her long, slender legs just fine, sneakers – Ed Hardy's today – and a white hoodie with little angel pigs that fell off of one shoulder with a white camisole – the fluorescent green and orange strap of her bra showing as well. Yeah, pretty eccentric. Her hair was pulled up in a neat bun with a black clip.
"We actually look kinda the same," I commented, scrunching up my nose playfully.
"Yeah. We both look kick ass!" Her grin was enormous for someone so small. "Instead of me just looking kick ass."
I laughed and began tonguing one of my lip rings – the one on the right side of my lip. Bella was tugging and pulling and various articles of clothing commenting as I watched her half-crazed analysis. She honestly never had even considered the fact that I could do something like this. Before she started questioning, I took my little bundle of energy by the arm and dragged her to the car.
"You know, if you weren't my best friend, I'd so fuck you," she stated matter-of-factly as I held the door open for her.
"You're turning into a Lauren!" I said in honest-to-God-believable horror.
"Oh please, Edward," she scoffed and got in, "and besides, you know you want this." She wiggled her ass in my face and I, brand new and more confident, spanked her hard enough to topple her into the back seat.
"Good Morning, Edward," Charlie said stiffly, noticeably embarrassed by our banter.
"Good Morning Charlie," I said with a grin. I bore no animosity towards this man. It was understandable that he was in a difficult position and I had no right to judge the way he handled it but it had hurt me when Bella used to cry about it. Now, her mother made her cry but I would not dwell on it, now was a happy time. Rare and far between they were. I remember our last happy time. Two weeks ago. . .
"Edward, it looks so painful," Bella whimpered, burying her face in my chest as we viewed a tape of some girl getting her navel pierced. The bitch screamed like a fucking banshee, wailing and tugging at the shirt of her friend as the employee twirled the needle through her flesh. I hugged Bella close. This fucking girl did not make this fucking situation any fucking easier and now I'm fucking cursing like a fucking sailor. Fuck!
"It's ok, Bella, I'll get one too so you'll see that it doesn't hurt ok?"
She looked up from my chest with shiny eyes and a little pout. Her eyebrows were up with wide eye admiration. She was so adorable and my heart throbbed for her, at the love in her eyes. My little Bella. My life line. My life.
"Are you sure, Tony?"
"Yes, sweetheart, I'm sure."
She beamed. Bella loved it when I called her things like that. She said it reminded her of Isaac, her older brother who was 30 and lived in Canada. She tiptoed, straining upwards to kiss my cheek so instead I kissed her forehead. I walked over to the cot and threw myself back onto it before Jasper Whitlock, a kid from school who worked here part time and played gigs with his band, Pleasure Of Amy's Chains, at Mike's.
"Hey, Edward," Jasper drawled with an easy going grin before pulling his hair back into a sloppy ponytail and snapping his gloves on, "Doing it for the girlfriend, huh?"
"Naw man, more like family." Bella stuck her tongue out at the back of his head.
"You want any specific ring in?" He motioned to the glass showcase behind him. "We have a shitload of options."
"Pick one, Marie." I rested my chin on my chest to look at her surprised look then a slow grin. "Nothing gay, please."
I hiked up my jersey to bare my stomach and Jasper inspected my navel, the deep little indent above a line of thick bronze hair. Bella was still inspecting the numerous rings and a smile brightened her face.
"I found one! I found one!" She did a little jumping-dancing thing that made Jasper look at me curious and I shook my head with a 'don't even ask' look on my face.
"Here." Jasper threw a bunch of keys gently towards her which she miraculously caught. "the one with the plastic head."
Bella hunched over, working on the lock until she slid the thick door back and reached deep in, almost going all the way up to the front, to claim her prize. Clasped in her hands, it laid, her head bowed, cheeks red, she gave him.
"Emerald?" Jasper looked it over then his eyes bore through mine, grasping understanding, he smiled and showed me. The entire thing was emerald green with the stopper and little ball at the other end being faux emerald. I myself smiled in understanding.
. . . "Your eyes are so pretty, Tony. Like emeralds with a light shining through them." . . .
Not before you, Bella.
We pulled up in front of the school at five past seven. Ah, what a sight Forks' High was when it wasn't littered with idiotic teenagers. Tall, brick buildings riddled with cracks and ivy curling up the sides.
"Oh!" I turned to Bella. "Your sex hair is even sexier. Like multiple hands. Hm…orgy hair!" That did it. I doubled over, clutching my stomach in hysterics, holding my shades to my face. She kicked my shin, hitting an old wound and tears of laughter choked into a slight pain but she would not know. She didn't know. She would never know.
"Dammit, Bells, that hurt!" I said playfully, masking any true pain.
AN:- OK, this is new stuff. . .ok, well, I started this before I started The River Flows In You. This is my first attempt at a story where there is no romantic involvement between Edward and Bella and I honestly think it pales in comparison to The River Flows In You. I'm putting up this first chapter and if I you like it let me know and I'll post more for you. Here I go, jumping head first into this thingy. . .nervous as hell.
-Zakh