A/N: A silly dialogue-only drabble from forever ago... Actually, more of a snippet from a fic of more legitimate length I have yet to write. But... until then!

Don't say anything.
Do not start this.
"You're completely horrible."

"Haaha… What's that?"

… Damn.
"You heard me, Izaya; don't make me repeat myself."

"What's this about?"

"Stop acting like you don't know."

"Sorry, I'm afraid I don't."

Stop.
I should just stop.
"… Yesterday."

"Huh. So, are you accusing me of sexual harassment now? Some kind of mistreatment?"

Maybe.
"What if I am?"

"Well, for starters, it would be a total lie."

"I really don't care."

"… You and I both know I've never forced myself on you."

Fair enough.
"Fine. But I still…"

"The security footage should prove this after all, and-"

Wait-!?
"You told me you would delete that!"

"—And despite popular belief… or more likely, just yours, I do try to remain quite professional in the workplace. You've never come through that door and found me half naked with no disregard for who might see."

"I think I would definitely puke."

"Ahh, Namie-san~ how wonderful, I can see you've mastered the art of flattery. Am I rubbing off on you?"

Why the hell would you put emphasis on that last bit?!
"I swear, if that's supposed to be some little reference..."

"Of course not."

What a liar.
"Then wipe that damn smile off your face."

"Really, Namie-san, I think of myself as a very decent boss! You shouldn't have any complaints."

"I don't believe I was voicing any specific complaints."

"Look who's dodging the truth again. You called me horrible just a minute ago, didn't you? … Not to mention your expressions are clearly indicative of utter repulsion every time you see me."

"That's because you're probably the most disgusting person I've ever met."

"… Really? Because I find myself quite attractive, personally. And I know you agree, don't you? Ah~ don't answer that. I don't suppose I can expect anything but insults from you today… which is a shame. Really, after all that I've done for your sake! I suppose you agreed last night, anyway, and that's good enough f-"

"I thought it was clear that you would never mention it again!"

"You're the one who brought this up just now, right? What double standards. Pinning such a mutually instigated incident on the other party proves nothing but your own deep shame, you know."

"This is what I'm trying to say, Izaya. It never happened. Got that?"

"Oh, but didn't it?"

"Fuck you."

"Hehh, well, touché…"

"Don't you even say it-"

"—You already did, Namie-san."

"…I know..."
Don't remind me.
"… … So, shut the hell up."