A/N: Please, don't come crying to me if you're frightened by this strange fiction. If they are tears of joy, however, you are welcome. Laughter is always welcome. Now sit yer arses down and enjoy yourselves; otherwise this whole thing will have gone to waste. (One more thing... the footnotes are for a certainf riend of mine... she knows who she is. Though they may be used as reference for yourselves as well.)

CHEESY FRIENDS

Azul looked on mulishly as Weiss licked the last, molecular-thin film of cheap squeeze-cheese off of his lips for the fifth time. He himself had ordered a carton of the cheesy fries, being somewhat partial to the greasy wonders, but his red-and-white patterned paper container was still half-full. And watching his friend vacuum them down so quickly…

"It's a flipping wonder that you don't rend the fabric of space-time with that stomach." He pushed his fries away with a meaty finger, somehow having lost his appetite after watching the gruesome display.

Weiss made as if to snatch them, but his friend's nearly pained look of disbelief decided him, and he composed himself. The foodcourt in the Midgar Mall (1) was mercifully in severe want of people at the moment. The voice of his addiction, slowly fading, shrilled: They don't know you…!

Azul continued, "God. One wonders if you'd eat anything remotely potato-like if it were covered in that stuff they call cheese."

Weiss Chuckled (2). The sound would have startled any one that had been watching from the beginning. It was deep and regal, harshly contrasting with the rabid tuber-consuming loon that had been sitting in the billowy-maned man's seat just moments before. The way he opened his eyes speculatively, pondering, would have sent innocents fleeing with their children. The rest that remained would know they were screwed as soon as he opened his mouth to respond.

"… ah, but it's not just the cheese… it's the proportions of starch, salt, and oil…"

Azul's eyes were now tracing the steps of an ant crawling across the floor.

"… but the cheese, yes… the cheese, my dear friend, that is what truly decides the palate… grated or liquid, cheddar or pepper jack-"

Azul rolled his eyes. "Can I leave before you, y'know, completely humiliate yourself?"

Weiss' eyes focused, and his expression became calmly wicked. "Would you like some cheese with that whine (3) ?"

His friend promptly chucked the empty fry carton in the general direction of his head.

INSUFFICIENT FIN

1: Yeah, yeah, making a footnote about a stupid name just so I can redeem myself is even more lame than coming up with the name itself. It's not like other people are going to read this! … right?

2: Yes. Weiss doesn't chuckle; he Chuckles, because he insists on being that epic.

3: Harharhar. Get it? :D … okay, I'm done now…

Review? Plz? Kthx? ... REVIEW OR SHALL NOM YOU LIKE WEISS NOMS CHEESY FRIES.Oh, and by the by... this will most likely be a little series of one-shots? Do check back.

Ta!