"This is the last time we're going to meet up like this" I don't think she realizes it, but in that short sentence she stomped on my heart and broke it into a million pieces. "I'm serious Luke. You're married, and I'm getting married in a couple of weeks." All I could do was nod my head and fight the tears that threatened to roll down my face.
"I love you." I said seriously as I looked straight into her eyes, but she looked away. She looked scared. I tried to say anything that would change her mind, but whatever I said wouldn't change a thing.
"I know." She whispered. She leaned on her tippy toes and kissed me. I felt a million different emotions go through my mind. But unlike other times I could only focus on one: sadness. I could never say no to Brooke Davis.
She came to me a couple of weeks ago in tears and it didn't matter if I was with Peyton or not because she was still my Brooke.
I could barely understand her through the tears. But I didn't care I still soothed her and whispered in her ear. Whatever happened wasn't her fault, it's never Brooke's fault. She ended up calming down and told me she and Julian had gotten in a fight. About what? She didn't want to tell me. I sat there and rubbed circles into her back listening to her ragged breaths. Pretty soon she was in my arms whispering thank you's in my ear. I still remember feeling her hot breath against my ear and getting goose bumps. Before I knew it she leaned in and gave me the most amazing kiss I had ever had. I couldn't fight it that night.
I could never say no to her kisses. They were my air. That was the first time in 7 years we had sex, and I was going to take my time. I was going to show her my love for her body, but not only that, but also my love for Brooke Davis the person as well.
I went slowly the first time, and I'll go even slower now. I hope the slower I go then maybe it will last forever, maybe just maybe she'll choose me and not him. But I know I lost that chance long ago.
I take my time with her. Exploring every inch of her body making sure I kiss every spot. Whispering into her ear just how much I love her and how beautiful she is. I know this will be the last time I get to do this. I look straight into her eyes, and see sadness as well.
"I wish it didn't have to be like this." I say as I shake my head.
"I know, but it has to be." I get off her body and sit up. I wish she hadn't said that. It doesn't HAVE to be like this. We choose our destinies. They don't choose ours.
"No it doesn't." I shake my head fiercely. Hoping she agrees. But she sits up and hugs me from behind kissing me on my neck. I know she doesn't agree.
"We made our choices a long time ago, and YOU chose her Broody." I wish she hadn't called me that. I hate that this may be the last time I hear that name.
"I didn't." I say as I shake my head fiercely. My voice is cracking now. "You know-"
"I know." She cuts me off as she continues to kiss my neck. Pretty soon she's straddling me and kissing my chest. I can't think anymore, not about her or our screwed up relationship. I turn her over and kiss her neck hard knowing I'm leaving a mark. And I do. She'll yell at me later and get mad, but I don't care I want her to know she's mine. She'll always be mine, even if she's lying in his arms.
"Lucas, now" she groans. I follow her orders and enter her. She sucks in a breath and I savor this moment. I thrust inside her trying to contain myself. I want this moment to last forever. If I die in her arms I'll die a happy man. But I know I can't contain myself much longer, and I see that she's finishing up as well.
"I want you to know no matter what happens, you'll always be my Pretty Girl." I say as I finish. I roll off her and hold her in my arms. I can hear her crying. I know she's just as sad as I am. I know that she wishes it didn't have to be like this. But Brooke doesn't trust me and that's my fault.
A Couple of Weeks Ago
"I want us to be together." She says as she lies in my arms. I look over to the clock and it blinks 2:56. "I'll leave Julian and you leave Peyton." She says seriously. I want nothing else then that. I don't love Peyton anymore, I love Brooke. But I don't want to be the bad guy. I don't want to leave my wife while she may or may not have cancer. Brooke doesn't know anything about the possibility of Peyton having cancer. Brooke doesn't know that she got tested today. Peyton made me promise not to tell her. And I don't want to tell Brooke either. I know if she finds out she would stop meeting up with me like this. But the more I think about it the more I realize that I want her. All of her. I love meeting up with her two or three times a week, but suddenly I realize I want to be with her every day of the week. I open my mouth to say yes, to scream yes. But she interrupts me.
"Who am I kidding you want her I know this is just a little side thing." I hesitated too long. I again open my mouth to tell her that it wasn't true, but again I waited too long. "Plus I love Julian, I could never leave him." She shakes her head. I hate that she said that. She doesn't love him. She just spent the last two hours screaming out my name, not his. She doesn't love him. And I don't love Peyton. I lean in to kiss her hard. I'm going to show her just how much I love her.
End of Flashback
The whole night took a turn for the worse. I wanted her, I still want her. But she thinks I want Peyton. I've told her every night since then how much I love her. I've told her my dreams of our future and our children. But she just laughs every time. I'm sure she doesn't believe me since I haven't left Peyton, but the truth is I'm scared. What if I leave Peyton but Brooke doesn't leave him. Since that night she looks at me differently. It was as if she stopped loving me after that night. I am truly afraid that I'm going to die without being able to love Brooke properly. I ask her every night to be with me, but she refuses. She says she loves him, but she doesn't. I hate even saying his name. He gets all of her, and I don't. He gets to wake up to her, fall asleep with her, go on dates with her, and I'm restricted to keeping our love inside these four walls. I don't want this I don't want her to feel like she's a side thing. I want her to know she has all of me.
I fall asleep with her in my arms whispering sweet nothings into her ear, until I allow sleep to overcome me.
I dream of our future children. I dream of us getting married and growing old. I see us with a lot of children, so many that people think we're crazy. I see her in a white dress and me in a black tux. I see our house filled with pictures. And I dream of her pregnant. Pregnancy suites her very well. She looks up at me and tells me she loves me, and only me. That she never loved him, and that every time she said it she was lying to herself. She tells me that she wants to be with me forever. I take her in my arms and carry her into our room. She's a bit heavier because of the pregnancy, but nothing I can't handle. And then I show her that I want her forever. I go slowly so we won't hurt the baby, but it's perfect. Then I fall next to her, rubbing her belly all night. I wake up to our other children jumping on our bed. Then in one swift moment I wake up to reality
I wake up to no children, and no Brooke. Usually she leaves me a note explaining she had to leave early, but this morning there is no note. I wake up and get dressed looking at my clothes neatly folded in a chair. I smile, yet another reason I love Brooke. She can't stand a dirty house and neither can I. Peyton leaves everything lying around, and honestly I hate it. I walk downstairs and I ask the receptionist if she had seen Brooke leave. She says no that she must have left before her shift started. I ask her when that was, and she says 6:00 am.
I leave and begin to walk home with a million thoughts racing through my head. I see the smiling faces of teenagers and adults and I hate it. I hate that I don't even know that feeling anymore I haven't known that feeling in a long time.
xoxo
I walk quietly into my house hoping I don't wake Julian up.
"Hey." It didn't work. He always was a light sleeper.
"Hey." I answer, hoping he doesn't smell the scent of sex on me. I didn't even take a shower when I left Luke. I know if he heard the water running he would join me, and honestly I'm not sure if I could leave him if we had sex again. "Why are you up so early?"
"Well I heard someone walk in. I thought you were going to be in New York until midday?" I always fed him that lie when I was Lucas. The simpler the lie is, the easier it is to remember it.
"Oh well I didn't want to stay there any longer then I had too." I smile. Hoping he would accept the lie.
"Well come to bed. I want to give you a proper welcome home." He smirks. I should be able to say that I love that smirk, but I don't. It reminds me of his smirk.
"Let me take a shower I smell like the inside of a plane." I smirk back. I take off my jacket and his smirk changes into a scowl. I wonder if he knows. But he couldn't, he hasn't known for the past three months.
"What's that?" He points to my neck. I look into the mirror and see a hickey. I inwardly groan knowing I've been caught. I was in such a rush to leave Lucas that I forgot to check if I had any visible marks. I look over at him and I see that he's waiting for another lie, but I have none. He walks away and I follow him to the couches. He sits and puts his face in hands. I wonder what he's going to do next. As much as I screwed up I don't want him to leave me.
"I love you." I whisper. I know it won't change anything, but maybe just maybe he won't leave.
"I know." I instantly flashback to last night with Lucas, but I push it to the back of mind. "It's with him? Isn't it?" He says with disgust. I look up at him and wonder how long he's known. I can't answer though, because I'm not sure if he is talking about Lucas.
"Who?" I ask and he groans in anger and stands up.
"With Lucas Brooke! I'm not stupid you know!" He says as he walks around the room. "I see the way you look at him! I see the way you laugh at his jokes! I've known for a while now!" I cringe as he yells. He's never yelled at me like that before, but I know I deserve it. He sits down and takes a deep breath before continuing.
"I never said anything because I thought maybe it was a phase, but now I don't know. I thought that after everything you would choose me. But we're getting married in three weeks, maybe you love him more then I thought." He shrugs in defeat. I run over and lean in to kiss him, but he backs away. "Don't." He says with a little bit of disappointment in his eyes. "You kissed him last night."
"Baby, no I don't love him." I say trying to convince him and maybe myself as well. "I went over last night to end things." I tell him the truth for the first time in months. "I ended things. I want you and only you. I'm marrying you." I say as I look into his eyes.
"Do you?" He asks in a whisper. "Do you really want to give him up? Can you even give him up?"
"I can, like you said babe it was only phase." He looks over at me and I see a glitter of hope.
"Ok. But you have to promise me something now." I nod. I'll do anything to keep us together. "I don't want to hear anything about him. I don't even want you to look at him. You can only see him when I or Peyton is around. I'm serious Brooke if you do anything with him again, its over."
"Ok." I agree instantly.
"Did you sleep with him last night?" He says with a little bit of fear in his eyes. I know this question will make or break us. I don't want to lie to him, but I know the honest answer will end in him leaving me. So I have no choice.
"No." I shake my head. "All we did was kiss. He yelled and then I left." He looks relieved. He kisses me on the forehead and gets up.
"Go take a shower, and come back to bed." He says as he walks up the stairs.
I sit for a little while on the couch and allow the tears to start flowing freely. I really don't deserve someone like Julian. Especially after all the lies, I don't. I get up and go take a shower rubbing roughly against my skin, hoping I can take off his scent. And much more then that, I hope I can forget the memories of last night and the last three months. I plan to follow Julian's rules. From now on it'll be just him. I have to love him. He doesn't deserve someone like me he deserves someone who truly loves him. But I'm going to work on loving him with all my heart. I get out of the steamy shower and look at the hickey Lucas left me. He did that on purpose I know. He's learned to kiss me without even leaving so much as a little mark. We had to learn since neither of us wanted to leave our significant others. I start working on taking the hickey off my neck, after a while I succeed. I had to get good at doing that as well. I get dressed and go lay in bed with Julian.
I begin leaving butterfly kisses on his back and he turns around and smiles at me.
"I love you Brooke Davis." He said as smiles.
"Me too" I whisper and he smiles and kisses me. He leans over and starts running his hands up and down my body. I start squirming under his hands and start relishing his body over mine. If I'm going to get over Lucas I have to give my all to Julian, he deserves it.
xoxo
"Where were you last night?" Peyton asks as I walk into the house. It's almost noon and I've been walking around since 8:00. I really don't want to deal with her right now so I just shrug my shoulders. If I don't have Brooke in my life then I really don't have anything.
"Are you going to answer me?"
"I told you I was going to spend the night at Nathan and Haley's." I shrug. It was a half assed lie but I really don't care.
"Try again." Peyton says with a bit of sadness in her voice. But like I said I really didn't care at this point.
"Peyton" I groan. "I really don't want to talk right now. I'm tired and-"
"I called Haley and she said she hadn't seen you in weeks." I turn around and look at her and she looks disappointed and angry. "Didn't you stay there a couple of days ago as well?" I shrug. I don't know what she wants me to say at this point.
"Are you going to say anything?" I look over at her tiredly. I really don't want to talk right now. All I can think about is Brooke.
"What do you want me to say?" Peyton's eyes well up with tears. I should feel bad, but I don't feel anything.
"Do you even care anymore?" Not really. But I probably shouldn't say that.
"I don't know." I sigh. It's not entirely a lie. I don't know anything anymore.
"Who is she?" She says while tears start streaming down her face. I want to yell out Brooke. I want to tell her that it's her best friend, but I can't. Brooke would kill me. If I haven't already entirely lost my chance with her, admitting to Peyton I've been cheating on her with Brooke will. So all I can do is shrug. Peyton scoffs to herself. I can tell I'm getting on her nerves.
"So there is someone else." She scoffs. I can't say anything. I don't want to say anything. If I say no I'll be saying a horrible lie. There's always been someone else. More specifically Brooke has always been in my heart.
"Do you even want us anymore?"
"Yes" I say. It's true I do want us together. Because if we break up that means when I gave up Brooke in senior year it was for nothing. I don't want to admit I made a mistake.
"Why?" Peyton asked hopeful. She probably wanted one of my "famous" speeches. But honestly I don't have one to give.
"I don't know."
"Well it's nice to know you still at least care." Peyton said with sarcasm dropping from every word. I hate this. I hate that I have to sit here and pretend that I care about her. Pretend that I'm even remotely happy. I can hear Peyton throwing stuff around our bedroom. She walks out with a fresh coat of makeup and clothes. I hate that she no longer has a glitter of happiness in her eyes. I not only destroyed my life, but hers as well. As much as I don't care about Peyton I don't want her to be unhappy. But I can't seem to stop making stupid mistakes.
"I'm going to go finish some wedding preparations with Brooke" My head lifts at the mention of Brooke. "Not that you care." She says as she walks out of the house.
I sit on the couch wondering how I allowed my life to mess up. What did I do in a past life to end up here? I have nothing and I have no one. I lost the one person I love because I was too stubborn to admit I messed up. Now she's going to be in his arms for the rest of her life, while I'm stuck here with Peyton. She doesn't even fit in my arms the way Brooke does. She doesn't have the perfect smell Brooke does. The more I think about Brooke the more I break down. Eventually and I don't know when but I feel warm tears streaming down my face. I've never cried this much. I cry for cheating on Brooke junior year. I cry for not being enough for her during our second relationship. I cry for letting her go. I cry for getting back with Peyton and breaking Brooke's heart a second time. I cry for letting her leave to California without telling her my true feelings. I cry for trying to sleep with her when Peyton turned down my proposal. And finally I cry for marrying Peyton when I knew it was wrong.
Next thing I know the clock blinks to 9:58. And I hear Peyton walk into the house. My tears have dried by now and I've just been sitting on the couch staring into space.
"Have you been sitting here all day?" She scoffs. I have but I don't answer. I have no strength to answer. Before I can react a pillow hits my head and I get covers thrown on me. I look over and she looks just like I do. Dead eyes. I gave her those dead eyes.
"By the way, we're having brunch with Brooke and Julian tomorrow. I mean I am the maid of honor and I would like to get to know her future husband." Now it's my turn to scoff. I don't want to get to know that asshole. I wouldn't even go if it wasn't for Brooke. Maybe just maybe she'll see how serious I am about getting her back. "So I would like you to take a shower and shave, you know actually go and not look and smell like crap." She says as she turns on her heel.
"How was Brooke?" I ask. She tries to lift an eyebrow like Brooke does, but fails. I know I shouldn't ask, but I have too.
"Why?" She asks. I don't know what to say. "Look, don't pretend you care about me anymore Lucas. Its obvious you don't." It's true I don't. I try to fall asleep as fast as possible so I can wake up early and get ready for Brooke.
I can't even sleep very well from the excitement of seeing Brooke. I get up shower get a dress shirt that Brooke gave me as a present last Christmas, shave, and spray her favorite cologne on. I'm trying so hard for Brooke, and I hope she notices.
Peyton gets up and barely showers and puts on what she finds on the floor. We walk out the door and have a quiet car ride to the restaurant. I can feel my hands getting clammy from the nervousness. We get there and sit down before Brooke even gets there. Typical. But I smile knowing she's going to take her time looking her best. She needs to look her best everywhere she goes. Even if it's something as small as brunch, although I hope a small part of it has to do with the fact that I'm here. I look around the restaurant hoping to catch her as soon as she walks inside. And out of the corner of my eye I see her outside. She looks great, actually she looks amazing. I see her with a big smile and I start smiling myself. I love her smile. Then I wonder why she's so damn happy and get a scowl on my face. It's because of him. He's the reason she's smiling so damn big. And I hate it.
His hands are all over her. All over my Pretty Girl. He's lucky I don't go outside and kick his ass for touching her like that.
"Brooke hey!" Peyton yells as she walks over to them and gives Brooke hug. She then looks at him and shakes his hand. He gives her a stupid smile. Then I see her. She looks even more beautiful then last time. But then I notice she's not even looking at me. She's hanging on to his every word. I don't think I can scowl any bigger, but I am. They walk over and Peyton says something about being happy we can all hang out. I expect Brooke to sit next to me like she usually does but instead she takes the seat next to Peyton. She won't even look at me and honestly I don't think I can die anymore on the inside. Peyton nudges me to greet Brooke and him, but I can't. I can't say hi to him so I do the only thing I want to.
"Brooke-"
"Lucas how's the writing going." He interrupts. I can't help but get even angrier. I'm sure steam is leaving my ears right now.
"Ok." I shrug. Peyton elbows me to be nicer, but I don't care. Before Peyton can even say anything Brooke begins talking about the wedding and they both turn into giggling idiots. While they're talking he puts his arm over Brooke and she leans into him. All I want to do right now is order a drink and forget this image they keep shoving in my face. The meal goes all too slowly with Brooke getting all googly eyed over him. I get up telling Peyton its time to go and we leave.
"Fuck I forgot my phone on the table." I hand the keys to Peyton and walk inside hoping to catch Brooke by herself. I see her at the table with a sad look on her face. Or maybe I just wish she does. I walk over there and she looks up smiling thinking I'm him, and her face turns into a blank expression.
"Brooke" I breathe out. And before I can continue she gets her bag and runs out of the restaurant. I stand there look like a stupid idiot before I hear some footsteps behind me.
"Where's Brooke?" He asks in a smug son-of-a-bitch voice. I shrug I really don't want to talk to the guy I hate the most out of the entire world.
"I know about what happened between you and Brooke." He states. And I turn around and look at him. He has a big smug smile as sort of saying I win.
"I gave her a choice and well to be honest she chose me." I step back. He's lying. If he knows then that gives us an out, Brooke would've chosen me. Wouldn't she?
"Look I'm not going to tell Peyton out of respect for Brooke, but honestly I think she should know what kind of guy she's married too." He starts to walk away and I muster all my energy to just ask one question.
"Do you really know what happened?"
"I know you saw her two days ago. I know everything Lucas. But I'm warning you stay away from my wife. I won't hesitate to kick your ass." He's lying. He's never been much of a fighter.
I don't even remember getting into the car and driving home. I don't remember the drive home. I can hear Peyton say she enjoyed it, but that's all I remember. I begin to walk out of the car and I hear Peyton drive away. I don't remember why but I remember something about Mia or something. I walk into my house and take out a bottle of scotch and pour myself a glass, and another one. And a couple more until I go to pour myself another one and I realize it's empty. I get up and stumble over my own feet trying to get another bottle and sit back down.
I don't remember when I went to go buy myself some more bottles but I have. Before I realize it Peyton is pushing me into the shower and telling me to sober up because its Brooke's wedding day.
Has it really been three weeks already? I feel the cold water hit my back and sober up a little bit before stumbling out of the shower. I get dressed in a tux that Peyton gave me and look into the mirror. I already have a lot of facial hair and my hair is getting pretty long. I really need another drink if its Brooke's wedding day. I stumble to the living room and drink some more scotch before I feel Nathan pulling me up and pushing me out the door. He's yelling at me about being a mess and something about Brooke's wedding. I really can't remember anything else. Next thing I know I'm being pushed into a chair and someone is cutting my hair and trimming my beard.
I look into the mirror and see a little bit of a facial hair and a fresh new hair cut. I look over and see that Nathan's still getting his hair cut. I decide to walk to the store next door and end up buying a cheap bottle of vodka before drinking straight out of the bottle. I remember something vaguely about Nathan pulling me up saying Brooke is walking down the aisle. As soon as I see Brooke I sober up. She's the most beautiful bride I've ever seen. I look with my mouth wide open and hope she looks my way. She smiles at Nathan and as soon as she realizes I'm standing next to him she looks away. I want to go die somewhere. She shouldn't be up there promising she's going to spend the rest of her life with him. She should promise that to me. I need another drink. As soon as I see him kiss Brooke I know I need another drink. That day we ate brunch he was right. He won.
I run out of the church as soon as everything ends. I go to my car and pull out the bottle I bought this morning, and start chugging the little that's left. It gives me a good buzz before Peyton tells me to go with Nathan till we leave to the reception. Nathan takes me to his house and then goes to go take a nap. I walk over to where Nathan stores his scotch and serve myself a couple of glasses. Every time I remember Brooke's smile or scent or anything related to Brooke Davis I drink another glass. I lost count how many times I remember my first time with Brooke. I smile. I'm so glad I met Brooke. Without her I don't think I would even be a writer.
Time for another glass. I look to the bottle and realize it's empty. I look to the table and realize it's my third bottle. I close my eyes before being pulled by Peyton into a picture. She yells at me to smile before taking a picture with Brooke and her new husband. I don't even remember getting to the wedding. But all I can think is free liquor. I stumble to the bar before ordering some scotch. I look over at Brooke's table and see her with a big smile before kissing him. I need another glass. I look over again and order another one. Until I feel myself getting pushed into a car. I can't even open my eyes before I wake up to bright sunlight in my face. Apparently I fell asleep on the floor.
I get up with a massive hangover and walk to the bathroom to throw up all the contents in my stomach. I get up and brush my teeth before seeing Peyton in the mirror. She looks tired, and I'm sure it's because of me. She says something about the record label before I hear the door shut. I'm a mess and I know it. I don't want to be sober because I start thinking about Brooke. At least when I'm drunk I don't remember anything especially the pain in my heart.
It's been a two months since Brooke's wedding and honestly I remember almost nothing in between now and then. I'm serving myself some more whiskey before hearing Haley voice. I'm not sure what she's saying but it's something about Peyton. I have to pay attention to Haley she's my best friend. I owe her that much.
"I don't understand you anymore. Peyton told me-" God I wish it wasn't that hard to pay attention but I don't want to talk about Peyton.
"I don't- Do you not- Brooke's wedding-" God Brooke's wedding. I haven't seen her beautiful face since that day. I wonder how she is or if she's even happy. Of course she's happy she's married. Apparently I don't make her happy anymore. Before I can react I feel Haley's hand hit my head.
"Lucas! Are you even listening to me?" Honestly no.
"Honestly no." Before I can stop myself the words leave my mouth. I think those are the first words I've uttered since Brooke's wedding. I need another drink I can't think about Brooke Davis. No matter how beautiful she is. Next thing I know I hear the door slam. I look over to where Haley was sitting and see nothing. I guess she left.
A couple of days pass before I see Nathan and he looks mad. He yells something about Haley and that's when I decide to pay attention.
"Your turning into-such a dick-that's your best friend-brother anymore" He keeps yelling before he realizes I'm too drunk to know what's going on. He leaves before I even realize he stopped yelling. I need some more scotch.
I dreamt of Brooke last night I had a dream that we were married. I don't even remember what else happened but I know she loved me. I don't know anything anymore. Peyton yells at me before trying to push me into the shower. When was the last time I took a shower? I don't even remember the last time I ate. Next thing I know she says she's going to go visit Brooke and I'm going with her. I don't want to go anywhere Brooke is going to be. Then she tells me the worst news of my life. She tells me we have to go congratulate her because she's pregnant.
"I'm not congratulating her." I know I'm slurring. I'm surprised Peyton even understands me. She yells at me to stop being selfish and before I realize what's going on I look up and I see Peyton with a look of fear on her face. She's never looked that scared. What did I say? Before I have a chance to ask she tells me to go screw myself. I look to the floor and see some broken pieces of glass. I don't even know how it got to this. I start drinking some more to forget the fear in Peyton's face. She deserves so much more.
It's been five months since Peyton tells me that Brooke was pregnant, and I haven't gone to go see her. Not that I remember of anyway, but I honestly don't remember much. Peyton walks into the house scrambling all over the place and she looks scared.
"What's wrong?" I haven't said a word in months. And by uttering those two words my mouth already feels dry.
"Brooke's having the baby." Peyton says as she cries. I instantly sober up. My Pretty Girl's having a baby? I wonder what it is. I hope it's a boy. I know Brooke always wanted one.
"It's premature." She chokes out. "She's only been pregnant seven months." I instantly get worried. I hope Brooke and the baby are ok. "Lucas!" I finally turn to see Peyton. "Come on lets go!" I can't go. I can't see Brooke having a baby that's not mine. I can't go see her being upset about having a baby so premature. All I'll want to do is go and take her in my arms and tell her everything is going to be ok. And I can't do that anymore. She's not mine anymore. She's his. "Luke?" I shake my head no and Peyton looks at me with disappointment. "You really are an ass hole." She shakes her head before leaving. I go to grab a bottle of scotch. I don't want to see Brooke and her glow from pregnancy
I turn to go into my bedroom and see myself in the mirror for the first time in months. My hair is getting extremely long. I have a beard that is longer then I've ever had it. And I look into my blue eyes. They look dead. The glitter that Brooke always said I had isn't there anymore. I don't even like myself anymore. I look around my room and see a mess. I'm not even sure if it's my mess or Peyton's but probably Peyton's since I haven't been in here in months. I look over and see a picture on her mirror and it's a picture of us at Brooke's wedding. I'm standing next to Peyton who's standing next to him, and Brooke at his side, and Haley and Nate at their side. I don't even remember taking that picture. I was obviously drunk but luckily you wouldn't be able to tell from the picture. He's looking at Brooke with so much love and Brooke's looking into the camera with a big smile. I hate that smile. I drink some scotch till I can't even remember who Brooke is.
I wake up to Peyton's yells. She says something about getting out of her room before I feel her push me into the living room and shutting the door behind me. I stumble into the living room before falling onto the couch. I see a half empty bottle of scotch on the table and start serving myself some. I don't want to think about still being married to Peyton.
I dreamt about Brooke again. This time it was a flashback to the day she asked me to be with her again. I hesitated just like I did in reality. But this time instead of her telling me she was joking. She walked away and I never saw her again, which isn't far from reality since I haven't seen her since her wedding. I hear Peyton yelling at me about how I'm starting to stink up the house. She throws some things around before telling me that we're going to see Brooke in two days at Nathan and Haley's. She says that they demanded I be there so I have to go, and that I have to clean up and shave before I go. I realize she says Brooke and not Brooke and Julian. I decide that now is my chance to see her. But then I realize I don't want to see Brooke while smelling like a drunk off the street. I take a shower and decide to trim my beard. I think this is the first time in a while I'm not drunk by noon. I look at myself and decide I need a haircut, but I'll go tomorrow. I turn on the TV and start thinking about Brooke again. I look at the table and see a half empty bottle of vodka. I decide that I wouldn't mind a couple of drinks to take the edge off. Before I realize it I'm drunk again. Peyton walks into the house and straight into the room. She never acknowledges me anymore.
I wake up and realize that I have to get my hair cut today. I decide that I can skip my shower and go straight to the barbers. I take one step into the barbers and realize that that was a mistake. Everyone is looking at me like I'm a drunk off the street. But I go and get my hair trimmed. He cuts into the same spiky hair I used to have and I pay him and leave. The rest of the day I just walk around town to pass the day.
I wake up and realize that today is the day I get to go see Brooke, and honestly I'm nervous. Extremely nervous. I think a couple of drinks will help my nerves. But again before I realize what's happening I'm being pushed into the car and driving on our way to Nate and Haley's. We walk in and I see Brooke and like always I sober up at the sight of her. I haven't seen her since her wedding. I never thought I would be this happy to see her. She has a glow on her skin that's probably because of her post pregnancy. I can't wait to go see her new baby. I see Nate glaring at me, he's probably still angry at me because of last time. Well the last time I remember. I then see Haley and she comes over and throws her arms around my neck and pulls me in for a hug. I see her mouth moving but I can't even pay attention because I'm so excited from seeing Brooke. I just nod and she walks away with a big smile.
I look over at Brooke again and see her cooing at her baby in a baby seat. I can't see the baby but I'm assuming it's a beautiful baby. I wonder what it is.
"He's just so cute!" Peyton yells. I can't help but smile, it's a boy. Just like she's always wanted. I watch as she walks around the kitchen helping Haley set up lunch.
We finally all sit at the table and I can see everyone talking and laughing. All I can do is nod and smile because I'm not paying attention. All I'm looking at is Brooke, and I can tell she's avoiding my stare. I don't care I'm just happy I get to see Brooke. Eventually Haley, Brooke and Peyton start picking up the plates, and all I can do is stare at Brooke. I wish she was mine. I really do. I wish her son was my son. I wish we were married. Pretty soon I see Nathan go outside to shoot with Jamie and I decide I need a drink.
I start drinking till I feel a buzz. Peyton, Haley and Brooke walk into the living room and I see her son on her shoulder. I wish he was mine. I wish SHE was mine. She gave me up long ago. I look at Brooke's face intently and for the first time I see that she look's nervous. I can tell when Brooke is hiding something. What is she nervous about? I wish I knew. I wish I could ask. Maybe it's the alcohol speaking though. But then I look at her son and I think again how much I wish he could be mine. I could make Brooke much happier then her husband does. I look down at her son and see something glitter in his eyes. I suck in a deep breath and realize I've seen his eyes before. Brooke wouldn't lie would she? But maybe it's the alcohol. But I keep staring at his eyes. Maybe my wish just came true. Maybe just maybe…
A/N
I've had this story setting in my computer for like 6 months trying decide if I should upload it or not. I left it very open so I could let you guys decide what happens. Maybe I'll continue it one day maybe not. No promises :( I'm very busy so I can't say for sure. But tell me if you like it or any mistakes or any add-ons. I want to get better at this so just let me know!