The King and His Queen
Author's Note: I started this a long time ago and finally brought it back. I've combined the chapters and changed the title. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: The author of this story (me) does not own the respective characters. She intends no copyright infringement.
-FMA-
Military Personal
So, here I am. Sitting at my desk; trying to accomplish my job. Just like everyone else. Or most everyone else. The colonel is sitting at his desk: to any outside observer, he would appear to be working. He is not. I do not know what he is doing, but it most certainly not his work.
"Sir," I begin, "you should finish the supply invoices."
"I'm getting to it Lieutenant. Havoc, has Maes called yet?" the colonel asked.
I just shake my head. I can finish the invoices tonight; it is not like I have not done something like that before. Working for the colonel that is about all I do. Sometimes I am surprised by how much paperwork he can neglect in one day. Maes, of course, has not called because his subordinates can somewhat keep him in check.
Sometimes, I may threaten the colonel to accomplish what needs to be done: however, his is something I can do. And, if I do not get to it one of the others can handle it in the morning.
That is how our office works. The military personal who the colonel hired are basically his baby-sitters. Our job is to make sure he does not get into too much trouble, and to bail him out when he does.
We all love him in some way, I think. He is trying to save the world; we want to help.
-FMA-
Gunshot and Battlefield
I let the colonel get away with not doing his paperwork, which was why I am here at this ungodly hour of the night. When I had decided to let him get away with it, I had not thought it would take this long. Being the faithful subordinate I am, however, I am now determined to finish it all. I will finish it if I have to stay here all night.
At the rate this is going I just might.
0200 rolls around without any events. Every sane person is already in bed at this hour. It is half an hour later that I hear the unmistakable sound of gunfire.
Being who I am, I am instantly out of my seat with my weapon drawn. Cautiously, I open the door and peer around the corner. Hopefully, the guard at the gate to the grounds has sounded an alarm; however, to be safe, I lock the door and go to the telephone. The first number that comes to mind is the colonel's. The situation I is in gives me little time to consider my options. I have enough common sense to know a better number to call is Maes. Where else would he be but home after all?
Quickly, I dial his home number. It is Glacier who picks up, "Hello, Hughes residence."
"This is Lieutenant Hawkeye, is Maes there?" I question.
"Riza, what is it? Hang on, I'll go get him," from my end I hear her place the phone on the table and move away. Just a few seconds pass before it is picked up again.
"This is Hughes," Maes is all business. He must know I would never call at this hour unless something was seriously wrong.
I quickly explain the situation to him. "So, I need you to call the colonel and everyone else," I finish.
He agrees with me and we both hang up the phone. I can still hear some sporadic gunfire, so I venture into the hall, my gun close to my side. I start toward the cafeteria where most of the noise seems to be coming from. I reach the doors and just as cautiously open them, my weapon now raised.
There are five men with guns drawn and two guards on the ground. Two of the five men seem to be working on a bomb. The other three are arguing about something quietly in the corner. I know I cannot take out all three without getting hit myself, at least from my position in the doorway. For a split second, I consider waiting. Then, I decide the bomb could explode at any minute.
I take two shots at the men working on the bomb. After the first is fired, the other three men look up. They raise their weapons as I turn to shoot them.
"Are you insane?" the colonel shouts. "You should have waited for backup."
Right now, I am sitting on the ground of the cafeteria. Maes and the colonel arrived a few minutes ago. I had been-and still am sitting-on the floor because of a nice wound to the upper thigh. Which I will not show to the colonel. We are waiting for medics.
The second the colonel saw me, I knew he would turn this into a battlefield. And I was not disappointed when he started yelling. This was the third time he had told me to wait for backup. "Sir," I finally interrupted, "I can take care of myself. I knew I could not make the shot easily and I still took it. I did not know when the bomb was set to go off, and I was tired."
"Which brings me to this: Why were you here at 0230?" he was quieter in asking this time.
Not meeting his eyes fully, I reply, "I had to finish some paperwork, sir."
-FMA-
Grave
It has only been a month since the incident with the would-be bombers. The colonel seems to still believe he was responsible. And, yet he is still mad at me. I think I may dig my grave today when I have to tell him. He hates bad news, and, even thought I believe he loves the Elrics, he hates to lose them.
So, today when I tell him Armstrong lost them, he may see fit to kill me. That is why I took his gloves earlier; to be on the safe side. After all, who wants to die this young?
-FMA-
Heiki (Weapon) & Heiki (Fine)
It had turned cold in the last couple of days, an unusual cold for this time of the year. I am taking the day off. So, I have decided to walk Hayate this morning. We are both strolling in the park right now, just to get outside. Working in an office makes me love any time spent outdoors.
Now, two months after the incident in the cafeteria, I have finally taken time off. I realize I should have taken it earlier. I waited to spite the colonel. My ability to worry him scares him, and he wanted me out of the office; to stay at home where nothing could find me. Instead, I worked for a month straight making sure I always left after he did.
As I continue my walk, I realize where I have ended up. Just outside the Hughes house. Deciding I would love a visit with Glacier, I knock on the door. It is a little known fact that Glacier and I are good friends.
"Riza!" Glacier exclaims. "Come on in. Maes told me you had the day off. How are you?"
"Good morning, Glacier," I reply, "I have been good. And you?"
"Oh, I'm fantastic! Elysia is playing with the girl down the street," she informs me.
I talk to Glacier about everything; she is my best friend. An hour later though I head home to clean. Because I have been worrying the colonel, I have had no time to clean and my house is a disaster.
I enter my residence to the screaming of the woman above me. When she yells "Gun!" I pull my weapon and dash up the stairs. The entire time I am thinking, Why does this always happen to me?
A man, who I assume is her husband, has a shotgun pointed at her. I train my weapon on him. "Are you okay, ma'am?" I question. She nods her head. I do not lower my weapon as I begin to question the man, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I found her with another man!" he yells, outraged.
I spare a glance at the woman who, from her expression, most defiantly slept with someone else. This is a situation I always hate to be caught in. "Sir," I stay calm, "We should talk about this while there are no weapons involved."
He does not seem to agree with me. "Stay out of my fucking business!" he screams.
I know he is not thinking. "Sir, I really do not want to shoot you," I try again. "I will be forced to kill you if you continue to threaten everyone in this building." I hope my language will convince him; my bluntness.
He turns toward me, weapon still raised. Before I can discharge a round, however, Hayate springs forward. My sweet puppy sensed I was in danger and attacked the man in a very sensitive area.
I know as I return my weapon to its holster that tomorrow the colonel will be insisting I move. Even if I am fine and the situation was completely under control.
-FMA-
Death
It is raining. That is what the colonel told me. And it is. From his eyes earlier and mine now. Elysia's screams still echo in my head. For a little girl to loose her father that young.
I remember my father's death. I cried then, openly. The colonel said the same thing. It is raining.
How much rain will we have to endure before this is over?
-FMA-
Crime and Punishment
The colonel is on a warpath. It is so much better than it has been these past few weeks. Since Maes passed, Roy has been so depressed; he lost his best friend. Now, he has decided to find the people responsible.
If you do the crime you have to do the time.
Roy will make sure they pay. I think he knows who they are already. The Fuhrer is searching too. He sayd the guilty party is Maria Ross. Roy, I think, knows something else. He will not tell us, he has distanced himself. Which is why, on my day off, I find myself outside his apartment. Havoc called me when the colonel did not show up for work.
I walk to his door and knock loudly. There is no anwser. I knock again. If the colonel does not anwser I will have to pick the lock; he is not keeping me out. Before I can, the door is opened. "What the hell do you want, Lieutenant?" he demands, his voice ruff.
I push my way inside. The place is a mess. I ignore it and turn to talk, "Havoc called, sir. You are late for work."
"I don't care. Riza…" he sounds so lost. I should have known this was coming. He pushed himself; now he relizes what happened. I thought the depression was over, and now I relize it was coverd by his need to blaim someone.
"Roy," I know saying his name is not something I need to do. I need to think of him as my colonel; I cannot. "You know who killed Maes. Find them. Prove Maria's innocence. You want to make the country a better place, Roy."
"Maes was supposed to be here," he whispers.
I catch myself from hugging him. Then, I decide it does not matter. I know I love him, I know what he needs. I pull him into my arms.
Later, he will avenge Maes death. Today, he can greive.
-FMA-
Store-Lined Streets
Everything is running smoothly at the office for once. The colonel is doing his work. I ponder this as I stroll home at the end of the day. Something has really changed in the colonel. He seems more aware; I mean I know he was always aware, but now he shows the rest of the world.
Maybe he feels it is warranted after Maes's death.
I cannot know for certain. I suppose I should just be glad he is working. It seems strange to say the colonel is working. If I said that to someone else they would not believe me. He has managed to build up the reputation. No one suspects his true nature or the task he has set for himself.
I pass a nice restaurant on my way home and some boutiques. I pause as I am coming out of the dog chow store.
It is there on the store-lined streets, that I realize how much time I spend with the colonel. Or thinking about the colonel.
He is an addiction, I decide. I need to help him obtain his perfect world because it is perfect.
-FMA-
Before We Know Each Other
At home, I continue to debate the topic: Do we see each other too much? Do we-I at least-spend too much time thinking about you?
Quickly I decide that I think about you because I hardly know you. I know you as the colonel. I know you as the student; however, I hardly know you as a person.
I do not give away information on myself easily. You must not know much about me either. I love you and yet I know nothing about your childhood. I know your parents died, and that is it. How could we spend so much time together and not know each other?
Then, I decide that what I know about you is what matters. You want to change the world for the better. You are a good man. I do not really care if you had a nice family life. That does not matter, after all.
Before we try to know each other, do we need to learn anymore?
-FMA-
Promise & Liar
We made promises to each other. I trust him with my secrets and in return I help him reach his goal. Neither of us wants to become liars.
I come to the same boring, paperwork-ridden job everyday because I want to be there if he needs me. I want to protect him. Everyone knows he cannot protect himself. He cannot seem to remember that he has a weakness: the rain. I remember-everyone else remembers. Why does the colonel not?
He takes risks everyday to reach is goal. I want to protect him to keep my promise, and he cannot seem to keep himself out of trouble.
A prime example is this morning. Ed came into the office demanding to see the colonel or "fire-breathing-dragon-moron" whom I assumed to be the colonel. Some words were exchanged and I found myself pulling Fullmetal off of the colonel.
He wants me to keep him safe, he should be more careful himself. I wish I had the strength to show him how badly he could get hurt if I were not there. That, however, would force me to hurt the colonel.
I cannot break my promise and become a liar, but sometimes it is so difficult!
-FMA-
Proof
I sit at my desk. I am trying to work, but no one in the office seems to care. Edward Elric gave a report and everyone wants to listen to the colonel and him fight. They seem to enjoy that, so I decide to let them have some fun. Maybe this will prove I am not as cold-hearted as they think.
I do not think it does. The colonel and Edward stop fighting. Edward leaves. No one begins working again. I know I cannot let them not work all day, but am loathe to let them believe I am cold-hearted. Finally, I have had enough.
I take the safety off of my weapon. Even though the room is loud, the sound echoes. Every man in the room jumps five feet then quietly starts back to work. They may think I am cold-hearted; however, I know I am this way to protect them. Suddenly I only want one person to know I am not that cold-hearted.
At the end of the day, after everyone has left and it is just the colonel and I left, he approaches. "You did a good job today, Lieutenant," he commends. He does not see my smile as he turns to leave.
I hear him shout down the hallway, "Don't stay too long!"
-FMA-
Betrayal
I do not know why I feel betrayed. I know, logically, that I should not. After all, it is not like we are dating. Still, hearing that you have a date tonight hurts. Silently, I curse myself for thinking about the colonel again during work hours.
All day long, I think about the colonel and his upcoming date. Every time I think about it I get a sick feeling in my stomach. I leave early for the first time in a long time.
There is nothing between us except for friendship, but I still feel as though you betrayed me.
-FMA-
Covered Eyes and the Scent of Blood
For the fifth time tonight, I wonder how this always happens to me. I am at work. I was hear late again finishing more of the colonel's paperwork when I heard gunfire. Now, I sit locked in a closet, blindfolded. The colonel is next to me; apparently he forgot something and came back for it.
He is blindfolded as well, but we have managed to untie each other's hands. "Sir," I whisper, "why is this always happening when I stay late?"
Even though I cannot see him, I can tell he is smirking. "Maybe if you didn't stay late so often you would not get into these situations."
Maybe if I could get it into my heart to force you to finish your paperwork, I think. "Yes, sir," I reply instead. The men who locked us up did not get my second pistol, I realize after a search. "Do you have your gloves?" I question.
"Yes," his reply is simple as we both catch the sound of approaching footsteps.
I move in front of him.
The door bursts open.
My pistol is raised, as soon as I see his face I fire.
Again, I am a second too late as I feel a bullet lodge itself in my shoulder.
As I hit the ground, I vaguely register the snap of fingers and the heat of flames. The iron scent of blood fills my head. I feel pressure on my shoulder and try to fight it off. His voice breaks through in bits, "…okay…with me…"
He is going to kill me, I decide as I pass out.
-FMA-
Unreachable With a Voice
I feel as if I am floating.
I know I should hear something. Anything.
I do not.
That is weird, I think.
For a second, I think I hear something. I have to convince myself it was nothing. I know it sounded like the colonel, but why would he be talking? He went home a few hours ago.
It starts to come back to me: Being locked in the closet.
The door opening.
The sudden realization that I was shot is frightening. Maybe I did hear the colonel. Maybe he is trying to say something. I try to concentrate on his voice; I cannot hear him anymore.
I worry that I took a hit to the head.
I hope the colonel is safe.
I swore to protect him; I cannot let him be hurt. I try to say something.
I try to see if he is there, if he can keep the darkness away.
It envelops me.
-FMA-
Scars
I woke up in the hospital a few days ago. My grandfather was here, sitting beside me. The colonel called him. My side hurts as does my shoulder. I took two bullets for the colonel. I have taken a total of fifteen. Each one leaves a scar.
Most on my shoulders and stomach. The biggest scar for the colonel is my back; however, he gave me that one.
The colonel has been the only person not to visit me. It hurt, but I decided that maybe it hurt him too see me. He has a thing about blaming himself for other people's injuries. I quickly decide that I will drop by headquarters on my way home.
When I enter the office, he is alone. Not only that, but he is doing his work. For a few seconds I allow a small smile to flit across my face. He glances up, "Good afternoon, Lieutenant."
"Sir," I reply. "I missed you at the hospital."
"I didn't go." He knows I know he did not go. I do not know why he pretends he does not.
"Why, sir. My grandfather expected you to be there," I stated.
Roy seems unfazed. "I don't want to realize…"
He does not finish the thought. He does not have to; I know what he is going to say. He does not want to acknowledge I can get hurt.
-FMA-
Things One Cannot Understand
There are so many things in life people are not meant to understand fully. Some things can only be answered with "because that is just how it is". Still, human beings try to understand everything.
They use alchemy or pray to god. Is it human nature to try to understand things and fail? Why do people try to understand things when they know they cannot?
Love, for example is the greatest mystery. I love the colonel. I know I do, but I do not know why for certain. I do not know how I fell in love with him. I just am.
I do not know if he feels the same way. I do not know if he will act on any feelings he may have. I do not even know if I want to act on my feelings.
I love him, but I cannot understand that love.
-FMA-
Murderer, Confession, God
It has been a tough day at work. For the colonel more than me. Reports from the Elrics are not good, as far as I know.
The one thing I know for certain is that the colonel does not need to be left alone. He has been depressed lately, with the upcoming three-month anniversary of General Hughes death. He and the General were the best of friends; I only hope I can be that good of a friend.
I sent the colonel home early, and then followed him. He did not go directly home. First, he stopped at the Hughes to see Glacier and Elysia. He did not go inside, he did not even knock. Then, he went to Hughes grave. He is now at home and I am here to guard the door all night.
Suddenly the door swings open. "If you are going to stay all night, Lieutenant, you might as well come in," the colonel commands.
I walk inside, and immediately notice the open bottle of whisky on his desk. Upon closer inspection, the bottle is just under half empty. The good thing is the colonel does not seem to have consumed that much tonight.
"I'm not drinking that much," he states.
"Of course not, sir," I agree.
The colonel stares at me. "Why are you here?"
"Why not, Colonel?" I counter. The colonel sinks into the chair by his desk. He looks absolutely devastated. "I came to see if you need anything, sir."
"Hughes died three months ago." The way he speaks scares me. For a few seconds I do not know for sure that he is talking to me.
"Yes, sir."
"I'm the reason he was killed. I'm a murderer, Lieutenant," he tells me. "Why do you want to help a murderer?"
I am standing by the door still. Slowly, I walk toward him. "I believe in the world you want to create, sir. I want that peace too."
The colonel smirks. "That peace may never be obtained. You could die before it is reached. I could kill you like I killed Hughes." The smirk disappears toward the end.
I blink. "Yes, sir. I suppose I could die. But then, if I was dead, peace would not matter to me anymore, would it? Sir, you understand that you did not kill Hughes, right?"
"I did. Oh, Riza I killed him," he confesses. The tone of voice is dead.
"Roy," I call him by his first name to get his attention. "You did not kill General Hughes. Maes wanted to bring Elysia into a happy world. You were his way to do that. If you had not been there, I am almost afraid to think what he would have done."
The colonel shakes his head; it is obvious to me he still does not believe me. "Roy, Maes took your dream and decided-of his own free will-that he wanted that too. Just as I have done. Just as Havoc, Falman, Fuery, and Breda have done. You did not force us to think that way. We want that, and now we are willing to give everything for that."
"Do you believe in God, Lieutenant?" The question surprises me, as it comes out of nowhere.
"I'm not sure, sir," I reply.
"God is supposed to give His people a place beside Him for all eternity. Would you want to live for all eternity?" I still have no idea why the colonel is talking about this.
"I do not know, sir. Would you?" I decide that what he wants is to make a decision for himself.
"I don't know if I would want to live without all of you," he says. "Sometimes I don't think I could survive without you."
-FMA-
Someone I Want to Protect
Why do you fight? My answer is always the same: there is someone I want to protect. I have known him for years; I know how capable he is. He could survive without me. I could not survive without him.
That is why I fight. To protect myself by protecting him. Often, I imagine what life would be like if he were gone. Those are my nightmares.
Those are the times I go to work early. Or, walk past his apartment. Or, stay late at work.
I fight because I need to know he is alive, so I can live.
-FMA-
Not There, So I'm Crying
"He's not there, sir," I tell the colonel. It is early morning and I have been here all night. The colonel would never admit it, but he needed me here. Maes Hughes died three months ago yesterday. I have not slept all night; I am not sure the colonel will understand what I am trying to say.
"No, Hughes would never make it. If this perfect after-life exists, anyway," he agrees. "He was always getting into trouble."
"I think, sir, that he was always pulling you out of trouble," I contradict.
The colonel smiles for the first time in a long time. "Yes, he did seem to have this need to make sure I did not die. The same annoying need you took over."
"We both had it at the same time."
He considers this, "Yes. You want to protect me; he wanted to shove me up the ladder of success. He thought I needed a good reputation to make it. Do I, Lieutenant?"
"I think," I say, "that a good reputation wouldn't hurt things. Hughes also wanted you married, though."
"He wanted us married," he speaks so quietly, for a moment I think I imagined the wistfulness in his voice. The colonel has turned his back on me. His shoulders start to shake. "He's not here, so I'm crying."
It surprises me that the colonel would admit he is crying. I stop trying to hide my own tears. Crying can be very infectious when one is already sad, "Yes, sir. I am too."
-FMA-
Cureless
Grief is cureless.
Love is cureless.
So many emotions cannot be cured; however, those are the two that affect me the most as I sit in the colonel's chair. I am still at his house. I stayed here all last night and most of this morning. Neither of us can force ourselves to go to work. We are mourning the death of Brigadier General Maes Hughes who was murdered three months ago.
This morning, the colonel and I both admitted how hard this has been on us as we sat together and cried. We held each other and I found myself crying for another reason as well.
I am in love with my commanding officer; he does not love me back. So, here I sit. With the two hardest emotions to live with weighing on my shoulders. My grief over the untimely death of a good friend. My unrequited love for this man.
Neither emotion can be cured. They both stay forever, I know this.
The grief will fade while the love grows.
-FMA-
Dependency
Work is getting harder to stand each day. I depend on this job to keep me sane. There is a strict set of rules. The military regulations that I must follow. They never change, and so I can depend on them.
I want to fight the rules, I realize as I sit at my desk the day after the…episode at the colonel's house. The thing I depend on here has changed. Rules used to keep my mind from rotting. Now, the colonel is the person who makes sure I go home each night.
He fears for my safety after my recent run of bad luck with staying late. Now, I always leave before him. Or, at the same time as he does.
"Sir," I say standing up. We are both alone as everyone else has left hours ago. "I'm going to go home now."
The colonel glances up from his paperwork. "Good night, Lieutenant."
"Are you coming, sir?" I ask.
The colonel puts down his paperwork and grabs his coat. "Yes."
I depend on the colonel to keep me sane. He, in turn, depends on me for the same thing. If we both lean on each other, we can catch each other before we fall. We have created our own safe little world.
-FMA-
Pain and Wounds; Existence
This time, it was not me who stayed late. I actually left early. I realize I should have stayed now; after all, things are heating up and the danger has increased. I should never have left his side after Maes's death all those months ago. He was the obvious next target.
I knew he had a date, however, and was tired of hearing him talk about her all day long. It was a five-minute difference in the time of leaving that did it. Havoc now has to take care of finding the colonel's date and explaining why he will not make it. Maybe he will get lucky, and this girl will realize how much better Havoc would be for him.
I am just jealous and I know it. But, I am here with the colonel; that has to count for something. A nurse I have never met exits the colonel's room. "How is he?" I ask.
"Hot," I think I hear her say. "He is just fine. He is asking for an Elizabeth." Her expression clearly says, Damn it!
"May I…" I gesture toward the door.
The nurse replies, "Of course, ma'am."
I enter the room silently. "Lieutenant," the colonel greets me.
"So, sir, how did you manage to get this hurt?" I try to keep the fear out of my voice.
Roy laughs, "I'm not that badly hurt. It could be much worse."
"Nevertheless, sir," I state, "you were injured."
"Pain lets us know we are alive, Riza," he answers. "Without pain, how would we know?"
I shake my head. "Maybe you should try love, sir."
"Who says I haven't? Love leads to pain, as well," he sighs. "Think of what happens when the person you love dies."
Or gets seriously injured trying to prove that he is alive. "That pain fades with time, sir. Physical pain cannot cover it up," I tell him.
His eyes lock onto mine. He knows I know he wants to forget Maes's death. "I know."
-FMA-
Conversation, Home Cooking
This past week has been rough. Today, after the colonel's last attempt to escape work (I did let him leave early) I came home to relax. The first thing I did was start my bath. I take a bath every Friday-instead of my usual daily shower-to wash the week away.
Now, I am sitting at my kitchen table deciding what I want for dinner. "So, Hayate, what sounds good to you?" Hayate barks, making me laugh. "Yes, I suppose you do want anything I give you, huh?"
Many people would think it strange to have a conversation with your dog; I, however, know what a great listener Hayate can be. Plus, he never repeats anything I tell him. I use him to talk myself out of doing many dangerous things. Sighing, I stand up to start something.
Looking through the cupboards, I notice the only thing I can make is rice. I really need to go shopping, I think as I pull the rice out. I fish through the icebox and find some frozen beef that I have no idea I still had. It looks okay, so I lay it out as well.
As I start dinner, I decide that I need to talk some things out with my favorite listener. "So, Hayate," I start, "today the colonel had another date. This is the fifth this month. I think he may be back to normal after the whole Hughes thing. Why do I always get so jealous? You would think I could control my emotions, couldn't you?"
Hayate gave me his big puppy-dog eyes. "I know…I know," I admit. "I love him. I can get jealous and can explain it. But, I shouldn't take it out on the colonel and everyone else in the office, should I? I if take out my emotions on anyone it should be the colonel. He is the one who deserves a slap."
I step around Hayate to see if there are any vegetables hiding in the other cupboards. A carrot and …yes, that really is bread. My eyebrows rise as I remember when I brought this. I am surprised it is not a big glob of mold. Goodness, I really need to go shopping.
As the rice starts to cook and the beef stews with the carrots, I start a shopping list. I start with fruits. "What kind of fruits do you think the colonel likes, Hayate?" Hayate barks his response, which I cannot understand. "I think I'll get some oranges and pears. Maybe apples? I bet the colonel likes apples. I also need bread that is not mold, or a month old. Why have I not been shopping in months?"
I get up to check the rice and meat. "I've had dinner with Glacier or stayed late at work, I suppose. Still, I think this is the longest I've gone without shopping for anything. You are supposed to keep me in line, Hayate. I need to eat properly. You need to eat too."
Coming back to the table, I finish my list. "I think I'll go shopping in the morning."
I come home from the store early Saturday morning to a man on my front step. He seems to be physically okay, except for the hangover he most surly has. I gently tap him on the shoulder, "Sir, why don't you come inside?"
"I'm sorry, Lieutenant. I shouldn't have come," the colonel apologizes.
"It's fine, sir," I reply. "Let me make you some coffee. I would like to know what brought you to my doorstep at nine on a Saturday morning."
The colonel bows his head in embarrassment. "I wanted to see you in something other than that ugly uniform," he jokes.
"Sir," I sigh, "I'll make breakfast. Please, sit on the sofa."
The colonel sits on the sofa. I am instantly glad I decide to go shopping this morning. It would be very embarrassing to not have any food when he showed up. I start cooking eggs and pancakes. "So, what did you need, sir?" I ask over the bar.
"I…um…I didn't have any food at my house. And…I thought…well…I wanted to have breakfast with you," he said quickly tacking on an "if that's okay with you, of course, Lieutenant?"
I smile. I actually let the smile light up my entire face. "You know, sir, I didn't have any food but rice and month old frozen beef last night. You should really go shopping."
The colonel stands up, "Well, if you don't want me…"
"No, sir," I interrupt, "I prefer cooking for more than one person. Please, sit: I just meant that you need to make sure you have food in your house. What can I get you to drink?"
"Uh…whatever you're having is fine, Lieutenant."
-FMA-
Shirt
When the colonel arrives at work on Monday, I know he has not been home yet. His pants are wrinkled, as is his jacket. His hair is flat on one side and sticks up on the other. He looks tired and a tad hung-over. No other person is in the building, so I do not feel too weird doing what I know I am about to do.
I open the bottom drawer of my desk and pull out the items I had stashed there after Maes's death. I suppose I knew this would happen. I tap on the colonel's door and quickly enter.
"Here, sir," I say, "You may as well have a clean shirt." I lay the shirt and comb on his desk and leave just as quickly as I entered.
-FMA-
A Walk
The sun is not yet peaking over the sandy hill as I creep nearer to the group of tents. I do not need to get close, so I pause at the top of a hill to set up my weapon. Higher ground is an advantage in war. I train my weapon on the tent flap. As the sun rises, it opens; the target exits and I quickly fire two rounds into his head. As he falls, though, his face changes.
The colonel is staring up at me.
Gasping for breath, I shoot straight up in bed. "That is not what happened", I tell myself. But, I cannot convince myself; I get out of bed and walk to open the window, hoping the cool air will bring me out of the dream.
I have had it numerous times in the past. Sometimes it is not the colonel I kill, but my grandfather or Maes. The air is not helping to clear my head, so I change into a skirt and blouse. Grabbing my jacket Hayate's leash, I call for him to come. I clip on the leash, lock my door, and let him pick the direction.
We walk for a few minutes until he stops. I glance down at him; then up at my surroundings. Hayate has brought me to the colonel's apartment. Said colonel is sitting on the steps that lead to his building. "Good morning, Lieutenant," he greets, "out walking Hayate?"
"No, sir," I figure this early he would know I was lying. "I could not sleep."
"Ah," he replies. "I couldn't sleep either. Do you mind if I join you?"
"Of course not, Colonel," I answer. I let him take Hayate's leash and we walk toward the park. His free hand rests lightly on my back; I imagine we look like a young couple out for an early morning dog walk. For the rest of the walk I allow myself to pretend we are.
-FMA-
Telephone, Letter
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Telephones and letters bring good news and bad news right to us. We learn of weddings and new babies, but also of deaths and illness.
The colonel and I communicate. But, we never actually say everything; at least, I never say everything. After all, how do you tell your commanding officer-who, more than likely, only sees you as another soldier-that you love him? I cannot.
So, we sit through the day and never communicate fully. If I could say, "I love you," would that change anything; would it be awkward or could our relationship turn into something more? We will probably never know. He will not say anything and neither will I.
-FMA-
Dog
They call us dogs of the military. Personally, I love dogs. My dog is my best friend as he is the only one who completely understands me. I can tell him anything.
It would follow then, or you would think it would, that I should be able to trust other "dogs of the military". There should be some other dog that I find just as trustworthy. As I walk to work today, I ponder the men I work with: my fellow dogs.
Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc. He is going to kill himself with all those cigarettes he inhales. Still, I know I could trust him to keep me safe.
Second Lieutenant Heymans Breda. I do not know what to do with him half the time. Honestly, Hayate is not some scary creature from another planet. Black Hayate is much better than a homunculus. I do feel better knowing that Breda is on our side.
Warrant Officer Vato Falman. The only man on the team who actually acts like he has any respect for women. He used to be Maes Hughes right hand man, now he is just one of the colonel's many loyal followers. He would give his life to keep any of us safe.
Master Sergeant Kain Fuery. He is the youngest and shyest member of our team, but he is a genius. Fuery has a soft spot for anything fury; it is a bit of a problem for him, but I did get a dog out of the deal. The master sergeant lends his all to the team.
Then there is the colonel. Colonel Roy Mustang. He is my commanding officer and the man I love. I have loved him for so long and trusted him with so much. He has not betrayed that trust yet; I do not think he ever will. He wants to make our country and the world a better place and I want to help him. He will guard my secrets and I will give my life for him.
-FMA-
Match, Mischief
Well, today dawned bright and early. It was so early in fact that a person standing outside, like I myself was, could only tell it was going to be a bright day. I received a call twenty minutes ago from a guard at the warehouses. Apparently, my crazy dog has been stashing bones in the empty lot. The guard did not know this though…
On the phone, he was frantic. "There's something weird going on, ma'am. I'm hearing weird noises. I think it's the haunted warehouse!"
"Calm down, sergeant," I demanded. "There are no such things as haunted houses."
"But, ma'am," he replied, "I heard something."
"I'm sure you did. What you need to do is search for any person that should not be there. A human, of course, as there are not such things as ghosts," I instructed.
"I need you to come down, then. In case I find something," he pleaded.
"Sure, sergeant," I answered, "I'll be right there."
That would be how I found myself here at three in the morning. I was correct in my guess that it was Hayate scaring the men. Men are such babies sometimes. They were too scared to look until I arrived, so it's a wonder the warehouses actually store anything.
I remind myself to bring this up with the colonel in the morning. And, perhaps, I should suggest our men play guards for the night. Just to make sure everything is as it is supposed to be, of course. (This is where I laugh manically).
-FMA-
Sly Person
I never knew I could be so sly. As I walked home from the warehouse district this morning, I devised my plan. A few choice words to some people in the morning would bring out all the rumors of the haunted warehouses.
Then, I have to say some things to the men. I must subtly convince them to stakeout the warehouses. I have not yet decided if I want to scare them with a ghost, or leave them with nothing. Nothing would be less work for me, I think. I'll go with that.
I implement my plan as I walk into the office that morning. By the time I arrive, the men have heard the rumors going around. It is easy enough to persuade them to stake out the warehouse. It is just my luck they convince the colonel to come along.
This should be fun!
-FMA-
Halves
People are not perfect. I know that, everyone knows that. But, what would happen if you took two people and smushed them together? Take for example the colonel and Maes Hughes…if I were to smash Maes's exuberant love for his family and friends, his general loving nature, with Roy's usual careless nature they would be the perfect person.
They were a half of the perfect person. Maes was rubbing off on the colonel I think, until the end. He was helping the colonel to be a better friend and to be less cruel in his path to Furher. He could have made the colonel a better person, closer to the perfect person.
Instead, the colonel is farther away from that position than ever. The death of Brigadier General Hughes hit him hard; he withdrew from people. Now, there is no one that could help him be a better person.
-FMA-
Day Off: Coat and Wind
Toward the end of the year, many "dogs of the military" receive time off. According to regulations, each person must take a required number of personal days. As the time is not usually used, it is forced at the end of the year.
With nothing better to do, I gather my purse and puppy for a walk. We start off towards his favorite park…and mine. My puppy trots happily at my side. At the park, I allow him off the leash in the specially designed dog park to run and play.
"Lieutenant Hawkeye," the colonel's voice sounds from my side.
"Sir," I glance over.
He is frowning, "You don't have a coat, Lieutenant."
"I'm not cold, sir," I reply. He nods, allowing me that.
I jump when I feel fabric slide over my shoulders. Questioningly, I turn to face him. "The wind is picking up," he explains, "You need a coat."
-FMA-
Night Awakening
Nights have always been hard for the colonel. He has nightmares of the evils he saw and did in Ishbal. I know this without having to ask, as nights have always been hard for me too.
One evening, I awake drenched in sweat in the dark of the night to knocking at my door.
I hurry to answer it. The colonel stands before me. "I couldn't sleep," he quietly admits.
"I won't be going back to sleep tonight. You can come in, sir," I gesture my colonel into the apartment.
He enters, "Why won't you be going back to sleep, Hawkeye?"
"Bad dreams, sir."
He scoops me into his arms and carries me into my bedroom. Gently, he deposits me on my bed. Then, he joins me; but he stays sitting up. "I'll keep the demons away, Riza. Try to go back to sleep."
-FMA-
Side of Her Face
From his desk, all Roy can see…every damn day, is the side of her face. He wants to look into her gorgeous amber eyes. To stare at her lips and dream about the day they will join with his.
But he can only stare at her left ear as she completes her work and he dreams about the day their bodies will become one.
-FMA-
Embracing From the Back
When neither of them can sleep and he has finally shown up at her apartment, they stand together, staring out the window and dreaming of their future.
He lets her hair our of the hair clip.
Watches the golden locks fall down her back.
She stands behind him, and sometimes…on nights when they've had the worst nightmares possible… her cold hands slide around his waist.
He turns and his fingertips gently explore the contours of her face, but they don't allow themselves to go farther. They can't.
-FMA-
Child
Children have always been a consideration for me. When I was a naïve teenager, I dreamed of the day Roy and I would walk with our children through the park.
I can't have children of my own, so I'll have to care for my adopted children.
The colonel and his team including the Elric brothers act like children and they will serve as my children alongside my puppy.
-FMA-
Sigh
I sigh as I lift my puppy into the car I borrowed from Central to take him to the veterinarian. Hayate has been sick recently and I can't imagine losing him
I sigh as I gather the colonel's leftover reports that must be completed before tomorrow. Another all-nighter.
I sigh as I relax into bed at the end of a hard day of work.
I sigh as, in my dreams, Roy kisses me and gently lays me back on the bed.
-FMA-
Clumsy then Skillful
Clumsily, my father's pupil traces the pattern drawn on my back. I turn to face him and see the anger he feels toward my father for the tattoo and the anger toward himself at having to scar me more.
Skillfully, the colonel draws the pattern on his new gloves. I don't have to turn to know the anger toward my father still reflected in his face for the pattern etched onto my back or the anger toward himself for taking that awful burden away from me by burning my back.
-FMA-
Feigning Sleep before Falling Asleep
After another bad nightmare, I gather my courage and walk to the colonel's apartment. There is a single light burning in the living room, so I head up.
He answers the door quickly and pulls me inside. "I couldn't sleep either," he tells me. "I was lying on the couch pretending to sleep just now."
"The bed is more comfortable," I point out.
He leads me to the bedroom. He lays down first and I join him. I close my eyes and pretend to sleep. When I hear his breathing even out into sleep, I roll over and curl into him. Finally, I can fall asleep.
-FMA-
Gift at the Window
I have stopped trying to fall asleep without him. I find it quite impossible to calm myself down enough without his presence. I keep imaging the horrible things Bradley has in store for both of us.
He can't come, so I don't sleep.
By the fifth day of only restless slumber, I am too tired to concentrate, too tired to move, too tired to think. I'm not sure how I make my way home without passing out, but I do.
On the windowsill, something new stands. This present jolts me awake long enough to wonder how he got in here.
When I wake, rested, the next morning, I wonder how he remembered my favorite flower.
-FMA-
Diary and a Reason to Quarrel
Dear Mama, I read the letter I long ago stuck in my diary. Father got a new student today. His name is Roy Mustang. Daddy says we can't talk, that I must stay in my room and away from the boy…
I grin: now I understand why my father told me such things. Gingerly, I pull another piece of paper from between the pages. Hi, Little Girl. I'm your father's new pupil. Thank you for the lovely dinner last night. I hope you feel well enough to join us tonight. He signed it Roy.
As I go to put the book away, another piece of paper falls out. I frown as I open it; I don't recognize this, though I do know the handwriting. Elizabeth, my grandfather writes, I have promised your hand in marriage to one of my soldiers. He is a nice young man, just a few years your elder. He plays a very nice game of chess. Grandfather. PS: His name is Roy Mustang.
I gasp as I finish the letter. The other men look up to see what the matter is. I immediately decide I should have read this at home. "Colonel, I need to speak with you alone." I don't manage to keep the bite out of my voice.
The men scramble to exit the office and the colonel shrinks away, "What is the meaning of this?" I demand
-FMA-
Scene from a Special Seat
I drive as always as the colonel stares out the window beside me. "Where are we going, Lieutenant?" he questions.
"You know where we're going, sir," I remind him. "The train station. We have to take a train to the north."
"Hmm," he remarks. "Have you ever noticed how nice this drive is, Hawkeye?"
"No, sir."
-FMA-
The You Reflected in the Glass, the Pounding of a Heart
Roy stares out the window as the rain continues to pour. It's a terrible night, but he's here anyway. He can't keep away and the insomnia they both experience gives him an excuse to keep coming back.
"Colonel?" she asks coming back into the room with two glasses of brandy. She stands beside him; hands him one of the glasses.
He turns his attention back to the rain. The droplets clinging to the window distort her reflection, he notices inanely. Still, she looks beautiful.
The brandy warms him.
She ignites a different fire when her hand slips into his.
-FMA-
Quirks, Song
Roy stops dead in his tracks when he hears the humming.
She only sings on happy days; when everything is going extremely well. After years of living with her when he learned under her father, he knows all her quirks like she knows all his.
This is one thing he won't interrupt.
-FMA-
Giddiness, Are you Satisfied?
I can't help humming as I complete the last few pages. Yes, I've been here all night finishing these papers for the colonel; but, they're done now. I have today off, and I plan to enjoy it.
First, Hayate and I are going shopping. Then, I'm going to spend a few hours listening to the radio as I read. Tonight, I plan to invite the colonel for dinner.
My grandfather is visiting and both men happen to be very good friends. I've already planned out the menu. After dinner, I know Grandfather and Roy will play a game of chess. I will have to take my puppy for a walk. Hopefully, Roy will agree to join me.
I lay the invitation on his desk where I know he'll see it and I leave to start my day.
Grandfather arrives at my apartment at six-thirty as I'm taking the turkey out of the oven. I instruct him to set the table as I finish the other side dishes.
At seven, Roy arrives with a bottle of wine.
After dinner, I sit down in the chair and flip on the radio. Roy and grandfather pull out my chessboard. I pick up my book and settle down to read. I can't help softly singing along to the radio.
-FMA-
Drawing a Boundary Line
The looks the colonel had been sending my way this week were very telling. It's not hard to tell when he's stressed because his mind tends to fall right into the gutter: his gazes in my direction turn much more heated.
"Look all you want, sir," I quietly tell him after the men have left one day. "I know where your thoughts are going and we can't follow them."
-FMA-
Still Watching Over You
After the disaster at the Fürher's, when he was well enough, Roy deserted his dreams. He left the military for the far north, a great distance from me here in Central. He left me here alone, sneaking out of my house in the middle of the night.
I don't know why, but I have my ideas.
How, I wonder, can you watch someone's back from such a great distance?
-FMA-
Implicit Rules, Ideals and Truths
There are rules in the military about fraternization. Implicit rules. A big fat "Don't even think about it."
There are ideals in the military. It should be a group of people helping to defend the people and protect the people.
There are truths in the military. Corruption is rampant. The highest officers don't care about anything but power. Men and women die every day fighting a stupid war for more power.
The military sucks, but he will make everything better.
-FMA-
Categorize Underwater
I am a very organized person. Everything in my life has its specific place. I never show an emotion I don't want seen.
This doesn't fit into a category. I feel as though I'm drowning as I stare into his eyes. They are black pools, newly shining with liquid.
My throat constricts and my chest tightens.
I try to hold the tears back, but the force is too strong. I turn away and run back upstairs.
We can never do this. We can't let these emotions out.
-FMA-
Footsteps
As every day at dark, I take Hayate for a walk.
As everyday on the walk, I hear his footfalls gently behind mine. Keeping step with me.
He won't admit he's here, but I know he watches over me just as I watch over him.
-FMA-
Words that Fade Away in the Chaos
"Be careful."
"Wait for me."
"Watch your back."
"Fire."
"Incoming."
"Duck."
"Don't panic."
"It's only me."
"Don't leave."
"I love you."
-FMA-
Surprise Attack
He knows her back better than any other person. He doesn't need her to turn around to confirm that it's in fact her. He only wishes she would…could.
The crowd of soldiers keeps them apart. He is of the elite, and alchemist, and she is a lowly rifleman. A group of men and women stand between them.
He needs to calm in her eyes to calm him, but she can't turn to face him and he is too frightened to move. The commander moves the alchemists forward, but he is too far away to catch her eyes.
It's her turn to watch his back as the attack comes upon them.
He didn't realize how much he needed her.
-FMA-
Syllogism
Deductive reasoning in which a conclusion is derived from two premises:
Roy loves women. Riza is a woman. Roy loves Riza.
-FMA-
Memories
Her name isn't Elizabeth. It's Riza: has always been Riza. He gave her the name Elizabeth in a talk with her grandfather when he couldn't give away her real name.
The crafty man knew who Roy spoke about anyway.
Her father gave her the handle of "Ultimate Weapon" when he tattooed his work onto her back. Roy took it away when he destroyed her soft flesh and claimed the name as his own for a few short years.
Names mean nothing to them anymore. It's the words that surrounds those names and the way the names are spoken that matter.
Their experiences have jaded them.
-FMA-
Happiness?
I hide my expressions from him so he can't read the feelings written on my face. He can never know how much I yearn for him to kiss me again. To love me again. Happiness can't exist for me until I can show my feelings again.
-FMA-
Shackles
I'm tied to this job.
To his mission.
To him.
I love him and want to forever shackle myself to him. I don't want to give him away or watch him die in my arms. Like he is now.
I won't know what to do with myself without this job.
This mission.
Him.
-FMA-
From Yesterday; Now; Tomorrow, Too
Yesterday, I was a young, innocent girl.
Now, I am a war-hardened, tough soldier.
Tomorrow, I will be a wife and mother.
The many outward faces of a person change as they move through life's journey. They always start innocent until a life-changing event. Then, they are tougher. They move forward and learn from every experience. They fall in love and get married. They have children and watch their children move through the same faces.
Tomorrow, I will admit my feelings.
Yesterday, I could admit my feelings.
Now, I must be a emotionless, war-hardened, tough soldier.
-FMA-
If I Die
Elizabeth, if I die out there, I want you to know that I did love you. I have always loved you. You were my protector and strength. This was not your fault. This was nothing you did wrong. I know you tried to protect me. You always try to protect me.
Just know that I love you, Elizabeth. – yours, Roy
Roy, if I die out there I want you to know that I did love you. That I have always loved you. You never hurt me, even though you believe you did. You saved me. I'm sorry this had to happen to me, but, please, please, Roy, do not give up on the dream.
I love you, Roy. –yours, Riza
-FMA-
After the Rain: "Welcome Home"
She allows herself to float.
She's tired.
The rain on her face is warm; it draws her from the darkness.
Her arm hurts.
Slowly, she blinks her eyes open.
Roy brushes a hand across his face, "Welcome home, Riza."
-FMA-
Until that Day
Until that day, Riza will stand behind him; ready to catch him if he falls; ready to protect him. He will move forward with her always a step behind.
Until that day, she will keep her promises to protect his back.
Until that day, she will carry him in silence as he stumbles through life with the weight of the world on his shoulders.
Until that day, she will love him in silence.
Until that day, Roy will move forward to achieve his goals. His protector will faithfully follow behind him.
Until that day, he will keep his promises to keep her secret.
Until that day, he will carry the world on his shoulders, continually moving the people forward.
Until that day, he will love her in silence.
-FMA-
A/N: In "After the Rain" I really considered killing Riza.
~ladybug1115