Enter Gatsby and Nick
Gatsby: OMG OMG OMG OMG My first time at Tom's place. He is so hot I am so happy he invited me
Nick: I think he will be turned off by your My Little Pony sleeping bag
Gatsby: glare It is NOT a sleeping bag! For the millionth time; it is a sack in which I keep all my stuff.
Nick: Uh-huh. Yeah. Whatever you say. So…that means it's your MAN-PURSE??
Gatsby: Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Fine.
(Rings doorbell)
Daisy: (offstage) Oh come on Tom they are my friends. Pleeeeease??
Tom: No Daisy they are freaks or at least the one who isn't your cousin is
Gatsby: (barges in) How dare you try to make Daisy say anything bad about me. You're so mean (wipes tear)
Tom: Whatever. Come in losers
Gatsby: (To Nick) AAHHHHHHHHHHH he spoke to me
Nick: Yippe-ki-friggin'-yay.
Gatsby: (panting) Oh my god I am so nervous- quick, should I ditch my Man-purse?? Will Tom think it's lame?? He will!! Gah! Why did I even bring this thing??
Nick: WHY did I ever agree to come here??
Tom: Because there's alcohol.
Nick: Oh yeah. Yay!
Daisy: I'll leave you sexy guys to your male bonding
Gatsby: (panting) I…Thank….love…you…you….we will
Daisy: bye
(Daisy Exits)
Tom: Ok I'm going out you guys can have the booze. There is no way I'm spending a night with a freak and a poor person
Gatsby: What? You're just going to ditch us?? I won't stand for this!!
Nick: Again: you're sitting down.
Gatsby: Again: FUCKIN' SHUT UP!!
Nick: (scoffs and drinks)
Gatsby: As I was SAYING…you invite us over to drink and whatnot, and the second we get here you just leave?? That's so cold.
Tom: Um, hello, there's a very good chance I was drunk when I invited you. Hell, there's a good chance I'm drunk right now.
Nick: Ayyy-men. (clinks glasses with Tom)
Gatsby: I have like the greatest idea ever. Why don't we watch a movie. Like the princess bride I love that on so much
Nick: That hasn't been made yet and anyway he have no TV. You are a freak
Gatsby: No TV?? That means no GREY'S ANATOMY!! How do you survive??
Tom: Grey what?
Gatsby: (huffs) Never mind. So…uhh…you wanna watch Juno? That's not THAT girly, right??
Nick: Ehh…not AS girly as PB, but still too girly.
Tom: And it hasn't been made for another 85 years.
Nick: Yes! That, too.
Gatsby: WHAT?? What year is it
Nick: 1922. What do you think 2007? You are a freak.
Tom: How about Porn
Gatsby: No my innocent mind. (stands up) I will not stand for this
Nick: Wow you were actually standing this time
Gatsby: Wow you were actually not Fuckin' shutting up this time.
Tom: Don't ay that… Just don't say that
(Doorbell rings)
Nick: If that's Jordan hide me. If I see her I'll never be able to get over her
Tom: I'll get it. It is my mansion
(Enter Shia Labeouf)
Gatsby: SHIA!! Hi!
Shia: Um, hi, I heard there was beer here?
Nick: You heard correct, man, here you go. (chucks beer at his head)
Shia: Thanks. (Puts in pocket) Um. So. I guess I'll be…
Tom: Going?
Shia: Uh…yeah.
Nick: Don't I wish…
Gatsby: Come ON! You guys are no fun.
Tom: Compared to the guys that you think ARE "fun"-
Nick: Um, Pete and Andy.
Tom: Then I'm very glad I'm NOT "fun".
Gatsby: What?
Tom: I don't know. (takes sip of beer) Hey, where did that giraffe come from?
Gatsby: What Giraffe. Where?? I've always wanted a giraffe. Can I keep it. Lease. Please. Please. You'll be my best friend
Nick: In that case he definitely wont tell you where it is
Tom: (falls over on couch) Does anyone want to hear a joke
Gatsby: (Sits on Tom's lap) What is it best friend forever?
Tom: Get off of me loser
Gatsby: (slides onto floor) Sorry. Personal bubble.
Tom: Uh. Yeah. Anyway- the joke: women's rights.
Shia, Gatsby, Nick and Tom: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
Tom: (wipes at laugh-tears) Want to hear a tragedy??
Nick: What?
Tom: They got them.
Shia, Gatsby, Nick and Tom: Silence.
Shia: Hey I got an idea.
Gatsby: Sweet!! Finally someone to liven up this stupid ghost town party.
Shia: Uh yeah so you take this die (pulls die out of pocket) and throw it into this glass. (Puts glass on floor)
Gatsby: That's it?
Shia: No. Whatever number it lands on is how many drinks you take.
Nick: Classic.
Gatsby: awe-some!
Tom: I'll go first (stumbles to table)
(throws die)
Shia: Oh sorry man. You only got a one
Tom: Are you sure that really looks like a two to me
Nick: Course it does. (elbow's Shia)
Gatsby: (Crying) How dare exclude me from a elbow. I hate you
Shia: How bout you go next.
Gatsby: Yay! (rolls die) Sweet! Six!
Shia: Awesome. Take six.
Gatsby: (drinks) Okay, now you're are turn, Nicky-face.
Shia: Oh no- if you get higher than a two you have to go again.
Shia: (elbows Nick) Roll with it.
Nick: Yeah, of course, I almost forgot.
Gatsby: Uh…okay. I'll roll again. (Rolls) Hey! Four!
Shia: Nice. Drink four and roll again.
Gatsby: O-o-kay. (drinks) Kay. (rolls) Hey- it's a seven.
SHia: Yes, yes, whatever you say. (whispers to Tom and Nick) Let's get out of here.
Tom: Awesome- I knew Labeouf always has a plan.
Shia: Amen to that.
Gatsby: Whoaaa why does everything look blue?
Tom: I know a great strip club. You guys in?
Nick: Yah
Shia: I have to go to Walmart. But I'll join you dudes later
Gatsby: Have fun guuuuuurrrrlfrieeeeeeeeeeeends. Whoa- look at all the polka dots…
Nick: Um, yeah- Walmart sounds fine. Whatever. Let's just get OUT!
Tom: Bye-bye princess
Fade to black