We've only worked together for a matter of months but I can't seem to remember a time when I didn't have you here by my side. This is not how it's supposed to be – I'm Olivia Spencer for crying out loud, I'm as independent as they come. I've got five exes who will confirm that. How did I end up relying on Miss Goody Two Shoes Bible Basher with the convict son and dead husband? I can't even think of you like that anymore. I use to see your beliefs and convictions as a weakness that I could exploit but now all I can see is the strength that they have given you. It's just one of the qualities that make you such a remarkable woman.
To be honest I don't get why you are still around. You wanted to make sure Gus's heart was safe and I'm pretty you've done that by practically single-handedly getting me out of my hospital bed and back on my feet. Granted, I'm not quite up to full strength yet but I'm not far off it. Soon I'll be running around the Beacon like the crazy woman I use to be and doing the little things that I didn't realise I loved to do like picking Emma up and carrying her to bed when she falls asleep on the couch. You've had that job for a while now, but it's only on loan. We are sitting in my office going over next month's budget and just as I realise that I'm thirsty you are passing me a fresh cup of coffee. How do you do that, know what I need before I do? We've obviously spent too much time together.
How have you put up with me for so long? Lets face it, I'm not the easiest person to get along with and over the passed few months you've probably seen me at my worst. As quite a few people in Springfield can attest, my worst is something to be reckoned with but you are still here arranging my meetings, making me coffee, taking care of Emma and my moody ass. After the surgery I treat you like dirt and you're still here. You outlasted any of my husbands in the tolerance department. You understood that I was angry as hell and needed to vent. You understood that you shouldn't take it personally. You understood me. That is quite an achievement, just ask Josh or Philip or… well you get the picture. You managed to do something that no one else has – you got inside and wouldn't let me push you out.
When I first realised that I was developing feelings for you above and beyond best friend status I thought that maybe Gus's heart was always meant to be in love with you. Thinking about it that way meant that I didn't really have much of a choice about it. But now I realise how much of a cop out that is. I feel how I want to feel. No organ from a dead man can influence me. I'm in love with you. Olivia Spencer hearts Natalia Riveria. Gus has nothing to do with it. I love you because I want, no need, to. I don't want to come to work if you aren't going to be here. I don't want to go home to an empty house – I want you and Emma there. I want my family, the first family and home that my daughter has ever had; the family that you have given to me. I love how you don't even try to talk to me on a morning until I've drank the coffee that you make me everyday. I love how I make popcorn while you choose a cheesy movie that we both know is going to be terrible but we watch it anyway, playing mystery theatre if it's really bad. I love how you fall asleep on my shoulder because you will never admit that you are too tired for movie night. Most of all I love how much you love Emma and the way that kid looks at you? Jeez, she loves you as much as I do.
I realise that I've just thought that I love you and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face. You give me a quizzical look from across my desk. You know that I'm meant to be cutting budgets with people that aren't going to take it too well, so my grin lets you know I'm slacking off. It's a truly foreign concept to me to not be able to maintain my façade – just thinking about you makes me so transparent. You give me a look that jokingly tells me to get back to work. In the past I would have concealed it with a sarcastic comment or snapped at you but I'm a different person now. I'm a better person and you're the one that turned me into this new shiny Olivia. For Christ's sake, you've got me living in the middle of nowhere, in a farmhouse with religious crap all over the place and I could not be happier. Well I could be, but that thought involves ice cream and naughtiness…
*********
I put my pen down and fold the piece of paper up carefully, scribbling the appropriate name on the envelope and placing it in the tray on my desk. I stand up and stretch. We've been stuck in the office for hours and I feel the need to be moving around. I'm exhilarated by what I've done and what it could mean for us. I'm also nervous as hell about how you are going to react. I head to the door but before I exit I turn to offer you an explanation. "I've just got to…."
"Noon meeting with the Chef about the new lunch menu, got it." She cuts in with a smirk. I smile and nod. Of course she knows where I'm going, she organises everything.
"There are a few things in the inbox there, why don't you go through those, I'll be back in about half and hour then we'll go grab some lunch if you want." I don't wait for her reply as I rush off to the kitchen.
I stall when I'm almost there, thinking that I should go back and take the letter I've just written out of Natalia's tray. This is going to change everything and for once I have no way of knowing whether that is going to be a good or a bad thing. I turn to rush back to the office but the chef has spotted me and jumps into an enthusiastic explanation of his new menu. It is forty minutes before I can get away and I'm terrified to go back to my office. The letter was right at the top of Natalia's tray; there is no way she hasn't read it. Suck it up Spencer, get a move on. Try to salvage something of your friendship for Emma's sake.
I quietly enter the room, Natalia's back is to me and I can see her slightly stiffen then relax as I enter. She knows it's me – no one else would dare walk into my office without knocking first. I rush around to my chair and busy myself with tidying the organised chaos that is my desk. When I finally look up at Nat I can't read her. Her eyes are focused on the budget I was working on earlier. She hasn't read it. Thank you God! I grab the file from her as I make my way around the desk.
"I think its lunch time Miss Riveria, care to join me?" I can't quite decide whether I'm relieved that I don't have to deal with the fallout of my confession or if I'm frustrated that I am still keeping this huge secret from her.
"Sure as long as you're buying boss." I pick up our jackets and as I hand Natalia hers she grabs my hands in hers and interlaces our fingers. Before I can even ask what she's doing she butts in. "I knew you weren't concentrating on that budget report properly. There is no way you would give the kitchen a twenty percent rise, no matter how good their new menu was."
Realisation dawns on me slowly. I blame the contact of Natalia's hand on mine for that. She must see the confusion on my face and puts me out of my misery.
"Do I have to hit you over the head with this? I love you too, you idiot. Now, lunch. I feel like something sweet. Ice cream?"