There are moments when Edward hates being immortal. When he's sitting through the same biology class he's been to almost every year of his life, of course. Whenever they have to move. When he thinks about Bella. When he notices that he barely notices the seasons changing.
The first time he felt antipathy towards his condition was the worst. When the venom was raging in his body, he was a little nervous. Naturally awakening as a vampire in a hospital that reeked of blood was uncomfortable as well. Nothing compared, though, to the realization that his parents were dead, and he was going to live forever.
He remembers Carlisle's expression. The silence between them was almost stronger than the stench of the blood Edward craved. Eventually, a phrase uttered in a cool, calm tone entered into his mind. You tell human kids that they'll see their parents again in heaven, but what do you tell a vampire? It didn't occur to him until later that he had heard Carlisle's thoughts. At the moment, he was too struck with grief.
Edward never talks about his mother. He doesn't want to insult Esme. Though she is his mother now, he can't help but miss the one he lost, but he sees no need to let her know that he still hasn't let go. He doesn't want to let Carlisle know that he sometimes wishes he could have died with her. It sounds selfish, and Edward doesn't want to be selfish in front of the man who is both a brother and a father to him. He doesn't think Rosalie cares. He doesn't think Jasper sees. He knows that Emmett would tease him, not out of malice, but because Emmett always teases. Alice knows, but Alice knows most everything. He'd keep this from her if he could.
Bella certainly doesn't know. Bella has no idea how jealous Edward is of her. When they marry, Charlie will walk her down the aisle and give Edward threatening looks when Bella isn't paying attention. Edward will feel a lump in his throat and wonder if his mother is watching him. He'll wonder if perhaps she isn't ashamed of the bloodthirsty monster her boy became, the beast who doesn't age and never dies. He'll wonder if perhaps she's proud.