CATCH THE QUARTER
There is a time in everyone's life when coins become more than what they were made to be. They become more than a mere symbol of monetary status. They become, in the hands of certain creative people, toys, playthings.
"Michiru."
"Eh?"
"Catch the quarter."
This had been one of those times.
Indeed, the quarter shone in the air as it flew, turning side by side as it propelled across the spacious room. A United States coin of the Washington kind went in an arc from the other woman's hand, right towards its intended target.
"Huh?! I.....ah!"
It slipped between Michiru's fingers - or perhaps it didn't get near her fingers - and fell to the wooden floor with a resounding clang. At this, the girl looked down at the floor, then up towards her partner with a look of disapproval.
"Haruka, what are you doing?"
"Heh."
Haruka sat on the sill of the hotel room's window, tossing another coin in her hands. She gave Michiru a smirk at her question.
"Nothing much." She caught the coin. "Just feeling unamused and bored."
"I can see that."
"New York isn't all they say it is." Haruka looked out the window. "I've already been to all of the better spots here and I want to go home."
"I still have three concerts to go at the Opera House." Michiru sat on the bed. "But we'll be out of here by the end of the week and in Vienna."
"I know. That sounds good." Haruka looked back at Michiru. "Oh, say.....Michiru..."
"Yes?"
"......Catch the quarter."
The coin in Haruka's hand was suddenly in the air. Somehow, against Michiru's better judgment, she was up off the bed, her arms reaching up to catch the airborne coin. This time, not only did the coin sail over her head, but it then shot through one of the bedside lamps, shattering the bulb as it landed on the side table and causing the lamp to hit the wall.
"H-haruka!!"
"Again." Haruka wiped her mouth. "Michiru, you are terrible at this game."
"Haruka!" Michiru put her hands on her hips. "You broke the lamp!"
"Oh, no I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"Aaah, Michiru!" Haruka slid off the windowsill and walked over to the lamp with a laugh. "You are like a nagging wife sometimes. I just busted a cheap hotel bulb. This lamp on a whole is perfectly all ri-"
CRAAASH
At Haruka's touch, the lamp, which had rested tenuously at the angle is had stopped at, slipped on the table and went shade first to the floor and the bottom corner of the wall. This caused the bottom of the lamp to crack and implode unto itself.
".....Well. On the other hand...." Haruka cleared her throat as pieces of bulb glass and green and white clay landed at her feet. "...now it is broken."
-----------------------
What drove a man to catch the quarter?
Was it a simple thirst for money, as it was the highest valued common coinage in America? Was it a desire to test their reflex? Or was it because catching the quarter was merely a type of paradoxical task - a simple and impossible feat to perform?
Haruka pondered this, as she woke up in the middle of the previous night with a craving for Cheetos. She especially loved the crunchy Cheetos, and as many may know, one could not get good crunchy Cheetos in Japan. So, she went downstairs to the nearest vending machine area and, with her currency exchanged American quarters, she got her Cheetos. And came upon that important question which could, if one tried hard enough, hold the key to life itself.
She had fingered the remaining change she had, a quarter and two nickels, wondering about it. Then, as fate would have it, someone had passed by her.
"Yo." It was a bellboy. "Can I help you?"
Haruka had turned towards him with an innocent smile. She gingerly took the quarter between her index finger and thumbs.
"Catch the quarter!"
The bellboy had looked at her quizzically for a moment, as if she had gone mad. Then, without warning, he suddenly lunged for the quarter.
"I go-UGH!!"
He tripped over himself and fell on the floor. The quarter fell harmlessly in front of him, just within his grasp, yet so far away at the same time, for he had failed.
"Um...." With all due haste, he got up and walked off in the other direction, his face red. "Right.....um, excuse me.....I'm going now...."
At that same moment, Haruka turned around and went downstairs. She traded in ten dollars for a roll of quarters at the hotel front desk. She then flicked a quarter at the desk clerk, who not only didn't catch it (though he certainly tried, but received a splash of burning coffee on his clothing, and almost barely saved his face, when the quarter landed in her cup.
What she saw intrigued her. She realized then and there how fun it was to watch other people fail at something that seemed so numbingly easy. And so, her new favorite activity was born.
Naturally, Haruka was not a fool. She knew that half dollar coins were the highest one could go in terms of American coinage. But the problem with the half dollar was that they just weren't as common as the quarter. Plus, most vending machines didn't take half dollars because they were too big for the coin slot. On top of that, John F. Kennedy looked ugly on there; Franklin Roosevelt looked far better on the dime than Kennedy did on the half dollar.
Then again, that was all beside the point. No one cared about half dollars. Everyone liked quarters, especially Haruka.
The point was that Haruka was bored, had nothing to do, and after she broke the lamp, was kicked out of the hotel room by her lover. But this did not phase the imposing blonde at all. After all, she had plenty of money to change into quarter with when she was thrown out, and she was planning on going out anyways. She had to test her theory out.
She wanted to see who could catch the quarter.
------------------
The city of New York is one of the world's most famous and most populous metropolitan areas. With a rich ethnic background, as well as a worldly sense, it is no wonder that the Big Apple seems to stand for all that America stands for - freedom, money, and a sense of cockiness and security of its strength.
That sense of cockiness was suddenly sorely tested with the coming of the new terror.
Haruka Tenou was loose on the streets.
"Hey, heey!!!"
She was hounded the minute she left the hotel, for she was not an unknown person in America. Reporters from all over the world were there, for Haruka's relationship with Michiru was certainly not a secret to them. They were almost like Stein and Toklas, except considerably younger and much more attractive.
"Tenou! Tenou!" Haruka was stopped by the swell of reporters and onlookers around her. "What are your furute plans with the famed violinist Michiru Kaiou?"
"A word! A word! What are your thoughts on the president?"
"Can I have your autograph?!"
"What is the situation with you and Miss Kaiou?"
"Do you have a comment on her performance?"
"Hey."
Suddenly, Haruka turned around. She spotted one reporter on the distant fringe of the group, whom also had a camera in hand. She put her hands in her pockets with an innocent smile.
"Who are you?"
"M...." The reporter figured out it was she whom Haruka was addressing. "I'm, uh, Patrice Washington. Post reporter."
"Huh." Haruka smirked and began to push through the files of reporters towards her. "Sounds fun. Say....."
"Say? Say what?"
The group became silent, save for the clicking of camera shutters. Everyone wondered what would happen; Haruka was portrayed in some media circles as being violent, uncouth, and very protective of her private life with her lover. They crowd tensed as Haruka stepped closer to the increasingly nervous reporter, stopping a mere foot from her face.
"...Catch the quarter."
Haruka's hand went up, and the reporter gave a shout, throwing her hands up as she did. The camera fell to the ground with a crash.
"A QUARTER!"
"She threw up a...."
The other reporters looked up at the tiny object as it flew high into the air in a straight line. They did nothing for a moment; gaping at the strange action was all they could think to do.
Then, someone started the riot.
"IT'S MINE!!!"
Everyone then jumped on it. The quarter was poised to land in the hand of the one who shouted claim to it, but he was roughly pushed aside as another, an older woman, went to grab it. Two more reporters fought this woman, and soon, the entire crowd was pushing, shoving, shouting and clawing at each other in a vicious free-for-all bid for the coin.
Meanwhile, of course, it had landed on the ground, sight unseen. Sight unseen, of course, except to Haruka, who had escaped the brawl just as it started and was watching from the sidelines. She gave a laugh as the quarter landed on the ground, and with a wave of her hands, she summoned a taxi and got into it.
"Wow!" The driver's mouth opened at the broo-ha-ha. "What a fight! What could get those guys so incensed?"
"No clue." Haruka almost grew horns thinking of the pleasure she was getting at the reporters' expense. "Rockefeller Center, please."
----------------------
"NEWS TICKER." About three minutes later, CNN was posting a strange piece of news for viewers all around the world. "PAPPARAZZI EMBROILED IN FIGHT OVER A PIECE OF CHANGE FLUNG IN FRONT OF NEW YORK HOTEL. THIRTEEN INJURED IN MAD DASH FOR SODA MONEY. 20 ARRESTS MADE IN RESULTING BUST. SPECTATORS BOTH PUZZLED AND AMUSED AT POINTLESSNESS OF WHOLE AFFAIR."
--------------------
Haruka got out in front of Rockefeller Center. She looked around and rubbed her hands together. There were plenty of people where she was now, with no reported to bother her. What was better was that she almost instantly saw her next victim.
"Hello!"
"Hmm?" The police officer turned to her. "Oh. Hello. How may I help you?"
"Um....." Haruka paused. "You're a cop?"
"Yes, yes I am."
"Ok...." Haruka's hand went up. "Catch the quarter!"
The policeman gave a gasp. He held his hand out to grab the quarter. However, as the quarter came down, he realized that he would not be able to catch it, for it was to far away. He ran to catch it.
"......DAMMIT!"
The quarter fell into the sewer. The policeman was instantly on his hands and knees, fishing through the dirty grates for what was rightfully his. He gave a whimper when he saw it was gone.
"No......" He gave a sob. "My preeeeecioooooous!!! Nooooooo!!!!!"
Haruka stood and watched over him. Then, to the consternation of Michiru - at least if she had been there - she laughed at him.
"Stop laughing at me!!" The policeman's face turned red. "It's not funny! You tricked me! Now my pants are all crapped up! I can have you arrested for this, you know!"
"For what?" Haruka snorted. "You didn't have to catch the quarter, you know."
The policeman went to protest this, but realized that, unfortunately, the girl had a point.
"Fine...." the policeman angrily waved her way. "....bitch. Evil bitch! I WANTED THAT QUARTER!!"
--------------------
After that, Haruka's morning became ever more productive.
People saw what had happened with the policeman, and they then went to catch the quarter to show how easy it was and how stupid the previous people had been in not catching the quarter. It was certainly a sight to see.
Four mothers, three businessmen, six little kids, a jewelry salesman, seven policemen, sixteen tourists, five members of the New York Yankees, one member of the New York Knicks and a dog, among others, all tried their hand to catch the quarter. All failed to get it. Not one person had been successful.
"Hmm...." Haruka thought aloud to herself as she had her lunch. "I wonder if anyone could ever catch the quarter."
Therefore, Haruka came up with a hypothesis - no person would be able to catch the quarter, regardless of race, gender, nationality, sexual preference, hair length, shoe size, favorite color, or car model. She also decided that, no matter what, someone would try to catch the quarter whenever she tossed it.
So, after she finished her lunch, she decided to test her hypothesis out, and traded money in for more quarters. She spent the entire afternoon, picking out random people to see what they did when given the challenge.
"Hello."
"I like pastrami on wheat, and....yes?"
"Catch the quarter!"
"Oh! Shit!!!" This person, who was ordering a sub, gave a cry as it hit her in the face. "My eye! OW!!"
She next tossed a quarter at a group of Carmelite nuns. They all scrambled to try and catch the quarter in their habits, only to have it fall through one of their clothes and on the ground. After quickly crossing themselves, one of the nuns then picked it up and walked up to Haruka.
"Would you like this back?"
"Oh, I..." Haruka was slightly surprised at this. She wasn't expecting to be given the quarters back, of course. "Um....thanks."
"You're welcome!" Haruka was then also given a small handbook and cross. "The Rosary. For one who loves God."
"I don't beli...."
She never got to finish, as the Carmelites left before she could. With a shrug, she turned around, coming face to face with an old man.
"Bonjour, jeune femme!" The old man gave her a very teethy smile. "Vous ressemblez à vous voulez un bon temps. Êtes-vous intéressé à venir avec moi?"
Haruka stared at this man, not quite sure what to say. Not only was he French, but he also had an overpowering stench of some type of cheap perfume on. It was making her slightly sick.
"Je pense que vous seriez bon dans le lit." The man pursed his lips and nodded. "Vous savez, Les filles asiatiques sont bonnes dans le lit. J'aime caresser leurs seins. Vous m'aiment caresser le vôtre maintenant?"
The man's hands came up at this. Haruka took an apprehensive step back, and the man's hands went down. However, he still smiled.
"Je vous donnerai cinq....non, dix dollars m'ont laissé vous baiser dans l'âne....." He started to come towards her again. "Vous savez. 'Saki de saki'! J'aime le saki de saki. Je suis français ainsi je suis comme un tigre. Rar!"
Haruka thought fast. Though she would have liked to punch his lights out, she wasn't quite in the mood for punching people. Therefore, it was a very good thing, she decided, that the Carmelites had given back the coin.
"Attrapez le quart!"
The man's greedy eyes were taken off of Haruka, and brought onto the coin in the air. By the time he returned his attentions back to Haruka - having failed to catch the quarter, and not having the ability to bed down and pick it up for himself - she was long gone.
"Aah, rien! RIEN!" The old man swore as he walked off. "TOUJOURS ce tour quart! Je tombe toujours pour lui!!!!!"
---------------------
"And so, as a loyal citizen of New York, I vow to restore this building back to the way it was before it was abandoned in the 1960s. And when it is finished, Farthing Hall will be as good as new!"
Everyone in the crowd applauded as Donald Trump, world famous tycoon, finished his sentence. With a grin and a gesture, he began to speak again.
"Also," he continued. "I have decided that, since I bought Farthing Hall and am restoring it, I shall turne Farling Hall into a builkding under management of my company. I shall turn it into a financial institution - an accounting and income tax firm - through which businesses and the unsavvy citizen alike can pay outrageously high prices to get mostly sub-par advice as to how to do their finances properly. Now-"
"CATCH THE QUARTER!!!"
The billionaire's head came up in confusion. Since the crowd was quite large, he couldn't pick out who had said it.
"Um...." he gave a frown. "Who said that?"
The populace was completely silent. No one said a word for several minutes, as the Donald glared silently into the audience, trying to figure out who could have said something so outrageously stupid in the middle of his grand speech. There was no response.
"Hmph...of all the-"
"Sir!"
"Hmm?" Donald put his hand over the microphone and turned to one of his advisors, a younger man in his 20's. "Gordon, what is it?"
"......A quarter....."
"What?!"
"......your wig!!!!"
Donald stared at the younger man for a moment, not sure of what to say or do. Then, slowly, he brought his head up to where his toupee was situated and began to carefully feel around.
"I......oh." The quarter was firmly stuck in the front of his head. "Hmm, this could be a problem."
"Sir, the quarter is in your tou....hair-"
"I noticed that!"
Suddenly, one voice laughed, and soon, the entire audience was laughing. With an angry huff, Donald smacked his head.
"Augh. Call my stylist!"
"Yes sir!"
From the crowd, Haruka pondered whether or not to count it as the famous businessman as having caught the quarter. In the end, however, she decided that he had not. Catching it in his fake hair, she concluded, was not the same as catching it with one's hands.
"Heh." Haruka walked off from the scene with a whistle. "I wish I had a camera on me for this moment. This is all priceless."
----------------------
While Haruka was around the city, making some havoc and humiliating other famous people, Michiru was, unbeknownst to Haruka, watching.
"A mysterious intruder threw what appeared to be a coin into the Donald's head." The two anchors on the television - one male, one female - was blatantly amused with the story. "About twenty minutes ago, the Farthing Hall dedication was interrupted by an anonymous heckler who shouted 'catch the quarter'. The coin, havng landed in Mr. Trump's infamous wig, will have to be removed by surgically removing the toupee from his head, as the coin, according to sources, isn't moving-"
"HARUKA!!!"
The remote was flung on the floor. With a groan, Michiru slumped onto the bed, slapping her head.
"Why, WHY do you do this?!" She rolled her eyes. "This is why I never let you go out alone. This is why I don't like you when we go abroad together. And then you wonder why I hate it when you think of such silly things like this!!"
She lay down on the bed and watched, exasperated, as the news anchors laughed at the seeming hilarity of the celebrity entrepreneur's hair-induced plight. They then began to focus on other news.
"And in other news today, the state legislature......."
"The…..it....wait....." Papers were suddenly thrown in front of the female anchor from behind the camera. "Wait, I have something here...."
Michiru looked at the female anchor with interest as she began to gather the papers. The anchor then looked over them after they had been organized, and she gave a cry.
"Oh me GOD!!!!" She looked frantically at whomever was behind the camera. "Are you SURE?! A WHAT?!"
"Huh?!" Michiru was sitting up on the bed. "What? What?!"
At this, a low humming sound began to fill the air. On the dresser next to the bed, the Aqua Mirror, Michiru's talisman, began to vibrate and float into the air.
"Th-the mirror!" The mirror floated over to Michiru, who promptly took it into her hands. "Its starting to glow! A crisis!"
Quickly, Michiru got up off the bed and ran into the bathroom. There was work to do!
"A m-m-m-monster!!!!" The female anchor was, by now, was having a nervous breakdown. "A giant monster is ATTACKING downtown Manhattan! Oh no, god, I thought that Godzilla movie was finished!!!!!!"
-----------------
"Catch the quarter!"
"Oh! OOOH!" A group of teenagers jumped up as the coin headed their way. "I got it!! I-noyou-aAAAUGH!!!"
"Haha! No one can catch the quarter!"
Haruka laughed as, once more, her quarry failed to catch the quarter. She brushed her hair out of her face, and looked down at what remaining change she had.
"One quarter left...." She held it in her hand. "I wonder who I'll choose now......I have to get back soon-"
"EARTHQUAKE!!!!"
Suddenly, for no apparent reason, people began running past her, screaming and crying. Haruka, for whatever reason - perhaps the game had briefly sapped her mind of logical thinking - simply stood dumbfounded.
"What.....the hell?" Haruka smirked. "Are these people crazy? There are no such things as earthquakes...."
RUUUUMMMMMMBABOOOOOOOMBLE
".....in..........New........york?"
RUUUUMMMMMMBABOOOOOOOMBLE
Haruka froze as the ground shook violently under her. She looked as all of the people fled, and turned towards the end of the narrow street.
"......Ok..........I was wrong?"
RUUUUMMMMMMBABOOOOOOOMBLE!!!!!!
"Ok!" Haruka sighed. "I was very wrong!!!!"
The next moment, however, made her again realize that even her assessment of being wrong was wrong. For a giant shadow had suddenly descended upon her.
"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh....."
Haruka gave a shout. The shadow seemed to belong to a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very big, shadowed creature. It seemed (to her) to literally towered over the entire city, its gigantic feet smashing the streets under it into rubble.
"Oh no! An enemy! A HUGE enemy!" Haruka gave a gulp as she took out her pen. "And I was hoping I'd be able to get back to the hotel in time for the buffet....."
---------------------------
"Uuuuuuuuugh....."
The giant green monster walked around the streets of New York City, somewhat dazed and confused. It had never had this type of experience before. The minute it had been unleashed onto the streets, pandemonium struck.
Aaaarrrrgh.......my heeeeeeead......
Then again, the monster wasn't really that big in truth. Surely, it was taller than the average-sized person, to be certain, but it was no towering behemoth of doom. In fact, the monster was more interested in grabbing at its head than anything else.
If only everyone else could figure that out.
"It's the monster!"
"Kill it! Kill it!!!"
"FREEZE! Stop!!!"
Police cars surrounded the creature, shooting guns, lasers and the like at it. Slightly annoyed, the monster flicked its wrist up, pointed at itself, and then pointed at the policemen. When it spoke, its voice was muffled.
"I.......he-"
"AAAUGH! IT'S POINTING AT US!"
"RETREAT! Retreat to a new strategic position! RETREEEEAT!!!"
The police, obviously frightened that their weapons were having no seeming effect on the creature, quickly packed up and retreated. Along the way, several cars crashed into each other, and policemen dove through windows to get out of the monster's way.
"Urrgh."
The creature looked down at the retreating debacle in front of it with a frown. It hated guns, and lasers, and the like, especially when they were pointed at it. It hoped more of those wouldn't come, even as it heard the screams and cries of the people all around it.
"Hi....Hi there......um, don't worry, people, this is all.........just........."
The monster looked up to look at the people. Unfortunately, they were all gone.
"Where'd everyone go...?"
"Hold it right there!!!"
The giant creature's head came up at the faint, tinny voice. It looked down over to the next block and blinked.
"Invited by the new age...." A green-haired girl in a sailor suit stood at the intersection. "The elegant Sailor Neptune!"
The monster looked at the human with surprise. Naturally, it was not expecting to see her of all people!
"A sailor! Why, I wasn't expe-GAAAH!!!!!"
The monster's unusual attempts to make dialogue were suddenly cut off by a large ball of water, which went right towards its head. With a cry, the monster tried to bat the attack away, but instead was drenched.
"HEY! What are you-"
"Submarine Violin Tide!!!"
The monster smarted up on the next attack, and ran out of the way. Neptune gave a gasp at the incredible speed that the giant creature put in. What was worse, it was running towards her.
"Deep Su-"
CRAAAAAAAAAAAASH
The monster connected into Neptune, and both crashed into the ground. Neptune slammed into the pavement and quickly lost consciousness. She lay still under the monster's crushing weight.
"Better..." The monster sat up on her and began to pull at its neck again. ".....Um.........um.....so, anyways, I, uh, I'm having problems here......"
"YOU DEFINITELY ARE!!!!!"
The monster jumped up at this. It turned around, sweating as it did.
"I was having a lot of fun today." Facing the monster was a blonde girl in a midnight blue sailor suit. She was about the same height as the monster. "I was watching people as they attempted to do the blatantly impossible. And not only did you ruin my activity with your foolish rampage, but NOW you try to go and rape my lover!!!"
"Um...what?!" The monster was instantly ten feet away from Neptune's body. "I wa-"
"YAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!"
The monster barely missed Uranus' sword in its gut. It did an awkward back flip, only to land square on its face.
"AAAGH!" The monster pined vainly at its neck. "Stupid.....stupid...."
"Die."
The monster rolled over to his side to avoid the attack of the sword. It somehow managed to get back up, only to again miss being subjected to the power of the sword by millimeters.
"Stop!!" The muffled voice became very scared. "Stop!!!!"
The monster began to run away, jumping over Neptune as it did. Enraged and focused only on the death of the evil creature, Uranus charged forth right after the monster.
And tripped over Neptune.
"Come baAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!"
Uranus flew quite far. She secretly cursed herself for having forgotten to account for Neptune being in her line of fire. Indeed, she sailed right over the monster's head, in the same pattern that all of her quarters had flown during the day, and crash landed on the sidewalk next to the crosswalk pole.
"OW!!!!!!"
As she landed, something fell out of her suit. It was her last quarter. Instantly, the monster, while running towards Uranus, also tried to catch the quarter, to Uranus' slightly dazed surprise, at the same time.
"HaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!"
Uranus gave a cry as the giant hand almost caught - but naturally missed - the tiny, puny, insignificant quarter. It landed on its side and rolled around for a moment, before falling down onto the ground with a clank.
"DAMMIT!" The monster snapped its fingers, or at least tried to. "I almost had it....."
There was a moment of silence. At this, Uranus slowly got up, staggering to her feet and staring at the monster. She was ready to kill it. Unfortunately, as she went to get her sword, she saw it lying in the street near Neptune.
Oh, crap!
"I could have used it for a pay phone or...." The monster stopped and turned towards Uranus. "....Oh, wait, that's besides the point."
Before Uranus knew it, she had been scooped up off of her feet by the neck, and was staring right into a pair of cold red eyes. She gave a gasp
"Ok......HELP ME!" Suddenly, the monster took out its own sword. "HEEEEEEELP MEEEEE!!!!"
"Huh?!"
The sword came down upon Uranus' head. Unable to parry, the soldier quickly shut her eyes and waited for the inevitable.
"HARUKA!!!!
SQUEEE
Uranus slowly opened her eyes at the strange sound. She looked up at the monster with some consternation.
"Ok, how are you going to kill me wi-"
SQUEEE. SQUEE.
The monster was hitting her with a squeaky hammer.
SQUEEE. SQUEE. SQUESQUESQUESQUESQUESQUE
SQUESQUESQUE-
"OK!!!!!!!!!"
Uranus' fisted hand went up and gave the monster a powerful uppercut that she was certain it wouldn't forget. Indeed, it was so powerful a punch that it caused the monster to fall on its back. But it also took the monster's head right off of its body
And revealed a human face shielded with foam underneath.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIR!!!!!!"
The sailor soldier was instantly let go, and she fell to her knees. As she watched the human face on the monster body gasp, a spark of recognition went through her brain. She gave a cry of shock.
"What the......."
The human head sheepishly looked at Uranus after it had restored noral air flow to its system. It was a male head, with short black locks of hair, and dark blue eyes. It was also completely drenched in sweat, both from the foam surrounding it and from nervousness as to what Uranus would do next to him.
"Uh......" The human head gulped. "Hi, Haruka...."
Uranus glared at the human head. Then, she slapped her head.
"MAMORU-SAN!!!!!" Uranus began to stomp over to him, flexing her muscles in preparation for another set of blows to be inflicted. "What are you DOING here!?"
"Urm....!" Mamoru began to crawl away. "It's not what you think!!"
"Is that SO?!" Uranus' eyes were almost bugged out with rage. "Then what are you doing here, OTHER than scaring off the whole populace of the city into thinking you were here to DESTROY the city!?!? I THOUGHT you knew better!!!"
"Wait! Stop!!!" Mamoru leaped up and ran backwards. "I can explain!!!"
"Then talk." Uranus was getting closer. "Before I kill you for ruining my fun."
"I.....oh.....dear....." Mamoru was mere seconds from being pummeled. "Listen.....to....me...."
"CUT!!!!!!"
Feedback suddenly reached Uranus' ears, but because she had not expected it, she certainly could not cover her ears in time to save herself. Therefore she was forced to live through the agony. She gave a screech.
"ARRRRGH!!!!"
"HEY, YOU!!!!" A loud voice echoed through the street. "YO! HELLOOOOO!!!! YOU THERE!!!"
"....What the hell?"
Uranus turned to confront whatever was behind her....and blinked when she saw it. A figure with a speakerphone was standing on top of Neptune. It was a young lady about her age, though she was shorter, fatter, paler, and most definitely American. She wore some kind of black jacket, denim pants, glasses, sneakers and a very annoyed facial expression towards Uranus.
"YEAH, YOU!!!!"
".....Me?"
"WHAT?"
"Me!?!?!" Uranus growled. "Do you mean me?!?!?"
"WHAAAAAAT?!"
"MEE!?!" Uranus was screaming at the top of her lungs now. "DO YOU MEAN ME!?! TAKE OFF YOUR EARPHONES!!!!"
With a huff, Uranus ripped the earphones off of the girl's face. With widened eyes, the girl put her fingers into her ears and cleaned them out. She gave a gasp.
"..Do you mean me?!"
"Heeeeey! I can hear! Thanks....."
The girl looked down at her speakerphone, then at Uranus, then at Mamoru. An expression of annoyance came back on her face.
"I mean..........NO, NO, YOU FOOL!!!" The girl screamed back into the speakerphone, causing more feedback. "I MEAN THE IDIOT BEHIND YOU IN THE FOAM SUIT THAT'S LOST THE HESCREEEEEEEOW! Damn! ow that hurts!" The girl swore as she rubbed her ears. She then put her mouth further away from the speakerphone. "I mean the guy behind you."
"Mamoru-san?!"
"Me."
The girl gave the thumbs-up in response to Mamoru's acknowledgement.
"Yes, you!! Mamoru!" The girl brought the speakerphone up and started speaking again. This time, the speakerphone was right in front of Uranus' ear. "Ok, good. I have your attention."
"OW!!!!!" Uranus gritted her teeth. "Mind stepping back a little?"
"Sorry." The girl quickly obliged. "A bit testy, huh? Anyways, Mamoru, that was shitty. Truly and honestly. That was totally shitty. How do you expect to have your character, the evil monster, be taken seriously when your mask flies off at random intervals during shooting?"
".....What?"
Uranus looked back and forth between Mamoru, who looked more and more embarrassed by the second, and this strange new girl, who was barking strange orders every which way.
"I need a crew here to fix the suit, stat!" The voice blared. "Someone throw me a sewing kit over here!"
Out of one of the abandoned buildings flew a large box, which was also as disgusting shade of mustard yellow. It promptly hit Uranus in between the eyes and sent her again to the ground.
".....Ow."
"Ok! That's good! Good!!!" The girl gave a thumbs-up to invisible people in the building. "I got it all, guys, thanks!....Ok, let's see. Um.....Ok, I can't sew for crap......LISA!!!!"
Instantly, three people were on the scene. One grabbed the monster head. The second held the ugly box. The third pinned Mamoru to the ground and and took up a needle.
"WAIT!!!" Mamoru struggled. "Wait, can't I take a break?!?!"
His cries, however, were of no use. The surgical expertis of the costume lady was too powerful for the puny Japanese student. Within two minutes, the monster costume was sewn back together as if it had never been damaged.
"....I.....can't.....breathe......"
"Perfect!" The girl nodded. "It's flawless!"
"Yez!" Lisa, who was German, nodded at her creation. "Ast seemlist ast un bebe's buttahks!"
"Urge.....to kill......rising....."
"Ok, get him back in the trailer!!" The girl barked. "We've got to clean up this mess! That was a good shoot, I may say, but if the city finds us out, we're dead meat!!!"
"Huh?!?!" Uranus disconnected herself from the pavement. "What-"
Suddenly, as if the streets of New York had become a movie set, hundreds of people suddenly appeared to clean the rubble up. Windows were replaced, buildings were cleaned, and rubble was picked up and taken away. Within two seconds, the entire section of Manhattan where the evil monster had unwittingly rampaged through the afternoon - and had also made world headlines doing it - was cleaned up as if nothing had ever happened.
"There!!!" With a beam, the girl dropped the speakerphone right on Neptune's head and made a peace sign towards the empty streets. "Problem solved!"
There was a long silence at this. Uranus, who had watched the entire cleanup from the ground, glared at the beaming girl. Indeed, that beam slowly dissipated at the face of the anger which emanated from the blonde sailor soldier. All around them, life was like a spontaneously reproductive amoeba, for the street was instantly back to normal, and rush-hour traffic was in full bloom. The sound of beeping horns and the buzz of people filled the air.
".....What?" Finally, the girl gave a frown. "What's wrong, lady?"
"....For starters," Uranus spoke through clenched teeth as she stood up. "You're standing on top of my partner."
"Oh...her?" The girl looked down. "Well, she doesn't seem to mind it much."
".........Get....off....of....me. NOW."
The girl quickly obliged as Neptune slowly began to come to. She gave a moan as she sat up.
"My head......" Neptune's suit was decorated with sneaker prints. "Is it over?"
"Yes."
"No!" Uranus put her hands on her hips. "What the hell was THAT back there?! That was my friend Mamoru causing a total panic just now! And….and doing it while wearing a Godzilla suit, no less, for that matter!"
"That was not a Godzilla suit!" The girl looked around. "That was the suit of Agzuz of the planet Zorgmiest! But that's a good thing that you identified him with a monster-"
"Like I care what type of monster he was playing." Uranus' eye twitched. "It was a monster. I'd like an explanation as to why and how you think shutting down New York City was a good thing."
"Oh......well....." The girl nervously laughed. "I guess.....there's been a slight misunderstanding here, then. I'm here to correct it now."
".....Slight?" Neptune rolled her eyes.
"Oh, really?"
"Why yes, sort of!" The girl fished through her pockets. "My name is Rina Papir. See, I am a film student at Harvard University. I'm directing a monster movie that will be my acclaimed debut in the industry! Oh, here's my card."
With that, the girl took out her business card and handed it to Uranus. Uranus snatched the card and ripped it to pieces. She started towards the girl, a slightly murderous look in her eyes.
"Well, see, Mamoru, or Mamoru-san, as you called him....." The girl, Rina, gave a gulp at Uranus' gesture of goodwill and took a step backwards. "He, well, he volunteered to be an extra for my film 'Attack of Snarling Things in Big Cities'. We were filming some scenes, but our original Agzuz got sick, and so Mamoru was filling his place, and we needed some good rampage scenes in downtown. But we couldn't get a permit to legally film in the city, even though we needed realistic footage, so we had to, um, compromise...Silly how.....silly how Agzuz looked so real to fool even the police, eh?"
Uranus wasn't buying it at all. She was getting closer to Rina Papir, and her face was visibly becoming more and more perturbed.
"B-but we thought it was a good idea in hindsight!" The director's eyes widened as Uranus closed the gap. "T-the footage of terrified people that we got from today's shoot will be REALLY effective in our f-film.....Seriously, y-you should have seen your own face.....I mean...."
Uranus stepped closer to her. The director gave a grin, but frantically looked to and fro as soon as she saw it wasn't working. She stepped back again to get away from the visibly angry sailor soldier.
"I-s-swear that was all it was!!!" The girl began to whimper. "Please, y-you have to forgive me! I d-didn't know you knew M-m-m-m-amoru!! FORGIVE ME!! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT!!!!"
Soon, Rina was at the curb, and Uranus was glaring right down on her. Behind the two was Neptune, looking slightly worried as she held the speakerphone in her hands..
"Haruka-"
".....You.....you shot my good day out the window....." Uranus' face was dark with rage. "Do you know how often I get days where I'm bored and have nothing to do? I cherish those days, you know. And Michiru, you know I hate - hate - when stupid things like this - and stupid people like you - ruin it. Right?"
"Haruka, our identities-"
"I know NOTHIIIING!!!!" The girl squealed. "I'll do anything you want but please!!!! DON'T KILL ME!!!!!"
Uranus took several steps back, her hands clenched in a fist. The director gasped, and gave a cry.
"W-wait! Please don't!!"
"I have just one thing to say."
Rina closed her eyes, and waited for the blow. Uranus' right fist came up quick and easy.
"Catch the quarter!"
Rina's eyes flew open at this. The coin flew in the air, shining brightly in the afternoon light of the city sun.
"OOOH!!" She raised her hand up. "I got it!!!!!"
KAPOOOOOW!!!!!!!!
Blood flew out of the director's nose as Uranus thrust her other first right into her face. She immediately fell backwards and lay on the ground.
".....uuuuuu......"
"Happy Birthday, bitch."
With that, Uranus held her hand out. The quarter landed neatly in the palm of her hand.
"H-haruka!"
Neptune grabbed Uranus by the arm and turned her around. She put her hand into the hand which had the quarter.
"You caught it."
Uranus looked down at their clasped hands, then back at Neptune, then back once more at the clasped hands. She slowly wrested her hand away from Neptune's and looked down upon it herself.
".....Huh." Uranus looked down sheepishly. "So I did."
"I'm guessing that, and killing that horrid girl, were the highlight of your day, ne?"
"Well, in between her, the dirty French man and Mamoruzilla....." Uranus paused then smiled. "No. I liked it when people weren't catching it."
"HARUKA!!"
Uranus managed to duck a blow from Neptune. With a laugh, Uranus ran down the street, with Neptune fast on her heels.
"Get back here!!!!"
-----------------
And so, all was well after that. The city went back to normal almost instantly. Haruka was eventually beaten up by Michiru once they reached their hotel room. Rina Papir needed reconstructive surgery on her face. And Mamoru quit being a part of the craptacular production which almost caused death and destruction in Manhattan.
So, all was right with the world.
Except for one thing.
"....George!!!" Donald Trump fingered the quarter in his wig with great annoyance. "Damnit, someone GET THIS THING OUT OF MY HAIR!"
THE END