The Monster
By Annie
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Spike or Glory; wish I did, because I wouldn't use a fake Buffy for those nice scenes.
Rated: PG possibly Spoilers: Kind of.
She broke my heart. And I bloody damn near cried. When I realized it wasn't the robot, my heart stopped and this incredible wash of warm disbelief overpowered me.
I couldn't blame her for being angry, and I certainly understood why she came and pretended. I never expected to have a real kiss, especially not then, but there it was.
When she spoke the words, when she said she wouldn't forget what I did, that was infinitely satisfying.
She knows now. She knows I won't hurt her, won't betray her by word or deed. And I couldn't. I would rather rip my own cold, beatless heart from my chest.
I don't know how bad I looked in the aftermath of Glory, but I am sure it will probably be worse the next time. She probably will kill me next time. I still won't talk.
But she broke my heart, the frigid useless thing inside me. And somehow, it felt better than those moments with the robot. With my substitute Slayer. More satisfying than even the best things we did together, PseudoBuffy and I.
How did she do this? How does a Slayer crawl inside a dead heart like mine?
How can she be there and not feel it, too?
Xander says I'm a monster.
I wish I was.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or Spike or Glory; wish I did, because I wouldn't use a fake Buffy for those nice scenes.
Rated: PG possibly Spoilers: Kind of.
She broke my heart. And I bloody damn near cried. When I realized it wasn't the robot, my heart stopped and this incredible wash of warm disbelief overpowered me.
I couldn't blame her for being angry, and I certainly understood why she came and pretended. I never expected to have a real kiss, especially not then, but there it was.
When she spoke the words, when she said she wouldn't forget what I did, that was infinitely satisfying.
She knows now. She knows I won't hurt her, won't betray her by word or deed. And I couldn't. I would rather rip my own cold, beatless heart from my chest.
I don't know how bad I looked in the aftermath of Glory, but I am sure it will probably be worse the next time. She probably will kill me next time. I still won't talk.
But she broke my heart, the frigid useless thing inside me. And somehow, it felt better than those moments with the robot. With my substitute Slayer. More satisfying than even the best things we did together, PseudoBuffy and I.
How did she do this? How does a Slayer crawl inside a dead heart like mine?
How can she be there and not feel it, too?
Xander says I'm a monster.
I wish I was.